Dealing with Body Insecurities

The mind is powerful. It is capable of making you believe you see things a certain way and turn it into a fact. That's why, sometimes, you can feel some sort of weight on your heart just thinking about something you don't like about yourself. Maybe it developed over time or maybe your "friend" Jessica made one comment out of spite when you were in grade 5 and it just stuck with you until your thirties. 

All of these can make you see yourself and your body in a way that could be quite far from reality or could just affect the way you live your life. And in the end, it doesn't really matter how they got there. What matters is how you deal with them.

Here are 6 tips to help you say bye bye to your insecurities and start giving your body and mind some lovin'! 

1) Understand that the vision of your body is rarely accurate.

Many many MANY outside factors can affect the way you see your body. Stress, hormones, change in your routine, or diet, lack of sleep… All of these and many more can give you a heavily distorted vision of your appearance. The best favour you can do yourself is to remind yourself of this when you have having a shitty body day.

Body-dysmorphia is also extremely common among us. Go check out our blog post about it if you want to learn more.

2) Avoid comparing yourself to others. 

Comparing yourself to someone else is as easy as it is toxic, whether it is on a physical or a mental level. It's also very hard to stop once you get started.

So, if you catch yourself falling into this rabbit hole, remember that you do not know what is going on in someone's life, just like they don't know about yours, making it impossible to compare anything fairly.  So what's the point of even going down that road? All it is going to do is create pressure, unachievable goals and potential jealousy. And you don't have time for this, you have great things to do!

Put down your phone, stop creeping on people you barely know & learn to become your own measurement system. Base your growth on what YOU and only you can do.

You are the only person you have to be proud of and it is much easier to do when you don't have the noise coming from the outside world. 

3) If you can't give your body some love, focus on giving it appreciation. 

All of this beautiful talk about loving your body the way it is sounds amazing, but some days, you just can't. And it is okay. It happens to everyone, nobody can love themselves all the time. But instead of talking trash about yourself, focus on bringing some appreciation for what you body does for you, aside from its appearance.

For example, I used to spend so much time deprecating my arms. I found them too big, not feminine. And sometimes I still do. Except that now, when I catch myself spiralling again, I remind myself of what my arms allow me to do. Maybe I have bigger arms that what is considered "aesthetically pleasing" for women, even though this is a BS society standard that has no legs to stand on. But thanks to my "big” arms, I can carry my weight in the air like a circus ninja and around a pole and I wouldn't change this for the world.

This recipe works for absolutely everything. Every negative side comes with a positive one. You have the option to decide how to look at it.

I don't know about you, but focusing on the down side is a complete waste of time, counter productive, and is definitely not the way to build your happiness.

4) Learn to accept compliments

Ha, that's something we definitely noticed, especially with women. It is considered SO not humble to accept a compliment that you HAVE to counter it with something negative to balance it out. Does that ring a bell?

What if you just said "thank you” and appreciated the compliment instead? Oh, it will feel weird at first, but only because you are conditioned to go against it. Like above, practice makes perfect and no, it doesn't make you a superficial b*tch.

Also, Some studies have shown that it takes 5 positive comments to remove the impact of 1 negative one. What if we just opened our damn ears to the good ones?

Chances are, if you are surrounded by caring people, they have shown their love and honesty towards you. They may have even tried to convince you that your insecurity was untrue. Why not believe them?

5) Stop covering up

This one is more related to physical appearance. Instead of avoiding your body insecurities, challenge yourself by facing them. Don't try to hide them, it won't help.

You have to figure out a way to highlight them, to bring a new light and perspective so you can make peace with them.

For example: stopping yourself from wearing an outfit you really like is not the way to deal, quite the opposite. Don't let these insecurities win!

It doesn't have to be big challenges, you can start small! A random example would be, if you'd like to decrease the amount of makeup you use, you can start by staying makeup free at home before taking it outside. Or even, lighten your makeup one day at a time…

It doesn't matter how big the step is, what matters is that you take it.

6) Explore your sensuality.

Learning to embrace your sensuality is a way to start feeling in harmony with your body to find peace and confidence. And if you are thinking you are as sensual as a kitchen pot then you definitely need to keep reading: we ALL have the potential to be sensual. Period. Which means you too, you just need a little more practice!

Your body needs to move and be acknowledged. Use that energy, that fire you have within you: dance, hug yourself, wear clothes that make you feel sexy, try new makeup or hairstyle…. Check out our blog post about sensuality for extra info!

Body love and appreciation is hard, just like creating any positive habits. But you are just as capable as your next door neighbour to do this. Is it a little finicky at first? Yes. Will you feel a bit silly to begin? Yes. But is it worth it? Damn right. You should be your own best-friend, after all, you are here for the long-run with yourself, right?!

Treat yourself with kindness, you are pretty awesome.

If you like what you just read, sign up for our weekly newsletter below to get more! They come filled with love, additional tips & tricks and other fun stuff!

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *

You deserve to love your body (again)

We all have body insecurities. Yes, even that person in the corner that you think is perfect, they very likely doesn't like something about their body. Those can become bigger and bigger everyday and can really impact your life on a daily basis. But it doesn’t have to be. If there is one person can hit the brakes on those, it is you.

In order to develop body-acceptance and give yourself a break, there are a few things to consider and myths to debunk:

No, You don’t have to “LOVE” your body all the time (and it’s really hard to anyway)

With movements like body-positivity being spread around and sometime, used as a marketing tool, it is very easy to believe that if you don’t love your body every single day, then you’re “failing” at it. To be honest, we believe that it is impossible to love your body constantly, because we, as human and especially as women, are not feeling the same constantly.

We work in cycles, are guided by hormones & emotions and Those fluctuate on the daily, as they should. So you’re gonna have good days, and not-so-good days, and it is absolutely normal.

Instead of beating yourself up, spiralling and thinking that you’re just an ugly duckling during the not-so-good days, aknowledge them, remind yourself they will pass, try to stick to a healthy routine and give yourself a break.

Your body changes all the time.

On top of having our moods changing from one day to the other, our bodies can change on an hourly basis. Take our tummies for example, usually a soft spot for many people: you can wake up with a fairly flat belly and boom, 2 hours later, it’s doing its things and you’re bloated. Your body is always working and we need to stop being hard on it for doing so.

Instead of focusing on just the way your body looks, focus on nourishing it and giving it what it needs. By just doing that, you will slowly start to appreciate it more and more, and your vision will change on the positive.

Enjoy those pleasantly surprised looks in the mirror you will experience soon enough! 😉

You don’t have imperfections, you have a map of memories.

When you really think about it, isn’t your body a keepsake of everything you have been in life?

Scars, stretch marks, and other various changes, they are here to witness what you have been through.

• Stretchmarks prove the ability your body has to adapt to a new you.

• Scars are here to remind you that you can heal. You’ve done it before, you will do it again.

• Wrinkles are a testimonial to how much you've laughed, cried, smiled. How much you’ve been LI-VING. This should be celebrated, not criticized and shamed.

Work on detaching from the media’s beauty standards.

One of the best ways to start appreciating your body is to listen to what YOU want to do and not what society says you SHOULD do. Wear whatever you want, change your hairstyle, get tattoos, get physically stronger, shave, not shave, put makeup on and so on. If you feel like walking around naked for the hell of it, then so be it.

Decisions about your body and appearance are yours and only yours to make. Re-read that, write it down, staple it somewhere!

You will be much happier the minute you start making decisions about yourself for yourself. So go, dye your hair blue, wear that dress you love, stop shaving your armpits if it makes YOU happy.

By the way, A boudoir shoot is a great way to say “screw it, my body is pretty awesome”. 😉

If you're tempted but are not sure what to expect, sign up below to get our secret pdf with all of the answers! ⬇️

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *

How facing your body image can help your personal growth

While the personal development and body-positivity movements are growing everywhere online, rare are the people truly at peace with their bodies. Hell, can we even be comfortable with how we look 100% of the time? We don't think so. But for some of us, it gets to a level of maximum ignorance. You dodge mirrors as much as possible, you don't "waste time" putting thoughts into your looks, after all, you have other mountains to conquer, you want to grow, and that happens in the mind right?

But what if we told you that no matter how much work you put into climbing those mountains, you will end up stuck at some point in your growth, your search of happiness, if you don't connect with your body?

If you want to feel completely fulfilled, you will have to also prioritize your connection with your body. No need to read a zillion miracle morning books and start random routines just yet if you can't face yourself to begin with. 

Do you recognize yourself in one or more of the following situations:

Avoiding your reflection

You're a master at avoiding to look at any type of reflection in your everyday life. Mirrors are just a practical thing for you to make sure you have nothing stuck in your teeth, but it doesn't go beyond. Frankly, it just makes you uncomfortable to look at yourself, so just like an ostrich, you would rather dig your head in the sand rather than having to deal with our own image.

You look, but it just makes you sad. 

Nothing is good enough with you. You're not this enough, or too much of that. Maybe you are even ashamed, or embarrassed about your physical appearance. You spend your time comparing yourself to others or even older versions of yourself.  

Worrying too much about your appearance is just superficial or even narcissistic.

Looks are not everything, you don't need to impress anyone after all. Overall, you think you are pretty neutral about your appearance. You do the bare minimum because you have to, but that's pretty much it. 

Let's be honest: if you are not facing your own image and simply looking at yourself, it's not because it's so much fun like a day in the park. You're avoiding it because it hurts to do so. 

So if any of these situations speak to you, it is time to change.

What happens if you don't connect with your body:

Can you grow? Yes. You can start setting yourself up for whatever you wish you to become or do. But here is the catch: you can only grow to a certain extent and you will get stuck at some point. 

To break it down easily, if you are not literally facing yourself because any situation stated above and if you are not taking the time to make peace with your body, you are telling yourself that on some level, that you are just not good enough or not worth it. This often happens completely unconsciously, which makes it even more sneakier. And what happens when we think we are not good enough? We deny ourselves opportunities because we don't believe we will be up for them anyway. 

In conclusion, by not connecting with your body, you are setting limiting beliefs for yourself. Again, that can be completely unconscious. 

Time to get real (you can do this!)

Let's rip off the band-aid right here: you can't avoid yourself forever. You only have one body carrying you through life and you are responsible for it. If you tend to be negative about it, it will make you pay one way or another. Plenty of studies have shown that negativity directed towards yourself and your body can lead to health risks in the long term. Better start giving yourself some lovin'! 

When you look good, you feel good.

While some of us think it is superficial to focus on your looks, we think there is a lot of untapped power by not doing so. Wearing your favourite clothes, getting dolled up, taking care of your skin, moving your body… all of these create a powerful feeling of being unstoppable. Why not tap into that as much as we can? Don't forget, this is about YOU, not others. All of the decisions regarding your preferred options about your appearance belong only to you.

You don't have to impress anyone. 

That is true, but you should try impress yourself. Taking care of your relation with your body and taking actions for it should not be about other people. It should be for your own sake, to your own standards. And even more so, you should create your own validation and not depend on others. I had a very poor sense of self-worth until the first time I fell in love. My boyfriend back in the day saw what I couldn't see: that I am a freaking beautiful person. I was over the moon until the relationship ended. All of that self-worth built through this left with him and I had to start again from square one. It took me a heartbreak to start building my self-worth by myself, for myself. Validation from others is a temporary good feeling, it doesn't stick. At the end of the day, you are the person you spend the most time with.

You are not alone

• Raise your hand if you have ever looked at old pictures of yourself and thought "wow, I thought I was so much fatter/thinner back then that I actually was!". 

• Keep your hand up if you have ever heard coming from others that you are not seeing yourself the way you really are.

• Don't get a cramp, but hold that hand high if you have ever beaten yourself up over flaws you think you have, beyond rationality.

Well, welcome to the club of body-dysmorphia: being incapable of visually seeing your body the way it actually is. For some of us, it can become obsessive and very challenging in life. We strongly suggest to read this article if you think you may suffer from body-dysmorphia. 

Learning to embrace who you fully are is the best gift you can ever give to yourself. 

This is how you develop your own trust and how you stand up for yourself. You owe it to yourself to create the path towards who you want to become.

Take some time to reflect, be grateful for this body of yours, supporting you everyday. Nourish and strengthen it the way it needs. You will see that it will remove SO many blocks you didn't even know you had, and make more room for all of these beautiful ideas hidden in the back. And if you need a little bit of help, we are here for you…

Subscribe to our mailing list & get our feel good gift!

Email Address

Is it wrong to want to feel sexy?

It is in our nature to want to be admired and respected. On top of that we want to look strong, confident and just beautiful in general and we are not scared to say it out loud. However, we don't really say out loud "HELLO I AM SEXY!" or we don't even dare thinking it. But what's so wrong with that?

What does sexy even mean?

Some people would tell you straight up: you are "sexy" when people want to have sex with you. Period. And it's actually not entirely wrong since we have the tendency to qualify someone as sexy when they radiate a sensual feeling and a lot of time, it comes from a physical aspect.

We have met countless women and men saying "oh gosh, I am so NOT sexy" sometimes with a chuckle, sometimes blushing, sometimes with regrets in their voice.

We are in 2018 and the word sexy should and has a lot more different meanings. To us, being sexy is pretty much a way to say you are attractive and you have a little je-ne-sais-quoi.

And since being attractive is so suggestive, it means that no one will ever have the perfect definition of sexy, but it also means that everyone can actually be sexy in their own way.

That's a pretty good news, right?

Throw away the clichés

Non-exhaustive list of sexy things according to the Scandaleuse Dictionary, 2017 edition by Capdevielle J. & Lelorrain F.

• confidence

• a woman's neck

• ambition

• nice hands

• determination

• kindness

• heels

• a smile/smeye

• tattoos

• and way more...

Is there any links between all of these? Not really. Maybe your partner finds you sexy when you're changing a lightbulb for that matter. Because being sexy does not fall into one and only one category. It is more a feeling, an attitude and not only the way you look.

Now that we've seen these, I can honestly say that I would definitely love to be seen as confident, ambitious, kind with nice hands, a tattoo while smiling. It brings me closer to the version of myself I want to be in my life and it makes me happy.

So if I follow this logic, I then want to feel attractive. And since all of these factors can also be considered sexy, it also means that I do want to feel sexy too, but in my own way.

And there is nothing wrong with that.

So no, there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel sexy.

Because it makes you feel good. And when you feel good, you also do good things. And this makes you feel good too. You see the snowball effect of goodness here?

So why wouldn't you want to be sexy? 

We are getting further and further from the cliché of "sexy = trashy" that it is time to reappropriate the whole concept and turn it into something positive. off you go you sexy beast.

Subscribe to our mailing list & get our feel good gift!

Email Address

VIDEO | Is it wrong to want to feel sexy?

Short answer: Absolutely not.

The truth is: there shouldn’t be anything wrong with the word “sexy” nowadays since it can mean a lot of different things. It is perfectly normal to want to sexy, and you can learn why in the video below:

Don’t be scared to say it out loud, sexy beast!

The Unstoppable Project

Here it is. One of our most nurtured projects is finally seeing the light of day! Let’s welcome: The Unstoppable Project.

Because every woman deserves to be herself loud and clear. Special thanks to Florent Magere who created this awesome music and Jonathan Delgado for animating the tag lines for us!

Don’t feel like reading? You can watch the making-of video!

What’s that now?

Scandaleuse is in its second year now and one of its main purpose is to encourage women to be openly proud of themselves and to stop caring about other people’s opinion in their everyday lives. About a year ago, Fanny and I started to hear multiple sentences which just didn’t sit well in our minds.

“I could never show those, I am a lawyer”
”I love these but my family/friends/husband/boyfriend would totally disapprove, I don’t want to make them upset”
”People are going to think I am a slut”

We are advocates of the “no hell given” movement. We truly believe you should be able to do whatever you want and whatever makes you happy. It is safe to say that absolutely all of our clients leave their boudoir experience with us feeling happy, confident, strong and determined to make their world their oyster. Some share their photos right away, after a slight hesitation, others cannot go pass the potential judgement from others.

The sad truth? as women, we work a lot harder to build a strong reputation. And There is a risk of being taken less seriously from coworkers, friends, family members if some of these pictures were to see the light of day.

And that’s killing us. Why sharing photos of you in a boudoir set up, in which you feel fantastic and beautiful, should have an impact on anything else in your life? There is nothing wrong with those photos; it is the people who are too narrow-minded who create the actual problem.

So we gathered our little army of Scandals…

All from different backgrounds, different paths and careers. All badass in their own way. Women who decided to say “screw it”. Women as determined as we are to stop the hypersexualisation of the female body.

We don’t know about you, but when we see these women, we don’t doubt their abilities to keep rocking their lives because we just saw them half naked. If anything, we applaud them for owning who their really are.

Becky is still a kick-ass business owner, Caitlin is still a qualified environmentalist, Victoria is still a talented goldsmith and Sonia’s talent as a super mom is still off the charts.

Now remember: Showing your true self should complement your image, not compromise it.

Watch our making-of below!

Before we end it here, let us go against the comment we know we will get…

”Yeah but you don’t need to put yourself outhere naked to prove that, ugh, there are other ways”

Yep, you’re right. But we are boudoir photographers so we use our skills and our work to defend a matter that we care about. If your talent is to bake cookies, you are welcome to start your own campaign with pastries. Just make sure you share it with us! Bisous, bye!