What to do if you are victim of domestic abuse

Disclaimer: This blog is part of our Unstoppable project and gather all the information we could find from different sources about domestic abuse. We are not expert in this field, if you are seeking help make sure to contact the appropriate service provider: here is a list to find help across Canada.

Last month we shared with you the steps you can take to help someone who is, or could be, victim or domestic abuse. In today’s blog we will be talking about what you can do if you are the victime. Please don’t hesitate to share this blog with people who might need it.

To prevent and end domestic violence it is important to acknowledge and understand that victims never deserve, nor should be blamed for, the abuse they endure. Abusers are skilled at using power and control over their victims.

What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse, also known as “domestic violence” or “intimate partner violence”, is a pattern of behaviours used by one person to gain power and control over another person with whom they have or previously had an intimate relationship (people who are married, living together, or dating).

IT CAN IMPACT ANYONE, REGARDLESS OF GENDER, AGE, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, ETHNICITY, FAITH, EDUCATION, OR INCOME LEVEL.

Those abuse are not only physical, but also includes any sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person (such as behaviours that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone).

Source: United Nations

If you want to understand more about domestic abuse, we highly recommend the mini serie called MAID. This movie showcases very well the struggles most people victime of emotional abuse are going through:

Recognize the signs

Since domestic abuse is about controlling someone’s mind and emotions before hurting their body, the signs are not always obvious. Victimes are often confused, scared, and not able to see their partner’s actions for what they really are:

Does your partner…

• Constantly diminishes you?

• Control your money?

• Isolates you, cutting you off from friends and family?

• Physically abuses you?

• Forces you to have sex or do intimate things against your will?

• Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?

• Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?

• Blame you for how they feel or act?

• Make you feel there is no way out of the relationship?

Do you...

• Sometimes feel scared of how your partner may behave?

• Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behaviour?

• Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?

• Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?

• Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?

• Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up?

If any of those are happening to you, don’t feel ashamed or scared to ask for help. Abuses will not stop until until you make the courageous decision to sick help.

What to do if you are being abused?

First of all, know you are not alone, and this is absolutely not your fault!

• CALL FOR HELP

Second, making the decision to get out if this situation can be hard and scary. The best way to get help is to start giving a call to the appropriate service provider:

- Canada: Domestic Violence Helpline at 1-800-563-0808. You can find more crisis hotlines for different provinces here.

- US: National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233

Always call from a friend’s house, a family’s house, or anywhere else where you feel safe. If it is an emergency, call 911.

You can also reach out to people you trust in your circle. Remember, you are not alone!

• HIDE YOUR INTERNET ACTIVITY

Internet is the perfect tool to find information that can help you make decisions about your personal situation and find help. However, closing your browser does not erase the record of your internet activities. If you are concerned that your partner may be monitoring you, you have to learn how to hide your Internet activities.

Learn how to delete cookies from your computer here, and learn more about digital privacy here.

• HAVE AN EMERGENCY ESCAPE PLAN

Taking decision to leave can be very risky for the victims as they will have a greater risk of being killed by their abuser than if they decided to stay. Having an emergency safety plan set up, before leaving or before a crisis occurs, is a very important step.

- Hide a set of car keys, and pack a bag with extra clothes, important papers, money, medicines, and toiletries. You can keep it at a friend’s house or someone you trust.

- Have a safe place to go if you decide to leave. Here you can find different shelters within Canada if you cannot go to someone you trust.

- Have a prepared excuse to leave if you feel threatened.

- Have a code word so your kids, family, friends, or co-workers know you’re in danger.

- Have a list of emergency contacts, including trusted family or friends, local shelters, and domestic abuse hotline.

Sources: Verywell Mind & WebMD

The “Signal For Help”

“Signal for Help” is a simple one-handed sign someone can use on a video call. It can help a person silently show they need help and want someone to check in with them in a safe way. You can find all of the info here!

Domestic abuse is still nowadays taboo and very commun.

It is important to learn how to help the victims. Or if you are yourself the victime, learn to gather all the tools necessary for you and your child’s safety. Not being afraid to talk about this subject is also another important step in the fight against domestic violence.

We all have a role to play! Juliette and I decided to organize an art exhibit to raise funds for the Canadian Women’s Foundation and Sistering, two charities helping people victim of domestic abuse. The grand opening night is happening this March 8th, downtown Toronto. All the donations collected will be equally divided between those two charities.

Abusive Relationships: When Clarity Hits.

Abusive relationships are a lot more common that we'd like to think. If you didn't live it yourself, we can guarantee that you know a few loved ones who did. From manipulation to violence, the spectrum of abusive relationships is extremely wide, making it blurry in some cases to realize you're stuck in one.

In our line of work, many women come to us after leaving abusive relationships, as a way to reclaim their bodies and confidence. Their stories have inspired us to host our first exhibit to raise funds against domestic violence, and we had a conversation with Eden in the process, who kindly shared her story with us. We hope it will help give clarity to someone who may need it.

An abusive relationship gradually sneaks up on you before you know it.

It is safe to say that we have all stayed in situations that didn't feel quite right. We saw the red flags. We felt that sinking feeling in our stomachs. But yet, we found excuses and forgot about it all when the sun was shining. Until it didn't.

"Abuse does not look one exact way.” Eden says “There are many ways to create control, fear, and insecurity and brute force is not always required. I frequently felt like I was the aggressor and cause of my partner's agony. Almost every sexual encounter was coercive in nature. When I would not comply, I would be met with tears, anger, hours of conversation, and accusations that I was simply withholding as a form of punishment. I was never hit but I lived in a state of constant anxiety and shame."

Growing up, especially as women, we are taught to put up with a lot of discomfort wrapped in sparkly wrapping paper.

Take something as simple as blame & guilt, for example. Both are dominant feelings, abundantly used to manipulate, yet we are not taught to pause and ask ourselves if their claims or labels are legitimate or not to begin with. We are just taught that if you feel it, there is a right reason for it.

Eden wrote the perfect example: “I was frequently accused of causing heartache while having my character smeared and being denied the right to say no. This left me feeling like a terrible person and made it easier for me to blame myself for their feelings of jealousy and rejection."

But… "why did you stay?”

The question burning the lips of outsiders. The answer? Because it's not that simple. You don't wake up one day feeling suddenly ready to end something you've worked so hard to maintain, built on excuses you believed in.

“It took me a long time to fully admit the implications of my ex-partner’s behaviour.” Eden added ”My clarity came from many individual moments. One significant one, however, was when I was telling my friend about my very last encounter with this person. I was finally being honest with them about some of the arguments and violations I had hidden.

When I turned to look at my friend, they were crying. I knew that the experience had felt wrong and I had not been able to stop thinking about it, but seeing their tears and hearing them say that this shouldn’t have happened to me was the first moment that I realized I had lost perspective.

Their reactions helped a lot. They reassured me over and over that this person was pushing boundaries, disregarding consent, and acting in an abusive manner. I felt so unsure of myself at this point but I felt that I could trust them and believe them more than myself. “

Putting an end to it, despite the blur.

We asked Eden how her relationship ended:

“I ended things. I asked my friends to help in the process. Asking them to remind me of why I was doing it, who I was outside of this relationship, and hold me to it regardless of my feelings. They texted me the whole train ride home and made me feel brave. I did it as safely as possible and blocked them when I felt ready.”

Then what? The rollercoaster of the healing process.

Just like you don't develop the courage of leaving such a relationship in one day, there is no magic button to erase all repercussions and become all smiles and giggles.

“I still actively deal with the repercussions of this relationship.

Most days I forget about them, which feels like a sort of revenge. Other days I struggle with nightmares and feelings of deep shame. It shaped how I chose partners afterwards, seeking out protection and confidence over emotional safety and a gentle nature. It also left me with physical repercussions as I developed Vaginismus during this time.

Therapy was my first real step towards healing. I needed the permission to call it what it was, because I had not felt empowered to previously. I also really put in work setting boundaries and healing my relationship with my body (exercising, doing self-care, doing boudoir shoots, refusing sex when it caused pain, etc.). My next relationship was unfortunately not a kind one, so after this I gave myself a much needed break."

Are you relating to any of this?

If so, you may want to read some of Eden's advice: "trust your intuition. Although I struggled to find clarity, there were many moments when my intuition told me I was unsafe, unhappy, and feeling violated.

I would also suggest that you believe people when they tell you who they are. Whether they outwardly label themselves as “bad” or show you through actions. You cannot heal someone through love and kindness. A dead plant won’t grow no matter how much you water it. You always deserve to come first and heartache does not last forever.

If you are losing perspective, then find an impartial third party like a counsellor or trusted person.”

If you need help, please refer to this link to find support in your province. You don't have to deal with this alone.

Did you like what you just read? Join our community via our newsletter below (we email once a week!) and get the info about our upcoming exhibit supporting Sistering and the Canadian Women's Foundation.

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *

Boudoir with the love of your life, tempting isn't it?

You may not think about it when you have someone in your life but boudoir photography is a great experience to try to spice up your relationship and spend quality time just the two of you… Plus you get badass pictures to hang in your space or keep as a little secret in your bedroom 😉

What is couple boudoir?

This is our little favorite at Scandaleuse Photography. We love taking pictures of couples getting naked… Ok I see what you have in mind my friends and no, we do not do porn. Voyons! We just take pictures of couples with or without clothes on them.

Joke aside, boudoir photography for couple is a fun way to change your routine and try a new experience with your partner. It develops trust and communication; and brings you to another level of intimacy.

Love is powerful and should be immortalized!

Soft, romantic, or sensual?

Most of the clients who have never done a boudoir session before are afraid of the final photos, especially if they have to show some skin. And when you talk about boudoir photography for couples, lots of people have a negative image and assimilate it to pornography. This is people's biggest concern and it is totally understandable.

While Juliette & I enjoy artsy nude photography, it is way more important for us that our clients feel comfortable in front of our cameras. This is why we let couples decide in which direction they want to go. We have been working with various personalities and each session has been different from the one before. We go with the flow: most people start softly and if they get more comfortable, the vibe changes.

Once again posing fully nude in our session does not imply any sort of pornography. We do not shoot sexual acts and will never do.

Doing a boudoir shoot with your partner makes the shoot more intimate and sensual because we made our couples hug and kiss each other.

The reason is yours

You don’t necessarily need a specific reason to do a boudoir shoot, it could be a spur-of-the-moment kind of vibe. But if you need some ideas, here is why most people give it a try:

• Celebrate a milestone

It is very common for couples to celebrate their wedding anniversary by doing a shoot. It is a great way to celebrate their long lasting love 🥰.

• Birthday celebration

As a birthday present, one of our recent client decided to surprise his wife with a boudoir shoot for the two of them. He planned everything, from choosing the photographers (he picked us, yeah!!) to the outfits she will be wearing, without her knowing about it. That was ballsy but he knew her very well and she loved it.

• Change your routine

We all know how easy it is to end up in a routine we did not really choose and get a tad bored, especially since Covid. Let us tell you that when you do a boudoir shoot it gives you something to talk about for a while (and maybe to show to people): you do something a little scandalous, that feels good, and which gives you a huge boost of confidence.

After your shoot you will feel like you can move mountains… and you probably will!

• Reconnect

Relationships can be hard. Being together for years and the stress from life can sometimes make us forget to show our love and appreciation to our partner. When you do a boudoir shoot, it is a moment with just the two of you and no distraction from the outside. You build back this little bubble you were once in and it feels good!

• Spice up your relationship

Even if we don’t photograph sexual acts, doing a boudoir shoot with your partner can be an arousing experience. Imagine: you are both in sexy outfits (whatever that means to you), being very close to each other while flirting and kissing, hands on each other’s body but you cannot go further than that… trust us this brings the temperature up 🔥.

Clothing wise

We often say that boudoir is like a streap-tease: you start with the most clothes on, and then you take them off one by one. Sometimes, you can end up with nothing else than your birthday suit. It's very likely you booked your shoot to show some skin (this is the difference between boudoir and a regular photoshoot). But it doesn’t mean you have to go for a total nudity if you don’t feel like it.

Do you know what is the best part of doing a boudoir session with your significant other? You can use their hands to cover what you don’t wanna show. Isn’t that wonderful!

Boudoir photography is the best way to have fun with different outfit and get creative with what you want to wear (if you and your partner want to pretend coming back from a fancy party, by all means…). Of course a classic set of lingerie is an option but you can go for so many other styles. Check out this blog to get inspired!

What do people say?

And because words are powerful, we wanted to share with you how one of our couple experienced their first boudoir photography session:

“We were both a little nervous! We had never done anything like this before but we were more excited because this photoshoot would be a celebration of our love as we were celebrating out 25th wedding anniversary. Our experience from start to finish was amazing. It was really fun and we can’t believe how quickly the time flew. I was a little self-conscious about my body but by the end of the shoot I felt relaxed, unjudged, and ended up almost nude - feeling like for the first time I could really embrace my body and expose my inner goddess.”

If boudoir photography is on your bucket list but you feel a little shy to do it by yourself, then bring your partner. Since you will be focusing on each other, you will totally forget about the fact someone is taking your picture, it will be easier to relax.

We want you to see this experience as something fun and empowering. There are so many benefits in doing a boudoir shoot, we promise that you will be freaking proud of yourself for trying something that may be outside your comfort zone!

We have a special deal going for Valentine’s day, click on the button below to see all the details!

"It's just not me" - how to feel like yourself on your boudoir photos

There are many fears around boudoir photography and on of the biggest we have heard as photographers is “I'm not a sexy person, it is just not me". And we don't blame you, we haven't met many people saying out loud that they see themselves as sexy or sensual.

The thing is: we are ALL sensual and sexy beings. It just have to be in our own way. So, how can you enjoy the perks of doing a boudoir shoot and still feel like yourself?

1) Detach yourself from what you've been told "sexy” is.

Anything sexy often comes with its load of clichés and negative stigma. What is sexy to one person, can easily be seen as vulgar to another. Trying to find something that would work for everyone would be a waste of energy, let's just put it towards finding what makes you feel sensual and sexy. The good news? It could be anything. Being sexy or sensual is very versatile and far from being based solely on appearance. Do you feel sexy when playing the guitar or wearing a specific body-suit? Good, just bring those.

2) Pick the right makeup, if any.

It is often encouraged to wear make-up on photoshoots to wear - and we do offer it ourselves if you wish - but it doesn't mean it is mandatory. Not only you don't need to wear any if it's not your jam, but if you choose to, you don't have to take it too far from what you usually do.

Of course, working with a makeup artist is also the opportunity to try something different, and if you want to experiment, go for it! But if you want to look like yourself, see it as a way to get a professional version of your own makeup.

HAVING A CLEAR VISION OF THE MAKEUP YOU PICTURE YOURSELF WITH IS VERY HELPFUL TO feel like yourself.

3) Prepare outfits that make you feel amazing.

Boudoir isn't just about the classic lingerie sets, far from it!

ANY OUTFIT CAN BE TURNED INTO A BOUDOIR ONE, YOU JUST HAVE TO REMOVE SOME LAYERS.

If you feel like a garter belt and stockings aren't like you, take your favourite style and remove some layers! Loose tshirts with cute panties, a pair of jeans topless, a silky robe, bralette and skirt, possibilities are endless, so have fun with it!

4) Don't overthink poses

When it comes to posing, the simplier, the better!

ONE POSE LOOKS VERY DIFFERENT ON 2 DIFFERENT BODIES.

It's great to feel inspired by some poses but attempting to copy them exactly might not work. However, poses can be adapted to your body type so they still looks badass, effortless, and flattering. Don't hesitate to ask your photographer, we personally love getting inspiration photos from our clients and adjust the poses depending on them.

5) Try it at home

Practice makes perfect! Observing ourselves, taking our own photos, trying on different outfits and poses in front of the mirror… All of these are very helpful to see what you look like when you feel like yourself. That way, you will feel comfortable quicker in front of a lens and will know what works for you.

IF YOU FEEL LIKE GETTING THE HANG OF IT SOLO BEFORE TURNING TO A PRO, CHECK OUT OUR ONLINE BOUDOIR GUIDE*! IT IS THE PERFECT TOOL TO LEARN TO STYLE AND POSE YOURSELF IN DIFFERENT SETTINGS, IN THE COMFORT OF YOUR OWN HOME.

*its cost is 100% redeemable on a photoshoot with us too!

Don’t forget to not take yourself seriously or put pressure on yourself. A boudoir shoot is such an empowering and beautiful experience, you won’t regret trusting the process!

LIKE WHAT YOU READ? FEEL FREE TO JOIN US ON OUR INSTAGRAM OR SIGN UP FOR OUR NEWSLETTER below!

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *

Things to do if you know someone victim of domestic abuse

Disclaimer: This blog is part of our Unstoppable project and gather all the information we could find from different sources about domestic abuse. We are not expert in this field, if you are seeking help make sure to contact the appropriate service provider: here is a list to find help across Canada.

Domestic abuse is a social issue that many people have been facing since the beginning of time. But with the outbreak of Covid-19, the stress of life has risen and domestic violence has intensified (nearly a year into the pandemic reports of domestic assaults have almost doubled).

Abusers are finding new ways with those lockdowns to control their partners, leaving the victims with a level of support even lower than before: the opportunities to leave the house to find help (such as daily trips to and from school) have in many cases been eliminated, and access to friends and family has also been cut off.

The world for many domestic abuse victims can be lonely, isolated, and filled with fear. If you know or suspect that someone is a victim of domestic violence, finding the proper thing to say or to do might be difficult and scary. But it is important to learn how to handle those situations to be able to help instead of pretending it is not happening.

We all have a role to play in order to stop it and it starts with education!

What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse, also called “domestic violence” or “intimate partner violence“, is a pattern of behaviour used by one person to gain power and control over another person with whom they have or previously had an intimate relationship.

It can impact anyone, regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, ethnicity, faith, education, or income level. Domestic abuse can be mental, physical, economic or sexual in nature.

If you want to understand more about domestic violence, we found this article written by United Nations. It also talks about signs to know if you are being abused, or if you abuse your partner.

To prevent and end domestic violence, first it is important to acknowledge and understand that victims never deserve, nor should be blamed for, the abuse they endure. Abusers are skilled at using power and control over their victims.

Second, we have to learn to recognize the signs and be willing to help. Even if it starts by just reaching out and letting the victims know we are there for them.

What to do when you see or suspect abuse?

Most of the time, the best way to help a victim of domestic violence is NOT by calling the police (except for emergency situations where someone is at immediate risk of being harmed), which can be dangerous for everyone involved.

Also for various reasons some victims and survivors may not want to involve authorities.

There are other important steps that friends, family members, and witnesses, can take to support victims and help them get to safety

If someone is at risk of or experiencing domestic violence:

• Believe what they are telling you, be supportive and listen.

• Ask what you can do to help,

• Be non-judgemental and let them make their own decisions.

• Offer to provide childcare while they seek help.

• Offer your home or another location as a safe space.

• Support them to create a safety plan which can include packing a small bag of essentials, arranging child care and/or care for pets, and opening a personal bank account in advance, among other things.

• Call one of the provincial crisis lines, your local shelter or service provider who supports survivors of domestic abuse.

• Call the police if it is an emergency.

If someone you know is an abuser:

• Tell them there are no excuses for abuse and they may lose their families, friends, homes and jobs if it doesn’t stop.

• Hold them accountable for their behaviour.

• Support their efforts to locate and obtain appropriate treatment.

• If you see abuse and suspect someone is in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police.

Here is also a list of other things you can do (such as getting help for yourself, how to hide your internet activities…).

Learn about the “Signal For Help”

“Signal for Help” is a simple one-handed sign someone can use on a video call. It can help a person silently show they need help and want someone to check in with them in a safe way. You can find all of the info here!

Domestic abuse is still nowadays taboo and viewed as a private, family matter. But it is not! We can end it by speaking up and supporting victims and survivors in restoring safety and autonomy!

As we mentioned previously, we all have a role to play. Juliette and I decided to organize an art exhibit to raise money for the Canadian Women’s Foundation and Sistering. The date is set for March 8th, 2022.

If you want to help us make a difference and stay in the loop, sign up below to get all the details closer to the date ⬇️

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *

Supported by the Ontario Arts Council

How we ended up creating an exhibit for women

Ever since we began our careers as photographers, we put "hosting an exhibit” on our "dream big” bucket list. You know, the list of things you don't really dare thinking they could actually happen because they seem so huge to you? Yes, that list.

And it stayed there for 4 years. The idea resurfaced in conversations here and there, before getting buried by other projects deemed more accessible.

Until the day it actually turned out to be in our reach.

Here is a tiiiiiny glimpse of what we're cooking

It is safe to say that, so far, we've never had a project aligning so smoothly. Every single projects we have created required an insane amount of hustling and hope, and many of them failed. This one was brought to us and is just clicking its way forward. And it all started with…

Meeting the right people.

Our job allows us to meet wonderful people. The kind of people who are looking to make a difference within themselves. And those people are also the ones who are ready to lend a hand to others.

Back in July 2021, we had no idea that one of our clients worked at gallery right downtown Toronto (in a building we have been in many times, dreaming of the day we will get to do something there may we add) until she casually said:

"If you guys ever need a gallery space, just let me know and I will see what I can do!”

Dyana planted the seed and we didn't think much of it, until we started working on renewing a past project: Unstoppable.

Our freshly done logo

Wanting to do something bigger.

Unstoppable was a big group photoshoot we initially launched in 2019, in order to raise awareness around the fact that just because you choose to take intimate photos of yourself does not justify you losing credibility, on top of adding a good layer of body positivity.

We had been dying to do a second edition and we were in the middle of brainstorming it when Dyana made that comment.

Then it clicked in our brains: what if we could turn this project into an exhibit?

Except it wasn't enough. A project like this becomes even more meaningful when it relates to a cause.

This was pretty much right between lockdowns in Toronto. And somehow, we kept coming across organizations and articles sharing about how much those lockdowns have made the number of women victim of domestic violence skyrocket.

Many of our clients are survivors of abusive and violent relationships. They come to us as a way to celebrate their getting out of it and reclaiming their own image.

Scandaleuse was created to give women a way to express and liberate themselves. As you can imagine, we have always been extremely touched by those stories.

And just like that, we had a chance to help differently.

This entire exhibit and photoshoot would be created to raise funds and awareness for organizations helping women victim of domestic violence.

Ok, great, but who to help?

Before we could even finish that though, the universe aligned once again: another one of our clients randomly told us about her volunteering for a women shelter in the city. She gave us some contact we could talk to and we ended up connection with both Sistering and Canadian Women's Foundation.

Getting support.

Now, we are at the stage where things are getting real. The support we have received so far has been so organic. We created a whole concept around the photographs and did the shoot with 10 amazing women. The gallery is secured thanks to Dyana. The charity is on board thanks to Apharnna. We even got a grant from the Ontario Arts Council (thank you Victoria!).

We are currently looking for sponsors and an ad agency to help us spread awareness. If you or someone you know can help, please contact us here.

We are learning many things along the way and we can't wait to show you more. In the meantime, mark your calendars for March 8th, for our big opening night!

If you want to keep an eye on this project and get all of the info when the time comes, make sure to join our weekly newsletter below! ⬇️

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *

Supported by the Ontario Arts Council

5 tips to start 2022 the best way

2021 is finally over… What a long year full of stress and fear, but also transformation and self-discovery. We don’t know for you but in our circle of friends and family, people have changed their life drastically and for the best.

Now that we enter 2022, there are still a lot of uncertainty regarding this pandemic and our future. But Covid is part of our life and we need to make plans based on what we want rather than stressing out on a situation we have little control over.

This new year should be about chances and opportunities.

It is the possibility to start off on the right foot, find the motivation to push yourself to become the person you desire to be. We can hear some of you being a little sceptical:

“Changing is scary and sometimes too difficult!”.

Yes you are right, it can be. But as long as you understand that you have the potential to do everything you want in life (and willing to do the work), then let us reassure you that it will be worth it 💛

And we are here to help you out! Here are 5 tips to start 2022 the best way:

First, take a moment to reflect

You have to do this exercise alone and in a quiet place (can be indoors or outdoors). Find somewhere to sit comfortably, relax your body and take a deep breath.

Think of how you have changed this past year or the past 10 years. Are you living the life you want to be living? Do you feel in harmony with your mind? What can you do to get closer to that version of yourself you are dreaming of?

Next, think about all your obstacles, your fears, and your limiting beliefs that are holding you back from that path. Feeling burnt-out; believing you are not enough; or that you are stuck in a routine that doesn't work for you anymore.  All of those negative feelings have to go.

We want you to make a pact with yourself to leave behind all the toxic thoughts and beliefs so you can focus on your present to better your future.

Close your eyes when you are ready to reflect.

What kind of person do you want to become

It is really easy to get lost as an individual, not knowing who we really are because we have been living our life for others instead of focusing on ourselves. We act in a certain way hopping to please our family or friends, forgetting to be selfish a little.

Well it is time to change this behaviour and learn to put yourself first. To help you switch your mindset to become a better version of yourself, write down a list of goals (either big or small) you want to achieve. It can be anything:

• Practicing public speaking because you don't want to be shy anymore

• Taking dance classes because you want to feel in harmony with your body

• Learning cooking because you want to eat healthy

• Or doing a boudoir shoot because you want to reveal your sensuality

Having concrete goals will give you the motivation to move forward in your future, and make you feel excited about taking decisions while pushing you to adapt your routine.

Let go of the past

All of our fears, hopes and believes come from our education and past experiences, either they were positive or negative. Even though they are unhappy, a lot of people hold on to their past because they are too scared to move forward. It is really easy to get trap in a life we don't want anymore if we don't learn to let go of painful memories.

The first step is to understand what is holding you back. Are you holding on to a failed relationship? Is there someone you need to forgive? Maybe you need to forgive yourself. How can you let go of anger or fear to implement a peaceful state?

Once you have understood what’s holding you back, ask yourself how you can create a positive change and reflect on how this new chapter of your life will make you feel. What is going to change for you?

Then make the conscious decision and accept the fact that YOU HAVE THE CHOICE to let it go. Only YOU can decide to move on!

Focusing on the present, all of the good things and the happiness in your life can also help you to let go of negative thoughts and fears. YOU can create your own happiness.

Surround yourself with good people and remove toxic relationships from your life

There is a quote from Wilferd Arlan Peterson we really like:

“Walk with the dreamers, the believers, the courageous, the cheerful, the planners, the doers, the successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet on the ground. Let their spirit ignite a fire within you to leave this world better than when you found it.”

Starting a new year is the perfect opportunity to sort out your relationship with your friends and family. You don't have to stick with people who don't bring you happiness anymore or the ones who bring you down. You want to spend quality time with people that matter.

It is such a difficult step but 100% needed if you feel that relationship is bringing you down, whether it comes from a good friend, a lover or a family member. When it comes to your feelings and happiness, you have the right to be selfish. It does not matter if the person is nice or depressed, if you are in love or staying because it is convenient, you cannot let fear or guilt dictate your needs. It is time to think about how you want to feel!

Prioritize yourself

2022 should be about YOU!

Remember we were talking about goals previously, ask yourself what is it you want to accomplish this year? What are your dreams?

We are not saying you should not care for others but putting yourself as a priority is the fastest way to get closer to your goals. You can do anything when you see life as an ocean of possibilities and opportunities. So why letting people slowing you down when you can live your life to the fullest?

We all change and most of the time without realizing it as it is a natural process. You are not the same person as you were 5 years ago, and in 3 years from now you will also be different.

Take this new year as your opportunity to grow and let go of everything that is keeping you from being HAPPY 😘!

Sign up to our newsletter to receive more exciting content like this one (we promise to send you only one or two emails per week!) ⬇️

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *

Stop limiting yourself

If there is one truth in life, it is that we have all grown up following pre-selected ideas and standards. You, me, your parents, your friends, everyone, we have all been conditioned a certain way. While there is nothing wrong with that, it doesn't come only with positive or neutral outcomes, it also creates limiting beliefs.

If you think you don't have some, read the 5 main ones below and we can guarantee you will recognize yourself in at least one of them. The good news is that, if you are aware of them, you can start beating the crap out of them.

This blog post is based on an awesome French podcast. We have been implementing this topic with Scandaleuse since day 1 and this podcast sums it up beautifully.

What are limiting beliefs?

To make it simple, they are a kind of mental beliefs that defines how you act, make decisions, work, interact with people, even how to eat. You are 100% certain they are true and even, universal.

So far, it is pretty neutral.

Those turn into limiting beliefs the minute they become obstacles and are holding you back from reaching any goals you'd like, big or small.

Have you ever thought you couldn't or shouldn’t do something without an actual reason (aka: you will die if you do this or will deliberately hurt someone) ? Maybe out of fear or thinking it is not politically correct?

There you have it: you are facing your own limiting belief. The truth is: limiting beliefs are often based on a distorted and subjective reality.

The 5 big limiting behaviors:

1) Confusion:

You want to do everything and try anything and you are well aware of that. You have a lot of passions and interests and that's pretty great: you are just not afraid of taking on anything and a lot of people are blocked by the step from the get-go.

However, here is the trick: you don't stay in place long enough to persevere whatever you start. You end up switching tasks before being able to see actual results. This is often connected to impatience and short-term vision.

How to kick its butt:
Try to work on your patience and long-term vision: there are always positive outcomes out of a new activity, but you may not be able to see them right away. Trying setting deadlines away from the immediate future, aim for 6 months for example.

You are more than capable to create those results. Every single step counts and baby steps turn into a much bigger result if you stick to them.

2) Dissonance:

You want to start a new project, an idea, even a relationship but once you do it, you are gonna find an excuses and obstacles to stop it. You are mastering the self-sabotage.

This is connected to a lack of self-confidence and fear of disappointment and even pain.

Let's rip off the bandaid: you don't trust that you deserve something good and that shit will hit the fan no matter what, so you might as well step out and stay in your comfort-zone, even it it gets uncomfortable.

How to go all “FATALITY”on this:
It's going to be very interesting to try not to take anything personally and see every little obstacles that happen as challenges. Instead of seeing them as a sign to stop whatever it is you are doing, see them as lessons to learn so you can grow.

If you really look at it: your comfort zone has changed without you noticing anyway (you don't have the same routine as when you are 14 years-old right?) So there is no reason to stop your growth.

3) Lack of clarity

You have very vague objectives. This one is probably the biggest for me and I have been working on this. This is mostly connected to a fear of failure. You end up asking yourself why something is not working for you, while not setting yourself up for success.

How to “bye Felicia”-d it:
Instead of asking yourself WHY something isn't working, ask yourself HOW you can make this work for me?

Ask yourself the good questions, practice letting go of your fears of dreaming big and set strategies by having objectives you can measure, so you can see concrete progress.

4) Perfectionist

That's a pretty common one and I was also guilty of this before opening Scandaleuse. Starting a business has always been a dream of mine since I was little but I felt like needed to know everything and it needed to be perfect before even starting it.

I never felt ready enough and thought I needed to learn more constantly. How did I end up starting Scandaleuse with Fanny? Well the universe threw me a couple of really crappy bosses in the span of 3 years to force me out of the standard employee path and work for myself.

Of course, it is good to gather information and prepare, especially before starting a life-changing project but when it just ends up pushing back the start date, it's not doing you any good.

You're not gonna jump in the water without knowing how to swim a minimum. But you don't need an olympic medal in swimming before setting your toes in water.

This is connected to a fear of lacking competence (hello impostor syndrom) or even a fear of hurting people (eg: not leaving someone because it’s not the good time for them.)

How to kick it out of you (without waiting for terrible managers for years):
Understand that the perfect moment doesn't exist and you have to create it. Read that again. It's time to roll up your sleeves and tell yourself you are ready NOW.

5) People pleaser.

People's wishes are your command. You never really ask yourself what YOU want. You hate confrontations and conflicts, you don’t know how to stand up for yourself and set your boundaries.

This is a direct line to the need to feel loved and appreciated at the cost of your own identity. You want to feel needed and are terrified of other people's opinions about you.

How to go all “Kill Bill” on it:
Understand that it is not other people's opinions that are gonna hurt you, it is the stories you make up to yourself about those. People's judgement is not about you, it is about themselves.

Live according to your values. Not everyone is gonna agree with you, it is just impossible. By owning your opinions and values, you will attract people who share and respect them. And that is how you grow too because you start creating self-validation instead of needed it from others.

So now, which one are you?

Let us know if this blog inspires you to kick your limiting beliefs to the curb and how you plan to do so!

And don't forget to sign up to our newsletter to not miss out on any content we send… We promise not to spoil you with too many emails :)

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *

From indoor jungle to trendy loft: you pick

Have you ever wonder how it would feel like to walk around a new-york style loft like it is your own? Or to have an indoor jungle with 85 plants? Can you picture yourself enjoying a cup of coffee in a sun-bathed midcentury loft?

Relaxing, right? Well, it can become a reality for you, even if it is just for a couple of hours. See, we don't have a photography studio. We have different lofts instead.

Many moons ago, when we opened Scandaleuse, we decided to rent designer's lofts all over the city, rather than commit to one location. And here is why…

1) So you can thrive in a environment you feel good in.

Maybe you would feel more at home in a warm loft, surrounded by plants. Maybe, on the opposite, you'd feel better in a more modern environment. Or even, standing on a rooftop overlooking the city, or right in the middle of the woods with the sun kissing your skin makes your heart sing.

Being in an environment you admire is extremely helpful to let go and embrace your boudoir experience. It makes you feel like a total badass, and this is the energy you want to channel.

The point is: you should be in a place that makes you feel good and that means very different things for everyone.

2) To fuel your and our creativity.

Standing right in a middle of a loft that belongs on Pinterest is a huge boost creativity and inspiration wise. For us as artist, it makes sense but you get to enjoy it too. You will find it a lot easier to pose like a boss in the right place. It is like you are Beyoncé for a second, and only great things can come out of this, right?!

On our end, it gives us the chance to renew ourselves constantly. If we were shooting in the same room for every single shoot and by the 5th one, we will be crawling on the floor, completely out of creative juice. Having multiple options keeps us passionate and creative. And if we stay passionate and creative, you get an awesome shoot. Two birds one stone.

4) To get photos that actually look like you and not others.

Traditional boudoir photos all look the same. They usally take place on a bed, have similar angles and backgrounds. Add the same studio in the recipe and everybody ends up with similar photos.

Picking a loft based on your vision and what makes you feel good allow us to highlight your personality and taste, rather than make you fit in the same mold as everyone else.

Boudoir is an intimate experience and if you decide to take this step, you deserve to have a fully tailored experience so you can express yourself, your way. If you’d like to get more information, you can see all of the details below!

If you’d like to find out what else you can expect from your boudoir shoot before jumping in, get our FREE pdf guide by signing up below!

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *

Overcoming Fear

Have you ever asked someone why they are not moving towards one of their dream? Most of the time they will find a strong excuse to cover the fact, that deep down, they are too afraid to do it (maybe they are not even aware of it). Does it sounds familiar to you? Of course it does, we all do it!

It is unfortunately common to settle in a life that is not meant for us. Depending of where we grew up, our education, people we surround ourselves with and our life traumas, we all have deep fears that are stopping us from making our dreams a reality.

What is fear exactly?

If you check Wikipedia, you will read that fear is an emotion induced by perceived danger or threat, which causes physiological and ultimately behavioural changes, such as fleeing, hiding, or freezing from perceived traumatic events.

It is a fundamental and deeply wired reaction every species feel and is meant to protect organisms's integrity and/or existence. Fear may be as simple as an hissing cat, or as complex as existential anxiety for humans.

It is an important emotion because it makes us take actions to protect ourselves when we feel in danger, it also creates adrenaline rushes some people might need in order to “feel alive". But it can also negatively impact every decisions we take and stop us from experiencing unknown situations.

Are we born with fear?

Yes, but only two innate ones: the fear of loud noises and the fear of falling. It is in our genes to have those natural instinct to keep us from getting killed.

Of course the more we grow up and experience life, the more we start to develop other fears which are triggered by real threats from past or present events and traumas, but also from imagined dangers such as other people's experiences and the media.

The most common fears against success

There are plenty of fears and phobias but today we want to talk about the most common ones that are stopping us from being successful.

Failure:

We live in a society where failure as a bad reputation as we only celebrate victories and success but not the struggles along the way. Because of this shame to fail, many people will refuse to experience something new unless they are confident they can win. It is a vicious circle for procrastination as in order to not fail we avoid even trying.

Even though failing can have awful consequences, you can also learn a lot from it. You get emotionally stronger and have more courage to keep trying. It helps you grow by questioning your current path and the mistakes you have done so far.

Rejection:

Nobody likes to be rejected! We take it so personally when it happens because it makes us feel like fools, makes us believe there is something wrong with us and increase our frustration from not getting what we want.

Is it really worth to miss out on opportunities because you don't want to take the risk to have your ego bruised? At the end of the day, the worst thing that can happen is that you get a “No".

Change:

Even though changes are part of our lives as we live in a world that is in a constant evolution, a lot of people are afraid of changes. They often feel like they have no control over their lives due to those changes. So they become stagnant, live in the past and are unwilling to move, to progress or change anything from their routine.

Allowing yourselves or your life to change is one more step closer to freedom and happiness. Do you know what the good news is? It can start with just a few baby steps!

Being Judged:

How many time did you stop yourself from doing something because you were afraid of other people's judgment (put your hand in the air if you are guilty of it!)? This intense and persistent fear of being watched and judged by others affects every aspects of our life: work, school, social events and any day-to-day activities. It also impact the way we and others perceive ourselves.

When you feel like one of your action is being judge by people, remember they judgment is based on their own live. What works for them does not have to work for you (and vice versa).

Inadequacy:

Not being good enough. Story of our lives isn't it? A lot of people believe they do not have the necessary qualities and abilities to achieve something or to deal with life in general and have this feeling they don't measure up to other people. To overcompensate this fear, they generally criticize themselves and try to be perfectionists.

We all have our own strengths and flaws. Stop comparing yourself to others and become your own measurement system.

Do not let fear take over your life. It is too precious to be put on the side.

It might take time, commitment, money or risks but it is worth it. You deserve to experience and live the life of your dream but only YOU can make it happen.

Sign up for our newsletter below to get a weekly boost of inspiration by other amazing people and allow us to empower the hell out of you! ⬇️

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *

5 reasons why you should do a boudoir shoot for your partner

While the best reason to do a boudoir shoot is definitely for yourself, you can also truly enjoy sharing these precious risqué photos with your special someone. We can all safely admit that when we feel beautiful, proud and confident, it does feel extra good when someone else can see it too.

Here are 5 reasons why you should consider sharing your boudoir photos with your partner:

1) The ultimate surprise effect

Many people would never expect in a million years to receive professional boudoir photos of their partners. Especially if it is not a habit of yours to snap some spicy selfies, giving such a unique gift will definitely lend you the best-gift-ever gold medal. Seeing your loved one face light up with surprise is such a bliss to witness. And with this follows…

2) To make them feel extra special

Boudoir photos are the proof that you stepped into vulnerable and intimate experience. You sharing the outcome with your partner is a privilege. You didn't have to do that, but yet, you've let them in, creating an even stronger bond between you two. Talk about feeling special!

3) To bring out more confidence in you that they will get to enjoy too.

It is no secret that confidence is attractive as hell. By doing a boudoir shoot, you will get a strong confidence boost that will spread on everything you touch. Yes, your relationship too!

4) To step into your sexy self that they will (definitely) love too!

The above also applies to your sensual side, side often buried deep under our every day lives. If anything, we get so caught up in daily routines, it is rare that we maintain this oh-so-pleasant feeling of being sexy. Maybe you never really felt it either and you made the great decision of experimenting (yay, you!). Not only will you enjoy a confidence boost, but you will also get a strong sexy boost! Everyone enjoys seeing their partner in a different light here and there, especially when it involves their (almost) naked bodies!

5) To give them a spicy reminder that you're a hot stuff, my friend!

This applies even more if you have been with someone for quite a while. Even if there is a lot of love between two people, sometimes, it happens that we forget how attractive our special someone is. Well, try giving them boudoir photos and let the reminder that, yes, they are with a sexy beast, sink in!

If you are ready to dazzle your partner with beautiful photos of yourself, take advantage of our Christmas deal! We are offering 50% off on our sessions for the occasion, as well as including some free goodies!

I tried a dudeoir shoot!

Hey there,

My name is Kino Jet, I am a guy, and I did a dudeoir photoshoot. Yep.

via GIPHY

Now, you may wonder "why on Earth would you even do that?". Truth is, I just wanted to see what I would look like in a more "risqué" setting. The vision I have of my body has changed over the years and I wanted to see what the reality actually was. I'm also always up for a challenge, and this definitely felt like it could fit the bill.

Was it the most uncomfortable thing I did in my life? I mean, it was pretty high up there.

I have found myself in front of a lens on multiple occasions, for fun or to help a friend out, so I figured it would be fairly easy. But yet, from the moment I booked the shoot, the only thing that was racing through my mind was:

"What the f*ck did I get myself into?"

I had to idea what to expect and I can tell you for a fact, that I was scared shitless.

I immediately began to think of every part of my body that I had issues with - my double chin, my sagging waist... I wondered to myself if it would look good enough, or even, if I had a good side...? I also began to think about what others would think of me doing a photoshoot like this, considering that women usually do this kind of thing, and not men.

Regardless of what I thought, I had already begun to make my way towards the shoot. It was like riding a roller-coaster that you couldn't get off of, because, well, you're already half-way up the hill. You can't just tell the operator "screw this shit, I'm out of here."

But the moment I got to the top, it was everything I didn't expect.

Only seconds after entering the room, I was greeted by the sound of music. The room was furnished with numerous plants, dangling lights, and comfy chairs, and it felt as if I was at a cottage. The moment Fanny and Juliette greeted me, I felt much better.

I started with the most covering outfit I had and then slowly stripped down to my underwear while they guided me through each pose. The more tips they gave me on how to position myself, the more I relaxed and became immersed and dedicated to getting my photo taken.

Time just flew by and before I knew it, the shoot was done.

Now, I don't want to toot my own horn, but I felt pretty damn good. And proud. I successfully took on this challenge like a boss.

via GIPHY

I couldn't WAIT to see the photos though I was nervous that they wouldn't look as good as I felt during the shoot. I was prepared to mentally go in a fetal position, but yet, when the photos showed up on the screen, I thought "Wait a minute. I DO f*cking look great".

I might not have had the best sleep the night before, or that "inverted Dorito" look that every guy strives for, but my arms, chest, legs, everything, look damn good, and nobody can't tell me otherwise. The reality I was looking for hit me, and it left me with a smile on my face. Mission accomplished.

I sincerely hope you will give yourself the chance to get in front of the camera too. And when you do, I have one advice you:

Go into the shoot with zero expectations.

Own that photoshoot, show your body off, flex that arm of yours. The less expectations you have, and the more fun it will be.

Growing up, I always had issues on how I saw my body. Even after losing weight, I still saw that pudgy little kid who used to suck in his stomach to hide the fact that he was overweight. But for the first time in a while, I was able to shift my idea of what my body looked like. The boudoir experience was such an amazing learning experience for me when it came to pushing my own boundaries when it came to masculinity. I realized I developed a lot of fear when it came to wanting to feel attractive and confident, and that's completely normal.

It's okay to tell yourself that this is what makes me happy. It's alright to be seen and desired in this way. As a bro telling you, another bro, it's alright to be flexible with your masculinity. It's important to break down those barriers that prevent you from feeling great about yourself.

I believe that the only way to grow as a person, are to do things that makes you feel uncomfortable. When you seek discomfort, you begin to live life's greatest moments and create connections that last for a lifetime.

~ Kino Jet

If like Kino you want to try this fantastic adventure that is dudeoir photography, then our Movember Boudoir Marathon is for you!

I stopped wearing bras and something cool happened

About three years ago, I stopped wearing bras. Mostly because first: I don't have much to support and second: because bralettes became trendier and trendier. And guess what? I only got a positive outcome out of it.

Disclaimer: I am team small boobies. I don't have any back issues. If you do, you may want to try it slowly before burning all of your bras. Just saying.

Put the stereotypes down and turn off the slut-shaming.

I started wearing a bra way before high school just to do like my friends and followed this vicious cycle for over a decade. People tend to think you are a tease if you walk around without one. Like your breasts are here to turn on people only and how dare you exposing them like that? Don't you see strangers can see your... your.... *whisper* nipples?!

NEWS FLASH: we all have nipples. Mind blown.

Between you and I, a few years ago, even I was slightly uncomfortable  when I noticed a woman not wearing a bra in a public place. Why? No freaking clue. Because, seriously, there are no reason to feel that way. I realize today how stupid it was but I guess I was conditioned to see strictly maintained breasts and BOOM, these ladies were't following "the rules". God they were right!

The best feeling in the world? Taking your bra off.

We all did it. You get home, you have this thing strapped around your torso and the minute you snap it off, you have such a good feeling of freedom that you can almost get a tiny orgasm. I did this for many years.

I remember reading more and more testimonials about how some women stopped wearing these very uncomfortable things and how no one died and the Earth kept on spinning.

It slowly made its way in my head and it hit me: why the hell am I even bothering wearing one if it's so uncomfortable to begin with? So one day, I bought... a bralette. At first, the idea of walking around without anything at all made me uncomfortable. But like anything good in life, you get use to it and it is worth it!

Bralettes are LIFE my friend. They are cute, they are cheap and HOLY MOLY they are COMFORTABLE.

I can safely say now that I ditched my old painful bras for a sweet collection of these little things. And then, something quite unexpected happened...

I actually started to like my boobs the way they are.

Truth is, I never really liked my girls until two years ago. My bras were actually a way to change their shape, hide them, lift them, you name it. Because of course, I only owned the push-ups, pretty thick, underwire bras. Again, I am team small boobies and the lifting is not an issue I need to worry about.

I was very self-conscious and wearing bralettes with absolutely no support or thickness made me see them the way they are on an every day basis. And I did better than getting used to them: I started actually liking them.

I have reading articles saying that if you wear a bra constantly, the shape of your breast is affected by it. Not wearing them allows your boobs to support themselves and they get in the shape they are supposed to be. To be honest, I don't even know if it's true, but I do believe it made a difference on me.

Don't get me wrong, I still like lingerie

I do think lingerie is awesome and can give you a boost towards your sexiness. I still have a couple of classics for when I want to spice things up and I will very likely get more. But it is not out of necessity anymore. It is because it makes me feed good.

Wanna try? Here are a few tips:

• You don't have to stop everything at once, every day. Start with a few hours or even one day a week when you are home, just to test the waters.
• Get a few bras without underwiring, or again, bralettes to help with the transition.
• Nipple conscious but ready to rock the no-bra? You can get those little pasties to hide your nipples until you are ready to... stop giving a f*ck.

I can't tell you the amount of tops I can't wear a bra with because of the design that I now own proudly. Free the boobies.

Not on our email list yet? Sign up below to receive your weekly newsletter full of tips, people stories, blogs, and other fantastic content ⬇️

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name *