Growing up, like many young souls, I wasn't the biggest fan of my appearance. It took me a long time to learn the tools I needed to start respecting and loving my body the way I do now. Looking back, some tools could have been unlocked fairly easily, by one simple sentence and it probably would have saved me years of figuring it out on my own. Hopefully, I get to be your messenger today and deliver them to you.
1) The way you see your body is rarely the way it actually is.
Clouded vision of our bodies ( and even body-dysmorphia) is the number one obstacle in our body love journey. Due to many factors, such as comparing ourselves or unwelcome criticism, it is very easy to paint a negative image of our appearance, even unconsciously.
For example, in my case, I used to see myself much bigger than how I actually was and I only realized that by looking at old pictures years later. I created so much pressure and shame around my weight, every single day. All I remember, the rare time I brought it up, was hearing the exasperated “ugh what are you talking about?” .
Truth is, I wasn't capable of seeing any differently. This vision was buried so deep, I just didn’t know It could be wrong.
I like to think that hearing the following would have pushed me in the right direction, taught me to develop kindness towards myself and give myself a break. You can try it if someone you care about is bringing up something like this to you:
“Hey, this is very common for people to think this way. You don’t see it right now, your vision is influenced by many things outside of your control. Just be kind to yourself.“
2) Your body changes pretty much every day, and that's normal.
There are so many things happening in your body at once, every day, that can affect your appearance from one day to the next. Digestion, hormonal changes, periods, stress… Everything fluctuates all day, every day.
For example, no one has a flat stomach all day everyday. No one. Not even Britney Spears from 2004.
Knowing this would have helped alleviate the pressure I created around looking a certain way all the time and helped me develop self-acceptance.
3) The size tag on clothes doesn't mean anything, dont let it define you and be a way to celebrate or denigrate your body.
When I was shopping for clothes and did not fit in the size I wanted, it was crushing me for the whole day. I was embarrassed. After all, my girlfriends told me they were wearing this size and I wasn't.
I have had so many moments tearing up in a fitting room because I had to go a size up of what I was hoping for.
If only I had been told that sizing for clothes are not reliable truths and change so much from one brand to the other! I had to learn to detach myself from those tags and use them only as a very rough reference. I still have to remind myself this to this day.
4) Weight scales are BS.
Since our bodies are constantly changing, it is normal that our weight does too. Just like the size tag, I was always aiming for a certain weight, often based around what my friends said (while completely disregarding their body shape may I add) and I felt like crap when I was way over that.
The day I finally understood that once again, so many factors can influence your weight, making it a not-so reliable source too, I ditched the scale.
A number doesn’t define me. I haven’t weighted myself in years, I don't even know how much I weigh, and I am much happier that way.
5) The media is not the reality.
I grew up in the time with Christina Aguilera and other 2000 super stars blasted everywhere with the tiniest bodies on earth in low rise jeans. It made me obsessed about my little tummy pouch. Why did I have one and they didn’t?
And it wasn’t just them, everywhere I looked, it was the same type of body, from magazine to TP commercials.
I wish someone had told me it wasn’t the reality. That editing was involved, that the majority of women don’t look like that, come in all shape and sizes, and that not one is better than the other. That everyone has their little imperfections and again, that they are normal.
6) The more you take good care of your body, the better your mind will be.
For some, it is common sense, for others, it is rocket science:
the appreciation you have for your body greatly affects your mental health and vice versa.
The happier you feel about your body, the more your mind follows. They don’t go without one another.
In my early twenties, I started learning a lot about personal development and the connection to the body is still not mentioned often. (One of the many reasons why Scandaleuse exists to begin with!). The truth is, you can lead a much happier life when you connect the dots between your mind and your body.
7) You're not alone.
Oh boy, does it sound simple, but knowing that I wasn't the only one feeling insecure as hell would have made such a difference! I do believe that bringing normalcy to the table when dealing with body insecurities and self-doubt is so helpful to stop giving it that much importance.
It is so easy to feed toxic patterns without realizing it. Creating acceptance around them make them less threatening and easier to let them go.