I edited my photos and I regret it

If you follow us on Instagram, you saw that Fanny and I shared some of our earliest work as photographers. What was meant to be an endearing, loving and funny post brought out an interesting realization for me: I am not able to tell on which photos I edited my body. And I deeply regret it.

The quick fix of photo editing

I started fiddling with editing softwares when I was about 15, back in 2007. At first, it was just to create little emo montages to put on my blog (yes I'm this old).

Then, I found some tutorials to alter reality and change proportions. And of course, my deeply insecure teenaged self didn't wait 2 minutes before applying it to my face and my body. Like many teenagers, my weight was the main source of my insecurities. So I went to town, shrinking my waist, my cheekbones, my legs and removing anything I thought was a flaw.

Did it make me feel better? For a split second, absolutely. I got the outside validation from my peers, I convinced myself it was better this way, which was enough for me. I was actually quite good at editing and nobody noticed. Plus, it was the early days, our eyes weren't used to spot this kind of editing.

What I didn't realize is that I was heavily feeding my insecurities.

2012 - No idea if I edited myself or not, deleted the original.

The danger of building an alternate you.

Slapping filters, changing your body: it is never just a one-off.

Once you start, it only gets worse. It is never enough. Think about it, you found an easy way to fix one "flaw", of course you are gonna find ways to fix another. And then you gonna dive in into parts of yourself you didn't have anything against, but it needs to match the rest of the edited you so… a vicious cycle begins.

I distinctly remember snapping a little auto-portrait when I was about 16 and editing everything so much that I ended up changing the size of my eyes. The. Size. Of. My. Eyes.

I remember looking at this and thinking "who the f*ck is this".

This was one of the first steps that rang a bell to me and said “Jules, you went too far". I never published this photo and I wasn't able to find it, chances are I deleted a few years ago because of that reason.

You would think that this would have led my path to self-acceptance, that I stopped editing and unicorns started dancing around me. HA!

Nope. I just transferred this virtual version of me to my real life.

2011 - Edited my waist - Beautiful proof of my body-dysmorphia as I found myself fat.

I wanted to be this virtual version I created in real life.

I got that editing was bad for me but not for the right reasons. I twisted this to "I can't edit myself anymore because it makes me feel bad, so I'm gonna change my body in real life". This was the peak of my body-dysmorphia journey and it lasted way until my mid-2os.

I was just "too fat", all the time. Losing weight didn't make a difference, i didn't see it.

It started impacting my every day life, making me not eat before taking photos, not letting people take pictures of me, controlling everything as much as I could, something that I still do to this day when I'm feeling unsafe. I am extremely lucky that I didn't develop obsessive eating disorders, I honestly have no idea how I dodged it with this way of thinking.

Walking away from this required a lot of different seeds to stop acting like an idiot.

Many of those amazing women we get to work with on the daily.

1) Letting others show me.

We are in 2011. I am photographing more and more women I find absolutely stunning while they don't technically check the beauty standard boxes blasted in front of us. They're confident, they're open about their insecurities and they don't let them dictate their lives. I see them shine during my shoots and I'm impressed.

they planted the first seeds in my brain that I could actually accept myself the way I was too.

Then I meet other women just as beautiful but not as confident and it blows my mind. I find myself believing in and encouraging THEM to shine. And I must be doing something right because it works and they believe me. Even more so, a fire starts within them and I'm loving it.

And one day, it clicks: if I see their beauty at first glance and they don't, is there a chance I'm doing the same for me? Just like that, I planted the next seed: the one that shows the lack of accuracy of negative self-talk and that I shouldn't let it take over.

2) Starting aerial silks and changing my perspective.

By this time, we are in 2013, I'm 21. I haven't edited my body in years, but instead, I simply hide it in every way I can. Out of sight, out of mind. But I'm about to plant another seed for myself without knowing: I start aerial silks.

What's the point, you may wonder?
It made me see that my body is a strong ass one, more than just an appearance.

It starts changing too, it gets fitter, things I didn't know was an option. I don't see it as much as a flawed thing anymore, it impresses me. I knew that I had to capture that in case it faded away, so I can have a keepsake. So I did. I still have this photo in my apartment and look at it often.

3) Opening Scandaleuse and stopping the hypocrisy.

I'm 25 now, I'm just starting to embrace myself the way I should. Fanny and I are brainstorming ideas about Scandaleuse. We both have this deep passion around highlighting women's beauty, especially when they don't see it.

Boudoir is the way we chose but it is still much easier to do it for others than myself. So before we even opened anything, something pushed me out of my comfort zone and I asked Fanny to shoot my first ever boudoir shoot to know what it would feel like.

Of course, I fell RIGHT BACK into my old habits: I asked to shoot at 7am to make sure I wasn't bloated, before I had eaten anything. I had a very hard time to let go and I even edited some photos (“it was just some unflattering shadows” (no it wasn't))

Photo from this shoot. Pretty sure I edited my stomach here.

Not only did it make me feel like absolute garbage to do this but this was also the first time Fanny told me I was wrong, in calm, almost sad, way.

You see, I had never anybody who actually told me that. I have had people dismissing my concerns with the flicker of a hand many times, but no one actually sat me down and tried to tell me that I might see myself in the wrong light, especially someone I deeply trusted. Fanny planted one of the biggest seeds I needed and I don't think she knows it. I'm so glad she did.

I realized I couldn't open a business about self-acceptance and kicking beauty standards in the balls if I wasn't willing to do it myself.

And if there is one thing that I can't accept, it is being a hypocrite.

It was even more important than my insecurities, it just wasn't an option. From this moment, I decided it was time to change. I never edited myself again after this.

So, is it healed?

Mostly, yes. But I don't believe it will ever go away fully. I still have moments when old habits come back and I'm tempted to edit something or cancel a shoot because I feel fat. But I force myself not to. I force myself to look at it all because going backwards would make me the biggest hypocrite, and like I said, this isn't an option.

And you know what? The “flaws” I see one day are rarely here the next. Because that's how it works with insecurities: they depend on many other factors that have nothing to do with your body. Understanding this as helped me DETACH from it all. I'm not feeling my best? It's okay, it will be back.

There you have it. This is probably the blog post that took me the most energy. Writing this all is leaving me with a deep sense of appreciation. I've come a long way and will need constant reminders, but it's okay. If you are on the same boat, I hope reading my story will help. And of course, if you feel like you're ready to get the ultimate kick in the butt with a boudoir shoot, we are here for you!

If you like what you just read, sign up for our weekly newsletter below to get more! They come filled with love, additional tips & tricks and other fun stuff!

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *

More blog posts on the topic

Editing VS showing reality

Wandering on the internet, we came accross a fellow boudoir photographer asking for feedback regarding to one of her client’s session. Then, we saw something in the comment section that left a bit surprised:

We've written about our editing process about how, while we can remove anything that’s temporary (like pimples), we have personally chosen not to change bodies, edit scars, birthmarks, and other little things that make you, you. But that's just us.

In fact, many women actually don't post anything online before (heavily) editing it.

Hold on while we get our nice and shiny red flag.

Holding on to an edited picture of yourself may feel good in the short-term, but you're not doing yourself a favor on the long-run.

Here is why:

1) Hiding the real you is not gonna help you appreciate who you are.

The more filters and editing you use, the more you get accustomed to seeing yourself with them. Except we don’t have them in real life.

They’re not on your mirror, they’re not here when you are having a rough day. People don't see you with them. After getting used to apply filters everywhere, you feel like you created a physically “better” version of yourself and this ends up clouding your vision.

a simple reflection in the mirror could absolutely shatter your self-esteem since your notion of reality around your appearance is not accurate anymore.

On top of that, chances are you’re gonna have a rough time, as you get older, to get used to the changes your body and face will have. Those are inevitable and with the habit of editing everything, you could fall into a rabbit hole of self-loathing.

2) You may use the “edited you” as a standard to compare yourself.

It is very common to refer to old photos of ourselves and compare them with what we look like now. Sometimes, it's already not a very nice thought process, if you think you were “better” then.

With time, the memories blend in together. If you apply some edits, even smooth, on every pictures of yourself, you may forget to what extend you did and look back at those wondering why you “don’t look as good as you did then'‘. Except you'd be referring to something that isn't real to begin with.

3) By heavily editing your images, you are adding to the problem you are a victim of.

It is not news that the media has been spreading images edited beyond anything real. But it is not only media anymore, since it has become so easy to do it ourselves.

If you are a fellow user of those intense editing apps, you are contributing to the myth that bodies and faces have to be perfect.

There begins the vicious cycle:

Let’s be honest, you are editing yourself to look like other edited women who look perfect despite not being real. Other women in your circles might compare themselves to you and tweak their images to look as “perfect” as you do. And it keeps going. So not only aren’t you doing yourself a favor, but you are not doing other's a favor either.

So, how to get out of this editing hell?

1) Protect yourself from perfect-looking content.

Unfollow the accounts that shows exclusiely perfect bodies, skins and so on. None of these are real. Skin has pores, rolls, cellulite, hair, blemishes, wrinkles… That's the reality and it is A-OKAY! Replace them with positive accounts, showing the real deal (like ours ehehe). You will then train your eyes again to see the beauty in reality, which will spread on your beautiful self.

The more you remove those fake images around you, the more you will bring your notion of reality back to a healthy level.

2) Show the real you.

It may sound harsh, but the only way to break this cycle is to show the real you. Ditch the filters. Remove the editing.

You have the power to help yourself and other women by simply showing reality.

Of course, you don't have to show yourself straight out of bed, first day of your period, with something on your teeth! Just keep it simple.

There is nothing to be ashamed about your real face and body. There is nothing wrong with you.

By showing the real deal, you are saying “stop” to this unnecessary pressure around appearance. You are giving yourself the chance to exist in your own way. And that leads to more room to focus on who you are and who you want to become. Be a part of this positive movement, for yourself, but also for others! We can't really do it without you.

sign up below to join our weekly feel-good newsletter and get our free “what to expect for your boudoir shoot” PDF! ⬇️

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *