If I had the opportunity to read the following blog post when I was in my darkest time, it would have made me feel a lot less lonely. Maybe it would have allowed me to heal faster. So I hope this will help you.
Here goes: I have had UTIs and vaginal infections for as long as I can remember. Here is the fun part: everytime there is no bacteria, nothing "wrong" medically speaking to justify them. Stress-triggered apparently.
I went through years of medical tests to find nothing. I wasn't even taken seriously half the time. There is nothing much online besides telling me to shove cranberries down my throat and eat probiotics. No guidance, no help.
"Most women get those".
It is damn true: every single time I have mentioned it to a woman, she also shared her own intimate struggle with me too. It's like we all suffer in silence.
But just because most of us have to deal with annoying conditions like these doesn't mean it should be swept under the carpet and not spoken about.
Those conditions can make you spiral so bad and end up seriously affecting your everyday life. For years, that's all I could think about. Every time symptoms start to show up (as recently as last month), this vicious cycle of fear that I am screwed for the rest of my life and that it will never go away begins.
Do I follow the basic " how to avoid-UTIs” starter pack? Please, if there was a competition for the best users, I'd probably win. No douching, pick the right underwear, drink tons of water, pee after sex, nothing too tight, all of those have been part of my daily routine forever.
So yeah, a few weeks ago after a few months of peace, right on my birthday, boom, it began again. I started with the medical consultation, got antibiotics I probably didn't need, and it made it worse.
During a late night internet search with hope to find some relief, I came across some comments from women such as "I have been dealing with these for 40 years". And it hit me: there is NO WAY in hell I will have to struggle for decades.
Obviously, my intimate adventures are due to something going on beyond a physical level. It's a way for my body to handle stress or even share a message with me. Better start trying to find another approach.
The quest of alternative solutions.
A little disclaimer here: I know my body pretty well as I started having bacteria-free UTIs when I was 6 years old. Everything I share here is based on my own experience. Don't avoid medical attention in your case unless you are 100% sure of what you are doing.
Here is what I used to do:
• Panic google search any type of condition or remedies to try to put a label on it
• Not talk about it because I was ashamed of it and thought I could handle the spiralling alone.
• Being angry at my body for f*cking up.
• Being scared of sex. More particularly pain during sex and fearing that I would disappoint my partner. So naturally, I left him out of what I was going through.
Here is what I tried this time, after breaking down:
• Noticing patterns: when did I feel the worse symptoms? I noticed they usually didn't show up when I was distracted or busy. Good point.
• Talked to my partner. Guess what, he understood. Of course he freaking did.
• Freaking breathe. I made relaxation a priority a little bit more every day by stretching, meditating, working out, anything that simply felt right.
But the most interesting thing I tried this time: I treated myself to a healing session with a Reiki practitioner.
Last year, I started reading more and more about alternative healing, the role of energies and the Universe. While I don't believe in everything I read, I kind of take whatever feels right to me.
During the healing session, I asked Tiffany, the healer, to focus on this area of my body, to see if maybe she saw blocages or could get any guidance. And it got very interesting. A lot of useful information came out of this session, but I think the biggest one that clicked in my brain was when she talked about my balance between masculine and feminine energy.
Masculine VS Feminine energy
To explain it simply: each of us have both masculine and feminine energy. Just like the Yin and the Yang, they complete one another.
The masculine energy is more about "doing", being square and on a mission to accomplish things. The feminine energy is about "being", flowing through life, living your emotions.
Backstory: I have always been a very controlling person. I am a planner, I am super rational and a goal achiever. To-do lists are my jam. I need structure to avoid stress, or so I thought.
What Tiffany saw during my session was that my feminine energy was tiny compared to my masculine energy which was acting like a bodyguard to protect me. Guess what is the center of the feminine energy in women? Pelvic area. Bladder, womb, vagina.
The conclusion was that since my masculine energy was off the chart, my feminine one had no choice but "firing up" down there to show its presence. By learning to let go and surrender, I could start healing myself.
Note that I was pretty much bawling my eyes out on that table, I had no doubt that this revelation was true.
The good news? Tapping into your feminine energy is super fun. It's all about not planning, indulging, going with the flow, moving around, being creative. I also tried Yin Yoga, which is supposed to help you reconnect with this specific energy and I couldn't believe the positive impact it's had on me. I also read this article that was pretty helpful (note the #7 of the list by the way eheh)
I started giving myself a break and forgiving me for thinking my body was doing something wrong.
When I start feeling pain, I take a moment to recenter, take a deep breath and let my feminine energy know that I hear her, she is safe, I am safe, and I am here for her. I tell myself that I am letting go, I relax my jaw (automatically, that's where I start tensing up). And it works. It just freaking works. Slowly, the symptoms disappear and I have spent my first few days in MONTHS symptoms free.
Honestly, I am proud of myself for going out of my way to learn more about me. I'm getting close to my 30's and thought I knew myself 1000%. Turns out I didn't and I like what I am learning now.
If you have been dealing with UTIs, yeast infections, intimate pains… know that you are not alone. Know that you can find relief. You may have to try different things before finding something that works. Follow your instinct for what YOU think is good for YOU.
Looking to try the healing session I did? Reach out to Tiffany here!