How to look like yourself during your boudoir shoot

We have heard many times of the years “those photos were nice, but they just didn't look like me”. Maybe because of too much editing. Maybe because it was the wrong vibe. It happens even more often in boudoir photography, where we are still facing the (wrong) assumption that bodies need to look perfect since clothes aren't in the picture.

It's not a great feeling to not recognize yourself on an image. Here is why:

Photography's purpose is not just about creating art. It's to evoke emotions of any kind.

When you are booking any type of shoot for yourself, it is very likely because you want to see yourself from another perspective and keep a memory of it. If you can't recognize yourself in a picture, you become totally neutral about it or worse, have negative feelings towards it. Chances are you may look at the photo for a day or 2, before hiding it somewhere because it just “doesn't feel right".

So, how can you look like YOU during your boudoir shoot?

1) Pick the right makeup, if any.

Makeup is fascinating. You can be so creative with it and change your face's features. It is often encourage on photoshoots to wear some to get camera ready or just to have fun and get pampered, but it doesn't mean you have to get it done in a way that is drastically different from what you would usually do. It doesn’t even mean that you have to get your makeup done at all! Many of us don't wear any, if this is your case, feel free to keep it this way.

Of course, working with a makeup artist is also the opportunity to try something different, and if you want to experiment, go for it! But if you want to look like yourself, see it as a way to get a professional version of your own makeup.

Having a clear vision of the makeup you picture yourself with is very helpful to not feel like a stranger,

2) Prepare outfits that make you feel amazing.

Boudoir isn't just about the classic lingerie set, far from it!

Any outfit can be turned into a boudoir one, you just have to remove some layers.

If you feel like a garterbelt and stockings isn't like you, take your favourite style and remove some layers! Loose tshirts with cute panties, a pair of jeans topless, a silky robe, bralette and skirt, possibilities are endless, so have fun with it!

3) Don't overthink poses

When it comes to posing, the simplier, the better!

It's great to feel inspired by some poses you see online but attempting to copy them exactly might not work. One pose can look very different on 2 different bodies. However, poses can be adapted to your body type so they still looks badass, effortless, and flattering. Don't hesitate to ask your photographer, we personally love getting inspiration photos from our clients and adjust the poses depending on them.

Definetely not the easiest to pull off!

4) Try it at home

Practice makes perfect! Observing ourselves, taking our own images, trying on different outfits and poses in front of the mirror… All of these are very helpful to see what you look like when you feel like yourself. That way, you will feel comfortable quicker in front of a lens and will know what works for you.

If you feel like getting the hang of it solo before turning to a pro, check out our online boudoir guide*! It is the perfect tool to learn to style and pose yourself in different settings, in the comfort of your own home.

*its price is 100% redeemable on a photoshoot with us too!

5) Turn to a pro and make sure you feel seen

For us, the goal of boudoir is not for you to adapt to the clichés but for us to adapt to you. Sensuality is expressed in many different way, and yours is just as valuable as any. The more you feel understood prior to your session, the more you will feel like yourself on the final photos. You don't need to have specific ideas, just don't be afraid to ask questions, share what inspires you, even if you think it is all over the place. We will piece it together with you.

Don’t forget to not take yourself seriously or put pressure on yourself. A boudoir shoot is such an empowering and beautiful experience, you won’t regret trusting the process!

Did you enjoy the read? Feel free to join our newsletter below for a weekly dose of good vibes and other tips!

You can also join our whatsapp channel here for more shenanigans!

The real motive behind Boudoir Photography

Ah. Pretty boudoir photos. Well that’s nice. You get them done and forget about them within a couple of months right? What if we told you that it’s actually false? Indeed, there are many benefits in boudoir photography, but one that we tend to forget is that it is just a perfect occasion to simply pause your busy life and take time to yourself.

(Disclaimer: we are going to focus on women because – well - that is what we are, but the following does apply to anybody.)

Everything and everyone else comes first.

If you are a caring human being, chances are your own well-being is not #1 on your priority list. Your family, your kid, your partner, your business, your problems, you name it, probably are. Congratulations, you are a decent person and we need more people like you!

However, it doesn’t mean your own self-care should be forgotten. After all, you do read it on Instagram every day, with a perfect woman doing an incredible yoga pose at sunset hashtagging #NamasteBitches

And this perfect lady isn’t totally wrong. The reality is that, by putting people or things before you every day, all the time, chances of you burning out will be real. You will end up walking around with a little rain cloud over your head, wondering who you are, what the meaning of life is and how the hell you get out of this.

We can assure you that you’re gonna have one day during which you will feel the urge to slam doors as hard as you can because you’re not supposed to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders but you are trying anyway.

Why is this bad for you? Because you need to be at peace with yourself to basically function and do great things. How can you if you don’t take time to…. take time?

Why are so many women struggling with this to begin with?

Simple answer: we are naturally nurturing. But most importantly, we are expected to be (you know, the ability to be mothers and also the fact that we actually give a crap about what’s around us and all that). You are expected to be relied on and quite frankly, chances are you will be considered selfish if you dared announcing loud and clear “screw it, it’s me time today!”. How dare you, since your primary function is to take care of someone?

So, what do we do? We restrain ourselves from doing what we really want to do. It doesn’t have to be something big like moving to Argentina but even little pleasures in life that could do us some good.

Do we even deserve to do this?

Of course, even when we decide to finally splurge and something for ourselves, it doesn't always come easy. A little demon often sneaks in our brains and tell you "how dare you?! This is not for you.”

Women constantly undervalue themselves and it is a sad but true fact. On top of taking care of people and their things, we also think that we are not worth less than anybody else. Probably because we are constantly reminded that we can always do more. So why would we reward ourselves with some “me-time” to begin with?

If you think this way, this is the moment when you take a seat, grab the tea we’re giving you, look at us right in the eye while we tell you “you are doing the best you can, you are awesome and you deserve a break.”

What does our boudoir work have to do with any of this?

Boudoir isn't just about creating gorgeous art with your sexy self. It's a whole experience. It’s a safe space in which you can let go, think about you, and more importantly: reconnect with yourself.

For a short amount of time in your busy schedule, you are a priority. You can be your true self without hiding behind anything and even better: without being judged.

By embracing your vulnerability and turning it into a strength, you will be able to grow (or rediscover) your confidence. And then what?

You make a powerful tool out of it and use it in your everyday life.

Not only will you feel stronger and become a better partner, friend, mother, but you will trust yourself a lot more to make bigger and scarier decisions. It will be easier for you to take on new challenges and succeed at them. All of this coming from a simple photoshoot out of your comfort zone.

Don’t underestimate the power of taking time to yourself. We all need to disconnect from our “duties” and reconnect with ourselves. And boudoir is a pretty neat way to do it.

If you liked what you read, don't hesitate to join our weekly newsletter below! We send you love letters and more every Saturdays!

Name:

Email:

We respect your email privacy

Boudoir over 40: why you should definitely do it.

Boudoir photography comes with an endless list of benefits that absolutely everyone can enjoy. We can also say that boudoir sparks a lot of interest in everyone, no matter your age, who you identify with, and if you like cilantro or not. Yet, a fear keeps crippling in the back of many people over 40 and it always comes out as a ”I am way too old to do for this".

Obviously no, you’re not and here is why you should consider it big time…

So, what is really behind the ”I am too old to do this”?

After asking our surrounding, this is what came out: being potentially judged by other people is scary as hell.

Just risking having someone say you look ”ugly” or ”ridiculous” is too much to handle.

And we don't blame you! Bodies change over years. Wrinkles show up, for some, babies have happened, provoking even stronger changes… Your body has become a map of memories and society has told us all that it looks bad and/or that it is not good enough. Fun.

None of the beauty standards are accurate.

breaking free from them is the best gift you can give yourself.

Everyone gets older, you are not doing anything wrong by doing it too. You’ve been putting in the work for yourself, for your body. It has been serving you for many years and it deserves to be embraced, celebrated, welcomed. YOU deserve to feel celebrated.

Following those unattainable standards creates limitations for you and you end up passing on experiences you may not only enjoy but could also contribute greatly to your happiness.

All of this because a random bunch of people decided that you shouldn't, for no good reason whatsoever. We are not gonna let those win now, are we?

Learning to appreciate your appearance also comes with the strongest perk of all: a rock solide self-confidence which leads to stop giving a rat’s ass about what other people think of you.

With this tool on your belt, you can finally do things for you, in your own terms. Now, that's happiness!

So what can you do in order to get to that sweet spot of self-acceptance?

• Understand that judgment is not about you.

It is about people projecting their own insecurities and fears on you.

We think about ourselves a lot, even when someone tells us a story that has nothing to do with us. For example, if you are mentioning something you'd like to do and the person you are talking to secretly wants to as well but doesn’t have the guts to do it: chances are they will try to dissuade you. They’re not talking about you, you are just mirroring something in them. Now that you know that, it is so much easier to detach from the judgement and not let it influence your decisions.

• Ditch the dummies.

If you get negative feedback on anything you do, you are not the problem. The people giving you the feedback are. And if this is a recurring problem, it sounds like you are not getting anything interesting from those people, the best thing to do is limit or end the relationship with them. You don’t need demeaning people in your life.

• Give yourself permission.

Now that you've ditched the impact of judgement, you have to allow yourself to do things. It sounds simple, but many of us don't.

Remind yourself that the best adventures are waiting for you outside of your comfort zone.

Even if it is just that colourful dress which caught your eye in the window that you would love to wear. There are absolutely NO GOOD REASONS not to wear something that could make you happy.  Don’t even try to justify it, just try to the goddamn dress instead. And don’t you dare dumping it at the bottom of your closet.

Boudoir gives you the chance to try a liberating experience, just for you.

It resets the image you have of yourself on the positive. You get an objective look, which is 100% of the time much better than what we believe - and gives you such a boost of confidence you will be craving for more.

All of this while… giving a great middle finger to expectations. That's always a nice way to satisfy our rebellious side!

Over half of our clients are actually over 40. And that includes women, but also men. You may not see it because many of them ask to keep their pictures private, but they are definitely here. So you are definitely not the only one tempted by the wonderful world of boudoir!

You 👏🏻 are 👏🏻 enough.
How about to start enjoying your life the way YOU want to? Some many beautiful moments await!

Did you enjoy the read? If so, sign up for our newsletter below to get more! They come once a week, filled with love, additional tips & tricks and other fun stuff!

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *

Dealing with Body Insecurities

The mind is powerful. It is capable of making you believe you see things a certain way and turn it into a fact. That's why, sometimes, you can feel some sort of weight on your heart just thinking about something you don't like about yourself. Maybe it developed over time or maybe your "friend" Jessica made one comment out of spite when you were in grade 5 and it just stuck with you until your thirties. 

All of these can make you see yourself and your body in a way that could be quite far from reality or could just affect the way you live your life. And in the end, it doesn't really matter how they got there. What matters is how you deal with them.

Here are 6 tips to help you say bye bye to your insecurities and start giving your body and mind some lovin'! 

1) Understand that the vision of your body is rarely accurate.

Many many MANY outside factors can affect the way you see your body. Stress, hormones, change in your routine, or diet, lack of sleep… All of these and many more can give you a heavily distorted vision of your appearance. The best favour you can do yourself is to remind yourself of this when you have having a shitty body day.

Body-dysmorphia is also extremely common among us. Go check out our blog post about it if you want to learn more.

2) Avoid comparing yourself to others. 

Comparing yourself to someone else is as easy as it is toxic, whether it is on a physical or a mental level. It's also very hard to stop once you get started.

So, if you catch yourself falling into this rabbit hole, remember that you do not know what is going on in someone's life, just like they don't know about yours, making it impossible to compare anything fairly.  So what's the point of even going down that road? All it is going to do is create pressure, unachievable goals and potential jealousy. And you don't have time for this, you have great things to do!

Put down your phone, stop creeping on people you barely know & learn to become your own measurement system. Base your growth on what YOU and only you can do.

You are the only person you have to be proud of and it is much easier to do when you don't have the noise coming from the outside world. 

3) If you can't give your body some love, focus on giving it appreciation. 

All of this beautiful talk about loving your body the way it is sounds amazing, but some days, you just can't. And it is okay. It happens to everyone, nobody can love themselves all the time. But instead of talking trash about yourself, focus on bringing some appreciation for what you body does for you, aside from its appearance.

For example, I used to spend so much time deprecating my arms. I found them too big, not feminine. And sometimes I still do. Except that now, when I catch myself spiralling again, I remind myself of what my arms allow me to do. Maybe I have bigger arms that what is considered "aesthetically pleasing" for women, even though this is a BS society standard that has no legs to stand on. But thanks to my "big” arms, I can carry my weight in the air like a circus ninja and around a pole and I wouldn't change this for the world.

This recipe works for absolutely everything. Every negative side comes with a positive one. You have the option to decide how to look at it.

I don't know about you, but focusing on the down side is a complete waste of time, counter productive, and is definitely not the way to build your happiness.

4) Learn to accept compliments

Ha, that's something we definitely noticed, especially with women. It is considered SO not humble to accept a compliment that you HAVE to counter it with something negative to balance it out. Does that ring a bell?

What if you just said "thank you” and appreciated the compliment instead? Oh, it will feel weird at first, but only because you are conditioned to go against it. Like above, practice makes perfect and no, it doesn't make you a superficial b*tch.

Also, Some studies have shown that it takes 5 positive comments to remove the impact of 1 negative one. What if we just opened our damn ears to the good ones?

Chances are, if you are surrounded by caring people, they have shown their love and honesty towards you. They may have even tried to convince you that your insecurity was untrue. Why not believe them?

5) Stop covering up

This one is more related to physical appearance. Instead of avoiding your body insecurities, challenge yourself by facing them. Don't try to hide them, it won't help.

You have to figure out a way to highlight them, to bring a new light and perspective so you can make peace with them.

For example: stopping yourself from wearing an outfit you really like is not the way to deal, quite the opposite. Don't let these insecurities win!

It doesn't have to be big challenges, you can start small! A random example would be, if you'd like to decrease the amount of makeup you use, you can start by staying makeup free at home before taking it outside. Or even, lighten your makeup one day at a time…

It doesn't matter how big the step is, what matters is that you take it.

6) Explore your sensuality.

Learning to embrace your sensuality is a way to start feeling in harmony with your body to find peace and confidence. And if you are thinking you are as sensual as a kitchen pot then you definitely need to keep reading: we ALL have the potential to be sensual. Period. Which means you too, you just need a little more practice!

Your body needs to move and be acknowledged. Use that energy, that fire you have within you: dance, hug yourself, wear clothes that make you feel sexy, try new makeup or hairstyle…. Check out our blog post about sensuality for extra info!

Body love and appreciation is hard, just like creating any positive habits. But you are just as capable as your next door neighbour to do this. Is it a little finicky at first? Yes. Will you feel a bit silly to begin? Yes. But is it worth it? Damn right. You should be your own best-friend, after all, you are here for the long-run with yourself, right?!

Treat yourself with kindness, you are pretty awesome.

If you like what you just read, sign up for our weekly newsletter below to get more! They come filled with love, additional tips & tricks and other fun stuff!

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *

Stop limiting yourself

If there is one truth in life, it is that we have all grown up following pre-selected ideas and standards. You, me, your parents, your friends, everyone, we have all been conditioned a certain way. While there is nothing wrong with that, it doesn't come only with positive or neutral outcomes, it also creates limiting beliefs.

If you think you don't have some, read the 5 main ones below and we can guarantee you will recognize yourself in at least one of them. The good news is that, if you are aware of them, you can start beating the crap out of them.

This blog post is based on an awesome French podcast. We have been implementing this topic with Scandaleuse since day 1 and this podcast sums it up beautifully.

What are limiting beliefs?

To make it simple, they are a kind of mental beliefs that defines how you act, make decisions, work, interact with people, even how to eat. You are 100% certain they are true and even, universal.

So far, it is pretty neutral.

Those turn into limiting beliefs the minute they become obstacles and are holding you back from reaching any goals you'd like, big or small.

Have you ever thought you couldn't or shouldn’t do something without an actual reason (aka: you will die if you do this or will deliberately hurt someone) ? Maybe out of fear or thinking it is not politically correct?

There you have it: you are facing your own limiting belief. The truth is: limiting beliefs are often based on a distorted and subjective reality.

The 5 big limiting behaviors:

1) Confusion:

You want to do everything and try anything and you are well aware of that. You have a lot of passions and interests and that's pretty great: you are just not afraid of taking on anything and a lot of people are blocked by the step from the get-go.

However, here is the trick: you don't stay in place long enough to persevere whatever you start. You end up switching tasks before being able to see actual results. This is often connected to impatience and short-term vision.

How to kick its butt:
Try to work on your patience and long-term vision: there are always positive outcomes out of a new activity, but you may not be able to see them right away. Trying setting deadlines away from the immediate future, aim for 6 months for example.

You are more than capable to create those results. Every single step counts and baby steps turn into a much bigger result if you stick to them.

2) Dissonance:

You want to start a new project, an idea, even a relationship but once you do it, you are gonna find an excuses and obstacles to stop it. You are mastering the self-sabotage.

This is connected to a lack of self-confidence and fear of disappointment and even pain.

Let's rip off the bandaid: you don't trust that you deserve something good and that shit will hit the fan no matter what, so you might as well step out and stay in your comfort-zone, even it it gets uncomfortable.

How to go all “FATALITY”on this:
It's going to be very interesting to try not to take anything personally and see every little obstacles that happen as challenges. Instead of seeing them as a sign to stop whatever it is you are doing, see them as lessons to learn so you can grow.

If you really look at it: your comfort zone has changed without you noticing anyway (you don't have the same routine as when you are 14 years-old right?) So there is no reason to stop your growth.

3) Lack of clarity

You have very vague objectives. This one is probably the biggest for me and I have been working on this. This is mostly connected to a fear of failure. You end up asking yourself why something is not working for you, while not setting yourself up for success.

How to “bye Felicia”-d it:
Instead of asking yourself WHY something isn't working, ask yourself HOW you can make this work for me?

Ask yourself the good questions, practice letting go of your fears of dreaming big and set strategies by having objectives you can measure, so you can see concrete progress.

4) Perfectionist

That's a pretty common one and I was also guilty of this before opening Scandaleuse. Starting a business has always been a dream of mine since I was little but I felt like needed to know everything and it needed to be perfect before even starting it.

I never felt ready enough and thought I needed to learn more constantly. How did I end up starting Scandaleuse with Fanny? Well the universe threw me a couple of really crappy bosses in the span of 3 years to force me out of the standard employee path and work for myself.

Of course, it is good to gather information and prepare, especially before starting a life-changing project but when it just ends up pushing back the start date, it's not doing you any good.

You're not gonna jump in the water without knowing how to swim a minimum. But you don't need an olympic medal in swimming before setting your toes in water.

This is connected to a fear of lacking competence (hello impostor syndrom) or even a fear of hurting people (eg: not leaving someone because it’s not the good time for them.)

How to kick it out of you (without waiting for terrible managers for years):
Understand that the perfect moment doesn't exist and you have to create it. Read that again. It's time to roll up your sleeves and tell yourself you are ready NOW.

5) People pleaser.

People's wishes are your command. You never really ask yourself what YOU want. You hate confrontations and conflicts, you don’t know how to stand up for yourself and set your boundaries.

This is a direct line to the need to feel loved and appreciated at the cost of your own identity. You want to feel needed and are terrified of other people's opinions about you.

How to go all “Kill Bill” on it:
Understand that it is not other people's opinions that are gonna hurt you, it is the stories you make up to yourself about those. People's judgement is not about you, it is about themselves.

Live according to your values. Not everyone is gonna agree with you, it is just impossible. By owning your opinions and values, you will attract people who share and respect them. And that is how you grow too because you start creating self-validation instead of needed it from others.

So now, which one are you?

Let us know if this blog inspires you to kick your limiting beliefs to the curb and how you plan to do so!

And don't forget to sign up to our newsletter to not miss out on any content we send… We promise not to spoil you with too many emails :)

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *

You deserve to love your body (again)

We all have body insecurities. Yes, even that person in the corner that you think is perfect, they very likely doesn't like something about their body. Those can become bigger and bigger everyday and can really impact your life on a daily basis. But it doesn’t have to be. If there is one person can hit the brakes on those, it is you.

In order to develop body-acceptance and give yourself a break, there are a few things to consider and myths to debunk:

No, You don’t have to “LOVE” your body all the time (and it’s really hard to anyway)

With movements like body-positivity being spread around and sometime, used as a marketing tool, it is very easy to believe that if you don’t love your body every single day, then you’re “failing” at it. To be honest, we believe that it is impossible to love your body constantly, because we, as human and especially as women, are not feeling the same constantly.

We work in cycles, are guided by hormones & emotions and Those fluctuate on the daily, as they should. So you’re gonna have good days, and not-so-good days, and it is absolutely normal.

Instead of beating yourself up, spiralling and thinking that you’re just an ugly duckling during the not-so-good days, aknowledge them, remind yourself they will pass, try to stick to a healthy routine and give yourself a break.

Your body changes all the time.

On top of having our moods changing from one day to the other, our bodies can change on an hourly basis. Take our tummies for example, usually a soft spot for many people: you can wake up with a fairly flat belly and boom, 2 hours later, it’s doing its things and you’re bloated. Your body is always working and we need to stop being hard on it for doing so.

Instead of focusing on just the way your body looks, focus on nourishing it and giving it what it needs. By just doing that, you will slowly start to appreciate it more and more, and your vision will change on the positive.

Enjoy those pleasantly surprised looks in the mirror you will experience soon enough! 😉

You don’t have imperfections, you have a map of memories.

When you really think about it, isn’t your body a keepsake of everything you have been in life?

Scars, stretch marks, and other various changes, they are here to witness what you have been through.

• Stretchmarks prove the ability your body has to adapt to a new you.

• Scars are here to remind you that you can heal. You’ve done it before, you will do it again.

• Wrinkles are a testimonial to how much you've laughed, cried, smiled. How much you’ve been LI-VING. This should be celebrated, not criticized and shamed.

Work on detaching from the media’s beauty standards.

One of the best ways to start appreciating your body is to listen to what YOU want to do and not what society says you SHOULD do. Wear whatever you want, change your hairstyle, get tattoos, get physically stronger, shave, not shave, put makeup on and so on. If you feel like walking around naked for the hell of it, then so be it.

Decisions about your body and appearance are yours and only yours to make. Re-read that, write it down, staple it somewhere!

You will be much happier the minute you start making decisions about yourself for yourself. So go, dye your hair blue, wear that dress you love, stop shaving your armpits if it makes YOU happy.

By the way, A boudoir shoot is a great way to say “screw it, my body is pretty awesome”. 😉

If you're tempted but are not sure what to expect, sign up below to get our secret pdf with all of the answers! ⬇️

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *

How to contact a boudoir photographer when you are a man

While boudoir photography attracts mostly women, men are not out of the picture (pun intended)! Boudoir has in fact many benefits for the gentlemen, especially when it comes to body-image.

Let's cut through the chase: we are two women, we have been open since 2015 and have always welcome men. However, many inquiries were not done as well as they should have been and we have to be careful. So we are going to be straight-forward and let you in on some tips to make your experience happen!

If you are a gentleman who is serious about doing a shoot but feels a bit uncomfortable to ask, this is for you!

1) If you find us online, go through our website.

It could sound simple, but many people don’t peruse the website before hitting “contact us”. We state very clearly our values, vision, and session information on our male boudoir page and our FAQ.

Make sure you review it before reaching out, we may not match what you are looking for.

2) Introduce yourself.

Another simple advice, yet it makes a huge difference. Some people don’t even say their names upon emailing. It can be considered a red flag on our end, so please spend the extra couple of minutes to tell us who you are, just like you would if you were meeting someone in person.

3) Be honest.

This is actually the main issue we have when we get inquiries from men: they aren't telling us what they are looking for. It is a-okay if you are looking for erotic, while we don't offer it, we are not here to judge and we are actually looking for a trustworthy colleague to refer you to!

In order to avoid many email back and forths and waste your time, please tell us straight up what you are looking for. 😉

4) Our inquiry system is by email first, Zoom meeting second.

Every new inquiry takes place by email. In our first response, you will receive all of the information you need as well as a request form for an Zoom meeting. We’re gonna be honest, some inquiries started well, then the potential client tried to dodge a simple online meeting. This is a huge red flag for us.

We always meet all of our potential clients online before booking anything, no exception.

5) If the style you want is not ours, don't insist or try to disguise it into something else.

(We mentioned this was going to be a no B-S post!)
Here is a classic scenario we face multiple time: man emails with a vague inquiry, we ask for details, we finally get that he is looking for erotic, we say we don't offer it, he tries to tone it down hoping it would fly. Spoiler alert: it won’t and now everyone is uncomfortable.

Once again, it is okay to want something different. If we don't offer it, it doesn’t mean it is bad or shameful, it just means it is not our jam.

We hope those pointers were helpful if you are considering to contact us for a session. We would be more than happy to make your vision come to life and have you join our team of male Scandals! Feel free to contact us if you have any questions!

Need more info? Sign up below to get our “what to expect for your boudoir shoot” PDF! ⬇️

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *

Has Covid thrown Self-Love out the window?

Initially published on Limitless By Scandaleuse

It is no secret that many of us have been struggling since early 2020. Us too, especially the last few weeks. The vision of 2021 we were just hoping for despite it being fairly unrealistic, just faded. Covid wasn't, after all, going to stop spreading on January 01, 2021, but we preferred to deny it for a sec!

From positivity to frustration.

Not gonna lie, we were pretty positive for a while. Then, that faded too.

We feel like we are stuck in Groundhog Day, repeating the same tasks every day, not having a reason to dress up anymore, being deprived of what makes us feel alive (what we would do to just sit down in a café and people-watch…) and so for so damn long. And we can tell we are not the only ones.

In an attempt to bring some sunshine back, even for a moment, we decided to create a little self-love challenge through our social media. The concept was simple: dance like nobody’s watching, on the same song. It was a way for us to give womxn a chance to bring self-love back on the table, let loose, feel good about themselves and get a break from the covid-related news. And it really did the trick if you actually decided to follow the lead! So we started talking about it, heard many “this is so great, I love this, this is exactly what I need” and then came the moment to actually start doing it.

This is when over 70% of people backed out, for 2 main reasons :

“I'm just not feeling it anymore”
“I don't have the confidence".

And the truth is: we feel you.

Self-Love : out the window until things get better?

We've heard it so many time when the pandemic began: take this time to take care of yourself. Discover or reinvent, who you are. Spend quality time with yourself since we are stuck anyway. And many of us were good students! We learned new things and practices that have helped us so much and all of those kept our confidence up.

But how long can you do this for?

At some point, we need outside interactions. We need to go out. We’re tired of just being with ourselves. Hell, we don't even appreciate ourselves anymore as we have seen us way too much, so, yeah, self-love, bye bye.

Here is the thing thought: this is exactly when you should double down on self-love.

It is when you feel like giving it up that it is the most needed.

Take your time, there are no rules.

If you need a few days to pause and just become a couch potatoe with greasy hair, order take-out and just contemplate life, then do it. The idea here is not to put this damn pressure or guilt around self-care and self-love. Just slowly get back to it in your own time. No need to throw yourself into a yoga or meditation challenge and sign up for a zillion online classes, you can just start by doing something as simple as washing your hair (seriously, everything is always better after a shower, don’t you think?).

You will get the shy tingly feeling that feels so good once again.

You know, that feeling of glittery tummy? Then feed the crap out of it.

You're not alone feeling this way.

This challenge wasn’t a fail. Yes, we were hoping it would spread like wildfire and give a huge wave of positivity and self-love in our community and it just didn’t take. But at the end of the day, it gave us a chance to actually feel a lot less lonely. We are always encouraged to bottle up our feelings, to not make noise and be strong, because you know, thingscouldbeworselalala. But it doesn't stop anything from sucking. Which is kinda what we covered during our last live on Instagram, in case you are curious.

Saying it out loud can actually help move forward: so if you are reading this, take a moment to just say “F********CK THIS.” Release that tension, let it OUT.

We have something for you!

Since we still want to help you feel better, we have put together 6 easy tips you can use now to better your life. All you have to do is click below to get them!

The hidden benefits of boudoir photography

When boudoir photography is brought to the table, it comes with its load of assumptions. In people’s minds, it falls into at least one of the following: it has to be a pin-up style; it's superficial; it's made to arouse someone else and get attention ; it's for perfect bodies ; it’s sexually suggestive ; it’s just to learn to like your body, and so on.

None of those apply in reality. Boudoir photography is a tool to help you reconnect with your essence while challenging yourself. Reading this, maybe you are like “Yeah, ok ladies, thanks for the cookie-cutter bullshit instagram quote”, but bear with us, as we are explaining what we mean right now.

You get in touch with a part of you you've never seen.

We don't walk around naked, half naked, or in lingerie at home. Many of us strictly undress with a purpose (showering, intimacy…), but you don't just chill half naked. It's not what we are taught, it's not appropriate. We are taught modesty and even shame around nudity. So we are not really facing our most vulnerable state (aka being naked) very often.

And this makes us miss out on one of our best strength and feeling: comfort and freedom in our own skin.

Seriously, who doesn’t want to feel free?

A boudoir shoot is the opportunity to get comfortable with nudity. You technically have a “purpose” to justify this nudity in your brain, as the final goal is to get photos done. So you think about the final photos instead of putting pressure around what you look like naked. And before you know it, it is giving you a direct access to this feeling of freedom.

We see it at every single shoots with our clients: they all start with the outfits with the most layers, and by the end of the session, they're just walking around fully naked. The difference of energy in them is drastic: they reached that point of comfortability in their own skin that many people can't access.

It's a challenge, but it's an accessible one.

Comfort zones are not made to stay in forever, just like we are not made to stay the same forever. At some point, we all crave from new experiences to better ourselves and bring back some excitement in our lives. For some, this translates in radically changing their lives by booking a one-way ticket to the other side of the world for example. But you don’t need to do crazy big moves to sparks things up. Boudoir photography is one of the opportunities to challenge yourself positively, without having to make an insane commitment.

It's a “short” experience with a strong impact. And you can reap its benefits forever.

It is even stronger now that Covid has joined our lives for the past year. Our routines are severely impacted and extremely redundant for the majority of us. If there is a time to try something new, it is now.

You get a taste of femininity.

Femininity is a really strong energy we all have. Yet, it is often labeled as “weak” for no reason whatsoever. Femininity has nothing to do with wearing dresses and whatnot, or even with just being a woman since all human beings have a feminine side. It’s an attitude, an energy.

Feminine energy is the art of Being instead of DOing. You're not hustling. You're not trying to get anything done. You are just living in the moment, fully.

You are going into a warm bubble where you feel whole and at peace, two things we all can never get enough of. A boudoir shoot is an excuse to schedule this time to yourself, even for a couple of hours. No outside noise, no tasks to do but just let yourself go.

If you want to learn further, feminine energy goes hand in hand with sensuality, in which we talk about right here.

We can only wish for you to experience this sense of sensuality and femininity. It will unlock a lot more than you'd think in your wellbeing.

This list can go on forever. As you can imagine, there are tons of additional benefits connected with the simple act of doing a boudoir shoot. Some will hit you more than others.

If there is one thing you need to remember from this blog post, it is that a boudoir photoshoot is a way to make you experience feelings you don't usually get, despite needing them deeply.

If you are curious about gifting yourself this opportunity, you can check out our details right here:

In the meantime, you can also sign up for our newsletter to get exclusive content below:

First it hurts, then it changes you.

This post is a part of our series “If I Had Listened", in which we're reached out to strong-minded women we admire to tell us about a moment they chose to trust their gut and follow a different path despite other people's opinion. Read more on the blog!

If I had listened to the thoughts of doubt and negativity in my head, I would have never had the courage to reinvent my life.

There’s something to be said about being forced to move on from a relationship that I knew wasn’t working and gaining the courage to start a whole new life that wasn’t in my plans.   

I started the journey of self reinvention at the age of 39 shortly after I received my walking papers from my ex wife. I didn’t move on gracefully.  The relationship hadn’t been working for a long time really so it shouldn’t have been a surprise.  On the outside it looked like I had it all; the great career, a large home, fancy car - the works. But, inside I was empty and unfulfilled. The scariest part was leaving behind this comfortable life that I had built. Would I ever find love again at my age? How was I going to start over as I approached midlife?

A few months into my newly single life I left the pitty party behind and began to refocus on myself. I now had the chance to  live a more authentic existence and I vowed that I would get it right this time around.

What did this mean? Happiness. I was no longer going to do things or be with anyone that would make me unhappy. It was time to get comfortable being uncomfortable.

At the age of 40 I left my high paying corporate job to do something that filled my heart rather than my pockets. I tried new things. I took better care of myself mentally and physically. I travelled on my own. I met the love of my life while on vacation and moved to another province to be with her. I went back to school to learn new skills and another language. A baby soon followed at the age of 42.

I now have a supportive partner who is in love with me and is proud to be by my side. I have my own business doing something that I love. I speak another language and I'm a proud mom of a 2.5 year old daughter that dances like nobody's watching. She's magic. My life is magic. Midlife is magic.

There is this saying that I love and it says “First it hurts, then it changes you.” It’s amazing how allowing yourself to feel and own the pain of hurt or disappointment can change your life for the better.

I’m now a 45 year old sex positive, body positive, queer woman who is living her best life. I celebrate my perfectly imperfect body because it can move and I’m healthy. I nurtured and birthed another human being with 42 year old eggs. How magical and awesome is that? 

Because the process of life reinvention has made me a more courageous and confident person, I decided to start a blog. The goal of this blog is to empower and inspire other midlife moms who feel like they’re undesirable, lost and losing time to rediscover and reinvent themselves. Just like I did.

I once thought that I was too old to start over. I soon realized that even if I had only one day left on this earth, I’d rather spend it happy than with sadness and regret.

People like to say that life is short. It’s really not. Life is long and at midlife you have so much life to live. Why live the rest of your life unhappy when you can live everyday celebrating it?

If I had listened to the negative thoughts in my head that told me I was too old to start over again, I would have never had the courage to reinvent my life for the better. Tackling the fear of the uncomfortable is what lead me to the bliss.

5 things you DON'T have to do once the quarantine is over

After spending an average of 2 months at home while the world is finding a new balance, our everyday life is slowly gonna merge into a new normal.

This unusual experience has been the best opportunity to reflect on what you have, what you want, and who you do things for. You don't have to stop this journey now to jump back into what you used to do.

A new routine is on the verge of emerging and with it comes a new opportunity: making it yours.

Here are 7 things you do NOT have to do once the quarantine is fully over:

1) Go on a diet

If you didn't jump on the train of “LET'S WORK OUT EVERYDAY NOW THAT WE HAVE TIME WOOHOOO” and feel like you got a little cushy: so be it. Don’t beat yourself up, don't put pressure on yourself to lose weight and get fit now that you have to go back to the real world. Everything will rebalance itself with time and that's A-OKAY.

2) Wear uncomfortable clothing (and bras)

We see people joking about having to put jeans back on. What if you didn't? We live in a great era when you can find professional looking clothing that is still comfortable, take advantage of it! And ladies, if your bras are uncomfortable as hell and you ditched them during your time at home: leave them in the drawer. Keep your no-bra habit or replace them with comfortable bralettes. It's about damn time the world stops getting shocked by a slightly showing nipples.

3) Planning on staying at the job you don’t like.

Sometimes, you are so caught-up in your routine that you don’t stop and think if this is really for you. You go to your job because you have to, not because you want to. You ignore your inner voice to get the hell out. But with the quarantine, you ended up with a much bigger amount of time to think. If the thought of going back to work makes you feel sick, it is time to plan your exit strategy and act on it.

4) Buying excessively

Stores were closed, toilet paper was missing for a while, we had to focus on what was essential in our lives. Maybe you even Marie Kondo-d the crap out of your home. Don’t jump back on the intense shopping spree to buy things you don't need. You will help yourself by keeping your space and mind clear and help our planet by decreasing waste at the same time.

5) Wear makeup, Wax, Microblade, do your Nails, get Extensions of anything

Ask yourself: who were you doing all these things for? If the answer is because it makes you feel good: knock yourself out. But if you were dreading those times to begin with only to follow some outside expectations: just stop. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. You just have to do good by YOU.

On the contrary, here are some things you should do once you are back out there:

1) Implement those great self-care habits you put in place

You started yoga everyday and it makes you feel so good? Make time for it in your schedule. You found yourself a new passion for baking or cooking? Fit it in there too. Those are happy habits and they need to stay for your own wellbeing.

2) Make time to connect with your loved ones

Did you take your family and close friends for granted while living your busy life? (don't feel bad, we all do at some point in our lives) Well, everyone was pretty much away from everyone during the lockdown. Time to give some lovin' to the relationships you care about.

3) don't beat yourself up if you got caught up again in the life tornado.

If you find yourself thinking “I don't have time for that anymore/ what if I can’t make time for this?/I messed up.” take a deeeeeep breath and re-center. You don’t have to have a perfect record. Just develop your ability to take a step back and re-adjust your life.

You have spent so much time with yourself, your desires and wishes, it's not to forget it once we all go back to “normal". Treat yourself and others with kindness, focus on what you want for YOU. And if you need a little help, our Limitless Program is right here for you.

Subscribe to our mailing list & get our feel good gift!

Email Address

Jessica on Learning to Let Go and Focusing Energy Inward - Scandaleuse x Shedoesthecity

This article is part of our collaboration with She Does The City & Womanizer, in which we help them feature fierce AF womxn in boudoir photo shoots. We love working with them because they know that getting undressed for the camera is a catalyst for far more than we could have predicted.

We even have some sweet news for you as they are looking for more Scandals to feature there with a FREE shoot! Reach out to them at erotica@shedoesthecity.com

“After her mother died, Jessica Flaman‘s sense of self shifted considerably. The process of grief has forever altered her, and it continues to play a major role in how she perceives her wants, her path, and her priorities. She is now practicing how to “let go” and loosen the desire to control all aspects of her life. These ideas and more are explored on her daringly honest Instagram account, @conversationsaboutdeath.

We don’t always connect major life events to our body or our exuality, but Jessica draws interesting correlations.

Feelings follow us everywhere; they often become the seeds that birth new ideas and likewise get us looking in the mirror with a fresh perspective. 

SDTC: How did it feel to do this photo shoot?

JF: Having people whom I have never met come into my personal space, see me naked and then tell me how to pose was a huge test in vulnerability, and I think I did a pretty good job! (Note from Scandaleuse: YES INDEED!!)

How would you describe your sexuality?

I don’t think sexuality is something that can necessarily be described, but if I could sum it up in a couple of words: curious and fun. I tend not to take it too seriously.

When it comes to feeling good in your own skin, what advice would you give to your younger self?

Our bodies are our one and only constant companion, here to support us, carry us and teach us as we navigate our way through life.

I would tell her to stop focusing so much on her physical appearance as a way to get validation from others, and instead to focus that energy inward. Chasing love and acceptance is a losing battle because those things can’t really be sought after; they have to come from within and be cultivated on a soul level. Ultimately, I’d tell her to let go of the need to have the “perfect body” because it doesn’t exist, and to instead learn how to see beauty in her strength.

What turns you on?

Confidence, security, emotional intelligence, honesty and a REALLY good sense of humour! Anyone who can challenge me to do better and be better and who can appreciate the qualities that set me apart from other people.

Can you share with us about @conversationsaboutdeath and what inspired it? 

Conversations is a little on-going creative project I started shortly after my mom passed. Initially, I had intended to focus the stories only on death, but while travelling through India, I learned about disenfranchised grief and what a shapeshifter it can be.

By accessing and utilizing the community, genuine connections are made and, in turn, a platform is created for those who have experienced loss to share their stories. 

What mantra or philosophy is currently guiding your life?

There is one saying I came across a few months ago that I am constantly repeating to myself:

“If it is meant for me, I can never lose it. If it is not meant for me, I don’t want it.”

For me, it’s the perfect reminder to let go of what I can’t control, which I often struggle with!

What goal are you currently working towards?

I am working diligently at making Conversations more of a staple in the community. I know I am onto something, I just need to really dig in and figure out what that something is, which is more of a challenge these days because I am studying for my Masters in Social Work at U of T, and that takes up a lot of my time and energy. That being said, I feel very fortunate to have a passion project that is so closely aligned with my background in Art Therapy and Social Work.

What are you most looking forward to this fall?

Definitely going for runs down by the lake, in addition to copious amounts of dog park visits with my new dog, Jake!”

I was consumed by an inner dialogue that incessantly told me I was a “waste of space”.

This post is a part of our series “If I Had Listened", in which we're reached out to strong-minded women we admire to tell us about a moment they chose to trust their gut and follow a different path despite other people's opinion.

We met Eden a few months ago and she was one of the first participants for this project. We are happy to let you know now that she is also about to tag along in the Scandaleuse journey, as we will be combining services very soon. Read her story below!

If I had listened, then… I wouldn’t be here today

Before I embraced myself in all of my authentic glory (weirdness, flaws, and all), I was consumed by an inner dialogue that incessantly told me I was a “waste of space”.

If I listened to this inner dialogue, then I wouldn’t be alive.

My journey towards embracing who I am is a colourful one, but its colourful spectrum is not limited to the pastels and vibrant colours of a beautiful life.

Instead, the spectrum of my life includes dark and shadowy aspects that painted my imbedded need to conform to someone proper, petite, and poised. Someone who “should” fit perfectly into a designated box.

Well, the “rule follower” in me cared what the “rules” were. The rule follower in me cared how I was being perceived by others. The rule follower in me allowed my uniqueness to be dimmed by the rigid regulations of the external reality I faced.

The attempt to conform my wild and extraordinary imagination caused me to feel weird, othered, rejected, and unlovable. My thirst for knowledge and inclination to pursue academics caused me to be made fun of and labeled as a “know it all”. The comparison of myself against bodies that were slender and airbrushed caused me to look at my body with disgust and hatred.

On an ongoing basis, I would find myself tightly constricting my stomach with a tensor bandage with the desperate need to morph my body into someone “beautiful”.

I was trying to conceal myself, which was perpetuated by a deeply ingrained desire to be someone “different”, someone “acceptable”.

It truly felt like the parts of my existence were being pulled by its threads, ripped apart, and shattered.  Looking into these tattered fragments of myself, all I could see was someone who was broken, someone who didn’t belong, and (like broken things) someone who should be tossed away.  

The journey towards the reclamation of who I am was not an easy one. My desire to ignore and disobey the toxic negativity that filled my head required me to care just enough about myself in order to step in and survive. I’ll never forget the moment that I decided not to listen, the moment I decided to survive.

One step at a time, I learned to appreciate the beauty of my uniqueness, the importance of my sentiment, and the perfection of my flaws.

I am here, having a human experience and contributing to the world in a way that no one else can because no one else is me. Step by step, moment by moment, I allowed myself to re-invigorate my imagination. Yes, I do believe in unicorns, mermaids, goodness, peace, and love. Allowing myself to indulge in the pleasures of learning new things and expanding my mind has sufficiently equipped me with a unique skillset that helps my clients do the same. Most recently (partly with the help of Scandaleuse Photography), I have decided to love my body the way it is and find beauty in the way that it twists and turns, whilst simultaneously finding deep appreciation for the adventures my body brings me on.

I am so grateful that I didn’t listen. I am so grateful because I am here shining bright like a beacon for others who feel like I once did.