How & When To Change Your Life

We all want to be Happy. To not have any regrets. To feel at peace with ourselves, feel accomplished and fulfilled. It sounds so simple, doesn't it?  So why do we struggle to actually reach it? 

Here is a little test for you, answer honestly and from the heart!

Have you ever compared yourself to others, or wish for what you don't have?

Have you ever felt like you were too old to change, or that you've invested yourself in a lifestyle or career that doesn't feel right for you but the thought of quitting it sounds unrealistic because you have been at it for so long?

Have you ever felt like you were just being a spoiled brat because you match the pretty checkboxes of what success is supposed to be on paper, so you really shouldn't complain?

If any of these resonates with you, it is time for you to read the following:

We have this lame habit of creating obstacles on our own paths. Sometimes unconsciously because we are conditioned to. Sometimes out of fear and doubts. But here is the truth:

We already have all the tools we need to create our own happiness. You, us. Everyone. And it is just a matter of choosing them and learning how to use them.

Now read that again. 

Your age doesn't matter. The time invested in your current path doesn't matter either.

We have met women in their 50's who have drastically changed their lives. We have had clients who opened their dream businesses because they decided to silence their inner fear. We have a friend who is 75 and decided his age will not be a limit to his dreams. 

You know what they all say? "I should have done this sooner". 

The minute you stop ignoring this craving for change you have deep down in your heart in order to be happier, magic happens. 

To make it work, you're gonna have to learn to listen, face your limiting beliefs and put yourself first.

What if the first step is to stop doubting yourself?

We all set expectations for ourselves on how we should be and act on a mental but also physical level. Again, due to conditioning or standards we are facing on a daily basis.

You must have this vision on how you think people see you, and maybe you even create a certain pressure around it. And if you feel like you are not matching those expectations, you end up doubting your behaviour and choices, focus on your flaws and disregard your qualities. In conclusion: you're hitting the brakes on following your life aspirations until you "fix this".

But have you ever noticed that people seem to see you differently than you see yourself? We sure have! And it totally makes sense!

It is impossible to see ourselves from an outside perspective. To see how we talk and interact with others or how we use our body language… For example, some people can see you determined, others can see you aggressive. Maybe you look bored, or maybe you just feel particularly calm.

It can be so confusing that we end up wishing to be different and our inner voice wakes up, full of:

"I wish I were smarter!",

"I wish I could be like this person!",

"I wish my life were different!".

However, nothing is set in stone.

You are not a constant package with the same features forever and you cannot please everyone. So how about doing what feels right for YOU?

You are your most powerful asset. And you will definitely feel the happiest when you feel like your true-self and this requires making decisions despite what others might think. After all, regrets are our worst enemy, especially when we refuse to learn from them.

So how do you become the person you desire to be? How do you get in harmony with your mind but also your body? How do you gain that confidence to live the life you deserve? 

Allow yourself to ask for help

There is no magical recipe to improve yourself overnight but there are concrete ways to achieve it.

Changing is a long process that can be difficult and frustrating, especially if you do it by yourself. We believe humankind is stronger when we work together, so there is no shame to ask for help when you need it.  

With the proper expertise, tools, exercises and a strong willpower to work on yourself, you can make those changes happen faster than you think. But all of this cannot take place unless YOU ARE READY to welcome it!

You are Limitless

You are unique and we want to show you that you can do anything, that life is an ocean of opportunities and realize you do not have to follow only one path.

We want to help you tap into your potential to create your own future and follow your desires. 

This is why we created The Limitless Program. We are combining mindset consulting and boudoir photography to help you heal from the inside out by giving you the tools to elevate yourself and build the self-confidence you can apply to any area of your life.

It’s about making micro changes that result in macro differences, so you can finally become a stronger and more fulfilled version of yourself.

Through Limitless, you are saying YES to taking your life by the reins and steering yourself into the person you’ve always wanted to be.

Are you ready to live your life to the fullest?

Own your identity, armpit hair or not.

Get ready for this universal truth: we all have hair. Everywhere. And you've probably heard at least once in your life "you should remove it", "it's gross", "why do you care?" "all natural baby!" "Aren't French people hairy anyway?"(oh wait, that one is for us eheh). It's time to unleash the truth.

Hair, no hair; does it really matter?

A couple of months ago, Marion Seclin (a french influencer we are following on social media), was talking about the fact she did a photoshoot with a brand who edited her hair out on Photoshop, without notifying her. She said she took the decision 4 years ago to let her hair grow naturally and she was very angry about the studio’s behaviour:

The decisions concerning YOUR body belongs to YOU and you ONLY.

By photoshoping her hair out, without her CONSENT, that brand violated her right to be the individual SHE DESIRES TO BE. They disrespected her life's choices. And for what? Because they felt like she didn’t match their standards. Standards usually imposed by the media, fashion industries and beauty companies.

Nobody should tell you what is the best for you (either on a physical or mental level). Hair or no hair doesn't make one single difference. If people are telling you the opposite, you might not want to have them in your life.

Your body's decisions must be made based on your opinion. not others.

If you choose to wax every 3 weeks or not, it should be because it makes you feel great that way and not because you feel like you HAVE to do it.

Story time: We had a wonderful photo shoot with Léa Castor in Paris. She stopped removing her hair a couple of years ago, because she realized that she wasn't really doing it for her, but for her lover at the time. She said that she wanted to start loving her hair the way it actually is, but it was hard. Not because she thinks it looks ugly but because of society: she felt like people will judge and criticize her.

When we first talked about her session, we really wanted to showcase and do close-ups of her hair to tell the world "hey see, it's not bad at all!" but it turns out that we just focused on her as a person like we always do. And guess what?

No one actually noticed her hair and for the few photos where you could actually see it, it just looked great.

By not making the hair the main focus and sticking to our way of shooting (about the actual person and not her physique), we just made it normal.

We didn’t bring attention to it because we didn’t think it defined her fully anyway. And no one cared either.

Building your identity despite expectations: damn that's hard.

But damn, it is worth it. Being able to live your life the way you want to is the best feeling in the world.

You feel in harmony with your values, you can take on anything, it is pretty much the road to your long-term happiness. Jackpot.

However, from the minute you will start making decisions to be fully yourself, you are going to have to face… the Others.

They could be friends, family, anyone who feel like sharing their 2 cents about whatever it is you are doing for yourself and they are probably against what you are doing. And this makes the whole process for building your own identity very challenging.

This is when you have to stick to your guns. Why? Because any critics about your journey is actually not about you. It’s about whoever says them. They are simply projecting their own insecurities and fears on you.

People who don’t feel like they are giving it all in their own lives are going to try to bring down anyone who tries.

Read that again.

• You want to start weight-lifting and you are hearing “ugh you're gonna be so bulky, it’s not feminine”?
• You want to learn a new skill and you hear “oh, I know someone who tried and they failed, it was so hard, you’re not gonna make it.”
• You want to let your damn hair grow and they’re like “this is just gonna look gross, why do you do that to yourself?”

They are not thinking about YOU. By you trying something new and different, they just have no excuse not to and it makes them very uncomfortable. Because they have to face their own fears and limiting beliefs.

So don’t take it personally. Don’t let them bring you down. Keep being true to yourself. This is your life.

A little recap for the road:

• Living your life being fully yourself is possible for everyone.

• Decisions about your body are only yours to make.

• People who are criticizing your decisions are not talking about you but about themselves.

Are you ready to move forward and become the best version of yourself? We can help you. Join us on January 1st and become Limitless.

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Letter to my 17 year-old self

Dear 17-year-old Juliette,

You know, there is this trendy exercise I have seen around lately, in which you are writing to your 10 years younger self. People warn their younger selves, they tell them what they could have done and what they should have avoided, so they can have an easier present.

Are there stuff we should have done back then? Absolutely.

Maybe you can let go a bit more and stop worrying about other people's opinions and expectations.

Maybe you can speak louder and send those nasty guys packing when they harrass you in the street, making you feel so small and so uncomfortable.

Maybe you can learn to appreciate the way you look instead of comparing yourself and fighting so hard to hide what you think are flaws. Like this big chunk of side bangs you’re desperately trying to hide behind for some reason. Dad used to say “You have 2 eyes, why can't I see both of them?” and I know you scoff at it. Fact though: he's right.

Maybe you can start trusting people instead of taking over everything and everyone. Maybe you will be disappointed like you are convinced you will be, but maybe not.

But honestly, I am glad you didn't do any of these things. Because thanks to those, you went through experiences and learnt the lessons included in the package.

Because thanks to you, I can do all of the above now, confidently and I am spreading the good vibes around me.

So instead of those “maybes", I want to say thank you .

Thank you for being the stubborn woman you already are. I wouldn't have pursuing my dream career without it. (Seriously girlfriend, we've been photographers for over 12 years now! Can you believe it?!)

Thank you for being open-minded and curious. Without you, I wouldn't have learned english and been able to speak it every day almost flawlessly.

Thank you for not being scared to see big. Otherwise we would have stayed in France where we felt “meh” and settle for a boring life instead of changing country twice, open a successful business and then meet the love of our life. (he's really cool and also really handsome. Freaking jackpot, let me tell you.)

Thank you for trying to deal with that body of yours. Because at some point, I said f*ck it and decided to take the self-love route. If you hadn’t gone throught those troubles, we wouldn't have been able to help other people with the same struggles through our work!

At the end of the day, Juliette, I wouldn't be here if it wasn’t for you. Thank you for paving this road for me. I can't wait to see what 10-year older Juliette will have to say about the one I am paving now. I'm sure we will make her proud too.

---

I strongly encourage you guys to try this little exercise of introspection. We can’t tell you enough that self-love is your tool to nurture as much as you can, in order to be happy on the long-run. Feel free to tag us if you share yours in a post! Lots of love. J & F.

Don't get stuck in your routine

Let me tell you a little story Scandals…

This year I wanted to improve my sensuality and build up my energy level by adding more movement into my workout. So I decided to try something that makes me really uncomfortable: DANCING. I am not talking about going to a club with my friends or dancing in front of strangers (I am always happy to dance in a silly way in front of people). I am talking about signing up for dance classes, where you have to learn a choreography. I am one of those people who sucks at dancing: no coordination whatsoever in my steps and always starting with the wrong foot. It makes me feel so self-conscious and ridiculous, get easily frustrated and usually end up by giving up after the first class. But not this time. I am stepping out of my comfort zone even tho it does not feel good yet!

Now, you might be thinking: “Why someone would push her/himself to do something that makes them feel really uncomfortable?” Well, let's see…

What is a comfort zone and why is it difficult to get out of it?

It is simply a behavioral state in which things feel familiar to a person, where their activities, habits and actions fit a routine and pattern that minimize stress and risk. They are at ease and in control of their environment. It provides them a state of mental security they benefit in certain ways: regular happiness, low anxiety, and reduced stress.

Because of bad experiences from our past or external influences (such as medias or loved ones), our mind is conditioned to be afraid of the unknown. The fear that is created from our lack of experience in certain field of life acts as a stop sign, a wall we put between us and our goals. We put ourselves in a protective mode and even tho our comfort zone feels like a little heaven for a short period of time, it can become a trap on the long run.

Why is it important to check your routine off?

Not a lot of people like to take risks or be uncomfortable. Instead we have the tendency to stay in our warm and safe bubble, away from all of the possibilities the world has to offer. We get stuck in a routine without realizing it is slowing us down from improving ourselves and moving forward in life.

Of course, we are not telling you to completely change your life or to take stupid risks. But it is important, from time to time, to get out of your comfort zone and experience life in a different way. It will creates enough positive stress to increase your curiosity and drive, will help you to respond positively to stress when unexpected events happen.

How to get out your comfort zone?

• SWITCH UP YOUR ROUTINE.

There is no reason to put too much pressure on yourself and take the risk to feel overwhelmed. Start with simple steps like: trying a new coffee shop, walking a new road to work, waking up earlier everyday… Those simple actions are the best way to slowly help you and motivate you to put one foot out of your comfort zone.

• GIVE UP CONTROL.

Let go of your insecurities by learning to trust people around you. Agree to things you wouldn’t normally consider and open your mind: we think we know better but it is just a question of perspectives.

• TRY SOMETHING NEW UNTIL YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE.

Start conversations with strangers, give compliments, learn a new skill… Most of the thing that makes us feel uncomfortable are usually the ones we are not really good at it, so whatever you choose, do not give up. Practice makes it perfect!

• MOVE TOWARD YOUR FEARS.

That is the toughest but most efficient one because it pushes you to work deeper on yourself. The feeling of fear is vital in some circumstances for our survival but it can also be irrational. When you feel afraid of something, it is usually a sign you have to fight it in order to expand your life and not miss any opportunity. Start by understanding the root of your fear than you will be able to confront it.

What do you do to get out of your comfort zone?

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PROFESSIONAL LIFE 101 | 6 tips to create an amazing collaboration

Have you ever tried to organize a party, a dinner and people rsvp'd last minute or even not at all ? You pour your heart and soul into the planning but can’t organize it because you don’t know how many people are coming? This is just one of the many examples of massive frustration. But we have a solution for you.

First of all I want to thanks those fantastic people who have worked with us and helped to achieve amazing partnerships. Thank you guys for your hard work and professionalism, You ROCK.

Sadly, this professionalism is actually quite hard to find. And it stops you from A: creating that awesome project you have in mind and B: having a solid team of people to do it.

Let's review the most common issues:

• People disappear from the face of the Earth (while updating their instagram feed)

• People reschedule all the time. (while sharing that awesome cat video on facebook)

• People cancel last minute. Like when you're already there. (With a snap like "HANGING OUT WITH BAE LOL")

Conclusion: everything ends up sucking. Hard core.

I feel like some people don’t understand the challenge behind a “simple collaboration”. They don’t take it seriously or maybe they don’t even care and don't get me started on the unpaid side of things we deal with sometimes.

Whether you are one of these people or not, we have put together a list of advice you can apply to your daily life, here, take it, it's free and you will make friends.

HERE ARE 6 TIPS TO CREATE AWESOME COLLABORATIONS :

• it all started with... a great communication

Let's face it, being honest all day everyday is not in the human nature and can even be hurtful if you don’t use the good words. 

Don't worry though, for professional collaborations, it is actually not that hard. If you want your project to work, you need to know not only your expectations but also your team's. Honesty and communication from the very beginning will build the game plan. And if you have a solid game plan, you are very likely to get outstanding results.

Pro tip: Since we don’t know intimately the people we are gonna work with, it gives us a chance to stay objective and put our ego aside, yay!

• Don’t be afraid to say “NO” if you can’t do a project.

Apparently in this case, your team members gets a higher chance to get abducted by aliens before (or even in the middle sometimes) of the project you're working on. Joke aside, it's okay to be busy. If you already know you can't make it, just say no. Promise no one will hate you, we might actually respect you more and thus we will still share cookies with you.

When we work on a collaboration.

• AN EXCELLENT ORGANIZATION is a must

If communication is the pillar in a project, organization is the white picket fence around it. The two basic skills are the following:

 1) Plan your trip in advance: Check how long it takes to go to the location, find if there are constructions on subway lines or roads, leave earlier than what GOOGLE or the GPS says. If you drive, be careful with rush hour time.

2) Come ready: Write a list (I have never been a big fan of lists but I found them very helpful, especially when I have a lot on my mind) and make sure you have everything you need before leaving.

• BE PROFESSIONAL (DUH). Even when no money is involved.

I care a lot about this point. I was telling you earlier that it’s hard to find people acting professionnal for unpaid projects. As photographers, we have worked for free a lot and we still do sometimes.  People have the feeling that if they don’t make money for their services when they do a project, there is no need to put effort on it. Wrong !!! If you chose to get on board for a collab for whatever reason, honor it. "Not Paid" doesn’t mean "Not Serious".

• BE INVOLVED. It's more fun and we ain't your mama.

Just because you didn’t start this collaboration doesn't mean you can’t be fully into it. Bring your ideas with you, new suggestions are always welcome.

Another good way to have fun in a project which is not yours, is to take initiatives. Talk to people, create contacts, ask if you can help with anything. When it’s your turn, don’t hesitate to give direction, you know what you have to do, you know your craft.

• LAST MINUTE CANCELLATION will result in a bloody nose.

Ahhh the famous last minute cancellation, a tricky subject! Life is full of surprises and sometimes, we have to deal with a change of plans. If for whatever reason you can'tmake it anymore (and it is actually a legit reason, not a "I didn't wake up this morning y'all"), don't forget other people are counting on you (looking straight at that hairstylist that didn't show up for our latest styled shoot.)

Here is what to do: either contact the project planner to advise him/her on your cancellation as soon as you know. It helps to deal with the damage control that follows.

Second, if unfortunately you have no other alternative than not showing up the day of the project, be a grown-up and find someone to replace you.

Now, you should be ready to fly from the nest, keep your pretty nose, and make new friends to create some new awesome projects. You're welcome.

are YOU coming to The Scandaleuse Soirée?

We are launching our first soirée ever on November 13th for a new service we are launching. Come party with us!

Our new concept

Since day 1, we have always said that Scandaleuse was not about just beautiful photographs. A lot of you have experienced it since we first opened in 2015. We are now taking one more step to bring it out even more.

Scandaleuse is growing and changing, and we couldn't be happier.

Join us on November 13th to celebrate and find out what we have been working on for all these months…

Jessica on Learning to Let Go and Focusing Energy Inward - Scandaleuse x Shedoesthecity

This article is part of our collaboration with She Does The City & Womanizer, in which we help them feature fierce AF womxn in boudoir photo shoots. We love working with them because they know that getting undressed for the camera is a catalyst for far more than we could have predicted.

We even have some sweet news for you as they are looking for more Scandals to feature there with a FREE shoot! Reach out to them at erotica@shedoesthecity.com

“After her mother died, Jessica Flaman‘s sense of self shifted considerably. The process of grief has forever altered her, and it continues to play a major role in how she perceives her wants, her path, and her priorities. She is now practicing how to “let go” and loosen the desire to control all aspects of her life. These ideas and more are explored on her daringly honest Instagram account, @conversationsaboutdeath.

We don’t always connect major life events to our body or our exuality, but Jessica draws interesting correlations.

Feelings follow us everywhere; they often become the seeds that birth new ideas and likewise get us looking in the mirror with a fresh perspective. 

SDTC: How did it feel to do this photo shoot?

JF: Having people whom I have never met come into my personal space, see me naked and then tell me how to pose was a huge test in vulnerability, and I think I did a pretty good job! (Note from Scandaleuse: YES INDEED!!)

How would you describe your sexuality?

I don’t think sexuality is something that can necessarily be described, but if I could sum it up in a couple of words: curious and fun. I tend not to take it too seriously.

When it comes to feeling good in your own skin, what advice would you give to your younger self?

Our bodies are our one and only constant companion, here to support us, carry us and teach us as we navigate our way through life.

I would tell her to stop focusing so much on her physical appearance as a way to get validation from others, and instead to focus that energy inward. Chasing love and acceptance is a losing battle because those things can’t really be sought after; they have to come from within and be cultivated on a soul level. Ultimately, I’d tell her to let go of the need to have the “perfect body” because it doesn’t exist, and to instead learn how to see beauty in her strength.

What turns you on?

Confidence, security, emotional intelligence, honesty and a REALLY good sense of humour! Anyone who can challenge me to do better and be better and who can appreciate the qualities that set me apart from other people.

Can you share with us about @conversationsaboutdeath and what inspired it? 

Conversations is a little on-going creative project I started shortly after my mom passed. Initially, I had intended to focus the stories only on death, but while travelling through India, I learned about disenfranchised grief and what a shapeshifter it can be.

By accessing and utilizing the community, genuine connections are made and, in turn, a platform is created for those who have experienced loss to share their stories. 

What mantra or philosophy is currently guiding your life?

There is one saying I came across a few months ago that I am constantly repeating to myself:

“If it is meant for me, I can never lose it. If it is not meant for me, I don’t want it.”

For me, it’s the perfect reminder to let go of what I can’t control, which I often struggle with!

What goal are you currently working towards?

I am working diligently at making Conversations more of a staple in the community. I know I am onto something, I just need to really dig in and figure out what that something is, which is more of a challenge these days because I am studying for my Masters in Social Work at U of T, and that takes up a lot of my time and energy. That being said, I feel very fortunate to have a passion project that is so closely aligned with my background in Art Therapy and Social Work.

What are you most looking forward to this fall?

Definitely going for runs down by the lake, in addition to copious amounts of dog park visits with my new dog, Jake!”

Don't Change My Body.

Boudoir photography is the one kind that automatically must involve tons of editing. It should make sense: we are capturing such intimate photos, in a society where Photoshop is the norm and filters are a go-to before posting anything online. 

You should have a six-pack. But with curves if you are a woman. You can't be too fat or too skinny. Boobs are a must. Your butt is not big enough. Since the beginning of time, we have been dictated what looks "good". It has an impact on all of us. Some follow, some proudly say they don't. Apps are created to change your body with the tip of your fingers. It's in our everyday life.

If you remember well, we briefly mentioned in our boudoir approach article that we opened Scandaleuse also to fight against beauty standards and body-shaming. No one should have to suffer because the way they look. We want to show our Scandals the way they are in real life.

But we do edit them.

We see you coming: "oh my goodness how dare you?! You're like all "let's be yourself and ride a unicorn" and now you openly say you edit your clients?"
It is such a thin line between adjusting/removing a little something and changing a person during the editing process. Let's say that if people won't be able to recognize you on your pictures, whatever you are thinking of editing shouldn't be tweaked.

Our editing motto: "We take out what's temporary".

Now what does this means? Everything that you weren't born with, that's gonna fade over time, or that is caused by a specific pose, can be edited out, unless said otherwise.

Are you going to keep your pimples, bruises or uneven makeup? Nope.
A pose you like involved putting your arm super close to your chest, hence making it bigger than in real life? We can adjust it. It's not the way your arm look normally.
Your underwear was a little low on your waist, causing an imaginary roll? That's out too.
Our lighting is intensifying cellulite that you wouldn't really see in real life? We smoothen it.

There are things that we remove in case the client asks.

Again, you cannot come to us asking to make you thinner/curvier. If this is what you are looking for, we are not the girls for you. We are not plastic surgeons and don't intend to be.

However, if for example you have some stretch marks from after your pregnancy that's really making you feel like crap, we can smoothen them. 

Scars are a slightly different story. A lot of people, myself included, consider scars being a part of yourself. Our models have some. Some are very dominant, some aren't. No one has ever asked to have them removed in post for now. Would we do it if we were asked? Of course.

So yes, we do edit our clients. Just not in the way you would think. We have had to refuse inquiries in the past from people who were not really looking for pictures of themselves, but of someone they hope they could be. There is nothing we can do for you then, the work has to come from you first. We are here to celebrate you, not change you.

Now go hug yourself.

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Coffee Talk - Living far Away

A little bit more than 6 years ago, Juliette and I took the decision to leave France to move to another country. Canada was not the first choice but you guys know that already (if you don't, you can find the story on how we met, here for part one and here for part two). Even though living away from your home country can be difficult sometimes, it was the best decision we ever took!

Why did we decide to change country?

We both knew for a long time we will not do our life in France as it never really felt like Home. Don't get us wrong, France is a beautiful country with a rich cultural heritage and a delicious cuisine. But the mentality is not the best. It is not in our culture to be welcoming or supportive with each others, especially in the business industry or between women. There are a lot of competition and jealousy.

Since our goal was to open a photography business, we also knew how difficult it was to do it in France as there are a lot of rules to follow for administration and the market for photography is really competitive. Launching Scandaleuse in Toronto was a piece of cake!

What did we learn since we moved away?

• Living far away make you realize how much your family is important

The most difficult part is being far away from our families. We made the “selfish” choice to chase the life we want at the expense of not spending time with our loved ones and missing out precious moments. We all know the quote that says: “We don’t choose our family… blablabla” but we have the tendency to forget that family is important. It is really easy to forget because of the drama and tension present in every family… Sometimes you just need to walk away to realize how much you care and love them.

Every choices we make in life have consequences. Be aware of it but stick to your desires, trust your guts, make the choices for yourself and do not have regrets because at the end your family just wants you to be happy!

(What if they are not happy and don't understand?… Well this gives you an other good reason to be selfish)

• Living far away opens your mind

Being photographers give us the freedom to work and travel everywhere in the world. We believe travels feed your soul and warm up your heart but it is when you live in another country that your mind truly opens. You see the world with new eyes and don’t have other choice than getting out of your comfort zone if you want to adapt to that new culture. And since you are building new routines and put yourself out, you are more open to meet new people and extend your list of friends.

• It takes a lot of courage

It might not seem like it but taking the action to live in another country is BALLZY! Moving away usually means starting from zero and learning a new language, new skills and a new culture. Not everyone has the luxury or the will to start over, so If you ever did it you should be very proud of yourself. If this is on your bucket list or you get the opportunity to try this experience then don't think twice, even if it is scary. Sometimes this is the little push you need to become the best version of yourself and live the life you want.

Now go live your life, whatever that means to you. For us, it was switching countries: Is Canada our Home? Yes. Do we regrets leaving France? No. So thank you Canadians for being so welcoming and humans, you make us wanna stay here a little bit longer ❤️

How shifting your mindset can change your life

We are strong believers that a positive mindset is the key to happiness, whatever that word means to you. You might not realize it but the way you think impact any decisions you make in your life. Our fears, hopes, beliefs, any emotions we feel, positive or negative, change drastically our perspectives.

It is in the human nature to look for happiness, but we often don’t know how to reach it. This results in feeling lost or stuck in our own life. But what if we were telling you that any of us can live a successful and fulfilled life?

Would you believe us if we were to tell you that you are the only one who can decide to be happy?

Get it right from the get-go

We are not saying it is an easy process, no one have their sh*t together and we are all faking it until we make it. But all you need are the good tools and practice.

• Have goals, big or small.

Having concrete goals will give you the motivation to move forward in your future, and make you feel excited about taking decisions while pushing you to adapt your routine.

Once you've lined up these ideas, you need to learn to identify non-toxic from toxic goals. How? Ask yourself "why" you are aiming for that specific goal. Is it for yourself? Others? Is it too intense? Unachievable ? Is it compromising your health? Always remember to be your own measurement system instead of comparing yourself to others.

• Implement positive thinking and statements:

Every time you catch yourself having a negative thought, acknowledge them by asking yourself WHY you are having negative thoughts and WHERE do they come from. Then, as trivial as it may sound, smile and twist it positively instead of making yourself feel worse:

"I am stupid… NO: I am smart!”

“I hate my acne… NO: I am beautiful!"

“I cannot do it… NO: I have been through worse than that, I am strong!"

The more you start making these statements, the more you will believe and see them. This is the power of manifestation, if you repeatedly keep saying negative things then those things are what will come to light. It works the same way for positive statements.

Make it a habit while looking at yourself in the mirror (because it feels good to look at yourself right in the eyes):

I radiate beauty.  I radiate power. I radiate prosperity. I radiate love. I radiate light.

I am strong. I am confident. I will be successful.

I am beautiful. I have a great body. I love the way I look.

• Learn to not be afraid to fail:

We all failed when we were kids, from the first step we took to all of the times we fell, it was part of our learning process. So failing as an adult is just as normal.

Failure means you keep learning, experimenting, progressing towards the life you are building, so instead of feeling ashamed we have to embrace it!

Grow, unlock other possibilities and achieve more than you could think!

• Feel inspired not jealous:

Step away from negativity and jealousy by opening your mind, feeding your soul and surrounding yourself with like-minded people and people who are a few steps ahead of you too.

Keep learning, think about your goals, listen to yourself, learn to eliminate what doesn't work for you.

Just remember, you cannot compare yourself to others since you do not have the same life and aspirations.

There will always be parts of yourself that you are working on and you often think that "it will be better over there, and I will only be happy when…” but guess what?! Once you get over there, chances are you will face similar feelings of obstacles. Unless you break the cycle with everything we just told you.

Forgive yourself for making mistakes and take the pressure away by acknowledging that you are doing your best in every moment with the tools you have. That's how You will see a significant impact and change into your life.

Thank you @lianalewis and @edenalexwine for bringing your beautiful minds to this blog.

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I was consumed by an inner dialogue that incessantly told me I was a “waste of space”.

This post is a part of our series “If I Had Listened", in which we're reached out to strong-minded women we admire to tell us about a moment they chose to trust their gut and follow a different path despite other people's opinion.

We met Eden a few months ago and she was one of the first participants for this project. We are happy to let you know now that she is also about to tag along in the Scandaleuse journey, as we will be combining services very soon. Read her story below!

If I had listened, then… I wouldn’t be here today

Before I embraced myself in all of my authentic glory (weirdness, flaws, and all), I was consumed by an inner dialogue that incessantly told me I was a “waste of space”.

If I listened to this inner dialogue, then I wouldn’t be alive.

My journey towards embracing who I am is a colourful one, but its colourful spectrum is not limited to the pastels and vibrant colours of a beautiful life.

Instead, the spectrum of my life includes dark and shadowy aspects that painted my imbedded need to conform to someone proper, petite, and poised. Someone who “should” fit perfectly into a designated box.

Well, the “rule follower” in me cared what the “rules” were. The rule follower in me cared how I was being perceived by others. The rule follower in me allowed my uniqueness to be dimmed by the rigid regulations of the external reality I faced.

The attempt to conform my wild and extraordinary imagination caused me to feel weird, othered, rejected, and unlovable. My thirst for knowledge and inclination to pursue academics caused me to be made fun of and labeled as a “know it all”. The comparison of myself against bodies that were slender and airbrushed caused me to look at my body with disgust and hatred.

On an ongoing basis, I would find myself tightly constricting my stomach with a tensor bandage with the desperate need to morph my body into someone “beautiful”.

I was trying to conceal myself, which was perpetuated by a deeply ingrained desire to be someone “different”, someone “acceptable”.

It truly felt like the parts of my existence were being pulled by its threads, ripped apart, and shattered.  Looking into these tattered fragments of myself, all I could see was someone who was broken, someone who didn’t belong, and (like broken things) someone who should be tossed away.  

The journey towards the reclamation of who I am was not an easy one. My desire to ignore and disobey the toxic negativity that filled my head required me to care just enough about myself in order to step in and survive. I’ll never forget the moment that I decided not to listen, the moment I decided to survive.

One step at a time, I learned to appreciate the beauty of my uniqueness, the importance of my sentiment, and the perfection of my flaws.

I am here, having a human experience and contributing to the world in a way that no one else can because no one else is me. Step by step, moment by moment, I allowed myself to re-invigorate my imagination. Yes, I do believe in unicorns, mermaids, goodness, peace, and love. Allowing myself to indulge in the pleasures of learning new things and expanding my mind has sufficiently equipped me with a unique skillset that helps my clients do the same. Most recently (partly with the help of Scandaleuse Photography), I have decided to love my body the way it is and find beauty in the way that it twists and turns, whilst simultaneously finding deep appreciation for the adventures my body brings me on.

I am so grateful that I didn’t listen. I am so grateful because I am here shining bright like a beacon for others who feel like I once did.

Policing Black women’s hair has been a constant battle many of us have faced.

This post is a part of our series “If I Had Listened", in which we're reached out to strong-minded women we admire to tell us about a moment they chose to trust their gut and follow a different path despite other people's opinion.

If I had listened, I wouldn’t have cut my hair.

I have always played it safe.
Always.

As women, we have been conditioned to believe that long hair is a sign of our femininity. Especially as a Black woman, our hair is sacred. There are so many stories and beautiful memories we have of our individual hair journeys. Unfortunately, there are moments in our stories that aren’t pleasant.

Policing Black women’s hair has been a constant battle many of us have faced.

I remember feeling so excited to get my hair done but then secretly worrying about getting asked questions like “Is your hair real? Why do you change it so often? Can you wash it like normal hair?” Once someone told me, “you can't keep changing your hair like that. It makes you look unprofessional.”

For far too long, I listened. I played it safe. And because I was listening, I was holding myself back from being the sexiest, happiest, and most confident version of myself. 

I never cared much about Rihanna, but I loved how she rocked her hair. At one point she cut it short and I remember my eyes felt like they were falling out of my head because I SO wanted to do that. But I didn’t. Why? For starters, my mom didn’t think it was a good idea. Like I mentioned before, long hair is a sign of being a sensual woman and short hair to some means your edgy, reckless, wild, etc.

3 years later I moved out with my boyfriend. I posted a picture on Instagram of my hair pinned back and I got so many compliments. The one that stood out, encouraged me to make the biggest hair decision ever. “OMG! Did you cut your hair? It looks amazing!”

I remember that moment so clearly. I instantly started scrolling through Instagram for some hair inspiration and came across ‘The Cutlife’. I was freaking out!

I saw so many beautiful Black women with short hair. Fades, bobs, bald...these were my people! Without hesitation, I found the first stylist available and booked an appointment to cut my hair.

There was something so incredibly liberating about feeling my hair fall on my cape. I felt like a butterfly coming out of its cocoon.

Unfortunately, she totally botched it but when I did find the right stylist to fix it, I saw a woman in the mirror I fell so in love with.

My hair has become a signature component of my brand. I feel free, fun, confident, and powerful. To maintain its freshness, it must be cut every week!

If I had listened to what others had to say about women with short hair, I truly don’t believe I would be the version of myself I am today. If you’re reading this and have been debating to try a new look but question if it’s professional enough or to society’s standards, listen to me when I say FORGET WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY! DO YOU! BE YOU! AND LOVE YOU!

You’ll thank yourself later.

I was my own worst enemy until I decided to no longer be a victim

This post is a part of our series “If I Had Listened", in which we're reached out to strong-minded women we admire to tell us about a moment they chose to trust their gut and follow a different path despite other people's opinion.

If I had listened, I wouldn’t have bloomed.

If I had listened to the voices telling me “you’re not strong enough, popular enough, skinny enough, worthy enough, relatable enough”, I wouldn’t be where I am today - powerful.

Over the past 2 years, I have struggled with depression and anxiety. I battled them until I couldn’t bare it anymore. I reached for help, went to therapy, am medicated and try my best everyday to work towards healing. It seems simple to say out loud now but the path was not easy.

I was my own worst enemy until I decided to no longer be a victim. As a victim we listen to the voices in our head that trap us, suffocate us and if we allow them, they can also drown us.

On my way out of the depths of sadness, my business has become a platform for women. A platform to allow women, like myself, to have a place to share, to know that they aren’t alone, to feel empowered and be surrounded by a safe community. For years, my business was creating and selling jewelry until I found it was no longer my passion. I found myself disconnected and that is when my success dipped. I searched for a creative muse but it just wasn’t there.

My business slowly shifted and this shift happened when I started to share my struggles. The more I dug deeper into healing, the more answers came and the more I felt connected to what I was creating - an expression of growth through a line of t-shirts. Though I do sell a physical item, it is so much more than a product - it is body positivity, a community of strong women and a place for us to heal and grow.

The hard truth is, I am MORE than enough, WE are all more than enough. I am more than a body, more than a mother, more than a wife. I am a mentor, teacher and role model. I am everything I wanted to be because I believed, because I stepped into my power and because I did not listen.