The thrill of outdoor boudoir

With the beautiful weather and temperature being nice and toasty, the opportunity for outdoor boudoir shoots is knocking a t our doors,for our greatest pleasure. Those tend to spark a lot of curiosity; after all, why would you do an outdoor shoot? How is that even doable? Let's dive in!

“Why would I even do an outdoor boudoir shoot?”

1) Some of us don't belong inside.

When you are considering having boudoir photos done, you want them to look like you. The real you, when you feel badass, confident and comfortable. For many of us, it is easier to feel this way when we are outdoors. Especially because being outdoors usually emphasize…

2) The feeling of freedom.

The outdoors, especially nature, is very often associated with peace and freedom, it's just in the air. That's why even guided meditation tend to “take” you outside. The energy is different, it is powerful and calm at the same time. Why stopping yourself from enjoying it?

3) A little extra challenge to satisfy your adventurous side.

If you are looking for an extra thrill during your boudoir shoot, shooting outdoors makes you feel SUPER badass because it is even more “unconventional” than an indoor boudoir shoot. If you have a rebellious spirit, you will definitely enjoy posing outdoors

4) The sceneries!

Why limit yourself to a home that could look like someone's else’s when you can have a beautiful scenery around you? A river, a mountain, a rooftop… It just makes it a lot more epic!

If you are feeling excited about all of those reasons, first: YAY! - then, let us take you through our logistics!

Winter works great too!

“How does it work if I want to shoot outside?”

There are a few things to consider before doing an outdoor boudoir photoshoot with us:

The best spots are semi-private

We can't really privatize an entire river, forest or street. Even though we have some secret spots that are off the beaten path, we can't guarantee that someone isn’t going to walk by. The good news ? The rare people we have seen really don't give a crap about the shoot and even apologized for disturbing us 😉

We are ninja photographers

The fact that the two of us are on every shoot makes it very easy & fast to cover you up if needed. One of us tends to stand close to you with a coat or towel while the other shoots.

We are mindful about nudity.

Chances are if you are looking to do an outdoor shoot, you are probably dreaming of having a beautiful nude or semi-nude image of yourself too (and you should, it is awesome). In case you were wondering: it is legal for women to be topless in Canada, and it has been forever, as long as we are being aware of what is around us. For example, no children around.

Since all of the spots we tend to go to are hidden, we never had a problem with nudity. Once again, having two shooters on set makes it easier to have someone on the lookout and cover you up in a second!

Partial nudity is usually a lot easier to manage, consider it if you feel like you’d want to experiment but aren’t looking to go too far!

If there is one thing we can promise is that you won't regret shooting outdoors. The settings are beautiful, the feeling is amazing and the final photos are epic.

The whole experience is truly magical, so if you were considering it, don't wait any longer, we will be happy to guide you through it!

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5 tips to get ready for your boudoir shoot

You gathered your courage and finally booked your boudoir shoot? Yay, congrats!
So… now what? Do you just wait until your date and wing it?
Well, you can, but you can also do a few simple things to make the most out of this experience and enjoy it even more.

The shoot itself is an amazing experience, but preparing for it is also so much fun! It IS really nice to think about your outfits, your vibe, your looks.. It builds up the excitement, gives you some butterflies… All of the good stuff!

So, if you are looking for those butterflies and are not sure where to start, here are 5 simple ways to get ready for your boudoir session:

1) Look online for inspiration

Chances are, you probably did that before even inquiring, but if so, keep adding to it and if not, time to get some Pinterest out of you! Grab a glass of wine and get browsing! Search what boudoir means to you, think about some atmospheres, themes, poses and lighting you like and pin away! Not only it is a super fun process, but it is helpful for us as well as photographers to know what makes your heart sing.

Extra tip: Don’t worry about finding people who look like you, this is a vibe we are looking for, not photos to copy and paste. Try to ignore the poses as well, a lot of the ones we find online are performed by super bendy people and often edited in post.

2) Start working on your posture

Yep, time to straighten that back! Not only for aesthetic reasons, but also because adjusting your posture makes you stand tall and brings up confidence. Boudoir is all about making that confidence shine, so let's take it everywhere we can!

Extra tip: No need to overthink it, simply practice bringing your shoulder blades closer together and picture a thread pulling you from the top of your head. Et voilà!

3) Plan your outfits

Oh this is a goodie. Contrary to popular beliefs, you don't necessarily need to wear standard lingerie for your boudoir shoot. If anything, we are more looking for outfits you feel amazing and beautiful in, as it is very easy to bring a boudoir twist to clothes.

Any outfits can be turned into a boudoir one. What matters is what makes you feel like YOU. That's what we want to capture. So if you want to rock some lace, by all means, go for it, but if you are feeling more of a joggers/loose t-shirt vibe, then it is awesome too! Have fun with it!

Extra tip: Plan a solid top 3 of your favourite outfits and bring extra, even some bits and pieces you aren't sure to do what with. Chances are we may see something you haven't. If you need more inspiration, we wrote a blog post about the 5 best props we've seen on shoots, you can read it here.

4) Practice in the mirror

With you have a full length mirror at home, it is time to put it to use! Take a moment to try on your outfits, see what poses you like, check what your favourite parts of your body are and even if you have a preferred side. This little exercise, especially if boudoir is a bit challenging for you, will only make your session easier.

If you feel like you would just be hard on yourself, then ditch this step, focus on the others and just follow our lead the day of. For some of us, it can be difficult to face ourselves and keep it positive and that's okay. We will do it for you!

Extra tip: we have a complete online guide to experiment with boudoir at home and its costs is 100% redeemable on your boudoir session or package.

5) Prep a playlist

It is no secret that music leads the mood. It helps you relax and makes you feel like the main character in your story! All of our lofts have speakers ready to connect with your device, so have fun creating a playlist that makes you feel like the badass and sexy being you are!

Extra tip: check out our Scandaleuse playlist on Spotify! We have a bit of everything to get those good vibes out of you

Now you have all the tools you need to get beautiful ready for your boudoir shoot! Enjoy the pre-shoot process as much as you can, it is a big part of your experience, it would be a shame to miss out on it!

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Artist vs Entrepreneur

Juliette and I met in photography school in Paris 12 years ago. We spent 3 years learning about photography, its history and different technics (we even learnt about photographic film which was a lot of fun!). That process of learning pushed us to always discover and create more, we felt like true artists.

Juliette & Fanny, many many many moons ago, in photography school 📸

We were using each other as models and always had weird (cough - I mean interesting) ideas that ended up being really cool 🕶️. It was all about figuring out our style by trying random things. We did not care about likes and comments or making money, it was all about creating.

Then we opened Scandaleuse and things changed. Don’t get us wrong we still give all of our creative energy and love to our work and community, but becoming business owners shift your perspective about art and our passion.

Having a business changes everything!

The main goal of opening a business is to make a living out of it. You spend countless of hours working on your branding, building a trustful reputation, finding professional relationships and new clients. You invest so much energy, time, and money, that you do every you can to make a return on all that investment. Which means that unfortunately you put most of the creative enjoyment on the side and focus on what your clients would enjoy.

Of course you create your branding at your image and your clients come to you because they enjoy and can relate to your style, but creating for your business is different than creating just for yourself.

If we were to only focus on being artists, we will put our clients in more complicated poses, creative and colourful makeup, always nude or in weir outfits… But the way we do boudoir photography is to make it accessible to everyone and get away from traditional boudoir. For us it is really important to make sure we adapt to our clients rather than the other way around, and even if our Scandals like our style they still want to look like themselves during their shoot. So we do have to follow their taste and add a bit of our twist to the mix. Honestly we are ok with this because people who shoot with us always have cool ideas but they are also happy to follow our directions!

And whenever we feel the need to explore our creativity and do personal shoots, we know we have people in our community who are always up to go on our boudoir adventures 😍

What to do if you feel like you are loosing your creativity and passion?

When you have a full-time business, especially as a creative, you can easily lose your passion to focus only on money. It is not something that happens right away, it take years before realizing that your business is killing the artist within you. One day you wakeup feeling unmotivated and frustrated, without understanding why. Then you realize you haven’t created in a long time just for the sick of creating because you have been too focused on your business.

Well the solution is quite simple:

Take some time to work on a personal project to refuel your creative juice!

For example, if you are a photographer think about an idea or style you want to experiment, find a model or two (or 20 if you have a crazy big vision), maybe add other creative peeps on your project, and make it this project come to life! Don’t think about how many likes or comments you can get from it on social media, or how much you could sell the pictures for, do it just to fill yourself with joy and pride.

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I edited my photos and I regret it

If you follow us on Instagram, you saw that Fanny and I shared some of our earliest work as photographers. What was meant to be an endearing, loving and funny post brought out an interesting realization for me: I am not able to tell on which photos I edited my body. And I deeply regret it.

The quick fix of photo editing

I started fiddling with editing softwares when I was about 15, back in 2007. At first, it was just to create little emo montages to put on my blog (yes I'm this old).

Then, I found some tutorials to alter reality and change proportions. And of course, my deeply insecure teenaged self didn't wait 2 minutes before applying it to my face and my body. Like many teenagers, my weight was the main source of my insecurities. So I went to town, shrinking my waist, my cheekbones, my legs and removing anything I thought was a flaw.

Did it make me feel better? For a split second, absolutely. I got the outside validation from my peers, I convinced myself it was better this way, which was enough for me. I was actually quite good at editing and nobody noticed. Plus, it was the early days, our eyes weren't used to spot this kind of editing.

What I didn't realize is that I was heavily feeding my insecurities.

2012 - No idea if I edited myself or not, deleted the original.

The danger of building an alternate you.

Slapping filters, changing your body: it is never just a one-off.

Once you start, it only gets worse. It is never enough. Think about it, you found an easy way to fix one "flaw", of course you are gonna find ways to fix another. And then you gonna dive in into parts of yourself you didn't have anything against, but it needs to match the rest of the edited you so… a vicious cycle begins.

I distinctly remember snapping a little auto-portrait when I was about 16 and editing everything so much that I ended up changing the size of my eyes. The. Size. Of. My. Eyes.

I remember looking at this and thinking "who the f*ck is this".

This was one of the first steps that rang a bell to me and said “Jules, you went too far". I never published this photo and I wasn't able to find it, chances are I deleted a few years ago because of that reason.

You would think that this would have led my path to self-acceptance, that I stopped editing and unicorns started dancing around me. HA!

Nope. I just transferred this virtual version of me to my real life.

2011 - Edited my waist - Beautiful proof of my body-dysmorphia as I found myself fat.

I wanted to be this virtual version I created in real life.

I got that editing was bad for me but not for the right reasons. I twisted this to "I can't edit myself anymore because it makes me feel bad, so I'm gonna change my body in real life". This was the peak of my body-dysmorphia journey and it lasted way until my mid-2os.

I was just "too fat", all the time. Losing weight didn't make a difference, i didn't see it.

It started impacting my every day life, making me not eat before taking photos, not letting people take pictures of me, controlling everything as much as I could, something that I still do to this day when I'm feeling unsafe. I am extremely lucky that I didn't develop obsessive eating disorders, I honestly have no idea how I dodged it with this way of thinking.

Walking away from this required a lot of different seeds to stop acting like an idiot.

Many of those amazing women we get to work with on the daily.

1) Letting others show me.

We are in 2011. I am photographing more and more women I find absolutely stunning while they don't technically check the beauty standard boxes blasted in front of us. They're confident, they're open about their insecurities and they don't let them dictate their lives. I see them shine during my shoots and I'm impressed.

they planted the first seeds in my brain that I could actually accept myself the way I was too.

Then I meet other women just as beautiful but not as confident and it blows my mind. I find myself believing in and encouraging THEM to shine. And I must be doing something right because it works and they believe me. Even more so, a fire starts within them and I'm loving it.

And one day, it clicks: if I see their beauty at first glance and they don't, is there a chance I'm doing the same for me? Just like that, I planted the next seed: the one that shows the lack of accuracy of negative self-talk and that I shouldn't let it take over.

2) Starting aerial silks and changing my perspective.

By this time, we are in 2013, I'm 21. I haven't edited my body in years, but instead, I simply hide it in every way I can. Out of sight, out of mind. But I'm about to plant another seed for myself without knowing: I start aerial silks.

What's the point, you may wonder?
It made me see that my body is a strong ass one, more than just an appearance.

It starts changing too, it gets fitter, things I didn't know was an option. I don't see it as much as a flawed thing anymore, it impresses me. I knew that I had to capture that in case it faded away, so I can have a keepsake. So I did. I still have this photo in my apartment and look at it often.

3) Opening Scandaleuse and stopping the hypocrisy.

I'm 25 now, I'm just starting to embrace myself the way I should. Fanny and I are brainstorming ideas about Scandaleuse. We both have this deep passion around highlighting women's beauty, especially when they don't see it.

Boudoir is the way we chose but it is still much easier to do it for others than myself. So before we even opened anything, something pushed me out of my comfort zone and I asked Fanny to shoot my first ever boudoir shoot to know what it would feel like.

Of course, I fell RIGHT BACK into my old habits: I asked to shoot at 7am to make sure I wasn't bloated, before I had eaten anything. I had a very hard time to let go and I even edited some photos (“it was just some unflattering shadows” (no it wasn't))

Photo from this shoot. Pretty sure I edited my stomach here.

Not only did it make me feel like absolute garbage to do this but this was also the first time Fanny told me I was wrong, in calm, almost sad, way.

You see, I had never anybody who actually told me that. I have had people dismissing my concerns with the flicker of a hand many times, but no one actually sat me down and tried to tell me that I might see myself in the wrong light, especially someone I deeply trusted. Fanny planted one of the biggest seeds I needed and I don't think she knows it. I'm so glad she did.

I realized I couldn't open a business about self-acceptance and kicking beauty standards in the balls if I wasn't willing to do it myself.

And if there is one thing that I can't accept, it is being a hypocrite.

It was even more important than my insecurities, it just wasn't an option. From this moment, I decided it was time to change. I never edited myself again after this.

So, is it healed?

Mostly, yes. But I don't believe it will ever go away fully. I still have moments when old habits come back and I'm tempted to edit something or cancel a shoot because I feel fat. But I force myself not to. I force myself to look at it all because going backwards would make me the biggest hypocrite, and like I said, this isn't an option.

And you know what? The “flaws” I see one day are rarely here the next. Because that's how it works with insecurities: they depend on many other factors that have nothing to do with your body. Understanding this as helped me DETACH from it all. I'm not feeling my best? It's okay, it will be back.

There you have it. This is probably the blog post that took me the most energy. Writing this all is leaving me with a deep sense of appreciation. I've come a long way and will need constant reminders, but it's okay. If you are on the same boat, I hope reading my story will help. And of course, if you feel like you're ready to get the ultimate kick in the butt with a boudoir shoot, we are here for you!

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More blog posts on the topic

Warm, industrial, and cosy lofts

OUR LOFTS PART 2:

Alright, today let’s dive in the topic of finding the perfect location for your shoot!

As mentioned in the first episode, the decors in the studio where you will do your boudoir shoot is very important to match the vibe you wanna give to your pictures. Most photographers already have their own studio so you will not really have a choice in the aesthetic of the location.

But other photographers like us rent different places around the city to keep their creativity up and not give their clients the same pictures as anyone else.

Homy atmosphere? Yes please!

Those New York style lofts are our favourites because they usually mix bricks and beams, have beautiful vintage decors, tons of plants, and for some reasons the sofas are absolutely stylish, large, and comfy 😍

Since they are industrial, they always have those huge windows that bring up so much natural light in the space and creates contrasty lighting when the sun is out.

People who live in those lofts can be artsy peeps so most of the time you can find gorgeous pieces hanging on the walls.

Who are those type of lofts for?

If you like neutral and minimalist pictures, stay away from industrial atmosphere. Those locations are definitively better for the warm tons and busy background lovers.

Since there is a lot going on decor wize in those lofts, your outfits (or even your beautiful-self) will pop up less than in a more neutral space. In our opinion it is never a problem because we use the space to match perfectly each set and create unique photographs that look stunning as a whole.

It is like you are part of the painting 🎨

And if you enjoy everything that is vintage and pin up style, you will for sure love those type of spaces!

What if I am more like a blank canvas?

If you don’t really have ideas of the vibe you want your boudoir shoot to have, or like any type of decors, then follow your photographer’s guidance and trust the process. At the end of the day the main focus should be YOU 😘

Feeling more like the adventurer type? What about trying an outdoor boudoir shoot! Those are next level and you can take it in nature or in the city!

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Pure, simple, & minimalist lofts

Our lofts part 1:

Today, let’s talk about minimalist lofts and why they can be a beautiful option when it comes to boudoir!

We love scouting new lofts in the city for our sessions and seeing stars in the eyes of our clients when they see where we are making their shoot happens. When we opened Scandaleuse Photography 5 years ago, we took the decision to rent multiple studios rather than the same one so we can have more creative freedom and give our clients pictures that truly reflect their style.

Why is the decors important in boudoir photography?

The location is part of the artistic approach and will impact a lot the lighting, the poses, and the general vibe. When we take picture of you, we make sure your surrounding will highlight your beautiful-self and the atmosphere you want to have to each shot.

Let say for example you are someone who wants a Femme Fatale look and love moody pictures, having your photos taken in a loft that has an airy boho vibe with touch a girly colours will absolutely not match what you are looking for.

When you chose your photographer, make sure they can follow your ideas and adapt the decors to the general atmosphere you have in mind.

Alright, let’s dive into the Scandinavian vibe!

The most amazing thing about decors that have simple furniture and white tons is the neutrality they offer. They are perfect for everyone, either you are looking to highlight your femininity, masculinity, or a mix of both.

Since the walls are usually minimalist with no patterns or vibrant colours, every outfits pop up very nicely and allow the model (AKA you) to really be the focus of the picture.

Empty white walls are also really nice to create a more “fashion magazine” vibe and make you do poses that are artistic and less traditional.

Those type of lofts are for people who love simplicity and modernity.

For a lot of people, photographers included, boudoir is all about a romantic vibe, posing on a bed, wearing lace lingerie with garter belt. Don’t get us wrong, this type of classic boudoir is very pretty, but in our opinion you can have so much fun for your shoot and be very creative, while staying away from looking traditional (unless this is what you are looking for, which is of course absolutely fine). So don’t hesitate to think outside the box for your session.

Something that is really nice to do when you are thinking of doing a boudoir shoot is to create a Pinterest board and save ideas you can find there (anything from the lighting, poses, outfits,…). It is a lot of fun to do and it will help you to find inspiration to create something cool for yourself!

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I don't orgasm often, and that's ok!

Friends, today we are getting very intimate… If you are following us on social media you saw Juliette and I naked or in lingerie many times, but today’s blog really makes me feel vulnerable.

I never thought I would ever write about that, but here I am… and geez this is scary! I think this is the only thing in my life I have a lot of shame about.

Beside this feeling of shame, there is also the fact that it makes me feel like a joke. I claim being this open-minded, sexual ,and sensual being but yet I have a hard time reaching to what is considered as the Holy Grail of sexuality.

I was lucky to grow up with my mom with whom I could talk about everything. But the Orgasm topic is a tough one, mostly because I grew up feeling like if you don’t orgasm easily you are broken. Even though I surrounded myself with loving people, I never talk about it with them. The only person who knows is Juliette, and recently a couple of other people from our community.

Their support is what’s pushing me to be vulnerable and share about it today. I am hoping my story will help other women (adults and teenagers included) feeling less alone, more at peace with the female orgasm, and the fact it is ok to not orgasm or less often than you are “supposed” to.

DISCLAIMER: I am not specialized in sexuality and I am not a doctor. Everything I am sharing with you here is just based on my own experience. If you are seeking physical or mental health advice please reach out to a specialist.

The female orgasms and the pressure around it

As the title mentioned I don't orgasm often. Well actually let me be more specific: I rarely orgasm when I have sex with men. When I am pleasuring myself it is not an issue because I know my body and what turns me on. But when I am with someone I get too much in my head and it rarely happens (to give you an idea what rarely means to me: I can count on one hand the number of orgasms I had with partners since I started to have sex).

I was 17 when I had sex for the first time, I am now 32. At that time the topic of orgasm was still taboo and subject to a lot of jokes. I have heard so many comments from people around me (or in the movies) like this one below:

“I pity women who cannot orgasm, it must be so awful! I hope it will never happen to me!”

Those jokes, awful discussions, and BS around the female pleasure are extremely shameful and put a lot of pressure on our shoulders (women are already dealing with so many shit, it is something more we don’t need!).

Growing up, my references (which were probably the same for you) for the woman’s pleasure were coming from:

• Magazines:

  I remember all of those articles on how to come faster, how to please your man, what to wear to be more sexy, what to do and not do during sex… All of those were just about appearance and performance, full of misinformation.

• Romantic movies (or adult ones):

  You know those intimate scenes where the characters are having sex and the woman comes in only a few seconds (she got her elbow touched and boom, orgasm!) Also, don't get me started on the lack of foreplay 😡.

So in my teenager/young adult mind, I believed orgasms had to happen during each intercourse and had to come fast. But this was never the case for me and I did not understand why. Talking about it to anyone was difficult as I was afraid to be laughed at, and judged.

Pride had also a huge part in my silence. I did not want to “admit something was wrong” with me since I was feeling like I had to “fix this broken part of me”. Showing vulnerability is something quite recent in the self-development journey. We grow up believing we have to be strong all the time and never show any signs of weakness.

I now understand and know that not orgasming like society tells you to doesn’t mean you are broken, but at that time I did not know better so I learnt to adapt: AKA I started to fake my orgasms (I can imagine a lot of you raising your eyebrows, thinking how wrong that is, and you are probably right. Faking doesn’t solve anything but sometimes it is the only solution you find to get a little bit of peace of mind).

Everyone is different.

As I already mentioned, I am a sexual person: talking about sexuality was never an issue, I starting to touch and discover my body from a very young age (I was under five if I remember correctly). I always considered sexuality as something natural because it is the education I received from my mom (which I am really grateful for).

It is important for me to share that information with you to put everything back into perspective. It is easy to believe that if a woman doesn't orgasm it is because she doesn't know her body well or she doesn't enjoy sex. Of course it can be, but it is not always the case. It can be physical, it can be mental, it can be both. It really depends of each individuals, and their story, past, trauma, mental blocks, education, religion, community, health…

If you don’t already watch Layla Martin’s video, I highly suggest you do it. Her videos are always really helpful to me!

Partners and communication.

I feel very self-conscious right now to write this part because I have some of my exes following Scandaleuse and probably reading our blogs. But I cannot let out what I am about to say as it is an important part of my story and I know a lot of women will relate.

I have had around 25 partners, some were long term relationship, others were one-night stands or short terms. And I faked with all of them, I am not proud of that fact but it is the truth.

So you might wonder, did they ever noticed. Maybe some of them did, but most of them did not. And the reason is simple: I have always been good at finding stratagems to avoid talking about this lack of orgasms. Such as faking, or knowing how to make them come faster so I did not have to come at all (because most men believe that once they are done, it means you are too so they don’t even bother taking care of you).

And if you are thinking: “Fanny, it would have been healthier to simply communicate with them rather than avoiding that conversation!”. Well, every time I open up the topic with some of my partners, they took it personally, they thought that with them it would be different (men are proud creatures!). They never fully listened or tried to understand, and they ended putting more pressure on me. So most of the time I got very discouraged and I kinda gave up (which is not a solution either).

On top of that my relationship with men has always been complicated. I never fully trusted my partners, so expressing your feelings and setting boundaries up when you don’t feel comfortable with someone makes the process of communication really difficult.

Sexuality is much more than achieving orgasms

Women, are emotional beings. Our mind and body are deeply connected, so if we don't feel safe, if we are anxious, or any other reasons to not feel good in the moment, our bodies will not react positively during sex, and it gets really difficult to let go. Which can create for example lack of orgasm or pain.

Women also store most of their past trauma in their womb area which can make sexuality (especially penetrative sex) quite emotional and difficult.

Sexuality should be an act of pure pleasure and not a race for the best performance. Yes, orgasms feel amazing but we should not pressure ourselves to always achieve the grand finale (all gender included!).

Not having an orgasm doesn’t mean it wasn’t pleasurable! I wish my partners were able to understand that, instead of feeling frustrated because they did not make me come. It is something so deeply rooted in our beliefs that even a honest conversion with them did not make a difference. They simply refused to believe I had still a great time despite not having an orgasm.

Pleasure, consent, respect, and communication should be taught at school

Some people are really good at communicating to their partner how they like to be touched, or how to say NO. For other peeps it is more tricky.

I wished my sex education at school was deeper than using protection and fearing STDs. I wished they had taught us about other things that are as important like body discovery, pleasure, consent, respect, and communication. But because so many part of the sexuality are hidden from kids and teens, they use porn as their main reference (we did too), and porn is not the reality.

A better sex education would have been be game changer for many adults, it would have cut off so much shame around this subject.

Writing about this was much needed!

I haven’t published this blog yet and still feel nervous about it. The main reason why I waited so long before sharing this part of me with anyone is because I was afraid it will become a label. That people will stop seeing me as “Fanny who has a big heart and cares about the environment” and instead see me as “Fanny who cannot orgasm.” But someone told me:

“Well there is a higher chance they will see you as The Woman Who Dares To Talk About iI!”.

How powerful is that? 🤯.

I am not really giving you any solution here, because I am still searching what could work for me (but I already have an action plan - that is the business woman talking inside me). I am just hoping that if you relate to this blog it will help you in anyway possible.

By the way, here is what my action plan is if it can inspire you:

• Opening my sexuality up to other genders: I always considered myself as pansexual and always thought I am interested by people rather than what they have between their legs, I just never had the opportunity to experience with another gender than cis male.

• Choosing my partners better: I know what I want in my relationships so I have been “filtering” my potential lovers for a little while now. Even if it means being single for longer than usual.

• Listening to my guts: We have a very strong and natural instinct that we unfortunately don’t listen to. So many times I had a little voice in my head and heart telling me to be careful because there was something weird with a person, or the situation was not right, and I chose to not listen and obviously got burnt. Well not anymore, now I am listening to my guts: if I don’t trust, I don’t go for it.

• Learning to communicate better about my sexual needs: this one is hard for me, I never knew how to explain what I like or not to my partners, and I have forced myself so many times because I didn’t dare to say no or change the dynamic.

I really hope this blog will be helpful. You are not alone! Do not feel ashamed anymore or scared to talk about it with people you trust and love.

I am more than happy to talk about it publicly or privately for people who wanna have the conversation. You can reach out by email or social media 💛

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