You are always worthy of respect

Disclaimer: we will be chatting about being true to who you are and standing up for yourself in this post. Needless to say, we are not referring to any behaviours involving harming yourself or other people.

Respect is a must to give, but also to receive!

Why do people lose respect for others to begin with?

Because they don't share the same values or standards. Of course, if we are talking about racism, slut-shaming, sexism and everything else falling into the hatred & discrimation category, this is a different topic. This time, we are referring to choices that YOU make for YOUR own well-being that don't necessarily get "approval" from others. Maybe for certain people, the fact that you practice a certain sport for example can be a reason to lose respect (any pole-dancers out there? Why mess with someone who can bend around a piece of metal to begin with?!) 

But here is the thing: those indicators that people use to judge you are actually not about you per se, they are about them. They are created by their own conditioning, insecurities, past experiences and so on.

So you might as well take a step back and not let it affect you as much because…

Not everyone is going to like you, so you might as well do you!

That can be a tough pill to swallow (yep, for us too): not everyone likes you. Even if you didn't do anything to them. 

Instead of trying to bend over backwards to please everyone, it is much better to surround yourself with people who support you and share the similar values you have. You will be much happier around them, you will build stronger connections, but most importantly, you will feel like yourself.

Embracing who you are is a must for your own happiness. You don't have the energy, room, or time, for people who disrespect you for being you. No one else but YOU is eligible to judge your choices and decisions. 

Don’t let people make you feel like your are worthless!

Your hobbies, education, sexual preferences, or any choices you make related to your appearance, you name it, should NOT affect your credibility.

We often hide or dismiss some aspects of our personalities in order to "fit in". We see it constantly in our industry since we photograph people in a way that can be seen "provocative" by (narrow-minded) traditional minds. Most of our clients are looking to regain confidence and want to feel sexy in their own skin. And some of them want to share their photos with the world as a way to stand up for themselves loud and clear.  Yet, a good 50% don’t dare to do so due to the fear of losing credibility with the people they love and appearing less professional with people from their work if they happen to see the photographs of their shoot.

Don't get us wrong, if you wish to keep your pictures (or any projects) just to yourself because it's part of your own journey, that's totally cool. But if you stop yourself from showing your photographs because you are afraid of what people would say, then you need to realize that you are not the problem. The people judging you are. 

We are strong believers that, if someone is trying to make you feel small and if you just don't give it any attention, try to defend or dismiss it, the "judger" will feel so damn ridiculous that they will end up giving themselves a taste of their own medicine. 

To give you an example, since we use ourselves for our boudoir advertising, we have heard some snarky comments about how "we are just posing naked online". By just saying "yeah, so what? I think I look damn good too!", we remove any possibility for a judgmental response.

You cannot shame someone who is confident in their choices. You cannot affect someone with your judgement if they don’t allowing it. Confidence is truly a super power my friends!

No one can fit in just one box and that is pretty neat! 

Back in the day, even maybe a decade ago, we were supposed to fit nicely in one category and stay in it. Nowadays, people can be so many things at once and it's such a great time to be alive. Thanks to this, we are removing pressure, and changing our standards and expectations.

We are even changing the definition of power by making it about standing up for ourselves and being open about it. We are kicking the stigmas back to oblivion.

Would it shock you if your lawyer had a passion for making macarons? No. What if your dentist was fond of doing trapeze? Would it change their qualifications? No. If anything, it would make them more approachable.

Embrace your unique-self and make your own contribution by being proud of who you are and what you do. It will serve those coming after you.

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The real motive behind Boudoir Photography

Ah. Pretty boudoir photos. Well that’s nice. You get them done and forget about them within a couple of months right? What if we told you that it’s actually false? Indeed, there are many benefits in boudoir photography, but one that we tend to forget is that it is just a perfect occasion to simply pause your busy life and take time to yourself.

(Disclaimer: we are going to focus on women because – well - that is what we are, but the following does apply to anybody.)

Everything and everyone else comes first.

If you are a caring human being, chances are your own well-being is not #1 on your priority list. Your family, your kid, your partner, your business, your problems, you name it, probably are. Congratulations, you are a decent person and we need more people like you!

However, it doesn’t mean your own self-care should be forgotten. After all, you do read it on Instagram every day, with a perfect woman doing an incredible yoga pose at sunset hashtagging #NamasteBitches

And this perfect lady isn’t totally wrong. The reality is that, by putting people or things before you every day, all the time, chances of you burning out will be real. You will end up walking around with a little rain cloud over your head, wondering who you are, what the meaning of life is and how the hell you get out of this.

We can assure you that you’re gonna have one day during which you will feel the urge to slam doors as hard as you can because you’re not supposed to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders but you are trying anyway.

Why is this bad for you? Because you need to be at peace with yourself to basically function and do great things. How can you if you don’t take time to…. take time?

Why are so many women struggling with this to begin with?

Simple answer: we are naturally nurturing. But most importantly, we are expected to be (you know, the ability to be mothers and also the fact that we actually give a crap about what’s around us and all that). You are expected to be relied on and quite frankly, chances are you will be considered selfish if you dared announcing loud and clear “screw it, it’s me time today!”. How dare you, since your primary function is to take care of someone?

So, what do we do? We restrain ourselves from doing what we really want to do. It doesn’t have to be something big like moving to Argentina but even little pleasures in life that could do us some good.

Do we even deserve to do this?

Of course, even when we decide to finally splurge and something for ourselves, it doesn't always come easy. A little demon often sneaks in our brains and tell you "how dare you?! This is not for you.”

Women constantly undervalue themselves and it is a sad but true fact. On top of taking care of people and their things, we also think that we are not worth less than anybody else. Probably because we are constantly reminded that we can always do more. So why would we reward ourselves with some “me-time” to begin with?

If you think this way, this is the moment when you take a seat, grab the tea we’re giving you, look at us right in the eye while we tell you “you are doing the best you can, you are awesome and you deserve a break.”

What does our boudoir work have to do with any of this?

Boudoir isn't just about creating gorgeous art with your sexy self. It's a whole experience. It’s a safe space in which you can let go, think about you, and more importantly: reconnect with yourself.

For a short amount of time in your busy schedule, you are a priority. You can be your true self without hiding behind anything and even better: without being judged.

By embracing your vulnerability and turning it into a strength, you will be able to grow (or rediscover) your confidence. And then what?

You make a powerful tool out of it and use it in your everyday life.

Not only will you feel stronger and become a better partner, friend, mother, but you will trust yourself a lot more to make bigger and scarier decisions. It will be easier for you to take on new challenges and succeed at them. All of this coming from a simple photoshoot out of your comfort zone.

Don’t underestimate the power of taking time to yourself. We all need to disconnect from our “duties” and reconnect with ourselves. And boudoir is a pretty neat way to do it.

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How words can impact your mind and body

Language is a powerful tool which brings people together and help understand each other. But unfortunately it can also be used as a weapon when put between mischievous hands. Since it is easier for a lot of people to criticize rather than giving compliments, words can be extremely harmful.

By the way I, Fanny, am writing this blog. But I can also speak for Juliette as she also got hurt from people’s comments when she was younger!

Like most people I am lacking self-confidence from time to time. Not about my body, more about my skills and intellect (this will be for another blog though 😬). I feel very fortunate I was able to accept and love how my body looks like naturally, but it wasn't always the case! It took me many years to realize that all the beauty standards I grew up with were BS and how to reclaim my own beauty. Honestly photography helped a lot and I am really glad I chose that path!

I used to wish to be curvier, taller, have thicker wrists, have a perfect skin… I was wishing to be different not only because of what I was seeing in magazines or tv, but also because people around me were criticizing me about my body.

When your loved ones are not so loving

Juliette was criticized for being overweight, I was criticized for being skinny and short:

-“You look like a garden gnome hahaha!”

- “I should not talk about that in front of you! What are you, 14 or so?” (I was 22 😢)

- “Are you not ashamed of not having boobs?”

- “Are you sure you don't suffer from anorexia?”

… I could keep going on and on.

Most of those awful sentences came from friends or people I knew, and every time they broke me into thousand pieces. Until a classmate told me the worst one someone could ever say to me “your mom should be so ashamed for giving birth to an anorexic girl. What an embarrassment!”.

That sentence was a wake up call! Like Juliette, I had a “F**k that! Never again” moment and told myself that I will never let words put me down ever again.

Relax, it was just a joke!

That famous: “I was joking!”… I am pretty sure we can all relate right? And maybe we did it too without realizing we hurt someone. We don’t know if it was the same for you but Juliette and I grew up in France where sarcasm is very common. People from the same family and friends pocked each other, made jokes about the way they look or their personality, and ended up with a "you are so sensitive, it was just a joke!” if the person was hurt or taking it the wrong way. We were both victims of those comments that could be soul crushing.

And yes maybe it was just a “joke”, but for some reason that day those words sticked to your mind. Maybe it wasn’t the first time you heard those words or maybe you were already having a bad day and was feeling a down. When a loved one tells you several times how overweight they think you are or how an idiot you can look like, even if they say it with a touch of humour, you ended up believing those words and less in yourself.

When the critics come from yourself!

Raise your hand if you have ever called yourself stupid. Raise your hand if you have ever looked at your reflection in the mirror with a disgusted look on your face. Raise your hand if you have ever been unkind to yourself! Are you raising both hands right now and need a third one? Yep, me as well :(

Self-criticism is so common! It is very easy to be harsh with our body and our mind, yet the things we tell ourselves we would never tell that to someone else. So why this need of self-harm and sabotage?

What we want you to do from now on is to talk to yourself the same way you would talk to your best friend.

Start seeing your body as a friend who needs love instead of seeing it as an enemy. Kindness is not only meant to comfort others!

It is hard to detach ourselves from the negative things people can tell us or have told us in the past because it is painful. But the truth is that people have the tendency to project their own insecurities on you rather than dealing with their problems. So the next time someone criticize you, remember there is a big chance that person is just showing how they really think about themselves in a specific situation.

Once you get that, people’s hurtful words will not affect you anymore!

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Once upon a time, Boudoir Photography...

Boudoir is the story of our life, Scandaleuse is our baby. Most of you have been following us for 5 years now. You’ve shared our successes and struggles, you've seen all of the beautiful Scandals who posed in front of our lenses, bref… you are part of this community! And if you are new here, welcome :)

But do you know how Boudoir was born and how scandalous & naughty it was?

No? Then follow us in our world…

Boudoir: The Origins (like superheroes!)

A Boudoir was a woman's private sitting room or salon in a furnished accommodation, in aristocratic families. It was a sign of femininity and social conformity as a woman.

Nobody will be surprised to read that the term derives from the French verb "Bouder" which means "to sulk". Long story short, it was a room dedicated for sulking in.  (allez la France, la révolution, et la baguette)

Thanks to the Marquis De Sade and his book “Philosophy in the Bedroom”, the Boudoirs turned into sulphurous and scandalous rooms, where women could speak privately. It was characterized in literary and cultural studies as erotic and as a metaphor of  womens' bodies.  Boudoir was generally understood as a site for secret pleasures and libertinage. A room where women could bring their lovers… Naughty you!!!

Side Note:  Boudoir is also a biscuit you eat with Champagne. Shhh, that’s how we like it...

BOUDOIR PHOTOGRAPHY : The early days

Over the years, Boudoir became a photography style and started celebrating the beauty, femininity and freedom of women. It has been featuring intimate, sensual, and sometimes erotic images of its subjects.

The nude or sexualized female form has been a theme of photography since as early as 1840 but it was in the 1920s that Boudoir photography began to take shape as an art form. Photographers, like Albert Arthur Allen, took images of women who posed in romantic ways against ornate backdrops or furniture.

But Boudoir photography was illegal in the 1920s (woman nudity was offensive and considered pornographic - What about now in 2022, mentalities did not change that much 😡) and photographers were often arrested or heavily fined for taking the photos.

But this didn't stop anyone

1930s and ‘40s, at the beginning of World War II the US government started using pin-up girls on their recruiting posters as propaganda to encourage young men to fight for the country. The military knew that sex sells and was using slogans like “She’s worth fighting for” or “Come home to your girl a hero” to encourage those men to go to war.

This move made the pin-up style one of the most famous form of boudoir which paved the way for modern boudoir by normalizing the female form in advertising.

1950s, the “pinup girls” became very famous in the Boudoir world. They wore nylons, stilettos and elegant elbow-length gloves. These girls even played with androgyny, wearing bow-ties and top hats along with their corsets and stockings.

By the 1970s, the female figure began being recognized as a significant form of sexual liberation and a new revolution in Boudoir. 

Unfortunately, much of society still had a difficult time acknowledging Boudoir as a tasteful genre, even if these photos were artistic and no way considered pornographic amongst the art world.

In the next few decades, Boudoir photography became very popular and broke free of women’s boundaries.

Now it is a symbol of freedom for women but also men and non-binary people. It's all about owning your body… the art of accepting and loving yourself!

More amazing content and cool blogs this way ⬇️

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Men, boudoir & body image

The boudoir industry has been more appealing to women since its creation. Very likely because it is a field that helps you get in touch with your body, your sensuality, and your femininity. Does that mean that men are excluded?

Absolutely not.

The men body and the body-positive movement

First of all, we are deeply convinced that everyone would appreciate a tasteful and beautiful image of themselves in the nude, whether they keep it private or not. It is the ultimate confidence booster after all.

Yet, while women can now enjoy the body-positive movement in some media and thus, feel more and more included and surrounded with less edited and more real images (yay!), men are stuck with the perfect Calvin Klein model with a 6-pack.

It is just extremely rare to see normal-looking men in the media.

In order to dig a bit more, we went directly to the source and asked the men in our community how they felt about all of this. Darius stated:

“Media & fashion has an enormous influence on how men see their bodies. That even starts in childhood - look at all the comic books, where every superhero is muscular hunky macho man, with strong facial features and sulky expressions. Toys like 'Action Man' and similar also portray certain image of the man. When you grow up, popular image of the movies or cartoons or commercials is of a boy who is athlete, again certain physique attributed to that.”

Women grew up with Barbie's unachieVable body type, but men also grew up with perfect looking action figures. Except Barbie's looks are becoming less and less relevant everyday.

Men VS body issues

It is pretty common for women to express themselves about their body-image. Not that the way it is done is always healthy, but at least, we can have open conversation a lot more easily than our men friends.

If anything, talking about men body-issues is still seen as not-manly, weak, frivolous & even laughable. Great supportive environment, right?

As Mike said:

“Guys struggle with self image quite a bit too but because we aren't (openly) judged on it as much as women, it's more of a quiet struggle. Then again, the amount of guys I know with back problems and knee braces, relocated hair and the inevitable "dad bod" is further down the wish list... the older guys get, the more they just want their body to work like it used to!”

To this day, the clichés around masculinity are still going strong. And they won't go anywhere until more men open up about this, just like women are doing (the difference though is that you have more chances to be listened to and supported than we are, but that's another story!)

So, gentlemen, what benefits could boudoir give you?

1) BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE by challenging yourself

A boudoir shoot is a challenge by itself. It is vulnerable & sets you out of your comfort zone. But what happens when you step out of your comfort zone? You grow and develop confidence. And this spreads in every area of your life. We can guarantee that you will leave this experience with a confidence boost if you try it.

2) Appreciate your body the way it is

By having a professional boudoir shoot down, you will be given the opportunity to see your body in a flattering way, the way it really is. And this feeling also leads to a healthy and strong personal growth.

3) Get in touch with your feminine side (no it doesn't mean you’re gay!)

Every single human being has both a feminine and masculine side. Women tap into their masculine side constantly (even too much in our current society, but again, that's another topic), so why couldn't you tap into your feminine one? Your feminine side is a huge asset in your life. It keeps you grounded and helps you simply enjoy what is around you. You become more aware of what all of your senses are picking up, it helps you develop new perspectives and creativity. It's a win-win for you and your loved ones!

4) Bring down the pressure around men body-image.

The more regular-looking men we will see around, the more normal it will become, just like it is happening for women. But it has to start somewhere, and it is in your power to demolish those beauty standards by simply showing reality. You won't be only be doing yourself a favor, you will also do one for your fellas too.

5) Break the toxic masculinity

By trying such a vulnerable experience and coming out feeling just good about yourself, you will slowly but surely remove the clichés attributed to men such as “don’t cry, be strong, suck it up, don't be girlie” and so on.

You got the idea, a boudoir shoot will simply give you the chance to feel good about yourself. It is a gift from you, to you. So Why prevent yourself from enjoying an experience like this?

I turned 30

Hey Scandals, Fanny writing today!

I want to share with you my experience on turning 30. I feel like there are a lot of expectations coming from others but also from our own beliefs about starting a new decade. Generally speaking we believe that by 30 we should have our life together: be a home owner, married with kids and a carrier. So we put a lot of pressure on our shoulders thinking with HAVE to fit in this mold.

My friends, this is not the reality anymore (was it ever?) ! So let's dust off all of those expectations that, frankly, are just here to create more stress and anxiety. We don't want that in our life, do we?

Last January I turned 30 and honestly I was fine (end of the article, thanks for reading).

More seriously! I am the type of person who is not afraid to get old and die, so age was never really a struggle for me. But apparently it is a harder topic for others…

You see, people expect you to feel bad about turning 30, especially if you are:

• a woman;

• who is single;

• with no kids.

Like me! So around my birthday, I have heard them all:

“You must be so sad to turn 30?”

“Still no kids hein!”

“Are you single by choice?"

“When are we seeing a ring on your finger?”

“You are not 25 anymore, time to get settled!”… Blablabla.

For those who know me, you will not be surprised to hear that instead of feeling angry, I tried to educate those people but man it asks for a lot of patience!

It is really easy for people to guilt trip others, especially if they believe they know better. It is usually done in a “I am joking” way but the result is the same: we feel bad about our life choices and start doubting ourself.

The way I see it is we have 3 options here:

• we give up and make choices towards a life than is not ideal for us;

• we feel angry at them, carrying negativity and frustration around. The chances are we are gonna explode at some point and start useless confrontations.

• or, we ignore them and keep focusing on how we want to live our life (I vote for this one!)

Personally I believe some people are not worth my energy. I am happy with my lifestyle and would not trade it with anybody else. It makes me feel free and I know I am going towards the right path, meaning the one towards what I want to achieve.

Don't be afraid to dig into what you truly want and take actions to make them happen.

If your loved ones don't understand and disagree, then this is not your problem. In the end, it does not really matter what they think, they are not you. The best fight you can start is towards the life you wanna build for yourself.

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"You're Pretty For a Girl in a Wheelchair"

2 years ago, we received an email from an incredible and gorgeous woman who push her boundaries and decided to talk to us about her disability. She wanted to use boudoir photography as a gift for her 35th birthday, a way to celebrate and treat herself.

Meet Katie

“I wanted to have a photo shoot to celebrate me finding beauty within my own body.

It took me a while to reach self-acceptance. In high school, I remember there was always this pressure society laid out for us that implied that the definition of beauty was to be thin and flawless. I was also a teenager with a physical disability.

I remember being at a mall, shopping with my friends and someone saying to me “You are very pretty, for a girl in a wheelchair”. It really got me to thinking that not only does my physical features go against social norms but so does my disability.

Have we built up such an image in our heads about the ideal look of beauty that we can’t think outside the box?

Why is there a box in the first place?

Why is my attractiveness contingent on the status of my abilities?

Years pass, my body changes, as naturally as a woman’s body would do. I started to carry myself with more confidence as time went by. I made a decision a few times along the way to choose a healthier eating lifestyle.  My weight fluctuated here and there, but I continued to maintain a positive image of myself and I chose to become more active.

As a young woman with a physical disability, exercising routines had to be modified. I started including weekly swimming sessions, seeing a physiotherapist to see how I could optimize increasing my range of motion, and I use a hand bicycle three times a week. In addition to exercise, I found and implemented a diet that suited me, personally. I was able to eat healthy and still eat the foods I enjoy.

Now that I was on a good path, it was time to focus on pampering myself.  Display to the world, how I am feeling on the inside.

“Yes, as a curvy woman with a disability,

I embrace and celebrate my sexuality.”

But I wasn’t always brave enough to share it openly on such a public platform. I am ready to challenge what people expect.

I am Katie, I’m thirty-five years old, single, curvy, sexy and beautiful.

Thank you, Juliette and Fanny, for helping me to bring out a side of me I wasn’t sure existed. I have a feeling the journey has only just begun…

“You are not invisible! You are worthy!” 

A big part in making my decision to do a shoot comes from this breathtaking piece of poetry by my dear friend Forest Blakk: SWIPE RIGHT

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Don't be afraid to embrace your sensuality

For hundreds of years, sensuality has been related to sexuality. And even if both can be connected (when you learn to develop your sensuality, you learn to appreciate your body the way it is, which opens up your sexuality), sensuality can have a much bigger impact than leading to sex:

It helps feeling liberated!

What is sensuality?

If you Google it, you will read the common definition of sensuality is:

The enjoyment, expression, or pursuit of physical, especially sexual, pleasure.

But sensuality is also defined as the ability to feel in touch with all our senses: touch, smell, sight, hearing, taste and any extrasensory perceptions beyond our five commonly recognized senses.

If sensuality is often interpreted as sexuality, it is because of that one thing they have in common. PLEASURE. What can be more difficult to understand is this notion of pleasure: some things can give you sexual pleasure and others can be pleasurable without sexual desire.

Sensuality can increase your sexual behaviour but can also be about enjoying simple pleasures, such as watching a sunset, flavourful food, a massage, a perfume or any particular smell, a yoga pose, feeling the sun on your skin… Anything that makes you feel amazing in the moment but isn't related to sex.

Why is it important to embrace it?

As women we heard it all:

“Be polite. Dress up properly. Be a good girl!" they say.

Most of us have been told to never be too loud because people will think we are hysterical. We have been told to not take too much room otherwise we are just showing off. Neither to show too much skin because we are whores if we do. So we cover ourselves up, forget how to be in touch with our femininity and let our true essence disappears. And for what? Well just to please others and fit in a mold.

Not loving our whole-self enough leads to frustration, jealousy and sadness. How can we expect to be happy and live the life we want, when we are filled with all those negative feelings?

Well, learning to grow that sensual side we all have is a way to start feeling in harmony with our body, which increases our self-confidence and trust in others. And since sensuality is connected to all of our senses, it also develops our creativity, imagination and intuition (I'll take two of those please… how can you say no to that!).

How can you develop your sensuality?

When at peace with our whole-self, we are less likely to feel stressed in our every day life. We also don't feel the need of external validation: what people can think of us does not matter anymore. It creates a new level of self-love!

So, are you tempted to start caring about your sensuality? Or to develop it even more than you already do? Well, we do… Just writing this blog post makes us curious about what is next on our sensuality list!

So far, here is what we do to cultivate sensuality:

• Boudoir photography:

  Surprise! We might be biased but this his a huge part of our life, so we cannot talk about sensuality without mentioning the art of boudoir. Come on, can you think of a more powerful tool to develop your sensuality than boudoir photography: having (pardon our french) the balls to pose half naked -or naked- and still feel badass and empowered… ? That's what we think :)

• Pole Dance & Aerial Silk:

  You maybe saw us online or heard us talk about those two acrobatic activities. They are tough to do and painful but man, it's worth it! They are both incredible for flexibility, strength and core. We train with music, create our own choreography to work on our sensuality and sexiness.

• Stretching:

  Anything that is related to movement has a positive impact on sensuality. Gifting your body with more flexibility is very important for our physical and mental health. It keeps the muscles flexible, strong, and healthy, and we need that flexibility to maintain a range of motion in the joints and keep our body moving. We don’t know for you guys but we wanna become sexy and healthy grandmas!

• Food:

  Big foodies here! We are both from France, so let us tell you that you how much food means to us. France has a fabulous culinary reputation and it is for a reason: french cuisine is all about flavors, forget about salt and sugar, we are talking about explosion of aromas. We learnt to educate our palate, so when we try exquisite food, it can feel like non-sexual orgasms.
  

• Makeup (Juliette writing):

  I associate sensuality with femininity and confidence. Makeup has always been a great tool for that in my opinion. I have fun with it by creating different looks depending on how I feel. It makes me feel confident, stylish, like I have my life in order.

• Twerk (Fanny here):

  Twerking was my most recent sensual discovery. I always wanted to learn this dance, mostly to have fun but also because I like testing things that are not well accepted in our society, things that can seem provocative. I took one class and I was on my butt -french expression to say it blew my mind- :). I would have never expected to fall in love with it. You put all your energy and movement around your hips which makes you feel so powerful and sexy.

Now you just have to go for it!

“I never thought that sex was wrong, sinful, dirty. When you take away the thought of things being dirty or forbidden, then you can really enjoy your sensuality.” Gioconda Belli

We see sensuality as a way to experience a deep peace with ourselves, to feel alive and fulfill. So if you embrace it, it makes you feel like you can do anything.

The world become your oyster.

And guess what?! When you feel like you can do anything, you actually start doing stuff that make you happy and 100% yourself. It is like a magical kick in the bum!

You know what, let's make it a little challenge: find a new way to bring your sensuality to the next level, before the end of the month.

It does not matter the activity you are using to grow that sensual side of yours (sexuality, dance, food, …), the most important thing is to do it for YOU.

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Boudoir Photography = a step back from feminism?

One of our first radio interview covered the relationship bewteen boudoir photography and feminism. A sociologist was brought on board to discuss the impact on publishing your boudoir photos online and she had a pretty strong opinion about it (even though we do not agree with it, we believe it is important to listen to other's point of view and understand why people can think differently).

If you'd like to watch the interview and read the article (in French), it's here.

A quick reminder.

We won't go over in details why you should do a boudoir session (because we did it here) but to recap, we think that the best reason to do it is because you want to treat and/or challenge yourself. It is the perfect opportunity to showcase your confidence, welcome your true self and slam the door on everything that has held you back.

Posting sexy photos of yourself online = seeking attention?

During this interview, we were asked why our models were sharing their photos online. Our main argument is that, you Scandals post them because you are proud of them, and proud of yourself. The second argument is that, we do like receiving support from others. It feels nice to get positive comments from friends, family and sometimes strangers.

Every time our clients share their pictures from their session on social media, they get a lot of positive comments from people supporting the movement. They even inspire people to do a same or at least be more loving with their body.

If social media can get more positive messages and encouragement, we don't know about you but we are down!

The point of view expressed by the sociologist in this article was pretty concerning. From what we understood, she thinks the fact that more women want to show themselves in lingerie is risky and is not a way to claim our feminism. She adds:

"Why should every woman show themselves? I see it at a regressive phenomenon."

Not Ashamed.

By definition, feminism is wanting to get the same rights as men, period. We think that dragging feminism and politics in this interview didn't make much sense with boudoir to begin with. We are assuming the idea behind it was that, as women, we cannot expect to be taken as seriously if we were to post sexy pictures of ourselves online.

Boudoir photography is getting more and more popular for one reason: women (and men!) are finally saying "screw it" to inaccessible beauty standards and are encouraging self love and acceptance.

Boudoir is a way to celebrate yourself, why would you hide it? Don't get us wrong, you have every right to keep your photos private. But you also have the right to share them without losing points in the feminism column.

Less professional because of boudoir?

If you have been following us for a little while, you must have seen that we are mainly using ourselves for our advertising, in lingerie, and even tasteful nudity.

Does that make us look less professional to you? Do you even remember it when you see us face to face? No. What sticks is the message behind it: you can do whatever the hell you want.

The other photographer, Sarah, says at the end of the video that she admires women who share their photos online because it motivates others to do the same and will become more and more normal.

“We don't have to worry about what people think because it does not define who we are.” she added.

Man, we cannot agree more! You are not less professional because of your boudoir photos. It has absolutely nothing to do with your work performance, the way you interact with people, or whether you like broccoli or not. If anything, you were just brave enough to openly say you are proud of yourself.

You do not need to explain your choices to others. Do a boudoir shoot if that makes you happy, share your pictures with the world if you want to… At the end of the day YOU are the only one who decide what is the best for your beautiful self!

And if you don't feel ready (yet!) to do a boudoir shoot with a professional, then start with an homemade one. We have created a fully detailed online program so you can take your own pictures with just your cellphone, at home, in your own time. This is the perfect opportunity to get familiar with the boudoir photography world!

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How tantric sex coach Pamela Horner reclaimed her power - Scandaleuse X Shedoesthecity

Let us introduce you to the powerful Pamela Horner, a Tantric Sexual Empowerment Coach who wants to help people have “epic orgasms” (put your hands up you wanna learn… we sure do!).

This article is part of our collaboration with She Does The City & Womanizer, in which we help them feature fierce AF womxn in boudoir photo shoots.

“As a woman in recovery for sexual trauma, Pamela’s journey to get to where she is today is both harrowing and inspiring. She has spent a lot of time healing from her past, and now directs her energy to helping other people reclaim their sexuality.

”I made it my mission to help people reclaim their inner God/Goddess in order to own their power and pleasure.” 

The work she does with clients help them gain confidence in all facets of their lives.

Gorgeous is one word we’d use to describe Pamela’s photos, but they also exude a warm and peaceful energy—a sense of ease. A fascinating person with a generous heart, we were curious to get to know Pamela more…

How would you describe your sexuality?

I would describe my sexuality as bi-sexual.

How did you reclaim your power?

I discovered that sexual power was the key to feeling alive, confident, magical, and it even helped me make money. When I figured out how to use this power for good, to help people reawaken their most shamed, neglected lost parts, everything started to transform not only for me, for my clients as well.

I literally went from wanting to end my life, feeling numb, worthless and empty to feeling powerful, magical, radiant and influential, able to command the love, relationships and income that I desired. 

What is tantric sex, exactly?

Tantra is about connection and presence… it isn’t inherently about sex, but its teachings allow you to see and experience deep pleasure in the present moment and transmit that feeling to another, if you so choose. It helps you to reconnect to deeper levels of bliss.

Sounds amazing, how do you help people get there? 

I help people step into their power through one on one coaching. Everyone is born powerful, but along the way we receive messages that we are ‘less than’. We can fake confidence for most of the time, but in heightened states of vulnerability—like sex—there is nowhere to hide. This is where a lack of power can show up as a lack of arousal, or not being able to ask for what you want—feeling unfulfilled, or even uninterested in pleasure. 

I truly believe that the reason that people don’t have the love, money, or pleasure that they want is because their mind and nervous system believe that it is unsafe for them to expand beyond what is familiar. This is really deep work but when you are able to access the primal self, diving into the deepest level of your unconscious mind, you can experience radical change in your life.

What types of people do you help through your Tantric Sexual Empowerment coaching?

My clients are typically successful entrepreneurs that know they are destined for so much more. They’ve had moments of being so close only to find that there is something they are missing… that something is the connection to their deepest most hypnotic power – sexual power.

What advice do you wish to give your younger self?

As long as you are trying to seek approval, you will never taste true power. True power exists within you and you have always had it.

Happiness, desire, pleasure and delightful deviousness are all a part of your true essence. The only way to hold onto these things is by diving into yourself, getting to know yourself, and understanding that loving yourself is not something anyone would ever look back on and say “I wish I didn’t do that”.

Also, I love you, you are a fierce fucking warrior Goddess and you are here to turn the world on.”

Curious to learn more about Pamela? Follow her on Instagram at @theawakenedaphrodite. See more of our Womanizer x Sheoesthecity boudoir shoots here.“.

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How & When To Change Your Life

We all want to be Happy. To not have any regrets. To feel at peace with ourselves, feel accomplished and fulfilled. It sounds so simple, doesn't it?  So why do we struggle to actually reach it? 

Here is a little test for you, answer honestly and from the heart!

Have you ever compared yourself to others, or wish for what you don't have?

Have you ever felt like you were too old to change, or that you've invested yourself in a lifestyle or career that doesn't feel right for you but the thought of quitting it sounds unrealistic because you have been at it for so long?

Have you ever felt like you were just being a spoiled brat because you match the pretty checkboxes of what success is supposed to be on paper, so you really shouldn't complain?

If any of these resonates with you, it is time for you to read the following:

We have this lame habit of creating obstacles on our own paths. Sometimes unconsciously because we are conditioned to. Sometimes out of fear and doubts. But here is the truth:

We already have all the tools we need to create our own happiness. You, us. Everyone. And it is just a matter of choosing them and learning how to use them.

Now read that again. 

Your age doesn't matter. The time invested in your current path doesn't matter either.

We have met women in their 50's who have drastically changed their lives. We have had clients who opened their dream businesses because they decided to silence their inner fear. We have a friend who is 75 and decided his age will not be a limit to his dreams. 

You know what they all say? "I should have done this sooner". 

The minute you stop ignoring this craving for change you have deep down in your heart in order to be happier, magic happens. 

To make it work, you're gonna have to learn to listen, face your limiting beliefs and put yourself first.

What if the first step is to stop doubting yourself?

We all set expectations for ourselves on how we should be and act on a mental but also physical level. Again, due to conditioning or standards we are facing on a daily basis.

You must have this vision on how you think people see you, and maybe you even create a certain pressure around it. And if you feel like you are not matching those expectations, you end up doubting your behaviour and choices, focus on your flaws and disregard your qualities. In conclusion: you're hitting the brakes on following your life aspirations until you "fix this".

But have you ever noticed that people seem to see you differently than you see yourself? We sure have! And it totally makes sense!

It is impossible to see ourselves from an outside perspective. To see how we talk and interact with others or how we use our body language… For example, some people can see you determined, others can see you aggressive. Maybe you look bored, or maybe you just feel particularly calm.

It can be so confusing that we end up wishing to be different and our inner voice wakes up, full of:

"I wish I were smarter!",

"I wish I could be like this person!",

"I wish my life were different!".

However, nothing is set in stone.

You are not a constant package with the same features forever and you cannot please everyone. So how about doing what feels right for YOU?

You are your most powerful asset. And you will definitely feel the happiest when you feel like your true-self and this requires making decisions despite what others might think. After all, regrets are our worst enemy, especially when we refuse to learn from them.

So how do you become the person you desire to be? How do you get in harmony with your mind but also your body? How do you gain that confidence to live the life you deserve? 

Allow yourself to ask for help

There is no magical recipe to improve yourself overnight but there are concrete ways to achieve it.

Changing is a long process that can be difficult and frustrating, especially if you do it by yourself. We believe humankind is stronger when we work together, so there is no shame to ask for help when you need it.  

With the proper expertise, tools, exercises and a strong willpower to work on yourself, you can make those changes happen faster than you think. But all of this cannot take place unless YOU ARE READY to welcome it!

You are Limitless

You are unique and we want to show you that you can do anything, that life is an ocean of opportunities and realize you do not have to follow only one path.

We want to help you tap into your potential to create your own future and follow your desires. 

This is why we created The Limitless Program. We are combining mindset consulting and boudoir photography to help you heal from the inside out by giving you the tools to elevate yourself and build the self-confidence you can apply to any area of your life.

It’s about making micro changes that result in macro differences, so you can finally become a stronger and more fulfilled version of yourself.

Through Limitless, you are saying YES to taking your life by the reins and steering yourself into the person you’ve always wanted to be.

Are you ready to live your life to the fullest?

How shifting your mindset can change your life

We are strong believers that a positive mindset is the key to happiness, whatever that word means to you. You might not realize it but the way you think impact any decisions you make in your life. Our fears, hopes, beliefs, any emotions we feel, positive or negative, change drastically our perspectives.

It is in the human nature to look for happiness, but we often don’t know how to reach it. This results in feeling lost or stuck in our own life. But what if we were telling you that any of us can live a successful and fulfilled life?

Would you believe us if we were to tell you that you are the only one who can decide to be happy?

Get it right from the get-go

We are not saying it is an easy process, no one have their sh*t together and we are all faking it until we make it. But all you need are the good tools and practice.

• Have goals, big or small.

Having concrete goals will give you the motivation to move forward in your future, and make you feel excited about taking decisions while pushing you to adapt your routine.

Once you've lined up these ideas, you need to learn to identify non-toxic from toxic goals. How? Ask yourself "why" you are aiming for that specific goal. Is it for yourself? Others? Is it too intense? Unachievable ? Is it compromising your health? Always remember to be your own measurement system instead of comparing yourself to others.

• Implement positive thinking and statements:

Every time you catch yourself having a negative thought, acknowledge them by asking yourself WHY you are having negative thoughts and WHERE do they come from. Then, as trivial as it may sound, smile and twist it positively instead of making yourself feel worse:

"I am stupid… NO: I am smart!”

“I hate my acne… NO: I am beautiful!"

“I cannot do it… NO: I have been through worse than that, I am strong!"

The more you start making these statements, the more you will believe and see them. This is the power of manifestation, if you repeatedly keep saying negative things then those things are what will come to light. It works the same way for positive statements.

Make it a habit while looking at yourself in the mirror (because it feels good to look at yourself right in the eyes):

I radiate beauty.  I radiate power. I radiate prosperity. I radiate love. I radiate light.

I am strong. I am confident. I will be successful.

I am beautiful. I have a great body. I love the way I look.

• Learn to not be afraid to fail:

We all failed when we were kids, from the first step we took to all of the times we fell, it was part of our learning process. So failing as an adult is just as normal.

Failure means you keep learning, experimenting, progressing towards the life you are building, so instead of feeling ashamed we have to embrace it!

Grow, unlock other possibilities and achieve more than you could think!

• Feel inspired not jealous:

Step away from negativity and jealousy by opening your mind, feeding your soul and surrounding yourself with like-minded people and people who are a few steps ahead of you too.

Keep learning, think about your goals, listen to yourself, learn to eliminate what doesn't work for you.

Just remember, you cannot compare yourself to others since you do not have the same life and aspirations.

There will always be parts of yourself that you are working on and you often think that "it will be better over there, and I will only be happy when…” but guess what?! Once you get over there, chances are you will face similar feelings of obstacles. Unless you break the cycle with everything we just told you.

Forgive yourself for making mistakes and take the pressure away by acknowledging that you are doing your best in every moment with the tools you have. That's how You will see a significant impact and change into your life.

Thank you @lianalewis and @edenalexwine for bringing your beautiful minds to this blog.

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It ain't about time, it is about priorities!

Scandals, we need to talk! We have a big nowadays' problem (well we have more than one: #zerowaste, #prayforsudan, we unfortunately could add more to the list) and this problem is called “I don't have the time". It sounds familiar, doesn't it? Isn't it a sentence we hear more and more when we try to meet with friends or create professional collaborations?

The “I am too busy” symptom

Don’t get me wrong, with all of those life opportunities people are getting busier and it is fantastic. Travelling is easier, we have so many tools to realize our projects and ideas, even dating is one swipe away from being effortless. It will be a nonsense to not grab life by the balls! But unfortunately we have the tendency to use “I don't have the time” too often as an excuse instead of being straight forward and saying “No”.

As humans being time is all we have, life is only about the time we have left before it is too late. So it is not truly about the time, it is about priorities.

It is fine to not wanted to be part of whatever someone is offering you but remember, no mater the excuse you have, it is always better to be as honest as possible without hurting the person's feelings or ego. If you have time to watch Netflix, then you have time to do anything else (priorities my friend!). If it is too difficult for you to say “No”, you can always find alternatives:

• This is not a priority for me.

• Let me think about it and get back to you if I change my mind.

• I don’t have the budget for it.

• I would prefer to enjoy some me-time tonight.

But honestly, you don't even have to give an excuse, you can decline politely: “Thanks for thinking of me but I will pass” (with a friendly and cute emoji). After all, you don't owe anything to anyone.

The importance of saying “NO”

Two things happen when people do not dare to decline:

• They disappear, cut communication without telling you what was the problem. FYI, this is unacceptable, rude, unprofessional and happened to us too many times. We hope for you guys you will never get stood up and if it did happen to you, we are sorry cause it sucks!

• They don't put the effort to do the work they are supposed to do, which creates delays and unnecessary stress.

It is important to see any relationship as a win-win situation. Being honest and telling someone "No" will save you a lot of headaches, plus you will not waste the time of your interlocutor who is probably trying to plan things around YOUR schedule to make his/her project comes to life. If this person is ready to make time for you then you have to do the same…

Not rushing your decision to be part of it or not will help to avoid any negative issues. Take a couple of days to think about it, you do not have to give an answer right away! See if you want/can actually be part of a project or event. If it is for a professional collaboration for example, ask yourself what you can bring to this new business relationship and how does it benefit you.

Commitment is a virtue

If you commit to something avoid changing your mind in the middle of the road, unless you have a very good and honest excuse. The lack of motivation should not make you run away from your responsibilities!

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