Stop avoiding your reflection

Have you ever taken the time to stop in front of a mirror and just look at yourself without any judgment? We are not talking about looking at yourself while you do your makeup or to check if you have a piece of lettuce stuck between your teeth. But really looking at your reflection for a certain amount of time with kindness , love, and gratitude, for that fucking strong being you are while dealing with the pain life can put on your path.

Probably not right! Well it is quite normal as we have been conditioned from a very young age to not like our body and avoid our own reflection. We have been told by the media and loved ones to:

• not take too much room and stay quiet, otherwise you are asking for attention;

• not show too much confidence because it will mean you think you are better than everyone else;

• not compliment our own body or look, so people don’t think you are narcissistic.

On top of that past traumas destroy our sel-estime and create body dysmorphia, which makes it even harder to not ditch our reflection every time we pass in front of a mirror. But when you do take those minutes to look at yourself in the eyes and look at your beautiful body, magical things happens.

Let us tell you a little story:

Mirrors are not your ennemies

We had a boudoir shoot last year with one of our Scandal, Sarah, that we met a few years ago (if it is your first time here, we use the word “Scandal” for our clients or people within our community 😎). She was first part of a very creative shoot of the theme of fire, but then shot with us again for a regular boudoir shoot.

It was really nice during that boudoir shoot to create photographs around her personality and style compared to the first “fire shoot” which was designed to follow our ideas.

During that last session, we asked Sarah to pose in front of a mirror and look at herself and her body for a few minutes. There was a lot of emotions in her eyes and she later shared with us that shot was important and a huge moment for her":

“I had to look at my own reflection for an extended period of time, most of us don’t do that! I was able, considering I had so many body image issues because of my experiences, to look at my own reflection and feel positive, beautiful, strong, powerful, and confident, the entire time. And that has never happened to me before!”

This healing impact boudoir photography have on people is one of the reasons why we love doing it. And we cannot be more grateful to work with people who trust us enough to share their vulnerability with us 💛

Let’s give it a try, shall we?

We cannot write about something for you to try, especially for an exercise that can be hard to do if you don’t feel comfortable with your body, without trying it ourselves first. Personally I, Fanny, haven’t done this exercise in a long time so it will be interesting to see how it makes me feel. Both Juliette and I will share with you our honest thoughts!

But first here is the idea:

• do this exercise when you are alone at home, you need peace and quiet;

• you can do it fully naked or fully clothed, or an in-between, it does not really matter;

• now look at your body with love and compassion, remember it has been carrying you since you were born and allows you to be alive.

• Once you are done with the previous step, look at yourself in the eyes and put a hand on your heart. Think of everything you have accomplished so far and be proud of yourself.

How does it make you feel?

If this sounds to woo-woo for you, feel free to adapt it to your liking. The goal of this exercise is to help you reconnect with your body but also your mind, and help you feel better when you are feeling down about yourself.

Disclaimer: the results will never be the same when you try it because your mood and mental impact a lot the way we see yourself. It also varies from one person to another.

Our experience

Fanny

Those past months have been really hard (and I know I am not the only one who feels that way). I have been feeling disconnected from my body for probably over a year now, lost touch with my sensuality, and keep feeling this inside void. So tonight I decided to try this exercise after my shower because this is the moment when I feel the most relax.

I looked deep in my eyes and focused on all my qualities, reminding to myself all the things I have accomplished and whispering kinda of a pep talk to increase my self-esteem. Then run my fingers on my face, neck, arms, and chest, not in a sexual way but only to feel that connection I need. While keeping a soft smile on my face.

I needed that kindness to erase all the negative thoughts I can have about myself and it felt really good.

Juliette

I never look at myself more than 30 seconds in a mirror because it is really easy for me to become very critical over my body, especially when I don’t have a mirror with proper lighting. Maybe I could work on it, but lately I have been feeling really good about the way I look and don’t wanna take the risk to fuck it up by looking too long at myself.

But this time I made the effort to stay in front of my mirror a tad longer and I felt grateful for what my body does for me, especially since I am 31 years old. I know it is not going to last since I am getting older (thinking how broken I will be when hitting 90 😅) ! I am also very proud as I never thought I would ever be able to have this type of body. I am referring to a muscular body not a body following traditional beauty standards.

After years of having body dysmorphia phases, those are the best reminders that help me to not focus on little details but what is actually important!

That is it for today, we hope this blog will bring extra sunshine to your life or help you reconnect with your beautiful-self if you need it.

If you decide to give it a try, let us know in the comments how you felt, and don’t forget to sign up to our newsletter below if it is not done already ⬇️

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Fake Authenticity, filters & Social media

When the body positivity movement started a few years ago, we all became aware of how the media had been fooling us. Stretch marks, cellulite, real bodies we could identify with started popping up everywhere online and it finally added a breath of fresh air in those unachievable beauty standards we had been served for decades.

Beautiful movement, beautiful initiative and beautiful intentions, 10/10. But like every movement, it's been used to sell, promote and quite frankly get some likes.

"Fake Authenticity”: calling out a problem while contributing to it.

For the past couple of years, we have been seeing some posts praising authenticity and wanting to be inspirational. While some are actually doing just that, many of them just feel like “fake authenticity”. I am referring to those posts, mostly from women, in which they show a quite strongly edited photo previously posted and then the real version, slapping the label "social media is fake".

Naturally, when I come across those posts, I can't help myself and I have to look at the rest of the timeline of those lovely ladies. And sometimes, they do walk the walk: their photos look unedited and real and it's awesome. But on most profiles, they aren't. That, to me, is attention-seeking at its finest: you're calling out a problem while contributing to it.

Well, what's the solution then?

This issue has been officially called out openly a million times. What we need to see now is not before/afters or to make loud noises about it how social media is indeed inaccurate. We need to see that the changes are actually being applied by making unedited photos normal. And it is our responsibility as much as the influencers and whatnot.

So, how do we do it? We ditch the filters.

Ok cool, but it's not that easy to stop those filters.

Filters and editing apps have become incredibly easy and realistic to use, so I don't blame you for falling into this rabbit hole. I did it myself in the old days, when I discovered Photoshop. Some filters are even sneaked in without you knowing: my phone for example has an automatic skin smoother setting that I didn't notice right away.

If you got used to seeing yourself using filters, it is going to suck for a little while to stop using them, but trust me, your self-esteem will bounce back.

• Ask yourself why you feel the need to use them to begin with.

Are you afraid of people judging you? Do you just feel like your appearance isn't good enough to be without a filter? Do you compare yourself to others and are trying to match them somehow? Identifying the key reason will help you see what you need to work on.

• Understand that the more you use filters, the more you'll feed your insecurities.

This one may be a given, but yes, the more you see yourself with perfect skin and whatnot, the harsher you will be on yourself looking in the mirror. It's a vicious cycle and you don't deserve to spend your life hating your reflection.

• Learn to use proper tools to take pretty photos without editing

Wanting flattering photos of yourself is perfectly normal. It's an excellent confidence-booster on many levels. But you don't need to rely on editing to get them. By learning basic tips about lighting and posing, you can already do wonders showing the real you and highlight your best features.

Pssst! We have a tool ready for you!

We actually created a whole online guide to teach you how to take beautiful photos of yourself with your phone. It's a great alternative to a professional photoshoot if you don't feel ready for one. You can experiment in the comfort of your own home, judgment and pressure free. Click here for more info!

• Follow people who don't use filters, for real.

We can say whatever we want about the toxicity of social media, but we are also responsible for what we allow ourselves to see. Replace the accounts that make you feel bad about yourself by others that inspire you instead. For example, Mik Zazon is a delight to follow. Ours is, of course, also a great option as all the bodies you'll see are not edited. On the french side of things Louise from Mybetterself is one of our favorites.

You got this, friends! Give yourself the gift of seeing the real you on a daily basis, because, you know what? You're pretty awesome.

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Why don't we provide lingerie for our boudoir shoots?

We often receive inquiries in which people ask us if we provide lingerie during our boudoir shoots. It is indeed pretty common for Canadian boudoir photographers to offer this service (definitively not common in France thought so we would be curious to know what photographers in other countries think about that). We are assuming people like the idea of having access to more “luxurious” lingerie sets so we understand why this type of service can be wanted, but it is not something we are doing nor plan to do in the future.

Our reasons are based on our branding and personal taste, we are absolutely not denigrating our fellow photographers for choosing to provide lingerie to their clients!

Before scrolling down, can you guess our 3 main reasons?

1. Body Diversity

   The most important reason is that if we were to provide lingerie during our shoots the logistic will be insane for us. Since we opened Scandaleuse 6 years ago, our clientele includes people of every shapes and sizes, so if we were to include lingerie in our sessions we would need to have a lingerie store in order to keep being body inclusive and give our clients plenty of choices.

   We think providing lingerie is a great option for photographers who photograph mostly the same type of bodies (such as professional models for example) or the ones who only want to offer a few pieces to their clients.

2. Choice Of Outfits

   Second reason is that, in our opinion it is important to not feel like you are wearing a disguise when you do a boudoir shoot. We always suggest to our Scandals (AKA our clients) to wear outfits that makes them feel like their most confident, sensual, sexy, badass, or whatever else - self they want to feel. We tell them to be creative and think outside the box when it comes to their boudoir outfits, especially if a traditional set of lingerie is not their thing.

   We do not want to take pictures of people wearing the same outfits. Providing the lingerie to our Scandals would be too restrictive which is the opposite of what Scandaleuse is about: allowing yourself to give the spotlight to all your personalities instead of making you fit into a mold!

3. Is It Really Hygienic?

   Even it is safe to assume all pieces are being washed after each clients when photographers provide lingerie during their shoots, we personally don’t find this practice is super hygienic. Maybe some people don’t mind it but personally I, Fanny, would not feel comfortable wearing thongs or panties multiple people wear before me (unless I washed them myself to make sure it is really clean).

   When you do a shoot, especially if it is your first time, you want to make sure you are as relax as you can, so if you spend half of the session worrying about the cleanliness of what you are wearing it could make you tense and ruin your boudoir shoot.

   If you choose to shoot with a studio that provide the lingerie for you, make sure to ask how they clean their lingerie and how often it has been worn.

Making our boudoir shoots as flexible and inclusive as we can has been our goal since day one and we are very proud of ourselves for keeping it this way!

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What "self-care" really is.

For the past couple of years or so, “self-care” has been popping up everywhere you look, at all times. It's around so much that it's become some sort of trend and we don't even know what it actually means anymore because everyone has different definitions. Since we are big advocates of what we call “true” self-care, this is our contribution.

If we really think about it, we have "care" in "self-care".
Let's have a look at its standard definition:

"The provision of what is necessary for the health, welfare, maintenance, and protection of someone or something."

Meaning that self-care is You providing You the tools you need to function in a healthy, safe and grounded way. Physically, mentally, it pretty much applies to anything you deal with in your life.

Are we all good so far? Good.

Treating yourself is different than caring for yourself

Oh boy is it easy to mix them up. The biggest difference is as follows:

Treating yourself relies on instinct.

It is usually a quick & easy fix to feel good in a very specific moment and it fades fairly fast. Moreover, treating yourself is not always good for you. Like indulging into drinking that whole bottle of wine to yourself or eating that enormous bag of cheetos watching Gilmore Girls. Feels good in the moment, but afterwards, not so much.

Self-care requires more work but comes with long-term effects. You are simply setting yourself up for a better version of You. 

And to tell you the truth, self-care doesn't always feel good at first. It's like going to the gym for someone that never worked out before. At first, you hate it. It challenges you, makes you feel sore and out of your comfort zone. But stick to it for a while and only then you will get the benefits that leads to actual self-care. 

Self-care takes time because you need a while to build a habit that will result in a positive outcome for You. Again "care" = protected, maintained and healthy. And that doesn't come easy in a world where we are constantly stimulated and influenced in a zillion directions.

So to make it simple: treating yourself is a punctual feel-good relief VS self-care is a long-term process to set yourself up for a better You

The other thing that we have also noticed is that the words "self-care" have been thrown around so much in ads, online & prints, that it has now been used as an excuse. You don't feel like doing something? Slap the "self-care'' label on it and don't do it. We are all guilty of that. If you don't want to stick to your work-out routine, fine, but what about when other people are involved? 

Inconsideration is not too far from nowadays' "self-care" definition.

Let's say you are planning something for weeks. You're taking care of everything and invited a bunch of your friends you really want to spend time with, who RSVP-ed. I bet you that at least 2 people will not show up last minute because "they don't feel it anymore" or worse "something else came up" (= something else that it turns out they would rather do, we are obviously not talking about an emergency situation here.). Some may not even tell you and just not show up. Lovely. 

Prioritizing yourself in one thing. And we know you need to do it for your own sanity and well-being. But from the moment it removes accountability or reliability, it is not self-care, it's just you being a dick.

And guess what? You do need a good circle of real friends and family to grow, be inspired, to evolve in general.

Nurturing relationships and being respectful to others is part of self-care too. It is another way to set yourself up for a better future because you will be surrounded by love. Wow the virtuous cycle. 

Everyone's purpose is to feel in harmony with ourselves and self-care is the ultimate way to make it there. Is it an easy path? Nope. Is it worth it? Undoubtedly yes. For you because you will accomplish your dream goals, but also for others, because once you really get in touch with yourself, you also help your surroundings get there too. And that's how the world changes for the best. Now take care.

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Sentences you should never hear during a boudoir shoot

We opened Scandaleuse Photography 6 years ago and let us tell you that we have read and heard some pretty disturbing things coming from other photographers in the boudoir industry. We remember a few years ago we read on a boudoir photography website that this company could “make you be desirable again” 🤢. We were shocked to see that some professionals still believe that a boudoir shoot’s purpose is only to please a partner and make sure this partner will find you desirable. Pardon our french, but what a load of BS.

Let’s clear this old school belief once and for all: a boudoir shoot should be done for yourself first! Of course it is always a cool idea to show the pictures to your partner, even gifting them the photographs, but we see this as an extra bonus.

Your boudoir shoot should be a safe space

Boudoir photography is such a liberating experience but not the easiest (especially if it is your first time) as posing half naked in front of a stranger is probably not something you do everyday. So from the message on the photographer’s website to their guidance during the day of the shoot, you should feel at ease and safe.

It is really easy for some photographers, especially if they are used to work with professional models, to forget that not everyone feel comfortable in front of a camera and not everyone have experience posing. So when they work with people who pose for the first time, they can easily misguide them or become impatient, and end up saying the wrong things while guiding their clients.

Here are 5 sentences you will never hear us say during a boudoir shoot:

• “This doesn’t look good on you!”

Because we like to photograph our clients in outfits that make them feel like their most beautiful and confident-selves, we do not provide any lingerie. We let them bring clothing and accessories they love and want to be photographed in. So if someone bring something we don’t necessarily like or we think it is not gonna look good, it is not our role to tell them if they should wear it or not (we are not the fashion police). As long as they feel good in it, that is all that matters.

And in case they decide to wear an outfit that fits them in a weird or non-flattering way, we will make sure to adjust it on their body, rather than saying something judgmental.

• “Just relax ok!”

Like we mentioned earlier, boudoir photography isn’t the easiest experience to try. A lot of people have a negative relationship with their body or feel very uncomfortable in front of a camera. So it is absolutely normal to feel nervous during the shoot! But if the photographer tells you that you should relax, well it is not gonna magically happen and it might stresses you out even more.

What we personally like to do when we see that our client is tensed and nervous is to:

- crack a joke;

- make a silly dance move;

- demonstrate the pose in a non-serious way; or

Any other technics we can use that make us look a bit ridiculous so our client smiles, laughs, and sees that there is no point to take yourself too seriously during a shoot.

• “You are not listening to the directions I give you!“

Talking about impatient photographers, this is something no one should ever tell you on a shoot (in any type of photography). Knowing to give clear posing directions to their models is the number one skill any photographer should have.

If during the shoot, you feel like it is hard to understand what the photographer is asking you to do, ask them to demonstrate the poses so you can have a visual. It is easier to copy the steps rather than trying to figure them out.

• “Smile!”

If you ever had your picture taken, as a kid or even now as an adult for example with headshots, you probably heard the photographer tell you “look at the camera and smile!”. If you are part of the lucky peeps who enjoy being in front of a camera then it is probably not a problem. But if you are like most of the people we know and the camera makes you uncomfortable, you probably find it cringey and you know it doesn’t work (or it reveals your most awkward smile). You end up looking at those pictures and tell yourself you are not photogenic… spoiler alert: everyone is photogenic, you just need the good guidance!

What we do during our shoot when we want to make you smile or give us a little smirk is, once again, we make a joke to make you smile and snap a few pictures. Or we tell you to give us your best fake laugh, we of course show you how to do it, which usually makes you smile (or laugh) as well 😄

• “Now be sexy!”

One of the goals of a boudoir shoot is to help you discover or re-discover your sexyness and sensuality. But if the photographer comes in front of you with their camera and tells you: “Ok, now be sexy!”, the chances are you will not know what to do and you will probably feel awkward.

It is really difficult to feel sexy on command, especially if doing a boudoir shoot puts you out of your comfort zone. Maybe you don’t even want to focus on your sexy side during your shoot and instead work on your confidence or something else. So you really don’t want the photographer to ask you to be sexy when they decide it is time for you to be.

Instead make sure to communicate what is the purpose of your shoot and the vibes you want to get from the pictures. Your photographer should be able to highlight whatever atmosphere you want to create with the poses, lighting, and any outfits and accessories you brought with you.

If you enjoyed today’s blog, you will love to know what are the most hilarious sentences we say as boudoir photographers 😂

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Do you think you see your body the way it really is?

Before we begin, a little disclaimer: the following post is based on our own experiences & feelings. This does not substitute professional medical advice or consultations with healthcare professionals.

Have you ever found yourself too fat or too thin out of the blue? Have you ever been deeply challenged by your reflection in the mirror? Have you ever felt oh-so-certain that you have body flaws despite hearing the opposite from loved ones?

If so, welcome to the world of body dysmorphia.

Body-dysmorphia, a big scary word we think never applies to us.

Body what now? The official definition of body-dysmorphia is as follow:

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), or body dysmorphia, is a mental health condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance. These flaws are often unnoticeable to others.

-NHS

Now, if you are like me, you hear “disorder” and you think “well that's not me, I'm not sick or whatever". The minute we slap medical terms on it, it becomes surreal and scary, but let us rephrase that definition:

Body-dysmorphia is when you don't see your body the way it actually is despite being convinced it is a certain way.

The most common example, and the one I personally deal with, is seeing yourself bigger than you actually are.

There are different levels of BDD. For some of us, myself included, we can still live our lives properly. For others, it becomes an obsession that can lead to eating disorders, social isolation and so on.

So, how does body-dysmorphia actually show?

BDD usually shows itself when we become teenagers. Our bodies change fairly quickly, plus, we are leaving our childhood where we pretty much didn't give a crap about our appearance and suddenly, it seems to define us.

Our brain is having a hard time processing this and we are left pointing out everything we think is wrong with us. Except for many of us, it doesn't stop there and we carry it until our adulthood.

Here are of the common ways BDD shows its ugly head:

• Checking yourself in the mirror, repeatedly, focusing on your “flaws”;

• Feeling certain that said flaws make you ugly or even deformed;

• Being convinced that you lost/put on weight based on no concrete proofs whatsoever;

• Trying to “fix” said flaws by over exercising, and often adjusting diet;

• Strongly believing that your flaws are only what other people see;

• Attempting to hide perceived flaws with styling, makeup or clothes;

• Constantly comparing your appearance with others;

• Frequently seeking reassurance about your appearance from others;

• Avoiding social gatherings;

• Feeling completely down for the whole day or more because of your appearance…

The list goes on and on. I don't know about you, but I can safely say that I have experienced over half this list.

What happens to me when the body-dysmorphia monster is knocking on my door and how I deal with it:

I am in my 30’s and I still involuntarily carry the BD monster in my back pocket. I don’t think it will ever go away. BUT, thanks to my experience and my work, I manage to considerably shorten its stays. My BD monster is weight related: I feel like I am bigger than usual especially around my waist.

Usually, it happens when I am off my eating and exercising routine for a week. If I didn’t prioritize my workouts sessions, and ate like crap, I can guarantee you that I am going to think I put on weight and it is going to make me feel guilty and shitty.

My remedy? Giving myself a severe reality check.

Sometimes, you need to give your head a shake.

1) I gather objective facts about why I would be feeling this way.

Like I said, it could be because I didn’t stick to my routine but it can also be because I am about to start my period and I feel bloated or I haven’t slept well for a while and/or I’m stressed. This really helps to remind myself that the vision I have of my body is very likely inaccurate because my mind doesn’t have the good fuel I usually give it.

2) I remind myself that it is physically impossible to have drastic body change in one week.

You’re not going to put on or lose 10 pounds in a week. Biologically, weight changes take a lot longer to show. Your body is smart and if you take a negative turn on your eating habits, it won’t show for a little while.

3) I remind myself that my body is doing its thing during the day and that it is normal if it looks different.

This one is for those who, like me, wish for a constant flat stomach. It’s a myth. Our bodies digest, they bloat, they eliminate. I’m actually pretty damn lucky it does all of that for me. Side note: our lower abdomen as a little cushion because it is protecting our uterus. When you see it like this, typing “how to lose lower belly fat” on Google makes a lot less sense.

4) I remind myself that I have felt this way in the past and have been very wrong.

The first time I realized I had a BD monster was when I looked at photos of my teenaged years, when I felt incredibly fat and I obviously wasn’t. It is usually enough to tell myself that there is a good chance I could be doing the exact same thing right now.

5) I let go of the guilt

Scheduling more workouts and diet change is very common for me as an attempt to “right my wrongs”. When I catch myself doing this, I sit my ass down and remember that, hey, I don’t work out to lose weight, I work out because it makes me feel good. And yeah, maybe I went a bit overboard food wise, but I needed it at the time and it also came with good memories with my loved ones.

So fuck it.
Yes, F U C K I T.
I did nothing wrong, there is nothing to fix, all I need to go back to what feels good and I will. and so will you.

I truly hope that reading this will help you feel less alone and give you some tools to kick your Body-Dysmorphia monster in the balls. We have written additional tips here, in case you need some. .

Here are some helpful books if you are looking to do some digging and heal yourself: The Broken Mirror by Katharine Phillips & Shattered Image by Brian Cuban.

If you feel overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to ask for help and find a therapist to guide you through it all. You don’t have to do this alone

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Censorship, Shadow banning: how social media sabotages our small business

Picture this: it is 2017, in the Toronto Reference Library. Two younger and eager Juliette & Fanny are nervously giggling at the "PUBLISH” button on their website. Finally, Scandaleuse was about to be shared with the world after so many hours being built in their heads. One click later, the business was officially born, and the word needed to be spread out.

What do you do then? Well, you start building an online presence. That's what business people say to do. We had a beautiful portfolio, tons of ideas and were ready to rock the social media madness.

Until, not even a week in, our posts got deleted and our accounts got threatened to be removed from Instagram and Facebook. Try to spread the word about your small business when you can't even post what you do.

You may wonder: "wow, what did the share for this to happen? Porn? Someone eating a kitten?" AHA. Just barely revealing boudoir photos than the platforms decided were for "adult sexual solicitation” (!!!). And it has been like that ever since.

Example of said “adult sexual solicitation”….

Why do we care to begin with?

We are going to be very honest: our clients don't come from social media, or very rarely. We could probably get away with not having a social media presence at all. The reasons why we are working so hard on our Instagram is for 4 main goals:

• Build a kind and respectful community;

• Educate around sensuality, body love and removing its negative stigma and pressure;

• Inspire and empower people (especially women) to be who they want to be;

• Show real bodies in an ocean of heavily edited, unachievable BS.

When our posts aren't taken down, we do succeed. We have met wonderful people and created beautiful projects thanks to social media, the most recent being our Unstoppable Exhibit, which also became the last straw in our thought process of getting the hell out of social media, once and for all.

As you can imagine, we have gone through multiple phases with our online presence, some comical, some a lot less.

The social media phases yours truly went through:

1) The "F*** you, we will do what we want" phase

That's when the little rebels that we are decided to try to stick it to the Man! You don't want us to post nipples? We will talk about it even more. We became officially black listed and to this day, we can't even do paid ads anywhere even if we posted the photo of a baby alpaca. That lasted a couple of years, until we realized we were pretty powerless and the removal of our accounts was imminent.

2) The "Fine, we will play by the rules" phase.

We became good girls and adjusted our entire vision to make sure the censorship monster wasn't gonna smack us. Nipples were blurred out and all. But then, IG changed once again their policy and it wasn't just the photos themselves that needed to be super PG, but also the wording.

Writing things like “nudity” “boudoir” “sexy” and so on became automatically flagged. The posts weren't deleted, but they weren't shown to anybody. 👌 That's shadow banning, and as you can imagine, completely useless for anybody trying to build a social media presence.

3) The "pack your bags and go" phase.

We were dealing with our shadowban frustration, battling with the "what is even the point of busting our butts with well thought and genuine content if nobody can see it?!", but we were still kicking.

Until we started talking about our Unstoppable Exhibit.

See, this project was solely created to spread awareness about domestic violence and collect donations for 2 charities offering help and shelters to the victims. But guess what. The words "domestic violence" or "abuse" are flagged. The series of photos contains partial nudity. So the posts were barely shown and it 👏 pissed 👏 us 👏 off.

Having to censor ourselves about our artistic work is already annoying enough, but seeing it happen when we are sharing content that could literally save lives was the last straw.

Unfortunately it doesn’t stop there

It has been 6 years now that we launched our social media platforms and this censorship is still happening and unfortunately getting worse. Recently we noticed that now even Google is removing some of our business posts (once again for inappropriate content 😡) and there is nothing we can do beside changing the main picture over and over again until we find the “proper” one.

It might not seems like it but this BS is time consuming and a big factor of stress. 90% of our clients find us through Google so the idea of being censored there is very scary as it could impact our business negatively.

We constantly feel this Damocles sword above our heads.

So… what now?

We love what we do and work really hard to build our business and educate people on the over-sexualization of the female body. So we had to find an alternative:

We are spending less and less time and energy on those stupid social media platforms, and devoting much more to our newsletter. This is our own land, we can share whatever we want to without fearing to be removed. Not having to worry about this is giving us a new love for writing and sharing.

Every Saturday, we combine a mixture of the following in our "Scandaleuse Letter":

- educational resources;
- empowering tips & tricks;
- gorgeous photography;
- new projects; and,
- behind the scenes.

Our only hope? That you will join the 500 people that are already there.

All you have to do is fill out the form below. You can unsubscribe at any time.

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We can't wait to see you on the other side,

With love 💖,

- The slightly older but still eager Juliette & Fanny

5 ways to make your boudoir shoot more creative

When you search for boudoir photography on the internet (thank you Schitt’s Creek for this - if you know you know), you might not relate to what you see as most of the photographs look the same: gorgeous models, with the same thin body type, wearing classic lingerie, posing on beds with white sheets.

Don’t get us wrong there is nothing wrong with that per se, and if it is what you are looking for then it will be easy for you to find the perfect photographer for your shoot as this the most common way of shooting boudoir.

But if you are looking for something different, then it becomes tricky. Not everyone feel like their most amazing-self in lingerie, and not everyone wants to have pictures of themselves looking cute in a bed. We all like different things right, so when it comes to your boudoir shoot you don’t have to be traditional if it is not your style.

Today, we are sharing with you 5 ways to make your boudoir shoot more creative!

Outfits

This is probably the most important point of this blog! Clothes are a great tool to help us feel confident, sensual, badass, or whatever else we wanna feel when we choose what to wear for the day. It is the same for your boudoir shoot, the outfits you choose will determine what your pictures will look like.

When we work with new clients, we always explain that they shouldn’t feel like they are wearing a disguise during the session. If traditional lingerie is not their vibe because they feel better in a large t-shirt with high socks, then they should definitely bring it on set.

What we recommend to all of our clients is that they open their closet and choose every outfits that make them feel fabulous. Usually people bring a suitcase full of different options and here are some examples what we saw during our shoots:

• Sequin shorts and dresses

• Faux-fur coats, one was pink

• Tons of different bodysuits

• Handmade leather armours and capes

• Fringe jackets

• kimonos and see-through robes

• leather pants

• aviator and denim jumpsuits

• jersey and over-sized sweaters

• onesies and pyjamas

• men shirts

The list goes on… See, you can really have fun with your outfits and think outside the box!

Also you DO NOT have to stick to one theme for your session. If you feel like going from a cosy atmosphere to a femme fatale look, go for it :)

Props

Accessories are great to add something extra special to your shoot. It is an opportunity to show your personality on pictures and it give us the chance to create little scenarios so you don’t have to focus too much on the camera.

We are talking about those things that makes you YOU! What can you bring that reflects the personas you want to highlight during your boudoir shoot? Maybe you have a favourite coffee mug or a book. Maybe you have a hobby that takes your mind out of reality and you wanna use it for your pictures… Once again the possibilities are endless and find below examples of props we have seen so far:

• Guitars

• Books and magazines

• Alcool and food

• Katana swords and knives

• Deck of cards

• Whips and cuffs

• flower bouquets

But it can also be jewelry and body chains (we are still waiting for someone who wants a nude picture of themselves covered with jewelry!), shoes, and much more…

Location

The location of your shoot is also very important because it will act as the decors around you. What vibe do you feel the most attracted to: airy, neutral tons, plain colours? Warmth, bricks and beams, industrial? Are plants important to you? Do you see yourself more in a colourful environment?

If you have preferences, make sure the photographer you will choose can take pictures of you in a location you will love.

You can find here two blogs we wrote about our lofts so you can decide more easily:

• Pure, simple, & minimalist

• Warm, industrial, & cosy

Poses

Don’t worry, we will NOT tell you that in order to do a boudoir shoot you need to know how to pose (this is a common misbelief we are trying to kick away). Your photographer should be able to guide through each poses and make sure they look great for the body type you have and your level of flexibility (not everyone can do a backbend or bring their foot behind their head!).

But the poses are important to match the vibes you want to create during your boudoir shoot. Let’s say, for example, you want a set of pictures in which you can embrace your masculine side, in that case the poses you will choose will help doing so. Don’t hesitate to communicate with the photographer and explain what you have in mind.

Also don’t hesitate to mention any present or past injuries so the photographer doesn’t make you do poses that could be painful or uncomfortable for you.

Lighting

This one is just an extra little thing to know.

Light has the power to completely change the atmosphere and style of a picture. To keep it simple there are basically two main types of lighting: airy (full of light, bright) or moody (shadows, dark tones, contrast). This might sounds too technical for you and maybe you think it is the photographer’s job to deal with it (which is true obviously) but it can be an important information for your photographer to know: is there an atmosphere that attracts you the most?

If not, then you give your photographer more creative freedom. But if you feel like you want your shoot to go in one direction or the other, it will impact your photographer’s way of working and the location of your shoot.

If you are not sure about what you want or what is possible with the photographer you are thinking of hiring, we suggest to create a mood board or gather pictures you find online to illustrate what you like and have example to show to the photographer. They should be able to guide you from there!

If there are two things to remember about your upcoming boudoir shoot is that it has to look like yourself and it should be fun!

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Sometimes it just starts with armpit hair!

No Valentine’s day topic this weekend! You have probably unwilling been consuming enough of this content those past weeks. Instead let’s talk about your body hair!

Well, to tell you the truth this blog isn’t just about letting your hair grow or not. It is about allowing yourself to be YOU, the way YOU want it (yes I am emphasizing “you” just so it sticks to your mind 😘). And if it involves having hairy armpits, good! If not, good as well!

Hair, no hair; does it really matter?

A few years ago, Marion Seclin (a french influencer we really like), was talking about the fact she did a photoshoot with a brand who edited her hair out on Photoshop, without notifying her. She said she took the decision 4 years ago to let her hair grow naturally and she was very angry about the studio’s behaviour:

The decisions concerning YOUR body belongs to YOU and you ONLY.

By photoshoping her hair out, without her CONSENT, that brand violated her right to be the individual SHE DESIRES TO BE. They disrespected her life's choices. And for what? Because they felt like she didn’t match their standards. Standards usually imposed by the media and the fashion industry.

If you choose to wax every 3 weeks or not, it should be because it makes you feel great and not because you feel like you HAVE to do it.

Nobody should tell you what is the best for you. Your body and lifestyle decisions must be made based on your opinion. not others.

If people are telling you the opposite, don’t listen to them. This could also be a good sign to start clearing out some of your relationships to make room for better ones.

Story time: We had a wonderful photo shoot with Léa Castor in Paris. She stopped removing her hair a couple of years ago, because she realized that she wasn't really doing it for her, but for her lover at the time. She said that she wanted to start loving her hair the way it actually is, but it was hard. Not because she thinks it looks ugly but because of society: she felt like people will judge and criticize her.

When we first talked about her session, we really wanted to showcase and do close-ups of her hair to tell the world "hey see, it's not bad at all!" but it turns out that we just focused on her as a person like we always do.

not making her body hair the main focus was our way to normalizing her natural beauty.

Building your life despite expectations: damn that's hard.

But damn, it is worth it. Being able to live your life the way you want to is the best feeling in the world: you feel in harmony with your values, you become proud of yourself, it is pretty much the road to your long-term happiness!

However, from the minute you will start making decisions to be fully yourself, you are going to have to deal with… drum rolls… others. And people LOVE to share their opinion about your lifestyle even if you did not ask for it 🙄.

Friends, family, strangers! Doesn’t matter who they are, you will have to face complains, disappointments, frustrations, or even anger, coming from people who will not accept your life’s choices. And this can makes the whole process of building your own identity very challenging. But don’t give up!

any criticism about your journey is actually not about you. They will simply project their own insecurities and fears on you.

Through your achievements, they will see their own failures and will try to bring you down instead of supporting your decisions. Jealousy is ugly!

Sometimes it just starts with armpit hair!

See, you don’t need much to start living your life the way you want. You can start with something as simple as letting your body hair grow or starting a new hobby that people might find too scandalous. It will be scary at first but once you realize that what people think of you doesn’t not matter, you will take on bigger steps that will feel less and less scary ❤️

We would love to hear about one thing you changed in your life that was hard but worth it. Share in the comments!

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Should I keep my pictures private?

A lot of people are hesitant about doing a boudoir shoot because they do not really know how they will be using their pictures. Some can't imagine sharing them and the idea of other people seeing their photographs is sailing away the boudoir shoot boat, no matter how bad they want to try it..

Online sharing or not online sharing

If there is one main takeaway from this blog post, it is this: the choice of posting your photos online is yours and only yours. Not your partner. Not your family. Not your friends. Just yours. If it makes you feel good and safe to share them, just go ahead. On the other hand, if your desire is to keep those pictures private, then it is your right, no question asked.

That being said, we do encourage sharing your pictures with at least your loved ones and here is why:

Because you are also a source of inspiration to the people close to you.

You might think that only those massive influencers have an impact online, but we all get even more impacted by the people from our intimate circle. If someone we know does something we find inspiring, it will definitely make a long-lasting impression on us.

With your photos, you have the opportunity to inspire your loved ones, near or far. And we are not just talking about boudoir! Your showing that you've done something outside of your comfort zone will likely spark a fire for someone else to do the same.

It works with strangers too. If you only knew the amount of new Scandals who told us the reason they reached out was because they saw someone they could relate to on our page. How does it feel to be someone else's muse?! 

Breaking the code of unachievable beauty standards.

It's no secret that the media constantly promotes unachievable beauty standards. Even though we have seen some improvement, there is still a long way to go, and many more people left feeling like absolute garbage when staring at themselves in front of the mirror.

By sharing your photos, you are sharing what a body is really like. With the skin details, the little rolls, the curves, the bumps. THIS is how we break the mold. The more we can identify with who they see in the media, the less shame and pressure we will feel. And if we wait for the media to fix this for us, we are going to be here a while. The ball is in our court!

Being proud of yourself.

Hey, you did something outside the box, something many people would never dare to do. You left feeling great about yourself and ready to get familiar with this freshly discovered confidence. It is an achievement, and sharing achievements feels good. Toot your own horn for a minute (or two)!

The satisfaction of going against the grain.

This is more personal gain, but we can all agree that one of the best feelings ever is to be a bit rebellious. Yes, you know what we mean! Doing something that's generally frown upon for no reason at all…. It is so damn liberating and it leaves us wanting more. Just give yourself that satisfaction already!

Never forget that You can be a beautiful source of inspiration to someone you wouldn't expect and that you can provoke changes, even if it is just in your immediate surroundings.

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Why the French cliches make boudoir “à la française” super badass

A few months ago, we had a little realization: our boudoir style is very French. Naturally, since we are both from France to begin with, this was completely unconscious until we noticed we were saying quite often: “you look very French" to our lovely clients.

It got us thinking: besides our nationality, why do we gravitate towards this specific style and more importantly, why do we want you to try it so bad? Allow us to share our personal opinions on the matter…

A naked body is… just a naked body.

Don't get us wrong, we also deal with many unachievable beauty standards and body shaming. But the perception of nudity is different.

Since the beginning of time, nudity in France hasn't always been associated with sexuality, like it tends to be in North America. From the various art mouvements picturing a lot of nudity (looking at you, Renaissance!), to seeing our own mothers sunbathing topless on the beach, we just didn't ask ourselves if it was okay or not: it just was.

In our opinion, having this mentality definitely contributed to…

The "no f*cks given” attitude.

It is pretty known that the French have an unapologetic attitude. We consider it very accurate and this translate nicely in boudoir, as it becomes the perfect opportunity to make a statement and create a paradox: for example, we tend to have photos looking straight at the camera, doing nonchalant poses like you have not a care in the world while being in a vulnerable context, wearing outfits that would be frown upon in many ways. This rebelliousness is something we want to get you to try during a session, because it feels so damn good.

For a moment, you are breaking the codes in a world we are constantly told to follow them.

It's easier to conceptualize doing something for yourself.

French people are known to be individualistic, and once again, we tend to agree. Of course, it can come with a negative side such as selfishness, but on the other end, it is more normal doing something for yourself because you want to. Many women we work with in Canada haven't taken that chance to create some quality time with themselves in years. Many of them think they don't even deserve it. Giving them the chance to do it through our work is one of our favourite reasons why we shoot boudoir.

It is also why we say every single day that a boudoir shoot is for yourself first and not a partner. And to let you in on a little confidence: the rare times we get an inquiry that states that the shoot is solely for a boyfriend or husband, they fall through!

The French Fashion

The french fashion is not afraid to play with the codes and this is another very strong asset that bleeds into boudoir very easily. Why? Because it makes you stay away from the traditional boudoir outfits. Funny enough, lingerie is French to begin with, but yet, the French are so versatile in style that lingerie is not the main outfit during our sessions.

Playing with feminine and masculine outfits is also extremely common, which makes it even more interesting for artists: there are no limits.

There you have it: french clichés definitely work in our favor for boudoir and we should all take advantage of that.

Use them to feel strong, powerful, beautiful. To let go, to play, even if it is just for a moment. You will see how liberating that can be and you will ask for more. Oh and of course: free the nipple 😉.

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4 badass women forgotten by history

Part 1

Welcome to today’s special blog!

Many people have shaped the world the way it is now, some for the worst, but most for the best. Some we remember, others who have totally been erased even though they contributed to many positive changes. Today, instead of talking about boudoir or mindset, we want to share with you those strong women we admire who were forgotten by history.

Sappho of Lesbos

Sappho, AKA “the Poetess”, was born on the Greek island of Lesbos to an aristocratic family in around 620 BCE. She was a musician and considered as one of the greatest poets of her time. She invented and developed lyric poetry as well as a type of lyre and one of the major musical scale still used in jazz and blues music. Sappho was so popular that she became part “The Nine Lyric”, a goup of the most important and influential ancient Greek poets. Statues were erected in her honour and coins minted with her face and name on them.

But the Poetess wasn’t only known for her work. She had strong political views (which led her to be exiled to Sicily twice) and may have been gay. Because of the evidence of romantic interests in women from her poetry, there is a huge debate on wether or not she was homosexual (the terms “sapphic” and “lesbian”, both related to the love between women, are coming from “Sappho”).

I have not had one word from her

Frankly I wish I were dead
When she left, she wept

a great deal: she said to me, "This parting must be
endured, Sappho. I go unwillingly."

I said, "Go, and be happy
but remember (you know
well) whom you leave shackled by love

If you forget me, think
of our gifts to Aphrodite
and all the loveliness that we shared

all the violet tiaras,
braided rosebuds, dill and
crocus twined around your young neck

myrrh poured on your head
and on soft mats girls with
all that they most wished for beside them

while no voices chanted
choruses without ours,
no woodlot bloomed in spring without song."

(Barnard Translation, Sappho, 1)

Those rumors (and time) are the reasons why her work mostly disappeared. Legends claim her poems were purposefully destroyed by the medieval church to suppress lesbian love poetry, some of her work was also lost because it wasn’t translated and copied. Of the nine volumes of poetry she composed only one full poem survived while the rest are fragments. Her music sadly didn’t survive as well.

Sources: Wikipedia & World History Encyclopedia

Gladys Bentley

Gladys was a revolutionary American gender-bending jazz and blues singer, pianist, and entertainer during the Harlem Renaissance.

She was very famous for being boldly out, unashamed of her queer desires, and daring to be a cross-dresser (she usually presented herself in men's tuxedos and top hat but also wearing makeup).

She was born in 1907 to a working class family in Philadelphia. In an interview, Gladys mentioned the fact she always felt she was born different. At the age of 9, instead of feeling good in dresses, she stole her brother’s suits and begin to feel more confortable in boy’s clothes. She didn’t feel like her body represented who she was and knew she was attracted to women at an early age. Of course her parents disapproved and decided to bring her to doctors in hope to “cure” her and make her become a “normal woman”.

In order to live her life the way she wanted and fulfil her dream of becoming a musician, Gladys run away from home at the age of 16 and settled in Harlem.

In 1925 she applied for a job in a nightclub which was looking for a male piano player. After a little bit of convincing, the club agreed to let her audition and she got such a terrific applause that she was offered work on the spot! She soon became a headliner at clubs and theaters. Her song’s lyrics were famous for their bold content such as upsetting all the cultural norms about identity and her feelings towards women. And in 1928 she began a recording carrer that lasted for 20 years.

Despite being recognize for her talent, her look and lifestyle was overly criticized and she wasn’t viewed as a respectable person. Because homosexuality didn’t fit in christian beliefs at that time, people living this lifestyle were considered deviant and unworthy. In 1937 she moved to Los Angeles were unfortunately she faces more challenges in her performance (the state of California had anti-cross-dressing laws so she got banned often from clubs for dressing as a men).

Due to homophobia and society’s pressure, she ended up giving up on who she was to conform to the conservative norms. So she could keep performing and work, she began to wear dresses and married a man. She claimed that she took hormone treatments to become a woman again and live a normal existence.

Sources: Wikipedia & American Masters

Andrée Borrel - code named Denise

Andrée Borrel was a french woman who served in the French Resistance and an agent for Britain's clandestine Special Operations Executive. She was born to a working-class family on the outskirts of Paris in 1919.

At the age of 20 she enrolled in a crash course in nursing that she completed, which qualified her to serve as a nurse in the Association des Dames Françaises. After moving from one hospital to another, she met Lieutenant Maurice Dufour who was involved in one of the country’s largest underground escape networks called the Pat Line (it was a safe house to help Jews, British fighters, and Special Operations Executive agents flee German-controlled France). Unfortunately the network being ratted out, and compromised by the Germans, Andrée and Maurice have to escape and found refuge in England in 1942.

The same year she is recruited by SOE and trained to jump behind enemy lines, spy on, sabotage, and kill Axis troops occupying her home country. In September 1942 Andrée Borrel (and Lise de Baissac) are parachuted into France making them the first female combat agents to do so.

In 1943 she was captured by the Nazis and imprisoned around Paris. In July 1944 she is sent to Natzweiler-Struthof concentration camp, were she was executed a month later at the age of 24.

Andrée was awarded several honors after her death in recognition of her extraordinary work.

Sources: Wikipedia & Military Spouse

Henrietta Lacks and her immortal cells

Henrietta Lacks was an African-American woman born in 1920 in Virginia as Loretta Pleasant (her family never knew why her name changed from Loretta to Henrietta).

In 1951 Henrietta starting feeling a “knot” in her womb and went to went to Johns Hopkins (which was the only hospital in the area that treated black patients at that time) and was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Without her permission or knowledge, two samples were taken from Lacks's cervix during her treatments. Researchers who studied those sample found that her cancel cells kept reproducing, ultimately making them immortal.

Unfortunately she died from her cancer a couple months after her treatment.

The HeLa cells survived, thrived, and multiplied outside her body, so much so that they have been in continual use in labs around the world for 65 years. They have contributed to many science wonders such as:

• HPV vaccins;

• Understanding how cells stay “young”;

• Eradicating Polio;

• Mapping the human genome;

• Creating a field of virology.

Henrietta changed the face of medical history and got no recognition at that time. As was then the practice, no consent was required to culture the cells obtained from Lacks's treatment. Neither she nor her family were compensated for their extraction or use, and the Lacks family was not made aware of this discovery until 1975.

Sources: Wikipedia & Stat News

So many women have been erased by history or under the shadow of men. We want to bring back those badass women in the spotlight, so keep an eye open for part 2 (and probably 3 and 4 🤗)!

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What does "empowerment" even mean?

Haaa “Empowerment”. THE buzzword we've seen everywhere for the past few years. “Women empowering women”, “empower yourself” , “get empowered”… It is such a pretty word with such a badass connotation. Yet, many of us aren’t even sure of what it actually means. Let's dive in, shall we?

First of, let's get the actual definition:

“Empowerment is the authority or power given to someone to do something."
- Oxford Dictionary

That something being positive for yourself and others. Whether it is a new dream, a new goal, a new creation of some sort…

But wait, does this means that to get empowered, it has to come from somewhere else other than yourself? Theoratically, yes.

First, well, that's why we are here. 😉
Second, yes, you can be empowered by someone else, and yourself can empower someone.

While, technically, you don't need permission, validation, or encouragement to do anything for yourself, many of us feel that need. This is very often labelled as negative. And it could be, if everything you want to do depends on it.

But if not, so what if you need an extra boost from a loved one to make a jump towards something you’ve been wanting to do?

We all need outside support and it would be a shame to deny ourselves this option. If you have someone who has your best interest at heart, willing to empower you, at least, give it a listen. As we talked about in our post about the important of the female collective, we can only go so far alone. Especially considering how great empowerment feels.

How does it feel to be empowered?

To sum it up, it feels like you've received a huge boost of confidence and that you can move mountains likes they're grains of salt.

You feel like yourself, ready to tackle the world, bring your dreams to reality and you usually take more people along with you.

It is a beautiful feeling and you must have felt it one way or another at least once. Maybe when you achieved a goal you didn't think you could, or maybe when you caught your reflection in the mirror and went “damn, I look good!”. Take a moment to think about the last time you felt it, even if it was just a little spark.

💡 When was the last time you felt empowered?

Now, how do you get more of this? Does that mean you need to harass your loved ones so they can turn the switch on?

Well, good news, you don't have to!

Can I empower myself?

Absolutely. Self-empowerment is actually a must in order to build yourself and live your life the way you want. You can take charge of your own path and develop that rock solid confidence.

Your self-empowerment starter pack:

1) Remind yourself you know what is best for you.

At the end of the day, you are the person you spent the most time with and you know yourself better than anyone. If you are going through a moment of self-doubt and are getting lost in outside noise, take a breather and ask yourself what it is that you really want.

2) Learn to read between the lines of judgement.

Judgement is the worst obstacle to change. If we dare to share an idea with someone and that person go against it more or less subtlely, there is a good chance we would back out of it. Before you do, ask yourself if it is actually about you, or if that person is projecting their own insecurity on you. (Spoiler alert, in 99.9% of the time, that is what's going on when someone is judging you.)

3) Find your support system

You don't have a supportive family, friends or partners? Good news, there are other circles that can provide the support you need on many levels. (Ahem, again, us being one of them). Quick reminder while we are at it, just because some people are family doesn't mean they can't be toxic. Just leaving that here.

4) Empower someone else

This is the nicest snowball effect: when you do the empowering for someone, you will receive some back and/or will get inspired to take actions yourself. Really, try it.

5) Give yourself permission.

Create little moments for yourself when you let your mind go wild. No expectations, no money or skill issues, nobody stopping you. Think outside the box, day dream, meditate, journal, see what comes out. You could be surprised by how reachable some of those ideas can be.

There you have it. Now you can honestly say what empowerment is when you mention it and you know how to start digging to get your dose!

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