Has Covid thrown Self-Love out the window?

Initially published on Limitless By Scandaleuse

It is no secret that many of us have been struggling since early 2020. Us too, especially the last few weeks. The vision of 2021 we were just hoping for despite it being fairly unrealistic, just faded. Covid wasn't, after all, going to stop spreading on January 01, 2021, but we preferred to deny it for a sec!

From positivity to frustration.

Not gonna lie, we were pretty positive for a while. Then, that faded too.

We feel like we are stuck in Groundhog Day, repeating the same tasks every day, not having a reason to dress up anymore, being deprived of what makes us feel alive (what we would do to just sit down in a café and people-watch…) and so for so damn long. And we can tell we are not the only ones.

In an attempt to bring some sunshine back, even for a moment, we decided to create a little self-love challenge through our social media. The concept was simple: dance like nobody’s watching, on the same song. It was a way for us to give womxn a chance to bring self-love back on the table, let loose, feel good about themselves and get a break from the covid-related news. And it really did the trick if you actually decided to follow the lead! So we started talking about it, heard many “this is so great, I love this, this is exactly what I need” and then came the moment to actually start doing it.

This is when over 70% of people backed out, for 2 main reasons :

“I'm just not feeling it anymore”
“I don't have the confidence".

And the truth is: we feel you.

Self-Love : out the window until things get better?

We've heard it so many time when the pandemic began: take this time to take care of yourself. Discover or reinvent, who you are. Spend quality time with yourself since we are stuck anyway. And many of us were good students! We learned new things and practices that have helped us so much and all of those kept our confidence up.

But how long can you do this for?

At some point, we need outside interactions. We need to go out. We’re tired of just being with ourselves. Hell, we don't even appreciate ourselves anymore as we have seen us way too much, so, yeah, self-love, bye bye.

Here is the thing thought: this is exactly when you should double down on self-love.

It is when you feel like giving it up that it is the most needed.

Take your time, there are no rules.

If you need a few days to pause and just become a couch potatoe with greasy hair, order take-out and just contemplate life, then do it. The idea here is not to put this damn pressure or guilt around self-care and self-love. Just slowly get back to it in your own time. No need to throw yourself into a yoga or meditation challenge and sign up for a zillion online classes, you can just start by doing something as simple as washing your hair (seriously, everything is always better after a shower, don’t you think?).

You will get the shy tingly feeling that feels so good once again.

You know, that feeling of glittery tummy? Then feed the crap out of it.

You're not alone feeling this way.

This challenge wasn’t a fail. Yes, we were hoping it would spread like wildfire and give a huge wave of positivity and self-love in our community and it just didn’t take. But at the end of the day, it gave us a chance to actually feel a lot less lonely. We are always encouraged to bottle up our feelings, to not make noise and be strong, because you know, thingscouldbeworselalala. But it doesn't stop anything from sucking. Which is kinda what we covered during our last live on Instagram, in case you are curious.

Saying it out loud can actually help move forward: so if you are reading this, take a moment to just say “F********CK THIS.” Release that tension, let it OUT.

We have something for you!

Since we still want to help you feel better, we have put together 6 easy tips you can use now to better your life. All you have to do is click below to get them!

How to get your inner fire back.

Have you ever felt like you are living your life in autopilot mode? Like nothing, good or bad, really matters. You just feel kind of numb. This general lack of excitment and drive is a signal that you haven't postivitely challenged yourself lately, you’re missing your little inner fire. Something got lost on the road, and it is okay, you can find it back.

Reflect, reflect, reflect.

Now, before you start trying everything and nothing and printing out pinterest checklist and Marie Kondo-ing your apartment, you have to take a minute to reflect because when we get in this mode, we all tend to forget the good things we have done and focus on what we don't have at the moment.

Take a moment to tune in with yourself. What gets YOU excited? What would you like to improve on or learn if you didn't have to worry about limitations of any kind? What are your proudest accomplishments? What are you proud of in general?

You can write those down, meditate, go for a walk, just do whatever you need to take those precious minutes and see what's going on.

Channel that feeling of pride.

Even if you cannot necessarily see it at the moment: you have accomplished stuff, big or small. It could have been simply changing that damn lightbulb that was flickering forever, to you changing job. It doesn't matter what it is, this feeling of accomplishment is what makes us want to do more. It gets the ball rolling towards more.

Seriously, high-five yourself, you are doing just fine.

Remove the unnecessary pressure.

There is no race to the best person ever. Change takes time and nothing is set in stone. To make change stick, you need to be consistent to it becomes natural to you, and that is NOT easy. You may take longer or go faster than others to accomplish whatever your heart desires and that's totally fine.

The idea is not to go there fast, it's to make sure it stays on the long-run.

So if you feel anxious like you haven't done what you wanted to, take a deep breath and remind yourself there is no deadline on a healthy mindset. Maybe you didn't have every tool you needed to move forward at this time, but it doesn't mean it's not gonna change now.

Goal setting is supposed to be thrilling, not stressful

If setting a specific goal for yourself stresses you out (and not the good kind of stress, we are talking about anxiety here), don't set it. You're not ready for it (yet), or you may not even want it. Make your steps reasonnable, you are not gonna because fluent in the language you have been wanting to learn in one day for example.

Remember, we are trying to rebuild this warm sense of accomplishments, the task do not need to be gigantic to get it.

Follow your own standards & wave goodbye to people's expectations.

Let us let you in on a little secret: you can do anything.

Read that again.

Now that this has sunk in a bit, you can start learning to let go of people's expectations. Your family, friends, boss, you name it. You need to hear your inner voice to guide you properly and you can’t do so with the noise of others around. People love projecting their own insecurities on others when they are talking about something new. Don't let it kill your groove here.

Eyes on the prize my friend, at the end of the day, you, and only you, know better what is best for YOU. Trust the process.

If you are looking for a little way to challenge yourself smoothly, you can sign up below for our free self-confidence challenge below!

Looking to boost your self-confidence & reconnect with yourself? Sign up for our FREE confidence challenge!

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When giving love turns into caretaking.

I am a hopeless romantic. When I love someone, I go all out. I am probably the most loyal person you know. I hate to see people I love suffer and I would jump in to carry their burden in a second. After reading this, you can safely assume that this mindset has set me on a path of being a caretaker, a rescuer. The line between healthy loving and care-taking is very very thin in my world. It took me a very long time to even realize this and I only started dealing with this last year and it is work every. single. day. 

This pattern is very easy to fall into.  

I feel like many women are like me. My mom is. Many of my girlfriends are too. We are natural caretakers to begin with. That's why it took me so long to even realize that how I was expressing my love wasn't right. Everytime I mentioned the arguments I was having with my exes, it always looked like I was right. I heard:

"you were just trying to help!"
"without you, he wouldn't be able to do anything anyway, he should thank you"
"you raise him up so much, and he is acting like that?". 

Except here is the deal: no one has ever asked me to raise them up. And I thought at first it was because I simply beat them to the punch by offering before they asked.

So I have put myself in long term relationships in which I was carrying all the weight and my boyfriends let me. I attracted the kind of men who needed more of a mother than a girlfriend, and I fell right for it multiple times. I was needed. So if I was needed, I was loved. And then I got frustrated.

The frustration and feeling let down are brutal

It's pretty simple to explain: you give, give, and give.
And they take, take, take. 
But you don't receive, receive, receive (or at least, not with the intensity you want). 

So you get bitter. You feel unloved, unvalued, taken for granted. Then you receive a tiny thing back from your partner . Hope rises, and you give it back x12 . And off you go with the same circle. Until you hear the nasty "I never asked you to do that" or "I will never change that". 

I was so damn lucky to bump into my current partner and future husband. He is the kind of man who gives in a healthy way, not in a "let me clean your shoes and give you my watch" way. He is not the kind of man who will take my caretaking because it is convenient to have someone do everything for you.

Don't get me wrong, this wasn't easy to implement in my system. It's led to bad arguments, to uncertainty, and hurt.

But it made me realize what I was doing and how much I needed to break this pattern for my own well-being and my relationship.

Like I wrote previously, I am still dealing with this on a daily basis, and sometimes I hit a wall, especially when I don't really feel good about myself for whatever reason. I will give extra hard, in hopes to get some back to make me feel better. To feel like I am loved. And if I don't get it, I will question everything. Does he love me? Does he even care? What can I do to make him love me right now? What if he leaves me? Why isn't he giving me attention? 

And the list goes on. At some point, I even felt like a junky withdrawing from cocaine because I didn't get from him what I thought he should give me. And honestly, I am done with this.

if you have recognized yourself in anything here, let me share with you the reminders I tell myself when I am about to spiral again.

Erasing yourself won't give you more love.

Bending over backwards to please the other person will not make them give you more love. I have dropped plans to be with my partners. I have scheduled everything in my life around them, to be convenient, only to be disappointed as hell when they don't do it for me. I am not saying that we shouldn't compromise of course, but compromise comes for both sides, not just me. Being my own person is definitely way healthier for me, but also for my partner. I personally would be very bored with my partner was just a yes-man and letting me take the reins constantly.

Life is not a rom-com. 

I have always been a sucker for romantic movies and books. Those grand gestures, running under the rain to declare your love, rose petals in the wind, and kissing in slow-mo are my jam. My parents met in a crazy romantic way and I thought this was the token for the Relationship with a big R.

Except real life is not like that. A simple "I love you" before going to work is way more common than a big-ass gesture. So I am learning to notice all of the little proofs of love I am given on a daily basis, instead of feeling terrible because I haven't received a serenade in a while. 

You can accept love and not return it multiplied by 12.

My fiancé is the first man ever who has shown me love clearly, from our early days. I was so happy, I thought "this is it, I figured it all out" and I wanted more and more everyday. But my caretaking side took over, and I gave it back in such an intense way, it led him to feel smothered, and me to feel incredibly sad and misunderstood. Isn't it ironic how something with such a nice intention ends up making it so much worse?

So, now, if the love bug stings me and I am about to write a love novel, I wait and hold on to it rather than sending it right away. If I still feel like sharing later, I will, but the energy will have gone down to a more balanced level.

You gotta give yourself the love rather than counting on others to fill that void. 

You can only control your behaviour. Other people are not responsible for making you feel better, you are, they can only add an extra lovely layer to your solid foundation. Give yourself a hug and take yourself on a date my friend, you need to reconnect with your own company for a bit. 

Be kind and patient with yourself.

When I fall into this rabbit hole again, I feel like shit. I failed me, I failed my partner. What's wrong with me, how can I fix me? I am trying to apply my intense care-taking on me, which is obviously counter productive. Now, I am just trying to accept this is how I feel, that I don't need to do anything at the moment because it will go away. I don't need to find the "WHY" I am doing this again. My feelings don't define who I am, they are just passing through. Even better, there is NOTHING that needs fixing with me. Just improvements. And it takes time to improve something. The good news? It is only up from here. 

Working on yourself is not given to everyone. Many people who rather stay in their victim position, stuck in their patterns, and blame others for everything. So if like me, you have taken the decision to evolve into YOU 2.0, I am high-fiving you hard. You got this, one step at a time. 

And if you need extra guidance, our Limitless Program could be a great opportunity for you, make sure to check it out here.

Looking to boost your self-confidence & reconnect with yourself? Sign up for our FREE confidence challenge!

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How facing your body image can help your personal growth

While the personal development and body-positivity movements are growing everywhere online, rare are the people truly at peace with their bodies. Hell, can we even be comfortable with how we look 100% of the time? We don't think so. But for some of us, it gets to a level of maximum ignorance. You dodge mirrors as much as possible, you don't "waste time" putting thoughts into your looks, after all, you have other mountains to conquer, you want to grow, and that happens in the mind right?

But what if we told you that no matter how much work you put into climbing those mountains, you will end up stuck at some point in your growth, your search of happiness, if you don't connect with your body?

If you want to feel completely fulfilled, you will have to also prioritize your connection with your body. No need to read a zillion miracle morning books and start random routines just yet if you can't face yourself to begin with. 

Do you recognize yourself in one or more of the following situations:

Avoiding your reflection

You're a master at avoiding to look at any type of reflection in your everyday life. Mirrors are just a practical thing for you to make sure you have nothing stuck in your teeth, but it doesn't go beyond. Frankly, it just makes you uncomfortable to look at yourself, so just like an ostrich, you would rather dig your head in the sand rather than having to deal with our own image.

You look, but it just makes you sad. 

Nothing is good enough with you. You're not this enough, or too much of that. Maybe you are even ashamed, or embarrassed about your physical appearance. You spend your time comparing yourself to others or even older versions of yourself.  

Worrying too much about your appearance is just superficial or even narcissistic.

Looks are not everything, you don't need to impress anyone after all. Overall, you think you are pretty neutral about your appearance. You do the bare minimum because you have to, but that's pretty much it. 

Let's be honest: if you are not facing your own image and simply looking at yourself, it's not because it's so much fun like a day in the park. You're avoiding it because it hurts to do so. 

So if any of these situations speak to you, it is time to change.

What happens if you don't connect with your body:

Can you grow? Yes. You can start setting yourself up for whatever you wish you to become or do. But here is the catch: you can only grow to a certain extent and you will get stuck at some point. 

To break it down easily, if you are not literally facing yourself because any situation stated above and if you are not taking the time to make peace with your body, you are telling yourself that on some level, that you are just not good enough or not worth it. This often happens completely unconsciously, which makes it even more sneakier. And what happens when we think we are not good enough? We deny ourselves opportunities because we don't believe we will be up for them anyway. 

In conclusion, by not connecting with your body, you are setting limiting beliefs for yourself. Again, that can be completely unconscious. 

Time to get real (you can do this!)

Let's rip off the band-aid right here: you can't avoid yourself forever. You only have one body carrying you through life and you are responsible for it. If you tend to be negative about it, it will make you pay one way or another. Plenty of studies have shown that negativity directed towards yourself and your body can lead to health risks in the long term. Better start giving yourself some lovin'! 

When you look good, you feel good.

While some of us think it is superficial to focus on your looks, we think there is a lot of untapped power by not doing so. Wearing your favourite clothes, getting dolled up, taking care of your skin, moving your body… all of these create a powerful feeling of being unstoppable. Why not tap into that as much as we can? Don't forget, this is about YOU, not others. All of the decisions regarding your preferred options about your appearance belong only to you.

You don't have to impress anyone. 

That is true, but you should try impress yourself. Taking care of your relation with your body and taking actions for it should not be about other people. It should be for your own sake, to your own standards. And even more so, you should create your own validation and not depend on others. I had a very poor sense of self-worth until the first time I fell in love. My boyfriend back in the day saw what I couldn't see: that I am a freaking beautiful person. I was over the moon until the relationship ended. All of that self-worth built through this left with him and I had to start again from square one. It took me a heartbreak to start building my self-worth by myself, for myself. Validation from others is a temporary good feeling, it doesn't stick. At the end of the day, you are the person you spend the most time with.

You are not alone

• Raise your hand if you have ever looked at old pictures of yourself and thought "wow, I thought I was so much fatter/thinner back then that I actually was!". 

• Keep your hand up if you have ever heard coming from others that you are not seeing yourself the way you really are.

• Don't get a cramp, but hold that hand high if you have ever beaten yourself up over flaws you think you have, beyond rationality.

Well, welcome to the club of body-dysmorphia: being incapable of visually seeing your body the way it actually is. For some of us, it can become obsessive and very challenging in life. We strongly suggest to read this article if you think you may suffer from body-dysmorphia. 

Learning to embrace who you fully are is the best gift you can ever give to yourself. 

This is how you develop your own trust and how you stand up for yourself. You owe it to yourself to create the path towards who you want to become.

Take some time to reflect, be grateful for this body of yours, supporting you everyday. Nourish and strengthen it the way it needs. You will see that it will remove SO many blocks you didn't even know you had, and make more room for all of these beautiful ideas hidden in the back. And if you need a little bit of help, we are here for you…

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How & When To Change Your Life

We all want to be Happy. To not have any regrets. To feel at peace with ourselves, feel accomplished and fulfilled. It sounds so simple, doesn't it?  So why do we struggle to actually reach it? 

Here is a little test for you, answer honestly and from the heart!

Have you ever compared yourself to others, or wish for what you don't have?

Have you ever felt like you were too old to change, or that you've invested yourself in a lifestyle or career that doesn't feel right for you but the thought of quitting it sounds unrealistic because you have been at it for so long?

Have you ever felt like you were just being a spoiled brat because you match the pretty checkboxes of what success is supposed to be on paper, so you really shouldn't complain?

If any of these resonates with you, it is time for you to read the following:

We have this lame habit of creating obstacles on our own paths. Sometimes unconsciously because we are conditioned to. Sometimes out of fear and doubts. But here is the truth:

We already have all the tools we need to create our own happiness. You, us. Everyone. And it is just a matter of choosing them and learning how to use them.

Now read that again. 

Your age doesn't matter. The time invested in your current path doesn't matter either.

We have met women in their 50's who have drastically changed their lives. We have had clients who opened their dream businesses because they decided to silence their inner fear. We have a friend who is 75 and decided his age will not be a limit to his dreams. 

You know what they all say? "I should have done this sooner". 

The minute you stop ignoring this craving for change you have deep down in your heart in order to be happier, magic happens. 

To make it work, you're gonna have to learn to listen, face your limiting beliefs and put yourself first.

What if the first step is to stop doubting yourself?

We all set expectations for ourselves on how we should be and act on a mental but also physical level. Again, due to conditioning or standards we are facing on a daily basis.

You must have this vision on how you think people see you, and maybe you even create a certain pressure around it. And if you feel like you are not matching those expectations, you end up doubting your behaviour and choices, focus on your flaws and disregard your qualities. In conclusion: you're hitting the brakes on following your life aspirations until you "fix this".

But have you ever noticed that people seem to see you differently than you see yourself? We sure have! And it totally makes sense!

It is impossible to see ourselves from an outside perspective. To see how we talk and interact with others or how we use our body language… For example, some people can see you determined, others can see you aggressive. Maybe you look bored, or maybe you just feel particularly calm.

It can be so confusing that we end up wishing to be different and our inner voice wakes up, full of:

"I wish I were smarter!",

"I wish I could be like this person!",

"I wish my life were different!".

However, nothing is set in stone.

You are not a constant package with the same features forever and you cannot please everyone. So how about doing what feels right for YOU?

You are your most powerful asset. And you will definitely feel the happiest when you feel like your true-self and this requires making decisions despite what others might think. After all, regrets are our worst enemy, especially when we refuse to learn from them.

So how do you become the person you desire to be? How do you get in harmony with your mind but also your body? How do you gain that confidence to live the life you deserve? 

Allow yourself to ask for help

There is no magical recipe to improve yourself overnight but there are concrete ways to achieve it.

Changing is a long process that can be difficult and frustrating, especially if you do it by yourself. We believe humankind is stronger when we work together, so there is no shame to ask for help when you need it.  

With the proper expertise, tools, exercises and a strong willpower to work on yourself, you can make those changes happen faster than you think. But all of this cannot take place unless YOU ARE READY to welcome it!

You are Limitless

You are unique and we want to show you that you can do anything, that life is an ocean of opportunities and realize you do not have to follow only one path.

We want to help you tap into your potential to create your own future and follow your desires. 

This is why we created The Limitless Program. We are combining mindset consulting and boudoir photography to help you heal from the inside out by giving you the tools to elevate yourself and build the self-confidence you can apply to any area of your life.

It’s about making micro changes that result in macro differences, so you can finally become a stronger and more fulfilled version of yourself.

Through Limitless, you are saying YES to taking your life by the reins and steering yourself into the person you’ve always wanted to be.

Are you ready to live your life to the fullest?

Own your identity, armpit hair or not.

Get ready for this universal truth: we all have hair. Everywhere. And you've probably heard at least once in your life "you should remove it", "it's gross", "why do you care?" "all natural baby!" "Aren't French people hairy anyway?"(oh wait, that one is for us eheh). It's time to unleash the truth.

Hair, no hair; does it really matter?

A couple of months ago, Marion Seclin (a french influencer we are following on social media), was talking about the fact she did a photoshoot with a brand who edited her hair out on Photoshop, without notifying her. She said she took the decision 4 years ago to let her hair grow naturally and she was very angry about the studio’s behaviour:

The decisions concerning YOUR body belongs to YOU and you ONLY.

By photoshoping her hair out, without her CONSENT, that brand violated her right to be the individual SHE DESIRES TO BE. They disrespected her life's choices. And for what? Because they felt like she didn’t match their standards. Standards usually imposed by the media, fashion industries and beauty companies.

Nobody should tell you what is the best for you (either on a physical or mental level). Hair or no hair doesn't make one single difference. If people are telling you the opposite, you might not want to have them in your life.

Your body's decisions must be made based on your opinion. not others.

If you choose to wax every 3 weeks or not, it should be because it makes you feel great that way and not because you feel like you HAVE to do it.

Story time: We had a wonderful photo shoot with Léa Castor in Paris. She stopped removing her hair a couple of years ago, because she realized that she wasn't really doing it for her, but for her lover at the time. She said that she wanted to start loving her hair the way it actually is, but it was hard. Not because she thinks it looks ugly but because of society: she felt like people will judge and criticize her.

When we first talked about her session, we really wanted to showcase and do close-ups of her hair to tell the world "hey see, it's not bad at all!" but it turns out that we just focused on her as a person like we always do. And guess what?

No one actually noticed her hair and for the few photos where you could actually see it, it just looked great.

By not making the hair the main focus and sticking to our way of shooting (about the actual person and not her physique), we just made it normal.

We didn’t bring attention to it because we didn’t think it defined her fully anyway. And no one cared either.

Building your identity despite expectations: damn that's hard.

But damn, it is worth it. Being able to live your life the way you want to is the best feeling in the world.

You feel in harmony with your values, you can take on anything, it is pretty much the road to your long-term happiness. Jackpot.

However, from the minute you will start making decisions to be fully yourself, you are going to have to face… the Others.

They could be friends, family, anyone who feel like sharing their 2 cents about whatever it is you are doing for yourself and they are probably against what you are doing. And this makes the whole process for building your own identity very challenging.

This is when you have to stick to your guns. Why? Because any critics about your journey is actually not about you. It’s about whoever says them. They are simply projecting their own insecurities and fears on you.

People who don’t feel like they are giving it all in their own lives are going to try to bring down anyone who tries.

Read that again.

• You want to start weight-lifting and you are hearing “ugh you're gonna be so bulky, it’s not feminine”?
• You want to learn a new skill and you hear “oh, I know someone who tried and they failed, it was so hard, you’re not gonna make it.”
• You want to let your damn hair grow and they’re like “this is just gonna look gross, why do you do that to yourself?”

They are not thinking about YOU. By you trying something new and different, they just have no excuse not to and it makes them very uncomfortable. Because they have to face their own fears and limiting beliefs.

So don’t take it personally. Don’t let them bring you down. Keep being true to yourself. This is your life.

A little recap for the road:

• Living your life being fully yourself is possible for everyone.

• Decisions about your body are only yours to make.

• People who are criticizing your decisions are not talking about you but about themselves.

Are you ready to move forward and become the best version of yourself? We can help you. Join us on January 1st and become Limitless.

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Our new concept

Since day 1, we have always said that Scandaleuse was not about just beautiful photographs. A lot of you have experienced it since we first opened in 2015. We are now taking one more step to bring it out even more.

Scandaleuse is growing and changing, and we couldn't be happier.

Join us on November 13th to celebrate and find out what we have been working on for all these months…