Let's talk about choices

Today we are writing about something that is not boudoir related but that really impacts us as women: last week, Texas laws banned abortion at six weeks, and this is not ok!

It does not matter why some women decide to stop their pregnancy or when they want to do it, abortion is a choice and a right, and should not be a political debate.

My body, my choice

Since this law was voted, my social media have been saturated with anger, and extreme comments coming from both sides. People are very opinionated and an online war started between those who are for abortion and those who are against.

As usual instead of keeping their energy to fight people who create those ridiculous laws, people fight each others and totally lack compassion towards those who are facing this difficult situation that is an unwanted pregnancy (either they want or not to get an abortion). Either you are for or against abortion, you have to understand it is a personal decision.

There is no need to become hateful towards people who don't make the same body, sexual, or reproductive choices as you do.

If I were to take Juliette and I as an example, the new Texas law and seeing that abortion is still illegal in other countries makes us very angry, as we are pro abortion. But we understand and respect the fact that some women will never do an abortion for themselves.

People have different opinions and needs. What work for someone does not necessarily work for someone else. Creating laws that go against people's freedom is revolting and should not happen anymore.

via GIPHY

It is not a man decision

I can imagine some people being pretty upset after reading this. But I stand by what I am about to say:

When it comes to the woman body, men should not be allowed to make any decisions about it.

Of course I am not saying they don't have the right to have an opinion. I just believe that if you cannot physically experience a situation (such as an abortion for example), there is no way you can understand enough to take decisions or create laws about it.

Every topics around the woman body should stay in women's hands.

That being said, it does not mean that all women would respect others women choices. There are also a lot of men who fight beside women, and believe anyone should be able to decide what is best their own body and health.

The danger of making abortion illegal

“Banning abortion doesn’t stop it from happening, it just drives it underground” - Margaret Wurth

Beside taking away a woman's choice, making abortion illegal can also become a factor of risk or death. Women who really want to stop their pregnancy are not gonna magically changed their mind because it is illegal. They will find a way to terminate it, and a lot of times it means doing it in an unsafe environment or by people lacking medical training.

Even if clandestine abortion is “safer” than before because of medication and technology, women still die from it every day.

Unwanted and unplanned pregnancies will always happen. It is important to fully legalize abortion in every countries so women and girls can safely have the choice to terminate it if they wish.

Learning about it

You can find tons of useful resources about this topic online.

• Planned Parenthood is a great platform for everything related to sexuality.

• If the topic around abortion triggers your interest, I highly suggest that you read stories of women going through it, or even how life is in countries where abortion is illegal. Learning is a great way to open your mind to things you might not fully understand.

• I also recommend this beautiful movie called Vera Drake, that relates the story of a British housekeeper in 1950's who provides abortions to local women with unwanted pregnancies. When the authorities learn of her illegal activities, Vera Drake loses the admiration of many around her and possibly her freedom.

Juliette and I never had to face that choice and if one day we do, we are lucky to live in a country where we can choose. Today this blog is for those around the world who don't have the privilege to decide for themselves ❤️

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To want or not want children.

I have never pictured myself as a mother. Don't get me wrong, I have played with baby dolls and whatnot, but I have never had this deep feeling of "I will be a mom one day". Not a lot of people believed me when I was younger, but not that I am approaching 30 and am in a relationship with a man who does not want kids either, I am taken seriously. And it feels nice. So whether you are in the same boat or not, here are some helpful reminders to guide you through your journey.

The main purpose for women is NOT to have children. 

Yes, we have this super power of creating life and it's super badass. I personally think every single pregnant woman should be treated like absolute queens, because while we are all standing there, they are creating eyeballs for another being and stuff. 

However, just because you have the power doesn't mean you have to use it.

We grew up thinking it was the way to go. You're a woman? You will be a mother. But that's not the case anymore. 

You are not solely defined by becoming a mother. In my case, my freedom, my career and my relationships are my priorities. And if you already are a mother, it doesn't define YOU completely either. You are much more than that.

It is YOUR choice. And you don't have to justify it.

"Ha you don't know what you want yet."
"You're too young, you'll see later".

Those are the 2 main sentences I heard when I said I don't want children. And I felt like I had to bring up facts in order to explain why I made this decision. The truth is: I don't, and you don't either.

The decision is yours to make, you don't owe anyone an explanation and others need to follow.

Which leads me to a story with a doctor I have seen in the past who pissed me off (a woman too! I was blown away!). I have an ovarian cyst, the size of a golf ball. It has been monitored for over 4 years. Every 6 months, I have to endure those uncomfortable ultrasounds, blood work, and being bounced from one specialist to the other. All my male doctors have said "we are leaning towards removing it. It could damage your ovary, thus your chances to conceive. Do you want children? No? Okay. We are gonna get one extra opinion from a surgeon to make sure it is not too bad."

I remember being in this female surgeon's office, and I was pretty determined to have this cyst removed already. I was done with the medical exams, the uncertainty, and the risk of it evolving into something nasty. She asked me if I wanted children, I said no. And she said…

"I'm not doing the operation, you will change your mind"

Wait a minute. You are putting my health at risk for a decision that I already made, that doesn't concern you, just because you think I will change my mind? 

I was livid. I ended up seeing a male surgeon, who will be doing the operation, no questions asked, because it is indeed best for me.

You are allowed to change your mind. And maybe you won't.

"Aaah, don't worry, you'll change your mind" is definitely in the top 3 of responses I got. 

First, I am not worried, thank you. 

Second, yes, we don't know how life will evolve. I may never change your mind about having children. Maybe one day, it will spark in my mind, and it will feel right by me, and my partner. But this decision is up to me and only me. And it works both ways! Maybe you want children now, and one day, you may think that actually, you don't feel it anymore. And that's okay too!

No one is allowed to put any kind of pressure (passive or active) on you for this decision. Do what feels right for you. Always.

You gotta be honest with your partner.

That is one of the suckiest parts. If you are feeling good with someone and have ignored this topic and now you are committed, you may be up for a ride.

Just like someone can't ask you to have a baby when you don't want to, you can't expect them to pass on the experience when they want to become a parent.

My previous relationship lasted 6 years. We splitted up for different reasons, but this would have been the end of us eventually, and deep down, I knew it. It was one of the first things I brought up in the early dating days with my fiance, and I am so glad I did. 

Not wanting children is okay. Wanting them is okay too. What matters is that you are making this decision on your own terms, no matter what. And, no, you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Sending you love to all the mamas, the wannabe mamas, and the not-wanna be mamas like me!

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