Things to do if you know someone victim of domestic abuse

Disclaimer: This blog is part of our Unstoppable project and gather all the information we could find from different sources about domestic abuse. We are not expert in this field, if you are seeking help make sure to contact the appropriate service provider: here is a list to find help across Canada.

Domestic abuse is a social issue that many people have been facing since the beginning of time. But with the outbreak of Covid-19, the stress of life has risen and domestic violence has intensified (nearly a year into the pandemic reports of domestic assaults have almost doubled).

Abusers are finding new ways with those lockdowns to control their partners, leaving the victims with a level of support even lower than before: the opportunities to leave the house to find help (such as daily trips to and from school) have in many cases been eliminated, and access to friends and family has also been cut off.

The world for many domestic abuse victims can be lonely, isolated, and filled with fear. If you know or suspect that someone is a victim of domestic violence, finding the proper thing to say or to do might be difficult and scary. But it is important to learn how to handle those situations to be able to help instead of pretending it is not happening.

We all have a role to play in order to stop it and it starts with education!

What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse, also called “domestic violence” or “intimate partner violence“, is a pattern of behaviour used by one person to gain power and control over another person with whom they have or previously had an intimate relationship.

It can impact anyone, regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, ethnicity, faith, education, or income level. Domestic abuse can be mental, physical, economic or sexual in nature.

If you want to understand more about domestic violence, we found this article written by United Nations. It also talks about signs to know if you are being abused, or if you abuse your partner.

To prevent and end domestic violence, first it is important to acknowledge and understand that victims never deserve, nor should be blamed for, the abuse they endure. Abusers are skilled at using power and control over their victims.

Second, we have to learn to recognize the signs and be willing to help. Even if it starts by just reaching out and letting the victims know we are there for them.

What to do when you see or suspect abuse?

Most of the time, the best way to help a victim of domestic violence is NOT by calling the police (except for emergency situations where someone is at immediate risk of being harmed), which can be dangerous for everyone involved.

Also for various reasons some victims and survivors may not want to involve authorities.

There are other important steps that friends, family members, and witnesses, can take to support victims and help them get to safety

If someone is at risk of or experiencing domestic violence:

• Believe what they are telling you, be supportive and listen.

• Ask what you can do to help,

• Be non-judgemental and let them make their own decisions.

• Offer to provide childcare while they seek help.

• Offer your home or another location as a safe space.

• Support them to create a safety plan which can include packing a small bag of essentials, arranging child care and/or care for pets, and opening a personal bank account in advance, among other things.

• Call one of the provincial crisis lines, your local shelter or service provider who supports survivors of domestic abuse.

• Call the police if it is an emergency.

If someone you know is an abuser:

• Tell them there are no excuses for abuse and they may lose their families, friends, homes and jobs if it doesn’t stop.

• Hold them accountable for their behaviour.

• Support their efforts to locate and obtain appropriate treatment.

• If you see abuse and suspect someone is in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police.

Here is also a list of other things you can do (such as getting help for yourself, how to hide your internet activities…).

Learn about the “Signal For Help”

“Signal for Help” is a simple one-handed sign someone can use on a video call. It can help a person silently show they need help and want someone to check in with them in a safe way. You can find all of the info here!

Domestic abuse is still nowadays taboo and viewed as a private, family matter. But it is not! We can end it by speaking up and supporting victims and survivors in restoring safety and autonomy!

As we mentioned previously, we all have a role to play. Juliette and I decided to organize an art exhibit to raise money for the Canadian Women’s Foundation and Sistering. The date is set for March 8th, 2022.

If you want to help us make a difference and stay in the loop, sign up below to get all the details closer to the date ⬇️

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *

Supported by the Ontario Arts Council

Boredom is a state of mind

We are in a stage of the quarantine that is getting harder and harder on people's spirit. I see that through social media and the conversations I have with friends and family: it is pretty easy to feel trapped and see our home as a cage. Most of us are bored and staying home is getting on our nerves.

Can you guess what happens when we feel this way?

We leash out, get easily angry (and hungry but that is another story!) and are in search for drama. We look for people to put the blame on and we let our frustration and anger control our behaviour. We focus on how the situation is affecting us and forget that we all are in this together. This is how most of the little “online wars” are created, sometimes with the worst intention, sometimes just to make people laugh:

• Pressure is put on people when saying we have to take this quarantine as an opportunity to learn something new.

• Jokes on getting fat from staying home are created without thinking it can hurt people who might be in this situation.

• Critics are done on women who decide to show their body on social media, because this is their way to feel better about themselves (actually, my bad, this happens all the time!).

We are in a fragile and unstable time, we can easily go from fighting this all together as a community, to becoming selfish and creating a civil war.

So what if, instead of letting our emotions control our actions, we focus on passing time in an healthier way?

But I'm so bored!

Hey pssst, come closer, we have a secret to share…

Boredom is a state of mind.

It is difficult to believe there is nothing for us to learn, create or share. Let's be honest here, most of us can easily find some suff to do! We are lucky to live in an era where technology is 100% part of our life, so unless you don't have access to internet, many activities are accessible online. If internet, for X reasons, isn't an option for you, there are still books you can read, creative activities you can start and games you can play (remember when we were kids and used to have fun with almost everything?).

By the way, sometimes it feels good to not do anything. If you just feel like sitting on a chair and contemplate life through your window with a cup of hot coffee or a glass of wine, then you should do it. Never blame yourself and feel guilty for doing something simple. As long as it makes you happy (and you are not hurting anyone) this is the most important!

The problem isn't related to inaccessible activities, it is just a lack of motivation!

Mindset, one more time, is the key.

If nothing around you motivates you, it's probably because there is something going on with your emotions: maybe you feel lonely, maybe you are frustrated or sad... It might be a good idea then to dig deeper and figure out why you feel the way you feel at that moment.

It is normal and totally ok to not feel awesome 100% of the time. Negative feelings are actually a way to realign with ourselves to get closer to the person we wanna be. They are here to tell us that something in our life isn't right for us and needs to be improved. But it is also important to not let those feelings completely absorb our light and positivity, neither to let them drag us down. This why it is essential to understand where they come from, so we can “fix” the problem and bring back happiness. The goal is simply to feel better.

We assure you that if you feel happy, you will find something YOU WANT TO DO!

Don't forget to have fun!

Movement is a great way to help being motivated… So we have one word for you: MUSIC. Yeah you got it right, put some tunes on and dance! Music is an universal language, everybody react to it. Even some animals have the ability to understand and move on the waves when certain types of melody are played. There is a great show on Netflix called “Explained”, one episode talks about that and it's super interesting!

Alright! Now that the motivation is back, here is a list of different activities you can do at home:

• Build a card castle or a fort… Or a fort made out of cards!

• Parkour! with your furniture (don't get too crazy there though, you don't wanna end up at the hospital).

• Try the OH NA NA NA challenge if you don't live alone.

• Redecorate your home.

• Practice handstands.

• Organize a short balcony party with your neighbours like those crazy Italian people (those guys are awesome!).

• Grow new veggies from veggies you bought at the supermarket.

• And of course the classics such as cooking, reading, learning, working out, meditate or watching everything Netflix has to offer.

You will always find something to do that makes you happy as long as you feel at peace with yourself.

Be patient, we will all go through this experience even stronger than we were before. But we have to stick together and be more mindful of others. If this situation is too hard on your mental, don't hesitate to talk and share how you feel with people who love you.

You are not alone!

Subscribe to our mailing list & get our feel good gift!

Email Address

Covid 19 - Our opinion about all of that madness

Between freaking out a little, bringing new ideas to life and reorganizing ourselves, we haven't really had the time to give you our opinion about the madness happening in our world right now. It is a scary situation that is going to change our entire economy and not knowing what to expect and when it will get better is probably the hardest part of it…

But we believe it will be for the best.

When it all started

We are not gonna lie, when we realized we would not be able to offer boudoir shoots for a while, the idea of a potential quarantine was like a slap in the face. We were not stressed out because of the virus, neither the fear of loneliness but by the lack of income… It is crazy how money can make people jump from happiness to depression in a really short amount of time! We got sad, tired, cranky and filled with negative thoughts (I even had a panic attack on my balcony one night!).

It felt like all of those years building Scandaleuse Photography was gonna end up in the garbage, like this beautiful adventure was all for nothing. We understood then how Rick Grimes and his friends must have been feeling in their zombie apocalypse and how, like them, we will have to improve our survival skills in order to stay alive…

Yeah we agree, it's a bit too dramatic but this is how negativity can make you feel sometimes!

There is always sun above the clouds

We HAD to change our way of thinking, so we rented a car, packed our bags and went to nature for a couple of days to relax, strategize and refocus. This was what we needed, we even met a man who was very spiritual and who helped us to see things in a clearer way (he also cooked delicious breakfasts for us and we all know food is the perfect remedy against sadness).

When we came back to Toronto with a lighter mind and heart, it was easier to switch our mindset in a positive way: we brainstormed about new ideas for the business, how to make online income and reminded ourselves that we are young healthy people with a roof over our heads, so it could have been a lot worse!

Call us naive or utopian if you want, but we also decided to believe this situation is a actually a blessing in disguise.

Our world is changing

Humans are smart.

All of us are! We are a resourceful specie who can adapt to any situation and we are lucky to be living in a time where technology is a big part of our lifestyle. There is so much we can do if we decide to see outside of the box and open our mind to new ideas. It's a matter of taking action and surrounding yourself (well virtually for now) with people who impact your life in a positive way.

Look at how people are being creative and taking control of the situation! It did not take long to see the solidarity and faith we are building between businesses and communities: being forced to be appart is actually bringing us closer to each other.

If like us you care about our planet, you will agree when we say this situation is also having a positive impact on the environment (beside the single use products that are unfortunately coming back): pollution is decreasing, some animals are coming back where they belong… It's making us understand that we need to go back to a more natural and healthier way of living.

In a nutshell, it's teaching us what is essential in life and how to be happy with less than we think we need.

It is time to focus on you

Before everything happened, we always complained we didn’t have enough time because we were all busy working our butts off. Well, see this situation as the perfect opportunity to take time for yourself: you do not have excuses anymore to push back your projects and own growth.

Don't roll your eyes, we all find excuses, Juliette and I included :)

We have access to so many useful online ressources like books, classes, podcasts, movies… So it should be easy to finally learn that new language you always wanted to speak, write this book that have been at the back of your mind for so long or launch your online cooking classes you have been working on. Boredom is a negative feeling that can easily be transformed if you feel at peace with yourself.

Stop stopping yourself and give it a try (what do you have to lose anyway?)!

You are not alone

It is not because we are in quarantine that we have to be alone: get to know those people you have interest in. Simply send them a message and start a conversation. You might be surprised to see that you can still create friendships.

If social distancing is getting to hard to deal with and you start to feel lonely, then organize virtual drink dates with your friends, dance parties, books reading… whatever group activities that can make have some fun.

Remember that you are loved and have people around you who are here when you feel lonely, scared and stressed. You just have to reach out to them.

And to us! We are here for you as well.

The goal of this article is not to tell you what to do and how you should react. We all have different ways to deal with stressful situations and make ourselves feel better. We just want to bring some sunshine and hope and let you know that you will be ok: you are strong enough to adapt and change your lifestyle, so you can keep building that awesome life you deserve!

Subscribe to our mailing list & get our feel good gift!

Email Address