When celibacy makes you lose touch with your sensuality

Here we go, another blog not super easy to write about but definitely needed, as sometimes it feels great to put words on paper! Today, it is my turn (Fanny) to write about some inner battles that have been happening for quite a while.

I have been sick for a week now, nothing serious, but it is making me feel sad, vulnerable, and weak. And you know how it goes, when we feel low, we have the tendency to think about the past. So lately I keep thinking of the decision I took 2 years and half ago to celibate, but most importantly the consequences of that decision.

His words were the last straw!

In October 2021, I was dating this guy, and one night while we were being intimate, he said to me:

“You are so thin, I could break you!”

Yeah, who says this kind of things, especially while being intimate with someone, right? You will be surprised on how many times men have said shitty things to me. I was shocked and preferred to ignore his comment, but this sentence stuck to my mind (two years later, I am still thinking about it). It was hard for me to hear this as when I was younger I was bullied in middle school for being a small body person. And even though I became more resilient with time against this type of comments, sometimes it still hurts. Especially when I am in a vulnerable moment. But I guess it was the extra push I needed in order to change a few things about my relationships.

Even if I have been lucky to never be in an abusive relationship, my relationship with men has always been complicated: I have been cheated on (classic!), ghosted, lied to so many times, told awful comments... I was also in a 4 years relationship where my partner was secretly keeping track of our sexuality on an Excel spreadsheet. So romantic, isn’t it?

I never seemed to attract the right type of man, but I believe that I was unconsciously attracting what I was looking for. I have always been afraid of commitment, and never really trusted my partners. So self-sabotaging by being with the wrong people was easy!

The change I needed, and it felt great…

After that comment, my body and sexuality shut done instinctively, and I was over men and dating. My libido left the country! Celibating became surprisingly very natural, and I honestly I didn’t plan it to last that long.

The first year felt amazing, and it created so many positive changes in my way of being! I have always been a sexual and sensual person. That sensuality felt like it was my whole personality, from the way I was dressing up to my way of interacting with people, and the energy I was putting out there. But when I took the decision to remove sex from my life, my sensuality disappeared too as it felt like I didn’t need it anymore:

• I changed my wardrobe, prioritizing long and comfy over of short and tight.

• I started to see men as potential friends instead of potential lovers, which changed the way I was interacting with them.

• My body language changed too, became more chill than seductive.

I never realized the amount of energy it took to be my past seductive-self, so focusing on a different part of my personality made me feel lighter. Opening Scandaleuse Photgraphy with Juliette and being a boudoir photographer helped me a lot with body acceptance and increasing my confidence level. But going into celibacy felt like it was the next step I needed in my personal development journey.

… until it didn’t anymore!

Unfortunately, I took it too far without even noticing (with every transformation comes its opposite effect). Since in the past I was using my body to seduce, the fact I shut down my sensuality made me fall into body neutrality and I now feel completely disconnected from it. When I look at myself in the mirror, I can tell I am a pretty woman and I like what I see but in a neutral way. I am able to tell myself there is nothing wrong with my body, but I don’t feel that proudness of looking good anymore. When I think of my body, I feel out of it!

To a point where it is becoming hard to like pictures of myself as I don’t feel impressed. The last time Juliette and I took some boudoir photographs of ourselves for marketing purpose, I was really harsh with myself. And yesterday, when I was looking for a picture of me to illustrate this blog, I cried at my past photographs because I miss the feeling of looking at a photo and being able to tell myself: “Damn, I look hot!”.

On top of that, the idea of being intimate with someone again scares me. This body neutrality has decreased my self-love level and makes me feel less confident and less seductive. Instead of taking a break like I initially wanted, I unintentionally shut down my heart to love others, in a way also to myself, and created a fear I never had before.

I have thought in the past that being sensual was maybe an act, a mask I was putting on to make myself seem more interesting to others, but I was so wrong. Sensuality is part of me, it’s the fire that I need to keep LOVING. Without it, I don’t recognize myself, so it is time to find it back!

Boudoir photography to the rescue!

And the best tool for that is a boudoir shoot to help me reappropriate my body and let my sensuality shine again. Even if we take some photos of ourselves for the business, doing a shoot just for me is a different experience. Boudoir has this therapeutic power that really helps you regain confidence. During the shoot you get the opportunity to wear outfits that make you feel like your most badass-self, you pose in ways that are very flattering for your body, and you get the opportunity to express all your personalities.

Definitively a powerful and transformative experience!

Even if I do not recognize myself lately, I do not regret the decision to celibate because it happened so naturally. This has taught me a lot about myself, and it is the best way to grow!

I am so grateful Juliette and I can self-reflect by writing when we feel like it. We believe that there is no shame in sharing about your personal journeys, and it is a great way to spread awareness on issues others might be dealing with too.

We wanted to thank everyone from our community for being supportive and listening (in this case reading) to what we have to say 💛. Let us know in comments if you can relate to this or if it has happened to you in the past (or any thoughts you have when reading this story)!

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How boudoir shoots increased our confidence on every level

Since we opened Scandaleuse, both of us have been posing in boudoir settings for many reasons. To know what it actually feels like, to have content to share with our community, to be creative… But we often forget to talk about how it actually changed us too. There is definitely a before boudoir and after boudoir, even for us.

The expectations VS reality of boudoir.

Boudoir is usually thought as something you do for someone, likely a partner. People get in the mindset that they have to illustrate somebody else's fantasy, only to benefit them. We don't agree with that.

Boudoir should be done for yourself first. It's a way to get quality time with yourself, reclaim your body, see it in a new light. It's a chance to just exist without judgement and expectations. And it comes with long lasting effects you wouldn't know until you try. Even ourselves didn't know that before stepping in front of the lens. We have now been posing for 5 years and can confidently share all of the beautiful changes boudoir have done for us.

The given: we feel beautiful.

There is a lot of power behind feeling beautiful. A new energy emanates out of you, everything around you just feels lighter. It already feels wonderful in a regular setting but imagine feeling beautiful without your clothes on, which we aren't told to even think about. Now that's unlocking the next level of feel good vibes for sure!

The removal of negative body vision.

Rare are the ones who can tell they absolutely love their bodies. And who can blame us? We grow up naturally comparing ourselves to others and to beauty standards shaped by society. When something is not considered “beautiful", we are told to either hide it or to work hard to improve it. It is very easy to end up with a very negative vision of our appearance that follows us for years. For many of us, it even turns into body-dysmorphia.

Seeing our bodies repeatedly on photos without clothes on showed us what our bodies actually look like, and that is far away from what the crappy vision we had.

Don't get us wrong, it was scary at first, even for us. But what a slap in the face it was to see our bodies in an objective light. Turns out our "flaws” were not that flawed.

We are not afraid of our "sexy” sides anymore.

If you were to ask us 10 years ago if we thought we were sexy, we would have awkwardly laughed and say absolutely not. It was just inconceivable to even think it. Another prejudice we deal with: wanting to feel sexy, while being completely natural, is "wrong” so we just avoid it.

Doing boudoir photoshoots showed us that:

1. Feeling sexy comes in many many ways, very few of them are even being related to sex and none of them are related to pleasing someone else.

2. There is SO much power behind this feeling. Looking at our boudoir photos make us feel strong and badass as hell.

3. We had been severely missing out on it.

Deconstructing the shame around something leads to turning it into confidence. And that works for anything.

What about the impact on the confidence then?

Tapping into all of these points has led us to a pretty rock solid confidence in ways we didn't even imagine:

• Reclaiming our bodies made us shut down the negative voices of our surroundings and instead focus on what WE feel good in and show it.

• Boudoir has successfully and positively forced us out of our comfort zone. This made it a lot less scary to try other experiences like that we didn't think we would ever try.

• Doing something that is considered shameful or frown upon by many and, again, ending up having a wonderful outcome has not only removed a lot of our fears but also comforted us in all of our choices afterwards. Even when people disagreed, even if it was unconventional. We just realized we were a lot strong than we thought.

After all, isn't confidence about having a "no fucks given” energy?

We went from shy, insecure beings to free, empowered and proudly sensual women. To this day, we use our boudoir shoot as reminders when we feel down or discouraged. These versions of ourselves were always there, they were just quiet and hard to uncover. Now, we hold on to them tight and cherish them.

And you should too. Set yours free and let it shine.

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Hiding VS Showing your "flaws" during a photoshoot

Scars, stretch marks, loose skin… we all have parts of our bodies that make us feel insecure. In our everyday life, we are surrounded by tips on how to hide them. In the media, whatever is not considered good enough to match the current beauty standards has a solid chance of getting photoshopped. Long story short, we are constantly told that if a part of our body isn't “right”, we have to change it.

But how does it work in the boudoir world, when you have less clothes on? Do you face your fears or do you work ever harder to hide the body parts that bother you?

The ultimate reason for a boudoir photoshoot: gaining confidence.

After years in the industry, we can say with certainty that there are way more people wanting to do a boudoir photoshoot for themselves, to learn to feel comfortable in their own skin than people who want to do it solely for a partner. After all, posing with minimum coverage or even nude is a challenge, that comes with high rewards, but a challenge nonetheless. So, theoretically, to get the most of your boudoir session, you should approach it with the goal of letting go of your insecurities and just embrace them. Except it is not easy for everyone, and it shouldn't be forced.

Can you do a boudoir session without showing anything that makes you worried?

Yes, and it doesn't mean you are "doing boudoir wrong". For many of us, the act of signing up for more revealing photos is already a huge step towards increasing your self-confidence. You don't need to add pressure on yourself to go all out and show it all if you don't feel like it. After all, some people can learn how to swim by getting thrown in the ocean, others need to dip their toes in first before exploring, and that's very much okay. You will still get wonderful photographs and a great experience.

If you feel like this would be you, definitely focus on finding outfits that make you feel your best while hiding whatever you want to hide. For example, the majority of women that come to us tend to be insecure about their stomachs. In this case, we suggest getting high waisted panties, bodysuits or other kind of cover-ups like open blouses or cute loose t-shirts. Focus then on the parts of yourself you do like and want to showcase.

Also, the biggest part that makes the right photoshoot is the photographer. The right photographer will teach you poses and shoot in a certain way to take away the focus from your insecurities and accentuate the parts of yourself you do like.

For some, showing your body insecurities is a great way to overcome them.

If you are feeling the itch of finally making peace with your body, going all out and showing what scares you the most could be extremely beneficial.

A professional boudoir shoot gives you the chance to see your body in a new light. We rarely get to see our whole body from another perspective. We see it more often than not in unflattering light, and tend to pay attention to it only when we are not feeling our best.

Being posed beautifully, with the right ambiance and the right lighting goes a long way in body-acceptance. Based on our experience when our clients see their photos, chances are you won't even notice the "flaws” that bothered you before signing up because you will be so in awe by the whole you. You will see that whatever caused you so much worry is actually not bad at all, quite the opposite! It is the ultimate way to give yourself a break and recalibrate the vision your had of yourself on the positive!

On a side note: avoid photographers that edit bodies shapes and do extreme skin edits. What is the point of challenging yourself by showing more of you if it is to get it edited post-session in ways that don't look like you? The goal is to bring some appreciation of our "flaws", not digitally "fix them".

So, should I hide or should I show my "flaws”?

While we would love to tell you to go full nude because it is so incredibly empowering, we also want to be realistic because, even for ourselves, there are many days when posing nude feels completely out of the question due to many factors. The best answer is then: do both.

Start with the outfits that covers you most. Remove some layers bit by bit until you reached your maximum level of comfort. Maybe, after getting comfortable in your session, you will even feel confident enough to pose semi or full nude, but maybe not and that's great too! Just enjoy each step and see what happens.

A boudoir photoshoot is usually outside of everyone's comfort zone, but, while it is empowering as hell, it should still feel safe. It should reflect who you are, and capture what makes YOU feel beautiful, in your own way. Don't hesitate to make your photoshoot your own, with your favourite looks and props, and enjoy the ride!

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The Day I Said "F*** IT"

Not too long ago, I found an old diary of 13-year-old Juliette. Diary in which I wrote a table with my physical qualities and flaws. My flaws list was off the charts, ridiculously detailed and my quality one had one random item that I put just to write a little something there.

I used to dodge my reflection in the mirror. Maybe it sounds odd to you, after all, you have seen us pretty much half naked on our ads shamelessly and we say loud and clear how you should love and be proud of yourself.

But yeah, I used to dodge mirrors on a daily basis and I don't anymore. And you shouldn't either.

Never good enough: The teenaged years b*llshit

I feel like everyone's insecurities started when they were teenagers or younger. Probably because kids can be total jerks with each other. I had never noticed that I had a bit of a belly, or that my chest was absolutely flat until some girls told me. Then, it just echoed and became a part of me.

So, of course, teenaged Juliette started random diets while feeling like crap. Did I lose weight? Yes I did. But I developed body-dysmorphia very sneakily, mostly by seeing myself much bigger than I actually was for years. At now 30-something, I still deal with those kind of episodes here and there and I do believe it will always be a part of me.

I wrote another blog post about this specific topic over here, if you'd like to save this one for later.

Pretty much when I started being called "Fat".

When I was finally out for high school and went to Paris to study Photography (when I met Fanny!), it hit me: why am I making myself feel like that over some stupid comments from people I didn't even care about from years ago?

So I just decided to say "F*** It" and I gave myself a chance.

I gave myself a chance to first be okay with how I looked. Bit by bit. You can't just wake up one day and feel gorgeous after feeling the opposite for so long.

One of the first changes I implemented was to stop comparing myself to others and thinking they were a little evil because they looked so good. Instead, I started looking for people I could relate to, and people who inspired me for fashion, makeup, attitude, you name it. I experimented different looks until I felt comfortable, and until I simply felt like myself. I was careful by removing people that felt way too far out of reach as I knew how easy it could be to fall back into the comparison trap over fictional lives.

My next move was to stop giving that much importance to the negative comments from a minority of people and to open my ears to all of the positive ones that I was getting from people who matter. It is incredibly easy to ignore those. We often say it takes 5 good comments to remove a bad one, but it doesn't have to be that way.

I also stopped hiding my “flaws” to the best of my ability with very simple things. One example I can think of is the fact that I don't wear bras anymore. Me and my tiny boobies used to wear those (very uncomfortable) push-up bras and it just made it worse in my journey of liking myself. When I stopped wearing bras at home, I actually got used to just seeing my breasts the way they are, so much so that they actually became pretty to me over time. I enjoy the freedom of it so much now, those nasty bras retired years ago.

Last but definitely not least as it shaped my entire career: I challenged myself to take self-portraits. My face, my body. I created my little world just for myself at the beginning at first. Then it made me so proud that I felt confident enough to show them to others too. And even better, I started doing it for other people.

Working as a boudoir photographer has helped me tremendously as we use ourselves for marketing purpose for Scandaleuse and are showing pretty much everything. Being a hypocrite wasn't an option for me: I couldn't offer a service I wasn't comfortable with myself. That fear was stronger than my original insecurities, which made it easier to fight.

Meanwhile, Fanny was doing it too. That's probably why, when we sat down a few years ago to talk about what we could build together, we naturally went towards boudoir. To show you how good you look when you feel vulnerable. To show you how beautiful we see you. Yes you.

And now?

I am not here to tell you that my insecurities vanished. Like mentioned earlier, some will always be part of me and that's okay. I have learnt however to manage them by figuring out what my triggers are. For example, a simple change of routine can set me up for a week of body-dysmorphia. Knowing this fact makes it easier to detach and let it be, because I know it will pass when I just get back to my usual moves.

It's okay not to feel okay today, you'll feel better tomorrow.

If you feel crappy about yourself, I am giving you a virtual hug and I am telling you that everything is going to be okay. Don't let that win. Do not stay in the dark if it gets worse and worse, seeking help is not something to be ashamed of.

And if you are looking to throw your insecurities down the drain where they belong, book a boudoir session already (and get 10% off until oct 31st!)

Why you should challenge yourself with lingerie photos

Boudoir photography is definitively an art, a beautiful way to use light, framing and background composition to highlight the human body. But it also has a very much underestimated therapeutic purpose. Most of the people who finally dare to book their boudoir shoot are usually looking for more than a regular portrait session.

Seeing your body, for real.

When was the last time you actually looked at yourself naked or even in your underwear? And I mean, reaaaally look at yourself, not a quick glimpse before hopping in the shower? Rare are the people actually doing it, us included.

The human body, especially the woman one, is taboo. Nobody at school teaches us to truly love ourselves the way we are. If anything, we are taught to hide it and, in the worst cases, to be ashamed of it. Only a minority of people know every inch of their body even for the parts that are the most intimate.

On top of that, we focus so much on its physical aspect that we tend to forget our bodies are shells that actually makes us human beings to begin with. And that is something to cherish and treat well.

Being able to see your body from different angles, posed beautifully in a stunning environment, surrounded by a warm light is a rare opportunity you shouldn't pass on. Hell, even from the back, because seriously, we never get to see ourselves from the back!

It is not just about getting pretty photos.

Treating yourself to a boudoir adventure will take you out of your comfort zone, while still being in a safe environment. You can experiment something quite vulnerable in an intimate setting, which gives you the chance to fully let go and reap the benefits for your mind but also your attitude.

There is a visible before and after a boudoir session, mostly due to posture. This may sound frivolous but our posture truly says a lot about how we are feeling and the image we give to the world. For example, people tend to start their session curled up, shoulders down, trying to take the least space possible. By the end of it, they've learn to stand straighter, taller and own the room they're in. Even breathing feels easier. This translates into pure confidence inside and out and it sticks with you.

Because you managed to push yourself through something new, faced some fears and you succeeded, this freshly unlocked confidence spreads on everything around you too.

We are not saying that based on our own beliefs. We are saying it because you shared your stories with us. Many of you made substantial life changes following their boudoir experience: they went for a better job, a new challenge, ended toxic relationships… They move forward on things that used to terrify them.

And then the magic happens…

The hardest part is officially booking. Once it is in motion, your “f*ck it” attitude will take over and the fun stuff officially begins.

You can go shopping for new lingerie or dust off some outfits you love and never had the occasion to wear. You can brainstorm makeup & hair ideas with our makeup artist. You can gather inspiration online and let your imagination run wild to see which versions of yourself you will truly embody.

Then you go with the flow. You will see that the shoot jitters will pass within 10 minutes in your session. Before you know it, you would have rocked so many of your looks and vibes, that you don't even have time to ask yourself if you're good enough and let your insecurities get in the way. And we all know how nice it is when we can shut those nasty inner voices full of self-doubt!

The big finale: your photo results.

Now that you've completed the experience and connected with the badass you are, it's time you get the concrete proof by seeing your photos! It's with a heart racing that you will sit in front of our screen, in front of yourself, (re)discovering this version of you that was here all along but didn't get to shine as much as it should.

Your photos are a keepsake of it all, an anchor when you feel like you lost touch with this version of yourself. The pride you will feel looking at them is indescribable.

Now, the real question is: are you ready to start your boudoir journey?

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Breast Massage For Sexual Healing And Getting Your Libido Back

The following is a guest post by Katrin, from katrinwithlove.com and @vaginismus.sisters.

If life has inconveniently initiated you in any sort of sexual liberation journey, then we have a lot in common.

I personally experienced painful sex and the protective body response of vaginismus (rhymes with Christmas) – a bracing and tightening of my pelvic floor muscles that robbed me of pleasure-filled gifts for more than 6 years…

Whether your story was ridden in pain, shame, numbness or anywhere in between, you've probably read plenty about the vulva and vagina in the process of claiming your sexual freedom.

It’s true. The ancient sex wisdom of Taoism confirms the intricate connection between the genitals and optimal functions of other organs and glands in the body. Creating harmony in these sacred areas of your body really is important in relieving tension and support physical and emotional healing.

But what about the breasts?

What purpose do they serve in your complete body system for physical and emotional healing?

What role do they serve in increasing your libido if that's something that has subsided for one reason or another?

Many of us have grown up ashamed of our breasts. They may have been the reason we received unwanted and uncomfortable attention.. Or we may have regarded them as just a necessary part of our female anatomy (but nothing more than that).

I personally grew up having a fairly BLAH relationship with my breasts.

They were there and that's about it - if anything, I had a perception of what beautiful breasts should look like, and mine weren't quite them. So it's safe to say my relationship with my lady bumps was MEH at worst and "ooh they look great in a push up bra" at best!

Starting to pay loving attention to YOUR breasts is a crucial part of getting your libido back and finding success in your sexual liberation journey.

Emotionally and energetically, when you find unconditional love for your heart space and breasts, you can tap into that sense of self-love and inner confidence that may have been energetically laying dormant under your layers of shame and indifference.

Even still, a vulva owner's sexual turn on STARTS in the heart centre represented by the breasts, gets strengthened by the cooperation of the mind and only then is felt physically in the genitals.

So it becomes important to bring your heart-centred turn-on online!

How do you involve your beautiful breasts in a holistic approach to healing?

Physically, that looks like stimulating them gently through breast massage to enhance the health of your heart, blood, lymphatic and hormonal systems.

Awakening the life force of the body as a whole to create sexual aliveness and sex drive.

The Tao of Sexology - The Book of Infinite Wisdom by Dr. Stephen T. Chang confirms that:

"From foreplay to pregnancy to nursing, the breasts are closely tied to the genital system, through nervous impulses, hormones, etc.”

"The delicate intertwining of numerous capillaries, nerves, lactation glands, lymphatic vessels, and other delicate structures of the breast are easily damaged by improper handling.”

Any damage to breast tissue can lead to accumulations and blockages.

These can then lead to lumps or, possibly, cancer. (The breast is so delicate that caffeine can cause lumps and cysts to form inside the breast, as was shown in recent studies.) If this should ever happen, the entire female reproductive system would be torn out of balance.

Therefore, the sensitive and easily over-stimulated breasts must never be mishandled by the woman or her sexual partner. A woman's partner should never bite, suck, or pinch the breast. Contact should be limited to a very gentle caress or kiss.

Even though more intense handling of the breasts can be very pleasurable for certain people, Taoism states that, for optimal full body functionality, and especially reversing the damage that may have already been created in the breasts, a gentle approach is required...

Here is a simple and gentle breast massage ritual that you can engage in to create a loving relationship with your breasts...

…And to enjoy all the physical benefits that come with it!

1. Ensure your space is free of distractions and feels safe so you can fully surrender and relax.

2. Make your room nice and cozy in whichever way feels right to you and lie down comfortably with your shirt off.

3. Warm up your hands by rubbing them together to promote blood flow and circulation. Have some massage oil nearby if you'd like, but don't use it just yet.

4. Place your hands on your chest, fall into a comfortable rhythm breathing into your belly. With a loving intention, connect to your heart as your listen to your heartbeat.

5. With your fingertips or nails, slowly and delicately start moving up and down your breasts, avoiding the nipples. This stimulates sensation on and beneath the skin, essentially waking them up.

6. Now put some massage oil on your hands if you'd like.

7. Press down on your armpit and release 5 times. This helps open and generate healthy flow in the lymphatic system.

8. As you keep breathing and with one hand per breast, continue more thoroughly massaging the perimeter of the breasts. Then move to the full breasts and only then the nipples. Make sure you are applying some more pressure now so you are stimulating the deeper breast tissue along with the skin.

9. Using one or both hands, move back and forth between breasts, creating movement across the mid-meridians of your body. This helps balance both hemispheres of your brain and create union between your masculine and feminine energies.

10. As you are lightly and intuitively continue touching your breasts, remind them that they are worthy of receiving love and pleasure.

11. After about 15 minutes or when you feel complete, come into a relaxed position and be present with whatever feelings arise from doing this exercise. You did it!

What did you notice? Did any feelings of shame, discomfort, or even suppressed memories come up?

If so, that's totally normal. They may have been part of your life for many years. With each breast massage practice, you'll become closer to fully allowing yourself to release the discomfort and make space for unconditional love and acceptance. You may even realize...

May the love for your body in its entirety bring you peace and a conscious awareness that ALL of YOU is beautiful!

Helpful tools

You can perform your breast massage ritual with your hands, or you can also incorporate the use of tools like soft fabrics, feather toys or tools using the healing characteristics of some of Mother Earth’s natural elements – crystals.

If the crystal option piqued your interest, it’s encouraged that you pick a crystal intuitively simply by feeling which one you’re naturally drawn to most. Where each type of crystal has a unique energetic property and vibration and therefore a unique subtle impact on your own energy body.

The crystal I felt called to use in my breast massage practice was fire quartz.

I later learned that fire quartz calms anxieties and brings clarity. Like with rose quartz, its nature is that it subtly inspires self-acceptance feelings of greater calm and comfort.

In the journey of reconnecting to your authentic eroticism, this can be incredibly helpful in reconnecting to a state of mental peace with yourself and your body.

When I used the crystal in my breast massage practice, I really enjoyed its firmness and the smooth, rounded shape. It felt like an added luxury to the kind of touch I could create on my body.

And still, there is something special about using your own hands in varied forms of touch, as well as feeling that skin-to-skin contact and connection. To me, a combination of hands and tools provides that variety that I’ve learned I crave in life (in all sorts of ways).

In any case, the invitation is to introduce a breast massage practice into your self-care and self-pleasure practices in any ways that feels right to you!

Look for any subtle nudge that helps you feel the pleasure of sinking into a slow-paced and gentle experience, which of course can always naturally turn into a passionate and intense one..

Of course, the intention is that you feel that deep appreciation for a part of your body that you may have been disregarding for years.

Here’s to the love your breasts deserve!

- Katrin, with Love

---

The parts of you who desire a life based in liberation, love and leadership can find a home in Katrin’s world..

As a sexual liberation mentor who has overcome painful sex and continues to support women in releasing the protective body response of vaginismus, Katrin has a deep understanding of how survival strategies of the mind and subtle protective mechanisms of the body can sneakily keep you from feeling like the incredible woman you are!

Katrin believes that your power is born out of your deepest pain and that the Liberated & In Love Woman within you already has all the answers to guide you in your personal reclamation in the realms of sex, love, relationships and entrepreneurship.. She is here to love you as you re-discover your unique signature of play, pleasure and purpose. She gently calls you into your zone of genius and lifts you up as you bravely build your legacy from that place of aliveness and erotic overflow.

You can find her life’s work on her website katrinwithlove.com and on Instagram @katrin.with.love and @vaginismus.sisters

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“I’ll do a shoot when I will have the perfect body!”

The following is the most common reason that stops people from trying a boudoir shoot (honestly, if someone were to give us a loony every time we heard that sentence, we will be rich by now 💰), and it usually goes like this:

“I want to do a shoot so badly but I need to lose weight first!”

NO YOU DON’T NEED TO. You don’t need to look thinner, you don’t need to be more muscular, you don’t need to go through plastic surgery.

Don’t get us wrong, if for example your goal is to do a boudoir-fitness shoot then of course you will want to showcase your muscles. But if you want to do a shoot for yourself, to feel more confident and sensual, then do it the way you are: beautiful au naturel 💛.

The eternal search for the “perfect” body

Because of classic boudoir photographs, it is not surprising to hear that so many people believe they have to lose weight, be more fit, or change their body one way or another, in order to do a shoot. We are in 2023 and body diversity is still not well represented in our field. What you can mostly see are heavily photoshopped professional models with the same body type.

This makes it hard for most people to imagine they could do a boudoir shoot even if they don’t look like those models. What’s even harder is that it does not stop at boudoir but is everywhere we look, especially with social media. And even thought a lot of people fight for body diversity acceptance, we are still not there yet.

The belief that a body is beautiful only if it follows certain standards is so deeply rooted that it will take years to disappear, and will stop only if people learn to accept their body and love it the way it is.

Changing your body for a boudoir shoot is a dangerous game

Let say for example you don’t like the way you look because you think you are too big and you believe that you have to attain a certain number in order to do a shoot. You will work hard, maybe for months, to reach to your boudoir goal, and once you get there you finally do your shoot. Awesome you did it, but can you guess what happens next?

Most likely there will be two scenarios:

• #1: This experience was kind of a wake up call for you. Fitness becomes an important habit in your life. You feel motivated to keep working on this new body of yours and are very happy about it.

• #2 (and the most common): you don’t get any pleasure from that fitness journey so you stop and your body goes back to its natural shape and size.

Creating new habits, especially around body transformation, is hard and for a lot of people not worth the struggles and time around it.

What’s “dangerous” with changing your body before a shoot is that when you will look at those photographs in the future (and you still don’t feel confident about yourself) it will triggers tons of negative emotions because what you see on pictures doesn’t reflect who you are and what you look like. You will probably think you were more beautiful at that time and this will make your confidence completely drop.

In our opinion boudoir photography is about body acceptance, self-confidence, sensuality, and empowerment. Basically it is about accepting your whole badass-self!

Au naturel is better

Learning to accept your natural body and find beauty even with the parts you like less or hate is possible and requires practice. It is about changing the perspective you have regarding what you look like and running far far away from the destructive fashion industry’s beauty standards.

Also if you love social media, start following people who have the same body type as you and who inspire you. Follow people who are authentic with strong and human values. People who teach about body acceptance and self-love. But if you start feeling jealous about what you see online, then it is time to take a break from social media.

Your body is not your enemy. Be kind, gentle, and loving with it!

Be the same way as you are when your best friend is having a hard time: compassionate. Throwing hate or negative feeling at yourself will only make you feel worst. Only you can change the narrative 😘

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The importance of having a feminine circle

Have you ever felt completely like you are living your life on auto-pilot, in your routine and juggling various responsibilities? Then, a little mind lightbulb goes off to remind you that hey, it's been a while since you have done something for yourself, outside of your regular circle?

This makes it very easy to forget about our sensuality and femininity, leaving us feeling disconnected and unfulfilled. This is when having a circle of like-minded women can help us stay grounded, connected and more importantly: supported. I need it, you need it, everybody needs it and here is why.

A space for self-expression and exploration

Saying that societal pressures has zero influence of us conforming to certain standards of femininity and beauty would be a total lie.

Saying that this never leaves us feeling like garbage would be an even bigger lie.

Stepping out of these leads to a better appreciation of ourselves on many levels but -god damn- it is hard and takes time. But it can be sped up with the right tools. Having the right feminine circle can provide a safe space for us to express ourselves authentically and explore our sensuality without judgment. It's a powerful bubble of fresh air that helps us embrace ourselves the way we deserve and celebrate our femininity. Who wouldn't want that?!

A source of empowerment and inspiration

Imagine having a bunch of hype women in your corner, ready to cheer you on on anything you wish to achieve. Imagine being a hype woman for somebody else who needs it. All the good vibes!

When we surround ourselves with strong, confident, and empowered women, we can't help but be inspired to be the best versions of ourselves. A solid feminine circle provides us with role models, mentors, and friends who motivate us to pursue our passions, take risks, and make our dreams a reality. Additionally, when we see other women succeeding and thriving, it reminds us that we, too, are capable of achieving wonderful things.

A support system to navigate through life

Life can be unpredictable, and it is natural to feel overwhelmed and alone at times.

Whether it's a breakup, a job loss, or a health scare, having a group of supportive women who understand and empathize brings a whole lot of comfort during life's challenges. When we share our struggles with others, not only do we feel less alone, but we also gain new perspectives and insights that can help us overcome our challenges. Let's prioritize building and nurturing our feminine circles, and watch as our lives transform for the better.

Do you want your circle? Join the Scandaleuse Sorority!

If what you read spoke to you and you are located in the GTA, we have great news for you! We are launching the Scandaleuse Sorority, a free space for women and femme-presenting people to make meaningful connections through events and workshops, boost your confidence and reconnect with your sensuality!

You can join it for free by clicking on the button below. Can't wait to see you there!

Fake Authenticity, filters & Social media

When the body positivity movement started a few years ago, we all became aware of how the media had been fooling us. Stretch marks, cellulite, real bodies we could identify with started popping up everywhere online and it finally added a breath of fresh air in those unachievable beauty standards we had been served for decades.

Beautiful movement, beautiful initiative and beautiful intentions, 10/10. But like every movement, it's been used to sell, promote and quite frankly get some likes.

"Fake Authenticity”: calling out a problem while contributing to it.

For the past couple of years, we have been seeing some posts praising authenticity and wanting to be inspirational. While some are actually doing just that, many of them just feel like “fake authenticity”. I am referring to those posts, mostly from women, in which they show a quite strongly edited photo previously posted and then the real version, slapping the label "social media is fake".

Naturally, when I come across those posts, I can't help myself and I have to look at the rest of the timeline of those lovely ladies. And sometimes, they do walk the walk: their photos look unedited and real and it's awesome. But on most profiles, they aren't. That, to me, is attention-seeking at its finest: you're calling out a problem while contributing to it.

Well, what's the solution then?

This issue has been officially called out openly a million times. What we need to see now is not before/afters or to make loud noises about it how social media is indeed inaccurate. We need to see that the changes are actually being applied by making unedited photos normal. And it is our responsibility as much as the influencers and whatnot.

So, how do we do it? We ditch the filters.

Ok cool, but it's not that easy to stop those filters.

Filters and editing apps have become incredibly easy and realistic to use, so I don't blame you for falling into this rabbit hole. I did it myself in the old days, when I discovered Photoshop. Some filters are even sneaked in without you knowing: my phone for example has an automatic skin smoother setting that I didn't notice right away.

If you got used to seeing yourself using filters, it is going to suck for a little while to stop using them, but trust me, your self-esteem will bounce back.

• Ask yourself why you feel the need to use them to begin with.

Are you afraid of people judging you? Do you just feel like your appearance isn't good enough to be without a filter? Do you compare yourself to others and are trying to match them somehow? Identifying the key reason will help you see what you need to work on.

• Understand that the more you use filters, the more you'll feed your insecurities.

This one may be a given, but yes, the more you see yourself with perfect skin and whatnot, the harsher you will be on yourself looking in the mirror. It's a vicious cycle and you don't deserve to spend your life hating your reflection.

• Learn to use proper tools to take pretty photos without editing

Wanting flattering photos of yourself is perfectly normal. It's an excellent confidence-booster on many levels. But you don't need to rely on editing to get them. By learning basic tips about lighting and posing, you can already do wonders showing the real you and highlight your best features.

Pssst! We have a tool ready for you!

We actually created a whole online guide to teach you how to take beautiful photos of yourself with your phone. It's a great alternative to a professional photoshoot if you don't feel ready for one. You can experiment in the comfort of your own home, judgment and pressure free. Click here for more info!

• Follow people who don't use filters, for real.

We can say whatever we want about the toxicity of social media, but we are also responsible for what we allow ourselves to see. Replace the accounts that make you feel bad about yourself by others that inspire you instead. For example, Mik Zazon is a delight to follow. Ours is, of course, also a great option as all the bodies you'll see are not edited. On the french side of things Louise from Mybetterself is one of our favorites.

You got this, friends! Give yourself the gift of seeing the real you on a daily basis, because, you know what? You're pretty awesome.

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Do you think you see your body the way it really is?

Before we begin, a little disclaimer: the following post is based on our own experiences & feelings. This does not substitute professional medical advice or consultations with healthcare professionals.

Have you ever found yourself too fat or too thin out of the blue? Have you ever been deeply challenged by your reflection in the mirror? Have you ever felt oh-so-certain that you have body flaws despite hearing the opposite from loved ones?

If so, welcome to the world of body dysmorphia.

Body-dysmorphia, a big scary word we think never applies to us.

Body what now? The official definition of body-dysmorphia is as follow:

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), or body dysmorphia, is a mental health condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance. These flaws are often unnoticeable to others.

-NHS

Now, if you are like me, you hear “disorder” and you think “well that's not me, I'm not sick or whatever". The minute we slap medical terms on it, it becomes surreal and scary, but let us rephrase that definition:

Body-dysmorphia is when you don't see your body the way it actually is despite being convinced it is a certain way.

The most common example, and the one I personally deal with, is seeing yourself bigger than you actually are.

There are different levels of BDD. For some of us, myself included, we can still live our lives properly. For others, it becomes an obsession that can lead to eating disorders, social isolation and so on.

So, how does body-dysmorphia actually show?

BDD usually shows itself when we become teenagers. Our bodies change fairly quickly, plus, we are leaving our childhood where we pretty much didn't give a crap about our appearance and suddenly, it seems to define us.

Our brain is having a hard time processing this and we are left pointing out everything we think is wrong with us. Except for many of us, it doesn't stop there and we carry it until our adulthood.

Here are of the common ways BDD shows its ugly head:

• Checking yourself in the mirror, repeatedly, focusing on your “flaws”;

• Feeling certain that said flaws make you ugly or even deformed;

• Being convinced that you lost/put on weight based on no concrete proofs whatsoever;

• Trying to “fix” said flaws by over exercising, and often adjusting diet;

• Strongly believing that your flaws are only what other people see;

• Attempting to hide perceived flaws with styling, makeup or clothes;

• Constantly comparing your appearance with others;

• Frequently seeking reassurance about your appearance from others;

• Avoiding social gatherings;

• Feeling completely down for the whole day or more because of your appearance…

The list goes on and on. I don't know about you, but I can safely say that I have experienced over half this list.

What happens to me when the body-dysmorphia monster is knocking on my door and how I deal with it:

I am in my 30’s and I still involuntarily carry the BD monster in my back pocket. I don’t think it will ever go away. BUT, thanks to my experience and my work, I manage to considerably shorten its stays. My BD monster is weight related: I feel like I am bigger than usual especially around my waist.

Usually, it happens when I am off my eating and exercising routine for a week. If I didn’t prioritize my workouts sessions, and ate like crap, I can guarantee you that I am going to think I put on weight and it is going to make me feel guilty and shitty.

My remedy? Giving myself a severe reality check.

Sometimes, you need to give your head a shake.

1) I gather objective facts about why I would be feeling this way.

Like I said, it could be because I didn’t stick to my routine but it can also be because I am about to start my period and I feel bloated or I haven’t slept well for a while and/or I’m stressed. This really helps to remind myself that the vision I have of my body is very likely inaccurate because my mind doesn’t have the good fuel I usually give it.

2) I remind myself that it is physically impossible to have drastic body change in one week.

You’re not going to put on or lose 10 pounds in a week. Biologically, weight changes take a lot longer to show. Your body is smart and if you take a negative turn on your eating habits, it won’t show for a little while.

3) I remind myself that my body is doing its thing during the day and that it is normal if it looks different.

This one is for those who, like me, wish for a constant flat stomach. It’s a myth. Our bodies digest, they bloat, they eliminate. I’m actually pretty damn lucky it does all of that for me. Side note: our lower abdomen as a little cushion because it is protecting our uterus. When you see it like this, typing “how to lose lower belly fat” on Google makes a lot less sense.

4) I remind myself that I have felt this way in the past and have been very wrong.

The first time I realized I had a BD monster was when I looked at photos of my teenaged years, when I felt incredibly fat and I obviously wasn’t. It is usually enough to tell myself that there is a good chance I could be doing the exact same thing right now.

5) I let go of the guilt

Scheduling more workouts and diet change is very common for me as an attempt to “right my wrongs”. When I catch myself doing this, I sit my ass down and remember that, hey, I don’t work out to lose weight, I work out because it makes me feel good. And yeah, maybe I went a bit overboard food wise, but I needed it at the time and it also came with good memories with my loved ones.

So fuck it.
Yes, F U C K I T.
I did nothing wrong, there is nothing to fix, all I need to go back to what feels good and I will. and so will you.

I truly hope that reading this will help you feel less alone and give you some tools to kick your Body-Dysmorphia monster in the balls. We have written additional tips here, in case you need some. .

Here are some helpful books if you are looking to do some digging and heal yourself: The Broken Mirror by Katharine Phillips & Shattered Image by Brian Cuban.

If you feel overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to ask for help and find a therapist to guide you through it all. You don’t have to do this alone

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Why the French cliches make boudoir “à la française” super badass

A few months ago, we had a little realization: our boudoir style is very French. Naturally, since we are both from France to begin with, this was completely unconscious until we noticed we were saying quite often: “you look very French" to our lovely clients.

It got us thinking: besides our nationality, why do we gravitate towards this specific style and more importantly, why do we want you to try it so bad? Allow us to share our personal opinions on the matter…

A naked body is… just a naked body.

Don't get us wrong, we also deal with many unachievable beauty standards and body shaming. But the perception of nudity is different.

Since the beginning of time, nudity in France hasn't always been associated with sexuality, like it tends to be in North America. From the various art mouvements picturing a lot of nudity (looking at you, Renaissance!), to seeing our own mothers sunbathing topless on the beach, we just didn't ask ourselves if it was okay or not: it just was.

In our opinion, having this mentality definitely contributed to…

The "no f*cks given” attitude.

It is pretty known that the French have an unapologetic attitude. We consider it very accurate and this translate nicely in boudoir, as it becomes the perfect opportunity to make a statement and create a paradox: for example, we tend to have photos looking straight at the camera, doing nonchalant poses like you have not a care in the world while being in a vulnerable context, wearing outfits that would be frown upon in many ways. This rebelliousness is something we want to get you to try during a session, because it feels so damn good.

For a moment, you are breaking the codes in a world we are constantly told to follow them.

It's easier to conceptualize doing something for yourself.

French people are known to be individualistic, and once again, we tend to agree. Of course, it can come with a negative side such as selfishness, but on the other end, it is more normal doing something for yourself because you want to. Many women we work with in Canada haven't taken that chance to create some quality time with themselves in years. Many of them think they don't even deserve it. Giving them the chance to do it through our work is one of our favourite reasons why we shoot boudoir.

It is also why we say every single day that a boudoir shoot is for yourself first and not a partner. And to let you in on a little confidence: the rare times we get an inquiry that states that the shoot is solely for a boyfriend or husband, they fall through!

The French Fashion

The french fashion is not afraid to play with the codes and this is another very strong asset that bleeds into boudoir very easily. Why? Because it makes you stay away from the traditional boudoir outfits. Funny enough, lingerie is French to begin with, but yet, the French are so versatile in style that lingerie is not the main outfit during our sessions.

Playing with feminine and masculine outfits is also extremely common, which makes it even more interesting for artists: there are no limits.

There you have it: french clichés definitely work in our favor for boudoir and we should all take advantage of that.

Use them to feel strong, powerful, beautiful. To let go, to play, even if it is just for a moment. You will see how liberating that can be and you will ask for more. Oh and of course: free the nipple 😉.

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Boudoir over 40: why you should definitely do it.

Boudoir photography comes with an endless list of benefits that absolutely everyone can enjoy. We can also say that boudoir sparks a lot of interest in everyone, no matter your age, who you identify with, and if you like cilantro or not. Yet, a fear keeps crippling in the back of many people over 40 and it always comes out as a ”I am way too old to do for this".

Obviously no, you’re not and here is why you should consider it big time…

So, what is really behind the ”I am too old to do this”?

After asking our surrounding, this is what came out: being potentially judged by other people is scary as hell.

Just risking having someone say you look ”ugly” or ”ridiculous” is too much to handle.

And we don't blame you! Bodies change over years. Wrinkles show up, for some, babies have happened, provoking even stronger changes… Your body has become a map of memories and society has told us all that it looks bad and/or that it is not good enough. Fun.

None of the beauty standards are accurate.

breaking free from them is the best gift you can give yourself.

Everyone gets older, you are not doing anything wrong by doing it too. You’ve been putting in the work for yourself, for your body. It has been serving you for many years and it deserves to be embraced, celebrated, welcomed. YOU deserve to feel celebrated.

Following those unattainable standards creates limitations for you and you end up passing on experiences you may not only enjoy but could also contribute greatly to your happiness.

All of this because a random bunch of people decided that you shouldn't, for no good reason whatsoever. We are not gonna let those win now, are we?

Learning to appreciate your appearance also comes with the strongest perk of all: a rock solide self-confidence which leads to stop giving a rat’s ass about what other people think of you.

With this tool on your belt, you can finally do things for you, in your own terms. Now, that's happiness!

So what can you do in order to get to that sweet spot of self-acceptance?

• Understand that judgment is not about you.

It is about people projecting their own insecurities and fears on you.

We think about ourselves a lot, even when someone tells us a story that has nothing to do with us. For example, if you are mentioning something you'd like to do and the person you are talking to secretly wants to as well but doesn’t have the guts to do it: chances are they will try to dissuade you. They’re not talking about you, you are just mirroring something in them. Now that you know that, it is so much easier to detach from the judgement and not let it influence your decisions.

• Ditch the dummies.

If you get negative feedback on anything you do, you are not the problem. The people giving you the feedback are. And if this is a recurring problem, it sounds like you are not getting anything interesting from those people, the best thing to do is limit or end the relationship with them. You don’t need demeaning people in your life.

• Give yourself permission.

Now that you've ditched the impact of judgement, you have to allow yourself to do things. It sounds simple, but many of us don't.

Remind yourself that the best adventures are waiting for you outside of your comfort zone.

Even if it is just that colourful dress which caught your eye in the window that you would love to wear. There are absolutely NO GOOD REASONS not to wear something that could make you happy.  Don’t even try to justify it, just try to the goddamn dress instead. And don’t you dare dumping it at the bottom of your closet.

Boudoir gives you the chance to try a liberating experience, just for you.

It resets the image you have of yourself on the positive. You get an objective look, which is 100% of the time much better than what we believe - and gives you such a boost of confidence you will be craving for more.

All of this while… giving a great middle finger to expectations. That's always a nice way to satisfy our rebellious side!

Over half of our clients are actually over 40. And that includes women, but also men. You may not see it because many of them ask to keep their pictures private, but they are definitely here. So you are definitely not the only one tempted by the wonderful world of boudoir!

You 👏🏻 are 👏🏻 enough.
How about to start enjoying your life the way YOU want to? Some many beautiful moments await!

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What I wish I heard when I hated my body.

Growing up, like many young souls, I wasn't the biggest fan of my appearance. It took me a long time to learn the tools I needed to start respecting and loving my body the way I do now. Looking back, some tools could have been unlocked fairly easily, by one simple sentence and it probably would have saved me years of figuring it out on my own. Hopefully, I get to be your messenger today and deliver them to you.

1) The way you see your body is rarely the way it actually is.

Clouded vision of our bodies ( and even body-dysmorphia) is the number one obstacle in our body love journey. Due to many factors, such as comparing ourselves or unwelcome criticism, it is very easy to paint a negative image of our appearance, even unconsciously.

For example, in my case, I used to see myself much bigger than how I actually was and I only realized that by looking at old pictures years later. I created so much pressure and shame around my weight, every single day. All I remember, the rare time I brought it up, was hearing the exasperated “ugh what are you talking about?” .

Truth is, I wasn't capable of seeing any differently. This vision was buried so deep, I just didn’t know It could be wrong.

I like to think that hearing the following would have pushed me in the right direction, taught me to develop kindness towards myself and give myself a break. You can try it if someone you care about is bringing up something like this to you:

“Hey, this is very common for people to think this way. You don’t see it right now, your vision is influenced by many things outside of your control. Just be kind to yourself.“

2) Your body changes pretty much every day, and that's normal.

There are so many things happening in your body at once, every day, that can affect your appearance from one day to the next. Digestion, hormonal changes, periods, stress… Everything fluctuates all day, every day.

For example, no one has a flat stomach all day everyday. No one. Not even Britney Spears from 2004.

Knowing this would have helped alleviate the pressure I created around looking a certain way all the time and helped me develop self-acceptance.

3) The size tag on clothes doesn't mean anything, dont let it define you and be a way to celebrate or denigrate your body.

When I was shopping for clothes and did not fit in the size I wanted, it was crushing me for the whole day. I was embarrassed. After all, my girlfriends told me they were wearing this size and I wasn't.

I have had so many moments tearing up in a fitting room because I had to go a size up of what I was hoping for.

If only I had been told that sizing for clothes are not reliable truths and change so much from one brand to the other! I had to learn to detach myself from those tags and use them only as a very rough reference. I still have to remind myself this to this day. 

4) Weight scales are BS.

Since our bodies are constantly changing, it is normal that our weight does too. Just like the size tag, I was always aiming for a certain weight, often based around what my friends said (while completely disregarding their body shape may I add) and I felt like crap when I was way over that.

The day I finally understood that once again, so many factors can influence your weight, making it a not-so reliable source too, I ditched the scale.

A number doesn’t define me. I haven’t weighted myself in years, I don't even know how much I weigh, and I am much happier that way. 

5) The media is not the reality.

I grew up in the time with Christina Aguilera and other 2000 super stars blasted everywhere with the tiniest bodies on earth in low rise jeans. It made me obsessed about my little tummy pouch. Why did I have one and they didn’t?

And it wasn’t just them, everywhere I looked, it was the same type of body, from magazine to TP commercials.

I wish someone had told me it wasn’t the reality. That editing was involved, that the majority of women don’t look like that, come in all shape and sizes, and that not one is better than the other. That everyone has their little imperfections and again, that they are normal. 

6) The more you take good care of your body, the better your mind will be.

For some, it is common sense, for others, it is rocket science:

the appreciation you have for your body greatly affects your mental health and vice versa.

The happier you feel about your body, the more your mind follows. They don’t go without one another.

In my early twenties, I started learning a lot about personal development and the connection to the body is still not mentioned often. (One of the many reasons why Scandaleuse exists to begin with!). The truth is, you can lead a much happier life when you connect the dots between your mind and your body.

7) You're not alone.

Oh boy, does it sound simple, but knowing that I wasn't the only one feeling insecure as hell would have made such a difference! I do believe that bringing normalcy to the table when dealing with body insecurities and self-doubt is so helpful to stop giving it that much importance.

It is so easy to feed toxic patterns without realizing it. Creating acceptance around them make them less threatening and easier to let them go.

Be kind and patient with yourself, even in your darkest days.

When in doubt, Talk it out, Write it down and more importantly, remember to give yourself a break.

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