Things to do if you know someone victim of domestic abuse

Disclaimer: This blog is part of our Unstoppable project and gather all the information we could find from different sources about domestic abuse. We are not expert in this field, if you are seeking help make sure to contact the appropriate service provider: here is a list to find help across Canada.

Domestic abuse is a social issue that many people have been facing since the beginning of time. But with the outbreak of Covid-19, the stress of life has risen and domestic violence has intensified (nearly a year into the pandemic reports of domestic assaults have almost doubled).

Abusers are finding new ways with those lockdowns to control their partners, leaving the victims with a level of support even lower than before: the opportunities to leave the house to find help (such as daily trips to and from school) have in many cases been eliminated, and access to friends and family has also been cut off.

The world for many domestic abuse victims can be lonely, isolated, and filled with fear. If you know or suspect that someone is a victim of domestic violence, finding the proper thing to say or to do might be difficult and scary. But it is important to learn how to handle those situations to be able to help instead of pretending it is not happening.

We all have a role to play in order to stop it and it starts with education!

What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse, also called “domestic violence” or “intimate partner violence“, is a pattern of behaviour used by one person to gain power and control over another person with whom they have or previously had an intimate relationship.

It can impact anyone, regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, ethnicity, faith, education, or income level. Domestic abuse can be mental, physical, economic or sexual in nature.

If you want to understand more about domestic violence, we found this article written by United Nations. It also talks about signs to know if you are being abused, or if you abuse your partner.

To prevent and end domestic violence, first it is important to acknowledge and understand that victims never deserve, nor should be blamed for, the abuse they endure. Abusers are skilled at using power and control over their victims.

Second, we have to learn to recognize the signs and be willing to help. Even if it starts by just reaching out and letting the victims know we are there for them.

What to do when you see or suspect abuse?

Most of the time, the best way to help a victim of domestic violence is NOT by calling the police (except for emergency situations where someone is at immediate risk of being harmed), which can be dangerous for everyone involved.

Also for various reasons some victims and survivors may not want to involve authorities.

There are other important steps that friends, family members, and witnesses, can take to support victims and help them get to safety

If someone is at risk of or experiencing domestic violence:

• Believe what they are telling you, be supportive and listen.

• Ask what you can do to help,

• Be non-judgemental and let them make their own decisions.

• Offer to provide childcare while they seek help.

• Offer your home or another location as a safe space.

• Support them to create a safety plan which can include packing a small bag of essentials, arranging child care and/or care for pets, and opening a personal bank account in advance, among other things.

• Call one of the provincial crisis lines, your local shelter or service provider who supports survivors of domestic abuse.

• Call the police if it is an emergency.

If someone you know is an abuser:

• Tell them there are no excuses for abuse and they may lose their families, friends, homes and jobs if it doesn’t stop.

• Hold them accountable for their behaviour.

• Support their efforts to locate and obtain appropriate treatment.

• If you see abuse and suspect someone is in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police.

Here is also a list of other things you can do (such as getting help for yourself, how to hide your internet activities…).

Learn about the “Signal For Help”

“Signal for Help” is a simple one-handed sign someone can use on a video call. It can help a person silently show they need help and want someone to check in with them in a safe way. You can find all of the info here!

Domestic abuse is still nowadays taboo and viewed as a private, family matter. But it is not! We can end it by speaking up and supporting victims and survivors in restoring safety and autonomy!

As we mentioned previously, we all have a role to play. Juliette and I decided to organize an art exhibit to raise money for the Canadian Women’s Foundation and Sistering. The date is set for March 8th, 2022.

If you want to help us make a difference and stay in the loop, sign up below to get all the details closer to the date ⬇️

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Supported by the Ontario Arts Council

The Female Collective: the power you need to join.

A little while ago, we came across a story of an actress who had some risqué photos, taken a few years before for a magazing, resurfacing. While she said she had nothing to be ashamed of and was actually proud of her photos (YES!), a wave of negative comments popped everywhere. You know, the classic judgy, borderline slutshaming kind.

While this is unfortunately common, we were surprised to see that the majority of those comments came from women.

So, while the media just screams “women supporting women” with a layer of pink glitter, it seems that when it comes to actually do it, we still have a bit to go.

Woman to woman hostility: why does it even happen to begin with?

Is it jealousy?

You must have heard growing up ”ugh, she's just jealous” when you got criticized by another girl, especially when it comes to a physical comment. Just because you get a nasty comment on your physique doesn’t mean it is because the other woman wants to look like you. We personally think it is an easy way to label it and it goes much deeper than “just” jealousy.

Heavy expectations

Gigantic expectations have been weighing on women for centuries. So much so that we have been deeply conditioned to think that certain things are acceptable for women, and some aren’t, for no good reason whatsover. It creates frustration that builds up so much over time that when someone dares to ignore those expectations, it just hurts too much that we couldn't do it and they could.

The fear of judgment

What is the #1 obstacle that makes us feel so small and intimidated when we want to try something new? The fear of being judged.

Many of us are terrified by the idea that someone points the finger at us laughing when you dare trying something outside the box. And what happens next? We give up before even starting, thinking it is not worth the risk. Once again, when someone gathers the courage to do something we put in the risky category and comes out the other end safe & sound AND happier, frustration comes into play.

The backlash this actress received had nothing to do with the actual photos of her body. They were about the fact that she did something considered “improper” but yet she looks beautiful & confident and she is owning it.

Something “bad” is not supposed to make you feel or look good and she went against that. That’s why the frustration monster popped its head out and when we don't acknolewdge it, it manifests into toxicity.

Women have already so many battles to fight, and there is one we can easily win: let’s stop turning on each other and empower each other instead.

The female collective: an endless source of power that benefit us all

When we are aware of those super-powers, this is when magic happens.

Working of the common good is our biggest strength.

The majority of us get higher energy when we know we contributed to the common good. Over the years, it got labelled as a maternal and nurturing instinct, making it more limited and not necessarily taken seriously.

But this is a major asset. Collective work is how changes happen. You can only go so far alone, and we got that many moons ago without even noticing.

Mastering the art of empowerment.

How many times have your friends given you the boost of confidence you needed? Out of these, how many times was it much stronger than your own pep talk?

Thanks to our ability to work for the common good, we have also developed another skill: creating a bulletproof support system. We can make anyone feel seen and appreciated in a matter of minutes.

We are the best cheerleaders and through this, we don't need to empower ourselves because someone is doing it for us while we empower someone else and so on.

Unstoppable - our project that illustrated it all

Everything we just wrote really sunk it our brains back in 2018 after witnessing it all for a couple years. We empowered women with our work and it empowered us back. So we decided to illustrate it by posing 12 women who didn't know each other, together, in a context deemed "inappropriate” to the outside world.

This project created such a peak of confidence and energy that we were all on cloud 9 for days. Those reminders are precious and very much necessary to keep building positive changes.

And we are doing again, bigger & louder this time.

Sign up for our newsletter below to get all of the updates, behind-the-scenes and join our community. We would be happy to be your support system. 😉

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