Men, boudoir & body image

The boudoir industry has been more appealing to women since its creation. Very likely because it is a field that helps you get in touch with your body, your sensuality, and your femininity. Does that mean that men are excluded?

Absolutely not.

The men body and the body-positive movement

First of all, we are deeply convinced that everyone would appreciate a tasteful and beautiful image of themselves in the nude, whether they keep it private or not. It is the ultimate confidence booster after all.

Yet, while women can now enjoy the body-positive movement in some media and thus, feel more and more included and surrounded with less edited and more real images (yay!), men are stuck with the perfect Calvin Klein model with a 6-pack.

It is just extremely rare to see normal-looking men in the media.

In order to dig a bit more, we went directly to the source and asked the men in our community how they felt about all of this. Darius stated:

“Media & fashion has an enormous influence on how men see their bodies. That even starts in childhood - look at all the comic books, where every superhero is muscular hunky macho man, with strong facial features and sulky expressions. Toys like 'Action Man' and similar also portray certain image of the man. When you grow up, popular image of the movies or cartoons or commercials is of a boy who is athlete, again certain physique attributed to that.”

Women grew up with Barbie's unachieVable body type, but men also grew up with perfect looking action figures. Except Barbie's looks are becoming less and less relevant everyday.

Men VS body issues

It is pretty common for women to express themselves about their body-image. Not that the way it is done is always healthy, but at least, we can have open conversation a lot more easily than our men friends.

If anything, talking about men body-issues is still seen as not-manly, weak, frivolous & even laughable. Great supportive environment, right?

As Mike said:

“Guys struggle with self image quite a bit too but because we aren't (openly) judged on it as much as women, it's more of a quiet struggle. Then again, the amount of guys I know with back problems and knee braces, relocated hair and the inevitable "dad bod" is further down the wish list... the older guys get, the more they just want their body to work like it used to!”

To this day, the clichés around masculinity are still going strong. And they won't go anywhere until more men open up about this, just like women are doing (the difference though is that you have more chances to be listened to and supported than we are, but that's another story!)

So, gentlemen, what benefits could boudoir give you?

1) BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE by challenging yourself

A boudoir shoot is a challenge by itself. It is vulnerable & sets you out of your comfort zone. But what happens when you step out of your comfort zone? You grow and develop confidence. And this spreads in every area of your life. We can guarantee that you will leave this experience with a confidence boost if you try it.

2) Appreciate your body the way it is

By having a professional boudoir shoot down, you will be given the opportunity to see your body in a flattering way, the way it really is. And this feeling also leads to a healthy and strong personal growth.

3) Get in touch with your feminine side (no it doesn't mean you’re gay!)

Every single human being has both a feminine and masculine side. Women tap into their masculine side constantly (even too much in our current society, but again, that's another topic), so why couldn't you tap into your feminine one? Your feminine side is a huge asset in your life. It keeps you grounded and helps you simply enjoy what is around you. You become more aware of what all of your senses are picking up, it helps you develop new perspectives and creativity. It's a win-win for you and your loved ones!

4) Bring down the pressure around men body-image.

The more regular-looking men we will see around, the more normal it will become, just like it is happening for women. But it has to start somewhere, and it is in your power to demolish those beauty standards by simply showing reality. You won't be only be doing yourself a favor, you will also do one for your fellas too.

5) Break the toxic masculinity

By trying such a vulnerable experience and coming out feeling just good about yourself, you will slowly but surely remove the clichés attributed to men such as “don’t cry, be strong, suck it up, don't be girlie” and so on.

You got the idea, a boudoir shoot will simply give you the chance to feel good about yourself. It is a gift from you, to you. So Why prevent yourself from enjoying an experience like this?

Fixing our project that never took off.

If you have been following us this month you probably saw we are working on a new concept: our first video mini-series called “Behind Limitless".

The goal of those videos are to share with you our ideas, struggles and achievements, around our Limitless program we have been working on for this past 1.5 year.

We are bringing you on this journey with us, showing you the positive but also the negative sides every business owners have to deal with.

If you are new or have no idea of what we are talking about, here is a summary:

Limitless is a mindset coaching program for women, combined with our boudoir photography work. We have been working with Eden, the best mindset coach we have ever met. All together, we created this unique program to help womxn remove their limiting beliefs, rebuild their self-confidence, and embrace their body so they can kick some asses and live the life they truly want.

Today's article is the second part of this "Behind Limitless” series (you can read the first part here or watch the first episode video) and it is all about:

• The struggle of making this second video (we told you we will get real);

• Finding the right people to hire in order to make this program work (it wasn't that easy!);

• The main reason why Limitless did not take off;

• All the work that had to be done (and redone 😬);

• And the new direction we are going to.

Having a business is definitively a long journey but we love it so much that it is worth the struggles.

Helping womxn to achieve their dreams and feel better in their life is our calling, so we will always make sure we do everything we can to provide the best experience.

Here is the second episode for you!

We are so happy to finally announced our brand new Instagram, come being part of our community!

We are building Limitless around you, because you deserve a freaking great program and a safe place to help you rise. But we need your help: we would be so grateful if you could take two minutes to fill out this short survey.

The more empowered womxn we see, the better this world will be.

With love, 💋💋

- Fanny & Juliette

Join us online!

What you need to know before starting your boudoir adventure

Is doing a boudoir shoot tickling your fancy? We don’t blame you, it’s an awesome experience, and yes, you should try it! Before you hop on this wonderful train, allow us to share with you some good pointers (and likely remove any concerns!)

1) Always, always, always safety first!!

We can't stress this enough: you do not find your boudoir photographer on Craiglist. Don’t even try, it is never a good idea. We have already gathered some very helfpul tips regarding your safety here, feel free to give it a look!

2) Ask yourself WHY you are doing a shoot in the first place

Knowing your “why” is the first step towards having a successful shoot. You don't need to have a clear videos and set ideas, we actually love when our clients go with our flow as photographers.

But if you are unclear about why you are even here in the first place, chances are you won't be able to fully embrace the experience and that could lead to disappointment.

(We wouldn’t want that now, would we?!)

On that note, we are going to be very honest with you, it's a safe place after all, doing it exclusively for your partner isn't a good “why”. Of course it's a great bonus, but the core reason should be around YOU, not someone else, especially if it is your first shoot ever.

3) You do not need to know how to pose

On the more practical side of things: you don't need to have any clue on how to pose. This is our job as photographers to guide you. You can experiment at home a bit to see what angles you like best around your pretty face and body, and you can even improvise the day of your shoot if you feel like it, but you should not be left alone in front of the camera without any directions.

The goal for you is to be able to enjoy the shoot freely, and not be stuck in your head wondering if the pose you had to come up with on the spot looks good.

4) You don't need to wear the classic lingerie set

Every outfit can be turned into a boudoir one, no exception. You just have to remove some layers and boom, done. You don't have to fall into the traditional lingerie outfits if it is not your jam.

Pick your outfits around how they make you FEEL rather than look.

Rock a blazer with heels if it makes you feel confident, hop in a loose sweater and cute panties if it makes you feel feminine. Get creative, experiment, get those outfits you bought many moons ago and never wore, as long as you don't feel like you are wearing a disguise. You need to look like you on your images.

(By the way, our online guide as a great styling video giving you tons of examples and you can get its costs credited towards a session!)

5) Nudity is not mandatory

Do you have to show some skin for a boudoir shoot? Yes, it's not a headshot session. But that doesn’t mean you have to show suggested, partial or full nudity if you don’t want to. If you want to stick to badass outfits, then great! If you feel like trying some sort of nudity, go for it, it’s such a powerful feeling.

It is your decision to make, from beginning to end.

To let you in on a little secret, a lot of our clients don’t actually know if they want to try nude photos or not, and that’s absolutely okay. You can totally decide the day of the session and see how you feel.

6) The getting ready part of the shoot is so exciting

Putting your outfits together, thinking about your looks, creating a pinterest board with poses and anything that catches your eyes, prepping your hair & makeup… All of these are SO much fun too!

Try to avoid grabbing things last minute and give yourself the time to day-dream about everything. It’s part of the experience too.

7) Last but certainly not least: a studio should not force you to share your images online

If you are paying for a custom session and there is a clause in your contract stating that the studio will own the rights to your images, don’t do it. We personally have release options you can choose from.

Of course we love sharing our work, that’s how our company grows, but technically, it’s not your problem. it is your right to keep your images private if you want to.

You are also allowed to change your mind. If you do so, have it in writing somewhere, for both parties, so there won’t be any risk of miscommunications.

We hope this was a helpful mini-guide of before boking a boudoir shoot! Being aware of all of the above will definitely give you the chance to make the most out of your boudoir experience.

And if you’d like to see what we are all about, you can wander through our website here, follow us on Instagram or even contact us directly!

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Us VS the project that never took off.

Have you ever worked a new exciting project, poured your heart and soul into it, only to see it still buried in the ground?

That's been us, for the past 1.5 year.

We're gonna get real with you.

Scandaleuse is our dream. We love our jobs as photographers, but what we love even more is seeing our clients' transformations. We witnessed the first one in our early days. Then they just kept on happening and we got hooked.

So in 2019, we decided that we must do more that taking pictures. And we started building Limitless.

In case you are not familiar with Limitless, it is a mindset coaching program for women, combined with our photography work. We have been working with Eden, the best mindset coach we have ever met.

We created this concept to help women remove their limiting beliefs, rebuild their self-confidence, and embrace their body so they can kick some serious asses.

This whole concept went through so many transformations itself. It is unknown territory, no one else is offering such a service, it made sense that we have had to fiddle with it. But back in the day, we thought we had it right from the get-go.

And we were wrong. So wrong. Limitless did not take off, it did worse. 1.5 year and not one inquiry. Just writing this makes our hearts sink.

So yeah, you have 2 options in thoses cases:
1) give up and hide in a blanket fort forever;
2) sit down with your bruised ego and see what went wrong.

We went for option 2. And we are now documenting it through our genuine mini-series: Behind Limitless. A series of 3 episodes, showing our most vulnerable selves, with the ups & downs of our entrepreneurs journey. Here is the first episode for you!

So feel free to share this to a friend or family member that may be interested. Feel free to join us on Instagram to keep an eye out.

We are going to build Limitless around you, because you deserve a freaking great program and a safe place to help you rise. And we got your back. The more empowered women we see, the better this world will be.

With love, 💋💋

- Juliette & Fanny

Join us online!

Letter to our society

Dear society,

There was a time when we, people, allowed you to negatively impact our decisions and Life. We did not know better, neither realized we could actually change social norms. So we trusted most of the things that were told to us!

Like, for example, how women need to have proper manners and men to be manly, in order to be respected. What type of clothes are the most appropriate to wear in order to be accepted by others. We accepted the pressure about our sexuality and who we should love because we felt threatened if we were to choose otherwise. We rushed into similar paths because we believed being different is a weakness.

But this social pressure is heavy and honestly it is loosing credibility. How can we take those common standards seriously when, clearly, nothing we do is enough:

• We know the importance of Life but make ourselves obsolete after 40 years old.

• We hear womxn who show too much skin are sluts but if we cover ourselves, we are old school.

• It is a common rule for people who identify as men to not show their vulnerability as they think they should always be strong. So can we really complain when they don't find other ways other than violence and aggressivity, to show their masculinity .

• We are supposed to be healthy and strong so we can be good workers and help make this society works but all we consume is chemicals and pills.

• We break ourselves apart, building inequalities: rich vs poor, men vs women, skinny vs fat, young vs old... But yet, we should support each others when times are difficult.

We divided ourselves by saying which skin colour is the most powerful but we forgot we are all human beings!

We let anger and fear dictate our life and we put the blame on society, rather than getting together to create positive changes. There are so many things that are wrong in this world and we let it happen, so we are also part of the problem.

Taking actions and being consistent (practice makes perfect!) is a must if we want to help this world to improve. To do so, we need to get out of our comfort zone and look at our belief system. Is it still accurate to this day? Is there adjustments here and there we can make to make a step towards what we want to build?

There is so much more in this world beyond what we think we know! We need to open our mind and increase our knowledge. We need to experience by ourselves and make our own opinions rather than believing only in what we see in the media or what we are told.

It is time we realize WE are society and that, all together we can empower this world and decide how to live our life. We are strong, smart, gorgeous and badass people who will take their lives by the reins and make this world a better place.

We now dare to be unique!

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First it hurts, then it changes you.

This post is a part of our series “If I Had Listened", in which we're reached out to strong-minded women we admire to tell us about a moment they chose to trust their gut and follow a different path despite other people's opinion. Read more on the blog!

If I had listened to the thoughts of doubt and negativity in my head, I would have never had the courage to reinvent my life.

There’s something to be said about being forced to move on from a relationship that I knew wasn’t working and gaining the courage to start a whole new life that wasn’t in my plans.   

I started the journey of self reinvention at the age of 39 shortly after I received my walking papers from my ex wife. I didn’t move on gracefully.  The relationship hadn’t been working for a long time really so it shouldn’t have been a surprise.  On the outside it looked like I had it all; the great career, a large home, fancy car - the works. But, inside I was empty and unfulfilled. The scariest part was leaving behind this comfortable life that I had built. Would I ever find love again at my age? How was I going to start over as I approached midlife?

A few months into my newly single life I left the pitty party behind and began to refocus on myself. I now had the chance to  live a more authentic existence and I vowed that I would get it right this time around.

What did this mean? Happiness. I was no longer going to do things or be with anyone that would make me unhappy. It was time to get comfortable being uncomfortable.

At the age of 40 I left my high paying corporate job to do something that filled my heart rather than my pockets. I tried new things. I took better care of myself mentally and physically. I travelled on my own. I met the love of my life while on vacation and moved to another province to be with her. I went back to school to learn new skills and another language. A baby soon followed at the age of 42.

I now have a supportive partner who is in love with me and is proud to be by my side. I have my own business doing something that I love. I speak another language and I'm a proud mom of a 2.5 year old daughter that dances like nobody's watching. She's magic. My life is magic. Midlife is magic.

There is this saying that I love and it says “First it hurts, then it changes you.” It’s amazing how allowing yourself to feel and own the pain of hurt or disappointment can change your life for the better.

I’m now a 45 year old sex positive, body positive, queer woman who is living her best life. I celebrate my perfectly imperfect body because it can move and I’m healthy. I nurtured and birthed another human being with 42 year old eggs. How magical and awesome is that? 

Because the process of life reinvention has made me a more courageous and confident person, I decided to start a blog. The goal of this blog is to empower and inspire other midlife moms who feel like they’re undesirable, lost and losing time to rediscover and reinvent themselves. Just like I did.

I once thought that I was too old to start over. I soon realized that even if I had only one day left on this earth, I’d rather spend it happy than with sadness and regret.

People like to say that life is short. It’s really not. Life is long and at midlife you have so much life to live. Why live the rest of your life unhappy when you can live everyday celebrating it?

If I had listened to the negative thoughts in my head that told me I was too old to start over again, I would have never had the courage to reinvent my life for the better. Tackling the fear of the uncomfortable is what lead me to the bliss.

How to get your inner fire back.

Have you ever felt like you are living your life in autopilot mode? Like nothing, good or bad, really matters. You just feel kind of numb. This general lack of excitment and drive is a signal that you haven't postivitely challenged yourself lately, you’re missing your little inner fire. Something got lost on the road, and it is okay, you can find it back.

Reflect, reflect, reflect.

Now, before you start trying everything and nothing and printing out pinterest checklist and Marie Kondo-ing your apartment, you have to take a minute to reflect because when we get in this mode, we all tend to forget the good things we have done and focus on what we don't have at the moment.

Take a moment to tune in with yourself. What gets YOU excited? What would you like to improve on or learn if you didn't have to worry about limitations of any kind? What are your proudest accomplishments? What are you proud of in general?

You can write those down, meditate, go for a walk, just do whatever you need to take those precious minutes and see what's going on.

Channel that feeling of pride.

Even if you cannot necessarily see it at the moment: you have accomplished stuff, big or small. It could have been simply changing that damn lightbulb that was flickering forever, to you changing job. It doesn't matter what it is, this feeling of accomplishment is what makes us want to do more. It gets the ball rolling towards more.

Seriously, high-five yourself, you are doing just fine.

Remove the unnecessary pressure.

There is no race to the best person ever. Change takes time and nothing is set in stone. To make change stick, you need to be consistent to it becomes natural to you, and that is NOT easy. You may take longer or go faster than others to accomplish whatever your heart desires and that's totally fine.

The idea is not to go there fast, it's to make sure it stays on the long-run.

So if you feel anxious like you haven't done what you wanted to, take a deep breath and remind yourself there is no deadline on a healthy mindset. Maybe you didn't have every tool you needed to move forward at this time, but it doesn't mean it's not gonna change now.

Goal setting is supposed to be thrilling, not stressful

If setting a specific goal for yourself stresses you out (and not the good kind of stress, we are talking about anxiety here), don't set it. You're not ready for it (yet), or you may not even want it. Make your steps reasonnable, you are not gonna because fluent in the language you have been wanting to learn in one day for example.

Remember, we are trying to rebuild this warm sense of accomplishments, the task do not need to be gigantic to get it.

Follow your own standards & wave goodbye to people's expectations.

Let us let you in on a little secret: you can do anything.

Read that again.

Now that this has sunk in a bit, you can start learning to let go of people's expectations. Your family, friends, boss, you name it. You need to hear your inner voice to guide you properly and you can’t do so with the noise of others around. People love projecting their own insecurities on others when they are talking about something new. Don't let it kill your groove here.

Eyes on the prize my friend, at the end of the day, you, and only you, know better what is best for YOU. Trust the process.

If you are looking for a little way to challenge yourself smoothly, you can sign up below for our free self-confidence challenge below!

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To want or not want children.

I have never pictured myself as a mother. Don't get me wrong, I have played with baby dolls and whatnot, but I have never had this deep feeling of "I will be a mom one day". Not a lot of people believed me when I was younger, but not that I am approaching 30 and am in a relationship with a man who does not want kids either, I am taken seriously. And it feels nice. So whether you are in the same boat or not, here are some helpful reminders to guide you through your journey.

The main purpose for women is NOT to have children. 

Yes, we have this super power of creating life and it's super badass. I personally think every single pregnant woman should be treated like absolute queens, because while we are all standing there, they are creating eyeballs for another being and stuff. 

However, just because you have the power doesn't mean you have to use it.

We grew up thinking it was the way to go. You're a woman? You will be a mother. But that's not the case anymore. 

You are not solely defined by becoming a mother. In my case, my freedom, my career and my relationships are my priorities. And if you already are a mother, it doesn't define YOU completely either. You are much more than that.

It is YOUR choice. And you don't have to justify it.

"Ha you don't know what you want yet."
"You're too young, you'll see later".

Those are the 2 main sentences I heard when I said I don't want children. And I felt like I had to bring up facts in order to explain why I made this decision. The truth is: I don't, and you don't either.

The decision is yours to make, you don't owe anyone an explanation and others need to follow.

Which leads me to a story with a doctor I have seen in the past who pissed me off (a woman too! I was blown away!). I have an ovarian cyst, the size of a golf ball. It has been monitored for over 4 years. Every 6 months, I have to endure those uncomfortable ultrasounds, blood work, and being bounced from one specialist to the other. All my male doctors have said "we are leaning towards removing it. It could damage your ovary, thus your chances to conceive. Do you want children? No? Okay. We are gonna get one extra opinion from a surgeon to make sure it is not too bad."

I remember being in this female surgeon's office, and I was pretty determined to have this cyst removed already. I was done with the medical exams, the uncertainty, and the risk of it evolving into something nasty. She asked me if I wanted children, I said no. And she said…

"I'm not doing the operation, you will change your mind"

Wait a minute. You are putting my health at risk for a decision that I already made, that doesn't concern you, just because you think I will change my mind? 

I was livid. I ended up seeing a male surgeon, who will be doing the operation, no questions asked, because it is indeed best for me.

You are allowed to change your mind. And maybe you won't.

"Aaah, don't worry, you'll change your mind" is definitely in the top 3 of responses I got. 

First, I am not worried, thank you. 

Second, yes, we don't know how life will evolve. I may never change your mind about having children. Maybe one day, it will spark in my mind, and it will feel right by me, and my partner. But this decision is up to me and only me. And it works both ways! Maybe you want children now, and one day, you may think that actually, you don't feel it anymore. And that's okay too!

No one is allowed to put any kind of pressure (passive or active) on you for this decision. Do what feels right for you. Always.

You gotta be honest with your partner.

That is one of the suckiest parts. If you are feeling good with someone and have ignored this topic and now you are committed, you may be up for a ride.

Just like someone can't ask you to have a baby when you don't want to, you can't expect them to pass on the experience when they want to become a parent.

My previous relationship lasted 6 years. We splitted up for different reasons, but this would have been the end of us eventually, and deep down, I knew it. It was one of the first things I brought up in the early dating days with my fiance, and I am so glad I did. 

Not wanting children is okay. Wanting them is okay too. What matters is that you are making this decision on your own terms, no matter what. And, no, you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Sending you love to all the mamas, the wannabe mamas, and the not-wanna be mamas like me!

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When giving love turns into caretaking.

I am a hopeless romantic. When I love someone, I go all out. I am probably the most loyal person you know. I hate to see people I love suffer and I would jump in to carry their burden in a second. After reading this, you can safely assume that this mindset has set me on a path of being a caretaker, a rescuer. The line between healthy loving and care-taking is very very thin in my world. It took me a very long time to even realize this and I only started dealing with this last year and it is work every. single. day. 

This pattern is very easy to fall into.  

I feel like many women are like me. My mom is. Many of my girlfriends are too. We are natural caretakers to begin with. That's why it took me so long to even realize that how I was expressing my love wasn't right. Everytime I mentioned the arguments I was having with my exes, it always looked like I was right. I heard:

"you were just trying to help!"
"without you, he wouldn't be able to do anything anyway, he should thank you"
"you raise him up so much, and he is acting like that?". 

Except here is the deal: no one has ever asked me to raise them up. And I thought at first it was because I simply beat them to the punch by offering before they asked.

So I have put myself in long term relationships in which I was carrying all the weight and my boyfriends let me. I attracted the kind of men who needed more of a mother than a girlfriend, and I fell right for it multiple times. I was needed. So if I was needed, I was loved. And then I got frustrated.

The frustration and feeling let down are brutal

It's pretty simple to explain: you give, give, and give.
And they take, take, take. 
But you don't receive, receive, receive (or at least, not with the intensity you want). 

So you get bitter. You feel unloved, unvalued, taken for granted. Then you receive a tiny thing back from your partner . Hope rises, and you give it back x12 . And off you go with the same circle. Until you hear the nasty "I never asked you to do that" or "I will never change that". 

I was so damn lucky to bump into my current partner and future husband. He is the kind of man who gives in a healthy way, not in a "let me clean your shoes and give you my watch" way. He is not the kind of man who will take my caretaking because it is convenient to have someone do everything for you.

Don't get me wrong, this wasn't easy to implement in my system. It's led to bad arguments, to uncertainty, and hurt.

But it made me realize what I was doing and how much I needed to break this pattern for my own well-being and my relationship.

Like I wrote previously, I am still dealing with this on a daily basis, and sometimes I hit a wall, especially when I don't really feel good about myself for whatever reason. I will give extra hard, in hopes to get some back to make me feel better. To feel like I am loved. And if I don't get it, I will question everything. Does he love me? Does he even care? What can I do to make him love me right now? What if he leaves me? Why isn't he giving me attention? 

And the list goes on. At some point, I even felt like a junky withdrawing from cocaine because I didn't get from him what I thought he should give me. And honestly, I am done with this.

if you have recognized yourself in anything here, let me share with you the reminders I tell myself when I am about to spiral again.

Erasing yourself won't give you more love.

Bending over backwards to please the other person will not make them give you more love. I have dropped plans to be with my partners. I have scheduled everything in my life around them, to be convenient, only to be disappointed as hell when they don't do it for me. I am not saying that we shouldn't compromise of course, but compromise comes for both sides, not just me. Being my own person is definitely way healthier for me, but also for my partner. I personally would be very bored with my partner was just a yes-man and letting me take the reins constantly.

Life is not a rom-com. 

I have always been a sucker for romantic movies and books. Those grand gestures, running under the rain to declare your love, rose petals in the wind, and kissing in slow-mo are my jam. My parents met in a crazy romantic way and I thought this was the token for the Relationship with a big R.

Except real life is not like that. A simple "I love you" before going to work is way more common than a big-ass gesture. So I am learning to notice all of the little proofs of love I am given on a daily basis, instead of feeling terrible because I haven't received a serenade in a while. 

You can accept love and not return it multiplied by 12.

My fiancé is the first man ever who has shown me love clearly, from our early days. I was so happy, I thought "this is it, I figured it all out" and I wanted more and more everyday. But my caretaking side took over, and I gave it back in such an intense way, it led him to feel smothered, and me to feel incredibly sad and misunderstood. Isn't it ironic how something with such a nice intention ends up making it so much worse?

So, now, if the love bug stings me and I am about to write a love novel, I wait and hold on to it rather than sending it right away. If I still feel like sharing later, I will, but the energy will have gone down to a more balanced level.

You gotta give yourself the love rather than counting on others to fill that void. 

You can only control your behaviour. Other people are not responsible for making you feel better, you are, they can only add an extra lovely layer to your solid foundation. Give yourself a hug and take yourself on a date my friend, you need to reconnect with your own company for a bit. 

Be kind and patient with yourself.

When I fall into this rabbit hole again, I feel like shit. I failed me, I failed my partner. What's wrong with me, how can I fix me? I am trying to apply my intense care-taking on me, which is obviously counter productive. Now, I am just trying to accept this is how I feel, that I don't need to do anything at the moment because it will go away. I don't need to find the "WHY" I am doing this again. My feelings don't define who I am, they are just passing through. Even better, there is NOTHING that needs fixing with me. Just improvements. And it takes time to improve something. The good news? It is only up from here. 

Working on yourself is not given to everyone. Many people who rather stay in their victim position, stuck in their patterns, and blame others for everything. So if like me, you have taken the decision to evolve into YOU 2.0, I am high-fiving you hard. You got this, one step at a time. 

And if you need extra guidance, our Limitless Program could be a great opportunity for you, make sure to check it out here.

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Street harassment, a sad reality

You guys probably read or heard about the recent cases of street harassment happening to women in Toronto.

To sum it up: Some women have been followed by black SUV while they were walking alone downtown Toronto. The drivers ask them questions about directions, getting pushy if they don't reply and in some cases, other men came out of nowhere behind the potential victims.

Street harassment is a reality.

As scary as it is, unfortunately it happens all over the world, some countries being worse than others. Toronto might feel unsafe right now but for Juliette and I, it is so far the safest city we have lived in with London (England). France, on an another hand, is another story!

The goal here is not to scare you, neither to be defeatist, like: “well this is life, nothing we can do about it!”. We just want to tell you that all of us have to be aware of those situations, even if we have never experienced them. Knowing what to expect and potential dangers is important to be able to confront them.

We both unfortunately experienced those behaviours: being followed by men walking in the street or driving their car. Being catcalled, from whistles to insults such as:

“Hey f**king b**ch!”,

“You know I can r*pe you if I want!”,

“Come see me, I will put it deep!”,

“You have beautiful legs, at what time do they open?”…

But also been touched inappropriately (for Juliette) and been beaten up (for me).

And we are not the only ones! Ask any french women if they ever faced any danger in France due to men's behaviour, the answer will be yes and many times…

What we learn from a young age.

Street harassment is so common in France that most of the time you can forget about getting help from strangers as people don't even pay intention to those behaviours anymore. It has become so common that there are many rules we are taught from a very young age to avoid as much as possible any trouble. And we wanna share those rules and advice with you, which can be real life savers:

• Never stay too long at the same spot:

  If potential attackers see you are alone and waiting for someone, they will try to talk to you. Changing spots will make it more difficult for them and you can easily see if someone is following you.

• Show confidence:

  Chin up and look straight! Why do french women have resting b**ch face? To show no mercy to potential attackers. Those men are looking for easy victims, you have less risk to get in trouble if you give the impression you will fight back.

• Be aware of your environment:

  Walk like you know where you are going and always keep an eye on people (without staring). If they see you walking fast with purpose, you become a difficult target for them. Be also careful when you are listening to music. Always try to keep hearing what's going on around you.

• Walk on the sidewalk where you can see cars coming:

  Walking on the opposite side of driving cars is a great way to avoid being followed by one and it makes it easier to keep an eye on what can be potentially coming for you.

• Don't take risks:

  Don't make the decision at night to chose a risky itinerary because it saves you time to go home or because it looks pretty. It is not worth your safety! So when it is dark outside, avoid empty streets as well as parks. You wanna stay close to people, in bright and busy locations.

• Don't hesitate to ask for help:

  Talk loudly, scream, grab someone in the street or find shelter in places of business. It is better to alarm people for nothing and feel stupid about it, rather than keeping it quiet and really get in trouble. They will stay with you until someone you know come to help you.

• Listen to your guts:

  We don't say it enough: TRUST YOUR INSTINCT! If you feel in danger, it is probably for a good reason. Don't think twice, without showing fear remove yourself from the situation as soon as you can.

• In case you are in trouble: act batshit crazy.

  Those kind of men don't want to attract attention, so give it your best performance. Scream, make weird animal noises if you have to, catch them off guard and flee.

What can you do if you witness those behaviours?

Most of the time, people pretend they do not see anything when someone is in trouble is because they don't know what to do or they care about their own safety. But there are so many things you can do depending of the situation, you just have to educate yourself and get creative. Sometimes the simplest actions works. Check out Loréal's video for a few examples:

Those situations should not happen, but they unfortunately do. So if you witness someone being harassed or worse, please don't hesitate to help. You don't have to do it alone, you can gather people around you to help as well.

WE HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER TO HELP PEOPLE IN NEED!

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I turned 30

Hey Scandals, Fanny writing today!

I want to share with you my experience on turning 30. I feel like there are a lot of expectations coming from others but also from our own beliefs about starting a new decade. Generally speaking we believe that by 30 we should have our life together: be a home owner, married with kids and a carrier. So we put a lot of pressure on our shoulders thinking with HAVE to fit in this mold.

My friends, this is not the reality anymore (was it ever?) ! So let's dust off all of those expectations that, frankly, are just here to create more stress and anxiety. We don't want that in our life, do we?

Last January I turned 30 and honestly I was fine (end of the article, thanks for reading).

More seriously! I am the type of person who is not afraid to get old and die, so age was never really a struggle for me. But apparently it is a harder topic for others…

You see, people expect you to feel bad about turning 30, especially if you are:

• a woman;

• who is single;

• with no kids.

Like me! So around my birthday, I have heard them all:

“You must be so sad to turn 30?”

“Still no kids hein!”

“Are you single by choice?"

“When are we seeing a ring on your finger?”

“You are not 25 anymore, time to get settled!”… Blablabla.

For those who know me, you will not be surprised to hear that instead of feeling angry, I tried to educate those people but man it asks for a lot of patience!

It is really easy for people to guilt trip others, especially if they believe they know better. It is usually done in a “I am joking” way but the result is the same: we feel bad about our life choices and start doubting ourself.

The way I see it is we have 3 options here:

• we give up and make choices towards a life than is not ideal for us;

• we feel angry at them, carrying negativity and frustration around. The chances are we are gonna explode at some point and start useless confrontations.

• or, we ignore them and keep focusing on how we want to live our life (I vote for this one!)

Personally I believe some people are not worth my energy. I am happy with my lifestyle and would not trade it with anybody else. It makes me feel free and I know I am going towards the right path, meaning the one towards what I want to achieve.

Don't be afraid to dig into what you truly want and take actions to make them happen.

If your loved ones don't understand and disagree, then this is not your problem. In the end, it does not really matter what they think, they are not you. The best fight you can start is towards the life you wanna build for yourself.

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"You're Pretty For a Girl in a Wheelchair"

2 years ago, we received an email from an incredible and gorgeous woman who push her boundaries and decided to talk to us about her disability. She wanted to use boudoir photography as a gift for her 35th birthday, a way to celebrate and treat herself.

Meet Katie

“I wanted to have a photo shoot to celebrate me finding beauty within my own body.

It took me a while to reach self-acceptance. In high school, I remember there was always this pressure society laid out for us that implied that the definition of beauty was to be thin and flawless. I was also a teenager with a physical disability.

I remember being at a mall, shopping with my friends and someone saying to me “You are very pretty, for a girl in a wheelchair”. It really got me to thinking that not only does my physical features go against social norms but so does my disability.

Have we built up such an image in our heads about the ideal look of beauty that we can’t think outside the box?

Why is there a box in the first place?

Why is my attractiveness contingent on the status of my abilities?

Years pass, my body changes, as naturally as a woman’s body would do. I started to carry myself with more confidence as time went by. I made a decision a few times along the way to choose a healthier eating lifestyle.  My weight fluctuated here and there, but I continued to maintain a positive image of myself and I chose to become more active.

As a young woman with a physical disability, exercising routines had to be modified. I started including weekly swimming sessions, seeing a physiotherapist to see how I could optimize increasing my range of motion, and I use a hand bicycle three times a week. In addition to exercise, I found and implemented a diet that suited me, personally. I was able to eat healthy and still eat the foods I enjoy.

Now that I was on a good path, it was time to focus on pampering myself.  Display to the world, how I am feeling on the inside.

“Yes, as a curvy woman with a disability,

I embrace and celebrate my sexuality.”

But I wasn’t always brave enough to share it openly on such a public platform. I am ready to challenge what people expect.

I am Katie, I’m thirty-five years old, single, curvy, sexy and beautiful.

Thank you, Juliette and Fanny, for helping me to bring out a side of me I wasn’t sure existed. I have a feeling the journey has only just begun…

“You are not invisible! You are worthy!” 

A big part in making my decision to do a shoot comes from this breathtaking piece of poetry by my dear friend Forest Blakk: SWIPE RIGHT

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Love yourself and celebrate everything that makes you unique - She Does The City

This post was initially posted on She Does The City, through our collaboration with them and Womanizer. We have slightly altered the original version to add our touch to it. 

We love sharing testimonial of women that are just like you and us and we hope you will enjoy Kosi's insight on self-love

“We’ve been programmed to feel like we’re under this great obligation as women to look and be a certain way. And that’s not our fault!”

Kosi is determined to shed the BS beauty myths that society has fed her over the years. She is now aiming to celebrate herself for who she is.

“I believe as women we judge ourselves WAY too much. I’d much rather women hear a real story than the fabricated perfection that we are fed on the daily.”

SDTC: It’s not easy to shut down the voices that dictate what we should look like. How have you managed this?

Kosi: From stretch marks to Endometriosis bloat and incision scars, it has been a long road for me, but I’m finally happy where I am. In my self-growth, I have had the opportunity to read many self discovery books, change my eating habits, start a new job which I love, and am in the midst of creating my first solo business venture. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in my life and it came from what I like to call “pretty hurts.” I want to represent women who live with debilitating pain and—in spite of the pain—there is still great joy. I want to show how our beauty is from within, regardless of our physical and emotional scars.

How did the shoot make you feel?

The shoot made me feel like laughing. I’m a goofy girl at heart, so trying to pose my face was a challenge. I couldn’t help but giggle and dance and because of that, my favourite pictures are the ones with me smiling. I truly think the best thing anybody can wear is a good smile.

For those who lack confidence or are way too hard on themselves, what’s your advice for finding self-love? Gaining confidence?

Tell that little voice in your head trying to make you feel small to shut up. Seriously. Say it out loud, if you must. Create some affirmations, and put them up everywhere your eyes can see. Repeat them, and hold yourself accountable so that every time you speak negatively to yourself, you say something positive too. We are all divinely made and therefore we should love and appreciate ourselves just the way we are.

When it comes to sexuality, what’s something you’ve uncovered?

I don’t think there is just ONE person for you. I think there are several someones you are meant to meet, share time with and learn from.

What advice do you want to give your younger self?

Love yourself, honey… Truly get to know yourself and fall in love with yourself. Because that self-love is the bridge to every other relationship in your life to come.

Secondly, never stop dancing; on the street, while waiting in line for a coffee. That little shimmy is you. It’s your joy bubbling out of you and you should never be ashamed of it. 

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