You are always worthy of respect

Disclaimer: we will be chatting about being true to who you are and standing up for yourself in this post. Needless to say, we are not referring to any behaviours involving harming yourself or other people.

Respect is a must to give, but also to receive!

Why do people lose respect for others to begin with?

Because they don't share the same values or standards. Of course, if we are talking about racism, slut-shaming, sexism and everything else falling into the hatred & discrimation category, this is a different topic. This time, we are referring to choices that YOU make for YOUR own well-being that don't necessarily get "approval" from others. Maybe for certain people, the fact that you practice a certain sport for example can be a reason to lose respect (any pole-dancers out there? Why mess with someone who can bend around a piece of metal to begin with?!) 

But here is the thing: those indicators that people use to judge you are actually not about you per se, they are about them. They are created by their own conditioning, insecurities, past experiences and so on.

So you might as well take a step back and not let it affect you as much because…

Not everyone is going to like you, so you might as well do you!

That can be a tough pill to swallow (yep, for us too): not everyone likes you. Even if you didn't do anything to them. 

Instead of trying to bend over backwards to please everyone, it is much better to surround yourself with people who support you and share the similar values you have. You will be much happier around them, you will build stronger connections, but most importantly, you will feel like yourself.

Embracing who you are is a must for your own happiness. You don't have the energy, room, or time, for people who disrespect you for being you. No one else but YOU is eligible to judge your choices and decisions. 

Don’t let people make you feel like your are worthless!

Your hobbies, education, sexual preferences, or any choices you make related to your appearance, you name it, should NOT affect your credibility.

We often hide or dismiss some aspects of our personalities in order to "fit in". We see it constantly in our industry since we photograph people in a way that can be seen "provocative" by (narrow-minded) traditional minds. Most of our clients are looking to regain confidence and want to feel sexy in their own skin. And some of them want to share their photos with the world as a way to stand up for themselves loud and clear.  Yet, a good 50% don’t dare to do so due to the fear of losing credibility with the people they love and appearing less professional with people from their work if they happen to see the photographs of their shoot.

Don't get us wrong, if you wish to keep your pictures (or any projects) just to yourself because it's part of your own journey, that's totally cool. But if you stop yourself from showing your photographs because you are afraid of what people would say, then you need to realize that you are not the problem. The people judging you are. 

We are strong believers that, if someone is trying to make you feel small and if you just don't give it any attention, try to defend or dismiss it, the "judger" will feel so damn ridiculous that they will end up giving themselves a taste of their own medicine. 

To give you an example, since we use ourselves for our boudoir advertising, we have heard some snarky comments about how "we are just posing naked online". By just saying "yeah, so what? I think I look damn good too!", we remove any possibility for a judgmental response.

You cannot shame someone who is confident in their choices. You cannot affect someone with your judgement if they don’t allowing it. Confidence is truly a super power my friends!

No one can fit in just one box and that is pretty neat! 

Back in the day, even maybe a decade ago, we were supposed to fit nicely in one category and stay in it. Nowadays, people can be so many things at once and it's such a great time to be alive. Thanks to this, we are removing pressure, and changing our standards and expectations.

We are even changing the definition of power by making it about standing up for ourselves and being open about it. We are kicking the stigmas back to oblivion.

Would it shock you if your lawyer had a passion for making macarons? No. What if your dentist was fond of doing trapeze? Would it change their qualifications? No. If anything, it would make them more approachable.

Embrace your unique-self and make your own contribution by being proud of who you are and what you do. It will serve those coming after you.

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Once upon a time, Boudoir Photography...

Boudoir is the story of our life, Scandaleuse is our baby. Most of you have been following us for 5 years now. You’ve shared our successes and struggles, you've seen all of the beautiful Scandals who posed in front of our lenses, bref… you are part of this community! And if you are new here, welcome :)

But do you know how Boudoir was born and how scandalous & naughty it was?

No? Then follow us in our world…

Boudoir: The Origins (like superheroes!)

A Boudoir was a woman's private sitting room or salon in a furnished accommodation, in aristocratic families. It was a sign of femininity and social conformity as a woman.

Nobody will be surprised to read that the term derives from the French verb "Bouder" which means "to sulk". Long story short, it was a room dedicated for sulking in.  (allez la France, la révolution, et la baguette)

Thanks to the Marquis De Sade and his book “Philosophy in the Bedroom”, the Boudoirs turned into sulphurous and scandalous rooms, where women could speak privately. It was characterized in literary and cultural studies as erotic and as a metaphor of  womens' bodies.  Boudoir was generally understood as a site for secret pleasures and libertinage. A room where women could bring their lovers… Naughty you!!!

Side Note:  Boudoir is also a biscuit you eat with Champagne. Shhh, that’s how we like it...

BOUDOIR PHOTOGRAPHY : The early days

Over the years, Boudoir became a photography style and started celebrating the beauty, femininity and freedom of women. It has been featuring intimate, sensual, and sometimes erotic images of its subjects.

The nude or sexualized female form has been a theme of photography since as early as 1840 but it was in the 1920s that Boudoir photography began to take shape as an art form. Photographers, like Albert Arthur Allen, took images of women who posed in romantic ways against ornate backdrops or furniture.

But Boudoir photography was illegal in the 1920s (woman nudity was offensive and considered pornographic - What about now in 2022, mentalities did not change that much 😡) and photographers were often arrested or heavily fined for taking the photos.

But this didn't stop anyone

1930s and ‘40s, at the beginning of World War II the US government started using pin-up girls on their recruiting posters as propaganda to encourage young men to fight for the country. The military knew that sex sells and was using slogans like “She’s worth fighting for” or “Come home to your girl a hero” to encourage those men to go to war.

This move made the pin-up style one of the most famous form of boudoir which paved the way for modern boudoir by normalizing the female form in advertising.

1950s, the “pinup girls” became very famous in the Boudoir world. They wore nylons, stilettos and elegant elbow-length gloves. These girls even played with androgyny, wearing bow-ties and top hats along with their corsets and stockings.

By the 1970s, the female figure began being recognized as a significant form of sexual liberation and a new revolution in Boudoir. 

Unfortunately, much of society still had a difficult time acknowledging Boudoir as a tasteful genre, even if these photos were artistic and no way considered pornographic amongst the art world.

In the next few decades, Boudoir photography became very popular and broke free of women’s boundaries.

Now it is a symbol of freedom for women but also men and non-binary people. It's all about owning your body… the art of accepting and loving yourself!

More amazing content and cool blogs this way ⬇️

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I turned 30

Hey Scandals, Fanny writing today!

I want to share with you my experience on turning 30. I feel like there are a lot of expectations coming from others but also from our own beliefs about starting a new decade. Generally speaking we believe that by 30 we should have our life together: be a home owner, married with kids and a carrier. So we put a lot of pressure on our shoulders thinking with HAVE to fit in this mold.

My friends, this is not the reality anymore (was it ever?) ! So let's dust off all of those expectations that, frankly, are just here to create more stress and anxiety. We don't want that in our life, do we?

Last January I turned 30 and honestly I was fine (end of the article, thanks for reading).

More seriously! I am the type of person who is not afraid to get old and die, so age was never really a struggle for me. But apparently it is a harder topic for others…

You see, people expect you to feel bad about turning 30, especially if you are:

• a woman;

• who is single;

• with no kids.

Like me! So around my birthday, I have heard them all:

“You must be so sad to turn 30?”

“Still no kids hein!”

“Are you single by choice?"

“When are we seeing a ring on your finger?”

“You are not 25 anymore, time to get settled!”… Blablabla.

For those who know me, you will not be surprised to hear that instead of feeling angry, I tried to educate those people but man it asks for a lot of patience!

It is really easy for people to guilt trip others, especially if they believe they know better. It is usually done in a “I am joking” way but the result is the same: we feel bad about our life choices and start doubting ourself.

The way I see it is we have 3 options here:

• we give up and make choices towards a life than is not ideal for us;

• we feel angry at them, carrying negativity and frustration around. The chances are we are gonna explode at some point and start useless confrontations.

• or, we ignore them and keep focusing on how we want to live our life (I vote for this one!)

Personally I believe some people are not worth my energy. I am happy with my lifestyle and would not trade it with anybody else. It makes me feel free and I know I am going towards the right path, meaning the one towards what I want to achieve.

Don't be afraid to dig into what you truly want and take actions to make them happen.

If your loved ones don't understand and disagree, then this is not your problem. In the end, it does not really matter what they think, they are not you. The best fight you can start is towards the life you wanna build for yourself.

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Don't be afraid to embrace your sensuality

For hundreds of years, sensuality has been related to sexuality. And even if both can be connected (when you learn to develop your sensuality, you learn to appreciate your body the way it is, which opens up your sexuality), sensuality can have a much bigger impact than leading to sex:

It helps feeling liberated!

What is sensuality?

If you Google it, you will read the common definition of sensuality is:

The enjoyment, expression, or pursuit of physical, especially sexual, pleasure.

But sensuality is also defined as the ability to feel in touch with all our senses: touch, smell, sight, hearing, taste and any extrasensory perceptions beyond our five commonly recognized senses.

If sensuality is often interpreted as sexuality, it is because of that one thing they have in common. PLEASURE. What can be more difficult to understand is this notion of pleasure: some things can give you sexual pleasure and others can be pleasurable without sexual desire.

Sensuality can increase your sexual behaviour but can also be about enjoying simple pleasures, such as watching a sunset, flavourful food, a massage, a perfume or any particular smell, a yoga pose, feeling the sun on your skin… Anything that makes you feel amazing in the moment but isn't related to sex.

Why is it important to embrace it?

As women we heard it all:

“Be polite. Dress up properly. Be a good girl!" they say.

Most of us have been told to never be too loud because people will think we are hysterical. We have been told to not take too much room otherwise we are just showing off. Neither to show too much skin because we are whores if we do. So we cover ourselves up, forget how to be in touch with our femininity and let our true essence disappears. And for what? Well just to please others and fit in a mold.

Not loving our whole-self enough leads to frustration, jealousy and sadness. How can we expect to be happy and live the life we want, when we are filled with all those negative feelings?

Well, learning to grow that sensual side we all have is a way to start feeling in harmony with our body, which increases our self-confidence and trust in others. And since sensuality is connected to all of our senses, it also develops our creativity, imagination and intuition (I'll take two of those please… how can you say no to that!).

How can you develop your sensuality?

When at peace with our whole-self, we are less likely to feel stressed in our every day life. We also don't feel the need of external validation: what people can think of us does not matter anymore. It creates a new level of self-love!

So, are you tempted to start caring about your sensuality? Or to develop it even more than you already do? Well, we do… Just writing this blog post makes us curious about what is next on our sensuality list!

So far, here is what we do to cultivate sensuality:

• Boudoir photography:

  Surprise! We might be biased but this his a huge part of our life, so we cannot talk about sensuality without mentioning the art of boudoir. Come on, can you think of a more powerful tool to develop your sensuality than boudoir photography: having (pardon our french) the balls to pose half naked -or naked- and still feel badass and empowered… ? That's what we think :)

• Pole Dance & Aerial Silk:

  You maybe saw us online or heard us talk about those two acrobatic activities. They are tough to do and painful but man, it's worth it! They are both incredible for flexibility, strength and core. We train with music, create our own choreography to work on our sensuality and sexiness.

• Stretching:

  Anything that is related to movement has a positive impact on sensuality. Gifting your body with more flexibility is very important for our physical and mental health. It keeps the muscles flexible, strong, and healthy, and we need that flexibility to maintain a range of motion in the joints and keep our body moving. We don’t know for you guys but we wanna become sexy and healthy grandmas!

• Food:

  Big foodies here! We are both from France, so let us tell you that you how much food means to us. France has a fabulous culinary reputation and it is for a reason: french cuisine is all about flavors, forget about salt and sugar, we are talking about explosion of aromas. We learnt to educate our palate, so when we try exquisite food, it can feel like non-sexual orgasms.
  

• Makeup (Juliette writing):

  I associate sensuality with femininity and confidence. Makeup has always been a great tool for that in my opinion. I have fun with it by creating different looks depending on how I feel. It makes me feel confident, stylish, like I have my life in order.

• Twerk (Fanny here):

  Twerking was my most recent sensual discovery. I always wanted to learn this dance, mostly to have fun but also because I like testing things that are not well accepted in our society, things that can seem provocative. I took one class and I was on my butt -french expression to say it blew my mind- :). I would have never expected to fall in love with it. You put all your energy and movement around your hips which makes you feel so powerful and sexy.

Now you just have to go for it!

“I never thought that sex was wrong, sinful, dirty. When you take away the thought of things being dirty or forbidden, then you can really enjoy your sensuality.” Gioconda Belli

We see sensuality as a way to experience a deep peace with ourselves, to feel alive and fulfill. So if you embrace it, it makes you feel like you can do anything.

The world become your oyster.

And guess what?! When you feel like you can do anything, you actually start doing stuff that make you happy and 100% yourself. It is like a magical kick in the bum!

You know what, let's make it a little challenge: find a new way to bring your sensuality to the next level, before the end of the month.

It does not matter the activity you are using to grow that sensual side of yours (sexuality, dance, food, …), the most important thing is to do it for YOU.

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How tantric sex coach Pamela Horner reclaimed her power - Scandaleuse X Shedoesthecity

Let us introduce you to the powerful Pamela Horner, a Tantric Sexual Empowerment Coach who wants to help people have “epic orgasms” (put your hands up you wanna learn… we sure do!).

This article is part of our collaboration with She Does The City & Womanizer, in which we help them feature fierce AF womxn in boudoir photo shoots.

“As a woman in recovery for sexual trauma, Pamela’s journey to get to where she is today is both harrowing and inspiring. She has spent a lot of time healing from her past, and now directs her energy to helping other people reclaim their sexuality.

”I made it my mission to help people reclaim their inner God/Goddess in order to own their power and pleasure.” 

The work she does with clients help them gain confidence in all facets of their lives.

Gorgeous is one word we’d use to describe Pamela’s photos, but they also exude a warm and peaceful energy—a sense of ease. A fascinating person with a generous heart, we were curious to get to know Pamela more…

How would you describe your sexuality?

I would describe my sexuality as bi-sexual.

How did you reclaim your power?

I discovered that sexual power was the key to feeling alive, confident, magical, and it even helped me make money. When I figured out how to use this power for good, to help people reawaken their most shamed, neglected lost parts, everything started to transform not only for me, for my clients as well.

I literally went from wanting to end my life, feeling numb, worthless and empty to feeling powerful, magical, radiant and influential, able to command the love, relationships and income that I desired. 

What is tantric sex, exactly?

Tantra is about connection and presence… it isn’t inherently about sex, but its teachings allow you to see and experience deep pleasure in the present moment and transmit that feeling to another, if you so choose. It helps you to reconnect to deeper levels of bliss.

Sounds amazing, how do you help people get there? 

I help people step into their power through one on one coaching. Everyone is born powerful, but along the way we receive messages that we are ‘less than’. We can fake confidence for most of the time, but in heightened states of vulnerability—like sex—there is nowhere to hide. This is where a lack of power can show up as a lack of arousal, or not being able to ask for what you want—feeling unfulfilled, or even uninterested in pleasure. 

I truly believe that the reason that people don’t have the love, money, or pleasure that they want is because their mind and nervous system believe that it is unsafe for them to expand beyond what is familiar. This is really deep work but when you are able to access the primal self, diving into the deepest level of your unconscious mind, you can experience radical change in your life.

What types of people do you help through your Tantric Sexual Empowerment coaching?

My clients are typically successful entrepreneurs that know they are destined for so much more. They’ve had moments of being so close only to find that there is something they are missing… that something is the connection to their deepest most hypnotic power – sexual power.

What advice do you wish to give your younger self?

As long as you are trying to seek approval, you will never taste true power. True power exists within you and you have always had it.

Happiness, desire, pleasure and delightful deviousness are all a part of your true essence. The only way to hold onto these things is by diving into yourself, getting to know yourself, and understanding that loving yourself is not something anyone would ever look back on and say “I wish I didn’t do that”.

Also, I love you, you are a fierce fucking warrior Goddess and you are here to turn the world on.”

Curious to learn more about Pamela? Follow her on Instagram at @theawakenedaphrodite. See more of our Womanizer x Sheoesthecity boudoir shoots here.“.

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How shifting your mindset can change your life

We are strong believers that a positive mindset is the key to happiness, whatever that word means to you. You might not realize it but the way you think impact any decisions you make in your life. Our fears, hopes, beliefs, any emotions we feel, positive or negative, change drastically our perspectives.

It is in the human nature to look for happiness, but we often don’t know how to reach it. This results in feeling lost or stuck in our own life. But what if we were telling you that any of us can live a successful and fulfilled life?

Would you believe us if we were to tell you that you are the only one who can decide to be happy?

Get it right from the get-go

We are not saying it is an easy process, no one have their sh*t together and we are all faking it until we make it. But all you need are the good tools and practice.

• Have goals, big or small.

Having concrete goals will give you the motivation to move forward in your future, and make you feel excited about taking decisions while pushing you to adapt your routine.

Once you've lined up these ideas, you need to learn to identify non-toxic from toxic goals. How? Ask yourself "why" you are aiming for that specific goal. Is it for yourself? Others? Is it too intense? Unachievable ? Is it compromising your health? Always remember to be your own measurement system instead of comparing yourself to others.

• Implement positive thinking and statements:

Every time you catch yourself having a negative thought, acknowledge them by asking yourself WHY you are having negative thoughts and WHERE do they come from. Then, as trivial as it may sound, smile and twist it positively instead of making yourself feel worse:

"I am stupid… NO: I am smart!”

“I hate my acne… NO: I am beautiful!"

“I cannot do it… NO: I have been through worse than that, I am strong!"

The more you start making these statements, the more you will believe and see them. This is the power of manifestation, if you repeatedly keep saying negative things then those things are what will come to light. It works the same way for positive statements.

Make it a habit while looking at yourself in the mirror (because it feels good to look at yourself right in the eyes):

I radiate beauty.  I radiate power. I radiate prosperity. I radiate love. I radiate light.

I am strong. I am confident. I will be successful.

I am beautiful. I have a great body. I love the way I look.

• Learn to not be afraid to fail:

We all failed when we were kids, from the first step we took to all of the times we fell, it was part of our learning process. So failing as an adult is just as normal.

Failure means you keep learning, experimenting, progressing towards the life you are building, so instead of feeling ashamed we have to embrace it!

Grow, unlock other possibilities and achieve more than you could think!

• Feel inspired not jealous:

Step away from negativity and jealousy by opening your mind, feeding your soul and surrounding yourself with like-minded people and people who are a few steps ahead of you too.

Keep learning, think about your goals, listen to yourself, learn to eliminate what doesn't work for you.

Just remember, you cannot compare yourself to others since you do not have the same life and aspirations.

There will always be parts of yourself that you are working on and you often think that "it will be better over there, and I will only be happy when…” but guess what?! Once you get over there, chances are you will face similar feelings of obstacles. Unless you break the cycle with everything we just told you.

Forgive yourself for making mistakes and take the pressure away by acknowledging that you are doing your best in every moment with the tools you have. That's how You will see a significant impact and change into your life.

Thank you @lianalewis and @edenalexwine for bringing your beautiful minds to this blog.

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