What I wish I heard when I hated my body.

Growing up, like many young souls, I wasn't the biggest fan of my appearance. It took me a long time to learn the tools I needed to start respecting and loving my body the way I do now. Looking back, some tools could have been unlocked fairly easily, by one simple sentence and it probably would have saved me years of figuring it out on my own. Hopefully, I get to be your messenger today and deliver them to you.

1) The way you see your body is rarely the way it actually is.

Clouded vision of our bodies ( and even body-dysmorphia) is the number one obstacle in our body love journey. Due to many factors, such as comparing ourselves or unwelcome criticism, it is very easy to paint a negative image of our appearance, even unconsciously.

For example, in my case, I used to see myself much bigger than how I actually was and I only realized that by looking at old pictures years later. I created so much pressure and shame around my weight, every single day. All I remember, the rare time I brought it up, was hearing the exasperated “ugh what are you talking about?” .

Truth is, I wasn't capable of seeing any differently. This vision was buried so deep, I just didn’t know It could be wrong.

I like to think that hearing the following would have pushed me in the right direction, taught me to develop kindness towards myself and give myself a break. You can try it if someone you care about is bringing up something like this to you:

“Hey, this is very common for people to think this way. You don’t see it right now, your vision is influenced by many things outside of your control. Just be kind to yourself.“

2) Your body changes pretty much every day, and that's normal.

There are so many things happening in your body at once, every day, that can affect your appearance from one day to the next. Digestion, hormonal changes, periods, stress… Everything fluctuates all day, every day.

For example, no one has a flat stomach all day everyday. No one. Not even Britney Spears from 2004.

Knowing this would have helped alleviate the pressure I created around looking a certain way all the time and helped me develop self-acceptance.

3) The size tag on clothes doesn't mean anything, dont let it define you and be a way to celebrate or denigrate your body.

When I was shopping for clothes and did not fit in the size I wanted, it was crushing me for the whole day. I was embarrassed. After all, my girlfriends told me they were wearing this size and I wasn't.

I have had so many moments tearing up in a fitting room because I had to go a size up of what I was hoping for.

If only I had been told that sizing for clothes are not reliable truths and change so much from one brand to the other! I had to learn to detach myself from those tags and use them only as a very rough reference. I still have to remind myself this to this day. 

4) Weight scales are BS.

Since our bodies are constantly changing, it is normal that our weight does too. Just like the size tag, I was always aiming for a certain weight, often based around what my friends said (while completely disregarding their body shape may I add) and I felt like crap when I was way over that.

The day I finally understood that once again, so many factors can influence your weight, making it a not-so reliable source too, I ditched the scale.

A number doesn’t define me. I haven’t weighted myself in years, I don't even know how much I weigh, and I am much happier that way. 

5) The media is not the reality.

I grew up in the time with Christina Aguilera and other 2000 super stars blasted everywhere with the tiniest bodies on earth in low rise jeans. It made me obsessed about my little tummy pouch. Why did I have one and they didn’t?

And it wasn’t just them, everywhere I looked, it was the same type of body, from magazine to TP commercials.

I wish someone had told me it wasn’t the reality. That editing was involved, that the majority of women don’t look like that, come in all shape and sizes, and that not one is better than the other. That everyone has their little imperfections and again, that they are normal. 

6) The more you take good care of your body, the better your mind will be.

For some, it is common sense, for others, it is rocket science:

the appreciation you have for your body greatly affects your mental health and vice versa.

The happier you feel about your body, the more your mind follows. They don’t go without one another.

In my early twenties, I started learning a lot about personal development and the connection to the body is still not mentioned often. (One of the many reasons why Scandaleuse exists to begin with!). The truth is, you can lead a much happier life when you connect the dots between your mind and your body.

7) You're not alone.

Oh boy, does it sound simple, but knowing that I wasn't the only one feeling insecure as hell would have made such a difference! I do believe that bringing normalcy to the table when dealing with body insecurities and self-doubt is so helpful to stop giving it that much importance.

It is so easy to feed toxic patterns without realizing it. Creating acceptance around them make them less threatening and easier to let them go.

Be kind and patient with yourself, even in your darkest days.

When in doubt, Talk it out, Write it down and more importantly, remember to give yourself a break.

If you like what you just read, sign up for our newsletter below to get more! They come once a week, filled with love, additional tips & tricks and other fun stuff!

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *

Dealing with Body Insecurities

The mind is powerful. It is capable of making you believe you see things a certain way and turn it into a fact. That's why, sometimes, you can feel some sort of weight on your heart just thinking about something you don't like about yourself. Maybe it developed over time or maybe your "friend" Jessica made one comment out of spite when you were in grade 5 and it just stuck with you until your thirties. 

All of these can make you see yourself and your body in a way that could be quite far from reality or could just affect the way you live your life. And in the end, it doesn't really matter how they got there. What matters is how you deal with them.

Here are 6 tips to help you say bye bye to your insecurities and start giving your body and mind some lovin'! 

1) Understand that the vision of your body is rarely accurate.

Many many MANY outside factors can affect the way you see your body. Stress, hormones, change in your routine, or diet, lack of sleep… All of these and many more can give you a heavily distorted vision of your appearance. The best favour you can do yourself is to remind yourself of this when you have having a shitty body day.

Body-dysmorphia is also extremely common among us. Go check out our blog post about it if you want to learn more.

2) Avoid comparing yourself to others. 

Comparing yourself to someone else is as easy as it is toxic, whether it is on a physical or a mental level. It's also very hard to stop once you get started.

So, if you catch yourself falling into this rabbit hole, remember that you do not know what is going on in someone's life, just like they don't know about yours, making it impossible to compare anything fairly.  So what's the point of even going down that road? All it is going to do is create pressure, unachievable goals and potential jealousy. And you don't have time for this, you have great things to do!

Put down your phone, stop creeping on people you barely know & learn to become your own measurement system. Base your growth on what YOU and only you can do.

You are the only person you have to be proud of and it is much easier to do when you don't have the noise coming from the outside world. 

3) If you can't give your body some love, focus on giving it appreciation. 

All of this beautiful talk about loving your body the way it is sounds amazing, but some days, you just can't. And it is okay. It happens to everyone, nobody can love themselves all the time. But instead of talking trash about yourself, focus on bringing some appreciation for what you body does for you, aside from its appearance.

For example, I used to spend so much time deprecating my arms. I found them too big, not feminine. And sometimes I still do. Except that now, when I catch myself spiralling again, I remind myself of what my arms allow me to do. Maybe I have bigger arms that what is considered "aesthetically pleasing" for women, even though this is a BS society standard that has no legs to stand on. But thanks to my "big” arms, I can carry my weight in the air like a circus ninja and around a pole and I wouldn't change this for the world.

This recipe works for absolutely everything. Every negative side comes with a positive one. You have the option to decide how to look at it.

I don't know about you, but focusing on the down side is a complete waste of time, counter productive, and is definitely not the way to build your happiness.

4) Learn to accept compliments

Ha, that's something we definitely noticed, especially with women. It is considered SO not humble to accept a compliment that you HAVE to counter it with something negative to balance it out. Does that ring a bell?

What if you just said "thank you” and appreciated the compliment instead? Oh, it will feel weird at first, but only because you are conditioned to go against it. Like above, practice makes perfect and no, it doesn't make you a superficial b*tch.

Also, Some studies have shown that it takes 5 positive comments to remove the impact of 1 negative one. What if we just opened our damn ears to the good ones?

Chances are, if you are surrounded by caring people, they have shown their love and honesty towards you. They may have even tried to convince you that your insecurity was untrue. Why not believe them?

5) Stop covering up

This one is more related to physical appearance. Instead of avoiding your body insecurities, challenge yourself by facing them. Don't try to hide them, it won't help.

You have to figure out a way to highlight them, to bring a new light and perspective so you can make peace with them.

For example: stopping yourself from wearing an outfit you really like is not the way to deal, quite the opposite. Don't let these insecurities win!

It doesn't have to be big challenges, you can start small! A random example would be, if you'd like to decrease the amount of makeup you use, you can start by staying makeup free at home before taking it outside. Or even, lighten your makeup one day at a time…

It doesn't matter how big the step is, what matters is that you take it.

6) Explore your sensuality.

Learning to embrace your sensuality is a way to start feeling in harmony with your body to find peace and confidence. And if you are thinking you are as sensual as a kitchen pot then you definitely need to keep reading: we ALL have the potential to be sensual. Period. Which means you too, you just need a little more practice!

Your body needs to move and be acknowledged. Use that energy, that fire you have within you: dance, hug yourself, wear clothes that make you feel sexy, try new makeup or hairstyle…. Check out our blog post about sensuality for extra info!

Body love and appreciation is hard, just like creating any positive habits. But you are just as capable as your next door neighbour to do this. Is it a little finicky at first? Yes. Will you feel a bit silly to begin? Yes. But is it worth it? Damn right. You should be your own best-friend, after all, you are here for the long-run with yourself, right?!

Treat yourself with kindness, you are pretty awesome.

If you like what you just read, sign up for our weekly newsletter below to get more! They come filled with love, additional tips & tricks and other fun stuff!

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *

Take control of your self-image

Originally written for The Beach Psychotherapy in Toronto

We never see ourselves the way we really are. And that could be okay if we didn’t have a tendency to turn towards negative feelings about our own image. Let’s be real, rare are the people who don’t fall into self-criticism.

Three years ago when we started Scandaleuse Photography, we didn’t know how much we would help women struggling with their self-perception. Women that can’t stand looking in the mirror and end up avoiding them at all costs. Women who think they are never good enough or who got their self-respect stolen from them. Women who feel stuck, who lack the amazing feeling of accomplishment that gives you butterflies and the motivation to keep growing and improving.

Because the relationship you have with yourself starts on the physical aspect and can impact everything else in your life.

Your femininity is a source of positive energy you need to tap into.

First things first: you are not alone. At least 1 out 5 Canadian women are not happy with the way they look. That is huge. There is a certain pressure society lays out for us that implies, or rather screams at us, that the definition of beauty is to be thin and flawless. Seeing this very day, It is very difficult not to compare yourself to these standards and feel miserable if you think you don’t match them.

You are your best ally and your worst enemy. Getting in touch with yourself is essential for a positive mind growth and it starts with celebrating your own kind of beauty and femininity, your way.

That’s right, your version of being feminine. Because there isn’t just one perfect way, you can twist it and morph it making it your own.

Let us tell you a little story. When we photographed Lea, she told us she refused to see herself as attractive. She could see it through her partners’ eyes, but couldn’t believe it from her own perspective. Through her session, she finally managed to see that she was beautiful with every aspect of her body. Things she had considered “flaws” such as, “her asymmetrical breasts, soft belly, cellulite and hair”

Sometimes you need to see yourself from another pair of eyes to ditch the distorted image you have of yourself.

If you have one day in which you feel even a tiny bit good about yourself, channel it 500% and use it as a constant strength. Because while we all have moments when we feel not so good about ourselves, we also have days when, hey, we’re actually okay. It could be as simple as having a good hair day or a little success like changed that light bulb that had been burnt out for months. Take this feeling, hold it tight and nurture the hell out of it.

Take Katie as an example, a lovely woman with a physical disability. She decided to not let this get it the way and to celebrate her true self. It started slowly, one step at a time with a better diet and focusing on improving her range of motion. She put herself on a good path, wanting to make of her goals come true: showing it to the world. That’s when she called us. She said it herself “I am ready to challenge what people expect. You are not invisible, you are worthy.”

What about when someone stole and damaged your self-love?

This is Erica’s story. Erica suffered from the hatred of a man, a family member for years. While she managed to escape, it wasn’t without consequences: this experience completely destroyed her self-esteem. She told us she didn’t have control of her own image anymore. We met completely randomly and she gathered the courage to challenge herself with a boudoir session.

It wasn’t easy. We saw her shake, hesitate and even tear up but she did it. Posing in front of the lens made her realize that the qualities she was admiring in others were also part of her.

She was able to win back what she thought was gone forever and shout out to the whole world “I will never feel ashamed to be me anymore.”

This feeling of accomplishment is a great push to keep going, you end up craving it and you’ll do anything to keep creating and experiencing it.

The truth is: once you get the courage to show yourself and vulnerable in lingerie in front of “strangers”, you’re left with an empowering feeling of “I can do anything”.  Everyone needs to challenge themselves on different levels. It makes you want to keep going, it helps you grow and become more assertive, thus more confident. You end up creating a cycle of positive vibes which will lead you to move mountains.

Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend, because after all, YOU are your best friend. If there is one thing you need to take away from this post is that you only have one body and one mind; it’s YOURS to make use out of it.

If you feel like spending time with us on a Sunday morning with pastries & coffee, join us on March 22nd for our new workshop “A guide to trusting yourself” ! Sign up below to get the deets!

Let me know what's happening & get our feel good gift!

Email Address

How facing your body image can help your personal growth

While the personal development and body-positivity movements are growing everywhere online, rare are the people truly at peace with their bodies. Hell, can we even be comfortable with how we look 100% of the time? We don't think so. But for some of us, it gets to a level of maximum ignorance. You dodge mirrors as much as possible, you don't "waste time" putting thoughts into your looks, after all, you have other mountains to conquer, you want to grow, and that happens in the mind right?

But what if we told you that no matter how much work you put into climbing those mountains, you will end up stuck at some point in your growth, your search of happiness, if you don't connect with your body?

If you want to feel completely fulfilled, you will have to also prioritize your connection with your body. No need to read a zillion miracle morning books and start random routines just yet if you can't face yourself to begin with. 

Do you recognize yourself in one or more of the following situations:

Avoiding your reflection

You're a master at avoiding to look at any type of reflection in your everyday life. Mirrors are just a practical thing for you to make sure you have nothing stuck in your teeth, but it doesn't go beyond. Frankly, it just makes you uncomfortable to look at yourself, so just like an ostrich, you would rather dig your head in the sand rather than having to deal with our own image.

You look, but it just makes you sad. 

Nothing is good enough with you. You're not this enough, or too much of that. Maybe you are even ashamed, or embarrassed about your physical appearance. You spend your time comparing yourself to others or even older versions of yourself.  

Worrying too much about your appearance is just superficial or even narcissistic.

Looks are not everything, you don't need to impress anyone after all. Overall, you think you are pretty neutral about your appearance. You do the bare minimum because you have to, but that's pretty much it. 

Let's be honest: if you are not facing your own image and simply looking at yourself, it's not because it's so much fun like a day in the park. You're avoiding it because it hurts to do so. 

So if any of these situations speak to you, it is time to change.

What happens if you don't connect with your body:

Can you grow? Yes. You can start setting yourself up for whatever you wish you to become or do. But here is the catch: you can only grow to a certain extent and you will get stuck at some point. 

To break it down easily, if you are not literally facing yourself because any situation stated above and if you are not taking the time to make peace with your body, you are telling yourself that on some level, that you are just not good enough or not worth it. This often happens completely unconsciously, which makes it even more sneakier. And what happens when we think we are not good enough? We deny ourselves opportunities because we don't believe we will be up for them anyway. 

In conclusion, by not connecting with your body, you are setting limiting beliefs for yourself. Again, that can be completely unconscious. 

Time to get real (you can do this!)

Let's rip off the band-aid right here: you can't avoid yourself forever. You only have one body carrying you through life and you are responsible for it. If you tend to be negative about it, it will make you pay one way or another. Plenty of studies have shown that negativity directed towards yourself and your body can lead to health risks in the long term. Better start giving yourself some lovin'! 

When you look good, you feel good.

While some of us think it is superficial to focus on your looks, we think there is a lot of untapped power by not doing so. Wearing your favourite clothes, getting dolled up, taking care of your skin, moving your body… all of these create a powerful feeling of being unstoppable. Why not tap into that as much as we can? Don't forget, this is about YOU, not others. All of the decisions regarding your preferred options about your appearance belong only to you.

You don't have to impress anyone. 

That is true, but you should try impress yourself. Taking care of your relation with your body and taking actions for it should not be about other people. It should be for your own sake, to your own standards. And even more so, you should create your own validation and not depend on others. I had a very poor sense of self-worth until the first time I fell in love. My boyfriend back in the day saw what I couldn't see: that I am a freaking beautiful person. I was over the moon until the relationship ended. All of that self-worth built through this left with him and I had to start again from square one. It took me a heartbreak to start building my self-worth by myself, for myself. Validation from others is a temporary good feeling, it doesn't stick. At the end of the day, you are the person you spend the most time with.

You are not alone

• Raise your hand if you have ever looked at old pictures of yourself and thought "wow, I thought I was so much fatter/thinner back then that I actually was!". 

• Keep your hand up if you have ever heard coming from others that you are not seeing yourself the way you really are.

• Don't get a cramp, but hold that hand high if you have ever beaten yourself up over flaws you think you have, beyond rationality.

Well, welcome to the club of body-dysmorphia: being incapable of visually seeing your body the way it actually is. For some of us, it can become obsessive and very challenging in life. We strongly suggest to read this article if you think you may suffer from body-dysmorphia. 

Learning to embrace who you fully are is the best gift you can ever give to yourself. 

This is how you develop your own trust and how you stand up for yourself. You owe it to yourself to create the path towards who you want to become.

Take some time to reflect, be grateful for this body of yours, supporting you everyday. Nourish and strengthen it the way it needs. You will see that it will remove SO many blocks you didn't even know you had, and make more room for all of these beautiful ideas hidden in the back. And if you need a little bit of help, we are here for you…

Subscribe to our mailing list & get our feel good gift!

Email Address