What to do if you are victim of domestic abuse

Disclaimer: This blog is part of our Unstoppable project and gather all the information we could find from different sources about domestic abuse. We are not expert in this field, if you are seeking help make sure to contact the appropriate service provider: here is a list to find help across Canada.

 
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Last month we shared with you the steps you can take to help someone who is, or could be, victim or domestic abuse. In today’s blog we will be talking about what you can do if you are the victime. Please don’t hesitate to share this blog with people who might need it.

To prevent and end domestic violence it is important to acknowledge and understand that victims never deserve, nor should be blamed for, the abuse they endure. Abusers are skilled at using power and control over their victims.

What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse, also known as “domestic violence” or “intimate partner violence”, is a pattern of behaviours used by one person to gain power and control over another person with whom they have or previously had an intimate relationship (people who are married, living together, or dating).

IT CAN IMPACT ANYONE, REGARDLESS OF GENDER, AGE, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, ETHNICITY, FAITH, EDUCATION, OR INCOME LEVEL.

Those abuse are not only physical, but also includes any sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person (such as behaviours that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone).

Source: United Nations

If you want to understand more about domestic abuse, we highly recommend the mini serie called MAID. This movie showcases very well the struggles most people victime of emotional abuse are going through:

 
 

Recognize the signs

Since domestic abuse is about controlling someone’s mind and emotions before hurting their body, the signs are not always obvious. Victimes are often confused, scared, and not able to see their partner’s actions for what they really are:

Does your partner…

  • Constantly diminishes you?

  • Control your money?

  • Isolates you, cutting you off from friends and family?

  • Physically abuses you?

  • Forces you to have sex or do intimate things against your will?

  • Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?

  • Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?

  • Blame you for how they feel or act?

  • Make you feel there is no way out of the relationship?

Do you...

  • Sometimes feel scared of how your partner may behave?

  • Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behaviour?

  • Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?

  • Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?

  • Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?

  • Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up?

If any of those are happening to you, don’t feel ashamed or scared to ask for help. Abuses will not stop until until you make the courageous decision to sick help.

What to do if you are being abused?

First of all, know you are not alone, and this is absolutely not your fault!

  • CALL FOR HELP

Second, making the decision to get out if this situation can be hard and scary. The best way to get help is to start giving a call to the appropriate service provider:

- Canada: Domestic Violence Helpline at 1-800-563-0808. You can find more crisis hotlines for different provinces here.

- US: National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233

Always call from a friend’s house, a family’s house, or anywhere else where you feel safe. If it is an emergency, call 911.

You can also reach out to people you trust in your circle. Remember, you are not alone!

  • HIDE YOUR INTERNET ACTIVITY

Internet is the perfect tool to find information that can help you make decisions about your personal situation and find help. However, closing your browser does not erase the record of your internet activities. If you are concerned that your partner may be monitoring you, you have to learn how to hide your Internet activities.

Learn how to delete cookies from your computer here, and learn more about digital privacy here.

  • HAVE AN EMERGENCY ESCAPE PLAN

Taking decision to leave can be very risky for the victims as they will have a greater risk of being killed by their abuser than if they decided to stay. Having an emergency safety plan set up, before leaving or before a crisis occurs, is a very important step.

- Hide a set of car keys, and pack a bag with extra clothes, important papers, money, medicines, and toiletries. You can keep it at a friend’s house or someone you trust.

- Have a safe place to go if you decide to leave. Here you can find different shelters within Canada if you cannot go to someone you trust.

- Have a prepared excuse to leave if you feel threatened.

- Have a code word so your kids, family, friends, or co-workers know you’re in danger.

- Have a list of emergency contacts, including trusted family or friends, local shelters, and domestic abuse hotline.

Sources: Verywell Mind & WebMD

The “Signal For Help”

“Signal for Help” is a simple one-handed sign someone can use on a video call. It can help a person silently show they need help and want someone to check in with them in a safe way. You can find all of the info here!

 
 

Domestic abuse is still nowadays taboo and very commun.

It is important to learn how to help the victims. Or if you are yourself the victime, learn to gather all the tools necessary for you and your child’s safety. Not being afraid to talk about this subject is also another important step in the fight against domestic violence.

We all have a role to play! Juliette and I decided to organize an art exhibit to raise funds for the Canadian Women’s Foundation and Sistering, two charities helping people victim of domestic abuse. The grand opening night is happening this March 8th, downtown Toronto. All the donations collected will be equally divided between those two charities.

Boudoir with the love of your life, tempting isn't it?

You may not think about it when you have someone in your life but boudoir photography is a great experience to try to spice up your relationship and spend quality time just the two of you… Plus you get badass pictures to hang in your space or keep as a little secret in your bedroom 😉

 
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What is couple boudoir?

This is our little favorite at Scandaleuse Photography. We love taking pictures of couples getting naked… Ok I see what you have in mind my friends and no, we do not do porn. Voyons! We just take pictures of couples with or without clothes on them.

Joke aside, boudoir photography for couple is a fun way to change your routine and try a new experience with your partner. It develops trust and communication; and brings you to another level of intimacy.

Love is powerful and should be immortalized!

Soft, romantic, or sensual?

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Most of the clients who have never done a boudoir session before are afraid of the final photos, especially if they have to show some skin. And when you talk about boudoir photography for couples, lots of people have a negative image and assimilate it to pornography. This is people's biggest concern and it is totally understandable.

While Juliette & I enjoy artsy nude photography, it is way more important for us that our clients feel comfortable in front of our cameras. This is why we let couples decide in which direction they want to go. We have been working with various personalities and each session has been different from the one before. We go with the flow: most people start softly and if they get more comfortable, the vibe changes.

Once again posing fully nude in our session does not imply any sort of pornography. We do not shoot sexual acts and will never do.

Doing a boudoir shoot with your partner makes the shoot more intimate and sensual because we made our couples hug and kiss each other.

The reason is yours

You don’t necessarily need a specific reason to do a boudoir shoot, it could be a spur-of-the-moment kind of vibe. But if you need some ideas, here is why most people give it a try:

  • Celebrate a milestone

It is very common for couples to celebrate their wedding anniversary by doing a shoot. It is a great way to celebrate their long lasting love 🥰.

  • Birthday celebration

As a birthday present, one of our recent client decided to surprise his wife with a boudoir shoot for the two of them. He planned everything, from choosing the photographers (he picked us, yeah!!) to the outfits she will be wearing, without her knowing about it. That was ballsy but he knew her very well and she loved it.

  • Change your routine

We all know how easy it is to end up in a routine we did not really choose and get a tad bored, especially since Covid. Let us tell you that when you do a boudoir shoot it gives you something to talk about for a while (and maybe to show to people): you do something a little scandalous, that feels good, and which gives you a huge boost of confidence.

After your shoot you will feel like you can move mountains… and you probably will!

  • Reconnect

Relationships can be hard. Being together for years and the stress from life can sometimes make us forget to show our love and appreciation to our partner. When you do a boudoir shoot, it is a moment with just the two of you and no distraction from the outside. You build back this little bubble you were once in and it feels good!

  • Spice up your relationship

Even if we don’t photograph sexual acts, doing a boudoir shoot with your partner can be an arousing experience. Imagine: you are both in sexy outfits (whatever that means to you), being very close to each other while flirting and kissing, hands on each other’s body but you cannot go further than that… trust us this brings the temperature up 🔥.

Clothing wise

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We often say that boudoir is like a streap-tease: you start with the most clothes on, and then you take them off one by one. Sometimes, you can end up with nothing else than your birthday suit. It's very likely you booked your shoot to show some skin (this is the difference between boudoir and a regular photoshoot). But it doesn’t mean you have to go for a total nudity if you don’t feel like it.

Do you know what is the best part of doing a boudoir session with your significant other? You can use their hands to cover what you don’t wanna show. Isn’t that wonderful!

Boudoir photography is the best way to have fun with different outfit and get creative with what you want to wear (if you and your partner want to pretend coming back from a fancy party, by all means…). Of course a classic set of lingerie is an option but you can go for so many other styles. Check out this blog to get inspired!

What do people say?

And because words are powerful, we wanted to share with you how one of our couple experienced their first boudoir photography session:

“We were both a little nervous! We had never done anything like this before but we were more excited because this photoshoot would be a celebration of our love as we were celebrating out 25th wedding anniversary. Our experience from start to finish was amazing. It was really fun and we can’t believe how quickly the time flew. I was a little self-conscious about my body but by the end of the shoot I felt relaxed, unjudged, and ended up almost nude - feeling like for the first time I could really embrace my body and expose my inner goddess.”

If boudoir photography is on your bucket list but you feel a little shy to do it by yourself, then bring your partner. Since you will be focusing on each other, you will totally forget about the fact someone is taking your picture, it will be easier to relax.

We want you to see this experience as something fun and empowering. There are so many benefits in doing a boudoir shoot, we promise that you will be freaking proud of yourself for trying something that may be outside your comfort zone!

We have a special deal going for Valentine’s day, click on the button below to see all the details!

"It's just not me" - how to feel like yourself on your boudoir photos

There are many fears around boudoir photography and on of the biggest we have heard as photographers is “I'm not a sexy person, it is just not me". And we don't blame you, we haven't met many people saying out loud that they see themselves as sexy or sensual.

The thing is: we are ALL sensual and sexy beings. It just have to be in our own way. So, how can you enjoy the perks of doing a boudoir shoot and still feel like yourself?

 
 

1) Detach yourself from what you've been told "sexy” is.

Anything sexy often comes with its load of clichés and negative stigma. What is sexy to one person, can easily be seen as vulgar to another. Trying to find something that would work for everyone would be a waste of energy, let's just put it towards finding what makes you feel sensual and sexy. The good news? It could be anything. Being sexy or sensual is very versatile and far from being based solely on appearance. Do you feel sexy when playing the guitar or wearing a specific body-suit? Good, just bring those.

2) Pick the right makeup, if any.

It is often encouraged to wear make-up on photoshoots to wear - and we do offer it ourselves if you wish - but it doesn't mean it is mandatory. Not only you don't need to wear any if it's not your jam, but if you choose to, you don't have to take it too far from what you usually do.

Of course, working with a makeup artist is also the opportunity to try something different, and if you want to experiment, go for it! But if you want to look like yourself, see it as a way to get a professional version of your own makeup.

HAVING A CLEAR VISION OF THE MAKEUP YOU PICTURE YOURSELF WITH IS VERY HELPFUL TO feel like yourself.

3) Prepare outfits that make you feel amazing.

Boudoir isn't just about the classic lingerie sets, far from it!

ANY OUTFIT CAN BE TURNED INTO A BOUDOIR ONE, YOU JUST HAVE TO REMOVE SOME LAYERS.

If you feel like a garter belt and stockings aren't like you, take your favourite style and remove some layers! Loose tshirts with cute panties, a pair of jeans topless, a silky robe, bralette and skirt, possibilities are endless, so have fun with it!

 
 

4) Don't overthink poses

When it comes to posing, the simplier, the better!

ONE POSE LOOKS VERY DIFFERENT ON 2 DIFFERENT BODIES.

It's great to feel inspired by some poses but attempting to copy them exactly might not work. However, poses can be adapted to your body type so they still looks badass, effortless, and flattering. Don't hesitate to ask your photographer, we personally love getting inspiration photos from our clients and adjust the poses depending on them.

5) Try it at home

Practice makes perfect! Observing ourselves, taking our own photos, trying on different outfits and poses in front of the mirror… All of these are very helpful to see what you look like when you feel like yourself. That way, you will feel comfortable quicker in front of a lens and will know what works for you.

IF YOU FEEL LIKE GETTING THE HANG OF IT SOLO BEFORE TURNING TO A PRO, CHECK OUT OUR ONLINE BOUDOIR GUIDE*! IT IS THE PERFECT TOOL TO LEARN TO STYLE AND POSE YOURSELF IN DIFFERENT SETTINGS, IN THE COMFORT OF YOUR OWN HOME.

*its cost is 100% redeemable on a photoshoot with us too!

Don’t forget to not take yourself seriously or put pressure on yourself. A boudoir shoot is such an empowering and beautiful experience, you won’t regret trusting the process!

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Things to do if you know someone victim of domestic abuse

Disclaimer: This blog is part of our Unstoppable project and gather all the information we could find from different sources about domestic abuse. We are not expert in this field, if you are seeking help make sure to contact the appropriate service provider: here is a list to find help across Canada.

 
 

Domestic abuse is a social issue that many people have been facing since the beginning of time. But with the outbreak of Covid-19, the stress of life has risen and domestic violence has intensified (nearly a year into the pandemic reports of domestic assaults have almost doubled).

Abusers are finding new ways with those lockdowns to control their partners, leaving the victims with a level of support even lower than before: the opportunities to leave the house to find help (such as daily trips to and from school) have in many cases been eliminated, and access to friends and family has also been cut off.

The world for many domestic abuse victims can be lonely, isolated, and filled with fear. If you know or suspect that someone is a victim of domestic violence, finding the proper thing to say or to do might be difficult and scary. But it is important to learn how to handle those situations to be able to help instead of pretending it is not happening.

We all have a role to play in order to stop it and it starts with education!

What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse, also called “domestic violence” or “intimate partner violence“, is a pattern of behaviour used by one person to gain power and control over another person with whom they have or previously had an intimate relationship.

It can impact anyone, regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, ethnicity, faith, education, or income level. Domestic abuse can be mental, physical, economic or sexual in nature.

If you want to understand more about domestic violence, we found this article written by United Nations. It also talks about signs to know if you are being abused, or if you abuse your partner.

To prevent and end domestic violence, first it is important to acknowledge and understand that victims never deserve, nor should be blamed for, the abuse they endure. Abusers are skilled at using power and control over their victims.

 
 

Second, we have to learn to recognize the signs and be willing to help. Even if it starts by just reaching out and letting the victims know we are there for them.

What to do when you see or suspect abuse?

Most of the time, the best way to help a victim of domestic violence is NOT by calling the police (except for emergency situations where someone is at immediate risk of being harmed), which can be dangerous for everyone involved.

Also for various reasons some victims and survivors may not want to involve authorities.

There are other important steps that friends, family members, and witnesses, can take to support victims and help them get to safety

If someone is at risk of or experiencing domestic violence:

  • Believe what they are telling you, be supportive and listen.

  • Ask what you can do to help,

  • Be non-judgemental and let them make their own decisions.

  • Offer to provide childcare while they seek help.

  • Offer your home or another location as a safe space.

  • Support them to create a safety plan which can include packing a small bag of essentials, arranging child care and/or care for pets, and opening a personal bank account in advance, among other things.

  • Call one of the provincial crisis lines, your local shelter or service provider who supports survivors of domestic abuse.

  • Call the police if it is an emergency.

 

If someone you know is an abuser:

  • Tell them there are no excuses for abuse and they may lose their families, friends, homes and jobs if it doesn’t stop.

  • Hold them accountable for their behaviour.

  • Support their efforts to locate and obtain appropriate treatment.

  • If you see abuse and suspect someone is in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police.

Here is also a list of other things you can do (such as getting help for yourself, how to hide your internet activities…).

Learn about the “Signal For Help”

“Signal for Help” is a simple one-handed sign someone can use on a video call. It can help a person silently show they need help and want someone to check in with them in a safe way. You can find all of the info here!

 
 

Domestic abuse is still nowadays taboo and viewed as a private, family matter. But it is not! We can end it by speaking up and supporting victims and survivors in restoring safety and autonomy!

As we mentioned previously, we all have a role to play. Juliette and I decided to organize an art exhibit to raise money for the Canadian Women’s Foundation and Sistering. The date is set for March 8th, 2022.

If you want to help us make a difference and stay in the loop, sign up below to get all the details closer to the date ⬇️

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Supported by the Ontario Arts Council

 
 

5 tips to start 2022 the best way

2021 is finally over… What a long year full of stress and fear, but also transformation and self-discovery. We don’t know for you but in our circle of friends and family, people have changed their life drastically and for the best.

Now that we enter 2022, there are still a lot of uncertainty regarding this pandemic and our future. But Covid is part of our life and we need to make plans based on what we want rather than stressing out on a situation we have little control over.

This new year should be about chances and opportunities.

It is the possibility to start off on the right foot, find the motivation to push yourself to become the person you desire to be. We can hear some of you being a little sceptical:

“Changing is scary and sometimes too difficult!”.

Yes you are right, it can be. But as long as you understand that you have the potential to do everything you want in life (and willing to do the work), then let us reassure you that it will be worth it 💛

And we are here to help you out! Here are 5 tips to start 2022 the best way:

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First, take a moment to reflect

You have to do this exercise alone and in a quiet place (can be indoors or outdoors). Find somewhere to sit comfortably, relax your body and take a deep breath.

Think of how you have changed this past year or the past 10 years. Are you living the life you want to be living? Do you feel in harmony with your mind? What can you do to get closer to that version of yourself you are dreaming of?

Next, think about all your obstacles, your fears, and your limiting beliefs that are holding you back from that path. Feeling burnt-out; believing you are not enough; or that you are stuck in a routine that doesn't work for you anymore.  All of those negative feelings have to go.

We want you to make a pact with yourself to leave behind all the toxic thoughts and beliefs so you can focus on your present to better your future.

Close your eyes when you are ready to reflect.

What kind of person do you want to become

It is really easy to get lost as an individual, not knowing who we really are because we have been living our life for others instead of focusing on ourselves. We act in a certain way hopping to please our family or friends, forgetting to be selfish a little.

Well it is time to change this behaviour and learn to put yourself first. To help you switch your mindset to become a better version of yourself, write down a list of goals (either big or small) you want to achieve. It can be anything:

  • Practicing public speaking because you don't want to be shy anymore

  • Taking dance classes because you want to feel in harmony with your body

  • Learning cooking because you want to eat healthy

  • Or doing a boudoir shoot because you want to reveal your sensuality

Having concrete goals will give you the motivation to move forward in your future, and make you feel excited about taking decisions while pushing you to adapt your routine.

Let go of the past

All of our fears, hopes and believes come from our education and past experiences, either they were positive or negative. Even though they are unhappy, a lot of people hold on to their past because they are too scared to move forward. It is really easy to get trap in a life we don't want anymore if we don't learn to let go of painful memories.

The first step is to understand what is holding you back. Are you holding on to a failed relationship? Is there someone you need to forgive? Maybe you need to forgive yourself. How can you let go of anger or fear to implement a peaceful state?

Once you have understood what’s holding you back, ask yourself how you can create a positive change and reflect on how this new chapter of your life will make you feel. What is going to change for you?

Then make the conscious decision and accept the fact that YOU HAVE THE CHOICE to let it go. Only YOU can decide to move on!

Focusing on the present, all of the good things and the happiness in your life can also help you to let go of negative thoughts and fears. YOU can create your own happiness.

 
 

Surround yourself with good people and remove toxic relationships from your life

There is a quote from Wilferd Arlan Peterson we really like:

“Walk with the dreamers, the believers, the courageous, the cheerful, the planners, the doers, the successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet on the ground. Let their spirit ignite a fire within you to leave this world better than when you found it.”

Starting a new year is the perfect opportunity to sort out your relationship with your friends and family. You don't have to stick with people who don't bring you happiness anymore or the ones who bring you down. You want to spend quality time with people that matter.

It is such a difficult step but 100% needed if you feel that relationship is bringing you down, whether it comes from a good friend, a lover or a family member. When it comes to your feelings and happiness, you have the right to be selfish. It does not matter if the person is nice or depressed, if you are in love or staying because it is convenient, you cannot let fear or guilt dictate your needs. It is time to think about how you want to feel!

Prioritize yourself

2022 should be about YOU!

Remember we were talking about goals previously, ask yourself what is it you want to accomplish this year? What are your dreams?

We are not saying you should not care for others but putting yourself as a priority is the fastest way to get closer to your goals. You can do anything when you see life as an ocean of possibilities and opportunities. So why letting people slowing you down when you can live your life to the fullest?

We all change and most of the time without realizing it as it is a natural process. You are not the same person as you were 5 years ago, and in 3 years from now you will also be different.

Take this new year as your opportunity to grow and let go of everything that is keeping you from being HAPPY 😘!

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Stop limiting yourself

If there is one truth in life, it is that we have all grown up following pre-selected ideas and standards. You, me, your parents, your friends, everyone, we have all been conditioned a certain way. While there is nothing wrong with that, it doesn't come only with positive or neutral outcomes, it also creates limiting beliefs.

If you think you don't have some, read the 5 main ones below and we can guarantee you will recognize yourself in at least one of them. The good news is that, if you are aware of them, you can start beating the crap out of them.

 
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This blog post is based on an awesome French podcast. We have been implementing this topic with Scandaleuse since day 1 and this podcast sums it up beautifully.

What are limiting beliefs?

To make it simple, they are a kind of mental beliefs that defines how you act, make decisions, work, interact with people, even how to eat. You are 100% certain they are true and even, universal.

So far, it is pretty neutral.

Those turn into limiting beliefs the minute they become obstacles and are holding you back from reaching any goals you'd like, big or small.

Have you ever thought you couldn't or shouldn’t do something without an actual reason (aka: you will die if you do this or will deliberately hurt someone) ? Maybe out of fear or thinking it is not politically correct?

There you have it: you are facing your own limiting belief. The truth is: limiting beliefs are often based on a distorted and subjective reality.

The 5 big limiting behaviors:

1) Confusion:

You want to do everything and try anything and you are well aware of that. You have a lot of passions and interests and that's pretty great: you are just not afraid of taking on anything and a lot of people are blocked by the step from the get-go.

However, here is the trick: you don't stay in place long enough to persevere whatever you start. You end up switching tasks before being able to see actual results. This is often connected to impatience and short-term vision.

How to kick its butt:
Try to work on your patience and long-term vision: there are always positive outcomes out of a new activity, but you may not be able to see them right away. Trying setting deadlines away from the immediate future, aim for 6 months for example.

You are more than capable to create those results. Every single step counts and baby steps turn into a much bigger result if you stick to them.

2) Dissonance:

You want to start a new project, an idea, even a relationship but once you do it, you are gonna find an excuses and obstacles to stop it. You are mastering the self-sabotage.

This is connected to a lack of self-confidence and fear of disappointment and even pain.

Let's rip off the bandaid: you don't trust that you deserve something good and that shit will hit the fan no matter what, so you might as well step out and stay in your comfort-zone, even it it gets uncomfortable.

How to go all “FATALITY”on this:
It's going to be very interesting to try not to take anything personally and see every little obstacles that happen as challenges. Instead of seeing them as a sign to stop whatever it is you are doing, see them as lessons to learn so you can grow.

If you really look at it: your comfort zone has changed without you noticing anyway (you don't have the same routine as when you are 14 years-old right?) So there is no reason to stop your growth.

 
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3) Lack of clarity

You have very vague objectives. This one is probably the biggest for me and I have been working on this. This is mostly connected to a fear of failure. You end up asking yourself why something is not working for you, while not setting yourself up for success.

How to “bye Felicia”-d it:
Instead of asking yourself WHY something isn't working, ask yourself HOW you can make this work for me?

Ask yourself the good questions, practice letting go of your fears of dreaming big and set strategies by having objectives you can measure, so you can see concrete progress.

4) Perfectionist

That's a pretty common one and I was also guilty of this before opening Scandaleuse. Starting a business has always been a dream of mine since I was little but I felt like needed to know everything and it needed to be perfect before even starting it.

I never felt ready enough and thought I needed to learn more constantly. How did I end up starting Scandaleuse with Fanny? Well the universe threw me a couple of really crappy bosses in the span of 3 years to force me out of the standard employee path and work for myself.

Of course, it is good to gather information and prepare, especially before starting a life-changing project but when it just ends up pushing back the start date, it's not doing you any good.

You're not gonna jump in the water without knowing how to swim a minimum. But you don't need an olympic medal in swimming before setting your toes in water.

This is connected to a fear of lacking competence (hello impostor syndrom) or even a fear of hurting people (eg: not leaving someone because it’s not the good time for them.)

How to kick it out of you (without waiting for terrible managers for years):
Understand that the perfect moment doesn't exist and you have to create it. Read that again. It's time to roll up your sleeves and tell yourself you are ready NOW.

5) People pleaser.

People's wishes are your command. You never really ask yourself what YOU want. You hate confrontations and conflicts, you don’t know how to stand up for yourself and set your boundaries.

This is a direct line to the need to feel loved and appreciated at the cost of your own identity. You want to feel needed and are terrified of other people's opinions about you.

How to go all “Kill Bill” on it:
Understand that it is not other people's opinions that are gonna hurt you, it is the stories you make up to yourself about those. People's judgement is not about you, it is about themselves.

Live according to your values. Not everyone is gonna agree with you, it is just impossible. By owning your opinions and values, you will attract people who share and respect them. And that is how you grow too because you start creating self-validation instead of needed it from others.

So now, which one are you?

Let us know if this blog inspires you to kick your limiting beliefs to the curb and how you plan to do so!

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Overcoming Fear

Have you ever asked someone why they are not moving towards one of their dream? Most of the time they will find a strong excuse to cover the fact, that deep down, they are too afraid to do it (maybe they are not even aware of it). Does it sounds familiar to you? Of course it does, we all do it!

It is unfortunately common to settle in a life that is not meant for us. Depending of where we grew up, our education, people we surround ourselves with and our life traumas, we all have deep fears that are stopping us from making our dreams a reality.

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What is fear exactly?

If you check Wikipedia, you will read that fear is an emotion induced by perceived danger or threat, which causes physiological and ultimately behavioural changes, such as fleeing, hiding, or freezing from perceived traumatic events.

It is a fundamental and deeply wired reaction every species feel and is meant to protect organisms's integrity and/or existence. Fear may be as simple as an hissing cat, or as complex as existential anxiety for humans.

It is an important emotion because it makes us take actions to protect ourselves when we feel in danger, it also creates adrenaline rushes some people might need in order to “feel alive". But it can also negatively impact every decisions we take and stop us from experiencing unknown situations.

Are we born with fear?

Yes, but only two innate ones: the fear of loud noises and the fear of falling. It is in our genes to have those natural instinct to keep us from getting killed.

Of course the more we grow up and experience life, the more we start to develop other fears which are triggered by real threats from past or present events and traumas, but also from imagined dangers such as other people's experiences and the media.

The most common fears against success

There are plenty of fears and phobias but today we want to talk about the most common ones that are stopping us from being successful.

Failure:

We live in a society where failure as a bad reputation as we only celebrate victories and success but not the struggles along the way. Because of this shame to fail, many people will refuse to experience something new unless they are confident they can win. It is a vicious circle for procrastination as in order to not fail we avoid even trying.

Even though failing can have awful consequences, you can also learn a lot from it. You get emotionally stronger and have more courage to keep trying. It helps you grow by questioning your current path and the mistakes you have done so far.

Rejection:

Nobody likes to be rejected! We take it so personally when it happens because it makes us feel like fools, makes us believe there is something wrong with us and increase our frustration from not getting what we want.

Is it really worth to miss out on opportunities because you don't want to take the risk to have your ego bruised? At the end of the day, the worst thing that can happen is that you get a “No".

Change:

Even though changes are part of our lives as we live in a world that is in a constant evolution, a lot of people are afraid of changes. They often feel like they have no control over their lives due to those changes. So they become stagnant, live in the past and are unwilling to move, to progress or change anything from their routine.

Allowing yourselves or your life to change is one more step closer to freedom and happiness. Do you know what the good news is? It can start with just a few baby steps!

Being Judged:

How many time did you stop yourself from doing something because you were afraid of other people's judgment (put your hand in the air if you are guilty of it!)? This intense and persistent fear of being watched and judged by others affects every aspects of our life: work, school, social events and any day-to-day activities. It also impact the way we and others perceive ourselves.

When you feel like one of your action is being judge by people, remember they judgment is based on their own live. What works for them does not have to work for you (and vice versa).

Inadequacy:

Not being good enough. Story of our lives isn't it? A lot of people believe they do not have the necessary qualities and abilities to achieve something or to deal with life in general and have this feeling they don't measure up to other people. To overcompensate this fear, they generally criticize themselves and try to be perfectionists.

We all have our own strengths and flaws. Stop comparing yourself to others and become your own measurement system.

 
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Do not let fear take over your life. It is too precious to be put on the side.

It might take time, commitment, money or risks but it is worth it. You deserve to experience and live the life of your dream but only YOU can make it happen.

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5 reasons why you should do a boudoir shoot for your partner

While the best reason to do a boudoir shoot is definitely for yourself, you can also truly enjoy sharing these precious risqué photos with your special someone. We can all safely admit that when we feel beautiful, proud and confident, it does feel extra good when someone else can see it too.

Here are 5 reasons why you should consider sharing your boudoir photos with your partner:

 
 

1) The ultimate surprise effect

Many people would never expect in a million years to receive professional boudoir photos of their partners. Especially if it is not a habit of yours to snap some spicy selfies, giving such a unique gift will definitely lend you the best-gift-ever gold medal. Seeing your loved one face light up with surprise is such a bliss to witness. And with this follows…

2) To make them feel extra special

Boudoir photos are the proof that you stepped into vulnerable and intimate experience. You sharing the outcome with your partner is a privilege. You didn't have to do that, but yet, you've let them in, creating an even stronger bond between you two. Talk about feeling special!

3) To bring out more confidence in you that they will get to enjoy too.

It is no secret that confidence is attractive as hell. By doing a boudoir shoot, you will get a strong confidence boost that will spread on everything you touch. Yes, your relationship too!

 
 

4) To step into your sexy self that they will (definitely) love too!

The above also applies to your sensual side, side often buried deep under our every day lives. If anything, we get so caught up in daily routines, it is rare that we maintain this oh-so-pleasant feeling of being sexy. Maybe you never really felt it either and you made the great decision of experimenting (yay, you!). Not only will you enjoy a confidence boost, but you will also get a strong sexy boost! Everyone enjoys seeing their partner in a different light here and there, especially when it involves their (almost) naked bodies!

5) To give them a spicy reminder that you're a hot stuff, my friend!

This applies even more if you have been with someone for quite a while. Even if there is a lot of love between two people, sometimes, it happens that we forget how attractive our special someone is. Well, try giving them boudoir photos and let the reminder that, yes, they are with a sexy beast, sink in!

If you are ready to dazzle your partner with beautiful photos of yourself, take advantage of our Christmas deal! We are offering 50% off on our sessions for the occasion, as well as including some free goodies!

Does boudoir photography make you feel nervous?

Is doing a boudoir shoot on your bucket list but you keep pushing it back because you feel nervous? Maybe it is your first time and really don't know what to expect. Or maybe you have done one in the past and want do this experience again, but your body has changed and it’s stressing you out?

If so, keep reading. This blog is definitively for you!

 
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Don't give up on the idea of doing a boudoir shoot just because it makes you feel nervous

It's the middle of the afternoon and you need to take a break from work. So you open your Pinterest account to check out your boudoir board and daydream about the day you will finally do that shoot. You scroll down all the beautiful images you have been saving over the time, picturing yourself rocking your fav outfits. When suddenly that happy moment is interrupted by nasty little voices in your head:

“I don't know how to pose, I will look ridiculous!"

“I am not fit enough, I have to lose weight before doing that shoot!”

“I am too old! It is such a bad idea.”

Your confidence is decreasing, your heart starts racing, your palms are sweaty, and your chest is getting heavy. So you quit Pinterest telling yourself it was such a bad idea to begin with, and shut down your desire to try boudoir photography.

It is normal to feel scared or anxious about new experiences, but you should not give up on a dream because of those negative feelings. When you do, you miss out on tons of new opportunities, badasseries, and discoveries. Especially for boudoir as it is so much more than getting pretty pictures:

It is about giving the middle finger to fear, judgment, and expectation!

And honestly, it makes you feel like you can conquer the world (if you can strip down in front of a stranger, nothing can stop you!).

90% of our clients are first timers, and have all felt nervous before their shoot. We don't blame them! Boudoir photography can be a vulnerable experience. Most people have so much shame and anger towards their body that the idea of showing more skin than they are used to is scary for them.

We also have clients who did a boudoir shoot in the past, but since, their body has changed (they got pregnant, gain/lost weight, got new scars, or just aged) and it has ben very difficult for them to accept those changes.

In our opinion boudoir is one of the best way to learn to accept and see your body the way it is: naturally beautiful.

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Let's destroy those negative beliefs and clichés that are stopping you from experiencing boudoir photography

If you stressed out with the idea of doing (or re doing) a shoot, it is probably because you have a negative image around your body or about boudoir photography. Today we want to destroy those limiting beliefs so you can finally let go and experience more things in life (and book your shoot 💪):

  • “My body is not beautiful enough.”

This one is huge and definitively has to go. If you have this thought, please stop for a second and remove it from your mind. You are freaking beautiful! And yes we know what you are thinking: "How can you know, you don't know what I look like?!".

First of all, beauty is beyond the physical plan. If you are kind, compassionate, and care about other things than yourself, then it shows on the outside.

Second, they are many kind of beauty in this world. It is not because you don't follow the “usual" beauty standards that you are not beautiful.

Last but not least, boudoir photography should not be about showcasing only one type of body. Opening Scandaleuse was our way to change the game in the boudoir world and make this beautiful art accessible to every shapes and sizes.

  • "I am not photogenic."

False. Everyone is photogenic. What you are is not being comfortable in front of a camera. And that is ok! Take the most beautiful person in the world, if that person were to feel really uncomfortable about herself and during the shoot, the finale pictures will not be remarkable.

This is why we believe it is very important to choose a photographer that will match your vibe. It is not just about liking their work but also feeling comfortable with their energy. If you feel you cannot be yourself with a potential photographer, then find a new one.

  • “I am not a model.”

Nobody expect you to know how to pose. It is our job, us photographers, to guide you along the process. When you work with Juliette and I, we take the time to demonstrate each poses we have in mind, we make sure you feel comfortable doing them and if not we show you other variations. We also make sure to pose you accordingly to your body type and the vision you have of your shoot.

We know posing is not easy. Believe it or not we have been in your shoes. Like you, we have felt really awkward the first time we had to pose 😬.

To help you relax, see this shoot as a fun experience, something you will try a few times in your life. It is a moment between you and yourself, no one is here to judge you.

  • “I am too old.”

There is this misconception around boudoir photography that is only for people in there 20's / 30's. This is absolutely false! We have had clients doing a shoot to celebrate their 60th birthday or just to rock their 50's. The only rules that applies in the boudoir world is to do it for yourself.

Age should not be an excuse to stop experiencing life!

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  • “I am transgender, I guess boudoir isn't for me.”

Many people think boudoir is only for cisgender women. This common belief does not surprise us because most photographers, especially male ones, still offer traditional boudoir sessions (overly photoshopped women, on a bed in an hotel room, doing sexualized poses). Even if those sessions attracts one type of clientele, it does not reflect what boudoir photography truly is and most importantly, it does not make boudoir inclusive.

For us boudoir is for anyone, doesn't matter what you identify to. You should not be rejected by any professionals because of your gender.

Take a deep breath, you got this!

Now that you know that, yes, you can do a boudoir shoot (because there is absolutely no criteria to stop you from doing it), you can put it back on your dream list or even book your shoot now! To make this process even smoother, check out our blog about everything you need to know before doing a boudoir shoot.

If you still feel nervous about it and are not sure if you are ready to try boudoir, then take your time to do more research. Don't book last minute, it is not a race. The more you rush into it the more stressful it gets. And once again, make sure to find the best photographer for you, someone who will make you feel very comfortable.

This shoot should be a fun and empowering experience. You will see that once you book yours, the excitation will replace the anxiety. So go for it 💋

We would love to stay in touch and have you in our community of badass people. Sign up to our newsletter below for more tips and tricks (we promise to not send you more than two emails per week!) ⬇️

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Back to school: How to keep a positive body-image and stay sane

We are only a few days away from September, also known as the “back to school/get shit done”. For many of us, this is when we feel the shift for a new year. We are going back to to-do lists, productivity boost and even some resolutions so we can ace everything.

Don't get us wrong, we LOVE all of the above. It feels new & fresh. But it is very much mind-oriented and boom, just like that, we forget above all the love and work we have put into on our body-image until we wake up feeling crappy about it.

How can you keep building or maintaining your good-body image when you are about to shift your focus & all the fall treats are just around the corner?

 
 
 
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Before you keep going, if you struggle with your body-image, you may want to check those other posts out:

- 📖 You deserve to love your body (again!)

- 📖 What to do when your body-image is down the drain.

 

Alright, let's dive in! Here are 5 tips for you to keep giving some loving to your hot’bod’ and stay sane!

Enjoy the damn treats.

Life is short and it is definitely not made to go on a drastic diet every chance you get. After summer, especially if you feel like you “let yourself go”, you may feel some anxiety now that the summer bubble has burst. If you feel the need to re-balance, sure, but don't stop yourself from enjoying all the beautiful treats that come with fall. Enjoy your Pumpkin whatever with a smile!

Remind yourself that you don't have to change anything if you don't want to.

It is so easy to fall into setting crazy expectations for yourself in this kind of back-to-school energy. Everything is a question of balance: you can ride that wave and create new little habits here and there if you feel the need to, but we are personally not on the team of “let's change everything because that way, I will be smarter, stronger, wonderwoman.

Don’t create pressure on yourself or add extra weight on your shoulders. Think slowly, but steadily, just like the Tortoise! 🐢

Don't hide behind layers

You didn't gather the courage to wear all your summery outfits to go back to using clothes for hiding rather than for pleasure! Keep wearing whatever outfits make you feel amazing, especially because Fall fashion is lovely and then we all turn into puffy Barbapapas in winter.

Try something new (like -ahem- a boudoir shoot!)

Instead of thinking “I'm gonna become the most organized person ever”, how about “I should try something I've always wanted to do!” ?

Of course, we suggest trying a boudoir session, you know, before the tan fades away! 😉 Not only it is a great experience that gives you a huge confidence boost, but it is also one of the best ways to appreciate your body! If you are intrigued but unsure what to expect, you can have a look here or sign up for our newsletter below!

 
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Create or maintain your self-care routines

Take advantage of this back-to-school energy to either:
– Create a new self-care routine that works for you, or;
- Make sure to keep a close look on the one you already have!

Summer is synonym of relaxing time for most of us. We're not afraid to spend extra time to take care of ourselves. Good news: it doesn't have to stop! Even if you can't sunbathe under the sun anymore, who says you can't replace it with something equally enjoyable?

Keep taking breaks, spend some “doing nothing” time, hell, schedule a massage for next week or something!

There you have it, you are now ready to keep your body-image on the positive side while kicking some butts! Now, go take care of yourself.

Keep in touch with us and get more some tips to rock your body & exclusive deals! ⬇️

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Everything you need to know before doing a boudoir shoot

Is doing a boudoir shoot tickling your fancy? We don’t blame you, it’s an awesome experience, and yes, you should try it! Before you hop on this wonderful adventure, allow us to share with you some good pointers (and likely remove any concerns!)

1) Always, always, always safety first!!

We can't stress this enough: do not find your boudoir photographer on Craiglist or Kijiji. Don’t even try, it is never a good idea. Always go with professionals who have a clean website, reviews, and social media. We have already gathered some very helfpul tips regarding your safety here, feel free to give it a look!

2) That boudoir shoot should be for you first

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We are going to be very honest with you, doing a boudoir shoot only for your partner isn't a good idea. Of course it can be a great bonus and they usually love to see the result, but the core reason should be around YOU (especially if it is your first shoot ever).

Boudoir photography is a very empowering journey and makes you feel like you will conquer the world (once you strip down in front of two strangers, nothing else can stop you 😉), but it is not the most easy experience. For most people it is a huge step out of their comfort zone, which can make them feel vulnerable.

On top of that, boudoir pushes you to see your body through someone's else “eye”, there is a big part of letting go of control.

When you do something for someone else, you hope that person will love the outcome. So instead of focusing on you and enjoying the process, you will end up stressing out because of someone's else approval (and that is not the goal of boudoir photography!). Boudoir photography is all about growing confidence, getting some me-time, and the benefits of doing something empowering.

It is also important to know WHY you want to do it. If you are unclear about why you are even here in the first place, chances are you won't be able to fully enjoy the experience, which could lead to disappointment. You don't need to have a clear vision of what you want or set ideas (we actually love when our clients go with our flow as photographers), but you need to know why you are doing it: what are your expectations, how do you want to feel after your shoot…

3) You do not need to know how to pose

Do you have to be a professional model to do a boudoir shoot? Absolutely not!

You don't even need to have any experience in posing. This is our job as photographers to guide you and pose you accordingly to your body type and the vibe you want your pictures to have. You can experiment at home if you wish, to see what angles you like best around your pretty face and body (we created a complete boudoir guide if you want to learn to take your own pictures at home), or you can just improvise the day of your shoot if you feel like it. But you should not be left alone in front of the camera without any directions.

THE GOAL FOR YOU IS TO BE ABLE TO ENJOY THE SHOOT FREELY, AND NOT BE STUCK IN YOUR HEAD WONDERING IF THE POSE YOU HAD TO COME UP WITH ON THE SPOT LOOKS GOOD.

4) You don't need to wear the classic lingerie set

Every outfit can be turned into a boudoir one, no exception. You just have to remove some layers to show some skin and boom, done. You don't have to fall into the traditional lingerie outfits if it is not your jam.

PICK YOUR OUTFITS AROUND HOW THEY MAKE YOU FEEL RATHER THAN LOOK.

Rock a blazer with heels if it makes you feel confident, hop in a loose sweater and cute panties if it makes you feel feminine. Get creative, experiment, get those outfits you bought many moons ago and never wore (you know those pieces in your closet such as jewelry, shoes, or clothes, you never dare to wear because they are too fancy, colourful, shiny…). You need to look like you on your images, not like you are wearing a disguise.

(By the way, our online guide as a great styling video giving you tons of examples and you can get its costs credited towards a session!)

 
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5) Nudity is not mandatory

Do you have to show some skin for a boudoir shoot? Yes, it's not a headshot session. But that doesn’t mean you have to show suggested, partial or full nudity if you don’t want to. If you want to stick to badass outfits, then great! If you feel like trying some sort of nudity, go for it, it’s such a powerful feeling.

IT IS YOUR DECISION TO MAKE, FROM BEGINNING TO END.

But it is not a decision you have to take in advance. To let you in on a little secret, a lot of our clients don’t actually know if they want to try nude photos or not, and that’s absolutely okay. You can totally decide the day of the session and see how you feel.

6) The getting ready part of the shoot is so exciting

Putting your outfits together, thinking about your looks, creating a Pinterest board with poses and anything that catches your eyes, prepping your hair & makeup… All of these are SO much fun to do!

Grabbing last minute outfits and props right before leaving for your session is not a good idea. We suggest to take some time getting ready for your shoot. Dray-dreaming about the all experience is part of the journey and a great way to build up excitement!

7) Last but certainly not least: a studio should not force you to share your images online

If you are paying for a custom shoot and there is a clause in your contract stating that the studio will own the rights to your images (basically they can use your images wherever you want), don’t sign it if you want to keep your pictures private.

We believe privacy should be respected and we understand that not everyone are ok to share their pictures online. This is why we have release options available, so you can pick the option that works the best for you.

OF COURSE WE LOVE SHARING OUR WORK, THAT’S HOW OUR COMPANY GROWS, BUT TECHNICALLY, IT’S NOT YOUR PROBLEM. IT IS YOUR RIGHT TO KEEP YOUR IMAGES PRIVATE IF YOU WANT TO.

You are also allowed to change your mind. If you do so, have it in writing somewhere, for both parties, so there won’t be any risk of miscommunications.

WE HOPE THIS WAS A HELPFUL MINI-GUIDE OF BEFORE BOKING A BOUDOIR SHOOT! BEING AWARE OF ALL OF THE ABOVE WILL DEFINITELY GIVE YOU THE CHANCE TO MAKE THE MOST OUT OF YOUR BOUDOIR EXPERIENCE.

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The power of femininity

We live in a masculine world, where femininity is often seen as a weakness. We focus on goals, the future, security, and protection, when we should also live more in the moment (which is one of the feminine traits).

But femininity is powerful, when you dig into it you become more aware of your emotions, your body, and the world around you. It also makes it easier to connect with others and create more meaningful relationships.

 
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Femininity VS Masculinity

First, let see the basics to understand the differences between masculine traits and feminine ones:

  • Masculinity is more about drive, focus, assertiveness, and confidence.

  • Femininity is more about empathy, connection, caring, and nurturing others. It is also being in touch with our emotions, which in society eyes makes feminine people “too sensitive” (which is in common beliefs a sign of weakness 😡).

Traditional Gender Stereotypes

It is getting a tad better now, but we still live in a society where our gender at birth determines which of those two traits we should have: if you are born as a female you should be feminine, and if you are born as a male you should be masculine, period.

This, combine with the description of those traits above, created stereotypes such as boys should always be strong, brave, and should show no signs of weakness. While girls should always take care of others first, and are expected to be fragile creatures who need protection.

But masculinity and femininity have nothing to do with genders as we ALL have both within us. It is a question of balance, like the yin and yang, salt and pepper, wine and cheese… The two go hand in hand!

Even though there is usually a dominant one, embracing both femininity and masculinity is absolutely possible. THERE ARE NO RULES! You can even switch which one is on top depending of a situation, your mood, people you are with…

Nasty Clichés Around Femininity

If you have been following us for a while, you know that we love to destroy common false beliefs. So today we want to demystify some clichés around femininity. Why? Because clichés stop people from personal growth. Following false common beliefs is the best way to stay stagnant in life, but since you are reading this, it is probably because you want to thrive instead right? 💪

Here are some of those nasty clichés (we had to make a Tiktok out of it!):

 
 

If you cannot watch it, here are the most common ones:

  • You have to be girly to be feminine. FALSE!

    Femininity is an attitude, not a look.

  • Being feminine = being weak. FALSE!

    You can be feminine and move freaking mountains.

  • You cannot be feminine and masculine. FALSE!

    We all have a masculine and feminine side, we are just not used to show both.

  • If you are feminine, you won't be taken seriously. FALSE!

    Being feminine doesn't undermine your skills.

Femininity is a way of being, you decide how to implement it in your life. And it is the same for masculinity.

To conclude: as usual you do you! Doesn't matter your gender, if you feel like being masculine on Mondays and feminine on Thursdays, then do it. Times are evolving, and we finally have the experience and knowledge to change those beliefs. We might as well start now!

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One step closer to body acceptance

Raise your hand if you see your body as a blob.

Raise your hand if you are having a hard time to find more than 3 nice things to say about your body.

Raise your hand if looking at yourself in the mirror is hard…

Now step up if you want to change that!

Well my friend if you are reading this, it means you already made the most difficult part of your body-acceptance journey: being ready to finally love yourself fully. Give yourself a nice pat on the back!

Let's start with the basics

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It is primordial for your well-being to learn to accept yourself fully, which means not only in a mindset way, but your body as well. We know it is tough to do, but trust us when we say it is needed.

First you need to understand that your body is a vessel that protects all of your organs, muscles, nerves… Without it, we would not Be. Be grateful for that, and for all the amazing other things it does for you: such as keeping you strong, making you able to experience life…

When you are able to see your body as an ally instead of your enemy, you are able to give it more love. And that is the second step.

Befriend your body

We have heard so many people talking sh*t about their body:

“I disgust myself."

“I am ugly.”

“I wish I could be thinner, curvier, have more boobs, less belly,…”

The list goes on. And it breaks our hearts every time we hear those sentences. Would you tell all those awful things to the people you love? Of course not, so why do you say it to yourself!

Break the clichés

Accepting your body the way it is does not mean loving your body 24/7. Nobody can. Do you know why? Because the way we see our body is mental. So if you are having a bad day, or you are in a bad mood, this will impact the vision you have of your body, at that moment. It comes in waves.

It is actually even harder as females, because we work in cycle, meaning our hormones affects our mental a lot. We can a be roller coasters of emotions.

Even the most confident person in the world will have moment when they don't have a good body image, and that's ok. So give yourself a damn break!

You deserve to see how beautiful you are

And unleashed that sexy beast within you. We know you want it ;)

Accepting our body for what it is is difficult because we have been conditioned to believe that beauty standards imposed by the media are the norms to follow. It is not!

It is time to ditch the numbers, and other ridiculous standards.

Your weight, the size of your breast, your cellulite, your abs, all of those don't define if you are beautiful or not. Beauty is so much deeper than our physical appearance and it starts with the way we see ourselves.

Body acceptance is understanding that you don’t need to change anything in order to be beautiful. It is about finding beauty even in the parts of your body you like the less.

We've been down that road and we know it is not an easy journey. That is why we decided to create an online workshop to help you get there faster.

 
 

Join us on August 7th and 8th for our online workshop and be ready to finally embrace your body, reclaim your femininity, and tap into your sensuality. Grab your Early Bird ticket and get an extra 20% off with the code "SCANDALEUSE20” ⬇️